| May |
 |
|
|
|
| Song I'm Listening To: Blade 2 soundtrack |
| Book I'm Reading: Dean Koontz - Phantoms |
| May 8th, 2002 Today i'm sad. Lots of fat girl issues. I am still feeling like the fat girl on the sidelines, and it's hard to process that. I'm so insecure about so many things, and losing weight is only amplifing it. There's no cure for emotional instability it seems. I have so many wonderful things in my life, but my past is this nagging voice on my shoulder. It never lets me forget who I am, and never lets me feel like i'm a deserving, worthwhile person. I seem to always feel disappointed about most things in my life. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have to drudge thru this stuff, but it's not easy. Why do I hold onto so much pain? Why can't I just allow myself contentment? Why won't anyone ever love a fat girl? |
 |
| This is a pic taken on Saturday. It's me, my boyfriend, and my new nephew Baby Jeffie! :) |
 |
 |
| Song I'm Listening To: Hooverphonic - Dictionary |
| Book I'm Reading: Dean Koontz - Phantoms |
| May 9th, 2002 Today i'm so happy! What a difference the day makes! So last night I went out to dinner with 2 very dear friends and had some GREAT sushi! I totally enjoyed myself and it totally lifted my spirits. Then I woke up this morning and I lost more weight, i'm now down 78.5lbs/236.5. For shits and grins I put on a pair of 24 jeans I have wondering how to squeeze into them. Not only did they fit, they were comfortable!!! I am now a size 24! To celebrate I went shoe shopping and bought shoes there were NOT wide widths! DAMMIT! How awesome is that? I feel pretty good about what i've accomplished so far. To celebrate that I went bike shopping. I've found a bike I LOVE and a bike I like......and I want to start bike riding again. I think it would be great, to finally be "thin" enough to ride a bike again. I feel so liberated today and so happy with my progress. I can't wait to be fit and that's a scary but wonderful thing! Hooray! :) I think i'll deal with the pain tomorrow! ;) |
 |
|
| May 10th, 2002 Okay, I wrote this huge journal entry and it didn't save! I'm mad but oh well, what can you do? I have a busy busy weekend ahead of me. I also bought a bike last night (pics soon to come!). HOORAY! I can't wait. The guy at the bike shop said I looked like a little kid when I was riding around on the bike. I told him I felt like a little kid......so light and free. I swear, I was just SO happy inside. I finally wasn't too fat to do something I wanted to do. It meant more to me than anything else i've ever experienced (besides the boyfriend of course! LOL). Tonight and tomorrow my b/f and I are going riding, and I just can't wait. He's an avid mountain biker and sharing this with him was a huge goal of mine. Now I can cross that one off the list! :) Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! :) TTFN! |
| Song I'm Listening To- Tribute to Depeche Mode |
| Book I'm Reading: Dean Koontz - Phantoms |
|
| Book I'm Reading: Dean Koontz - Phantoms |
| Song I'm Listening To- Adam Ant - Strip |
| May 13th, 2002 So hello everyone! Today I went to Victoria's Secret and FIT into a bra. I wear a 40C in VS size! OMG! Fat girl dream come true! I put on a 38C and it fit but was WAY too tight. I have been shopping and buying clothes that make me feel femmy and sexy. I like feeling this way. I'm getting checked out more often (creepy!), but it's better than the looks of digust of yester year. Today I had lunch at my old work, and one guy that I worked with ( I was his admin) almost didn't recognize me. He said, Kimberly? I thought that was you but I wasn't sure. WOW! Inside i'm just grinnin! :) I also reconnected with an old friend today. Some issues were going on and we finally talked about them today. I feel tons better. I've really missed her. Today has been pretty good. It's amazing, I'm watching my whole life transform. I just can't believe it. Well, til next time! I have reiki class tonight so i'm off! :) |
 |
| Isn't my doggie cute? Click on the picture to learn about basenji's! :) |