| May |
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| Song I'm Listening To: Get Ur Freak On - Nelly & Missy Elliott |
| Book I'm Reading: Reiki Two Handbook |
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| May 16th, 2002 Well, sorry for the delay in the update. I've been way too busy for words. So much has been going on here, good and bad. First with the good. I've lost a total of 81.5lbs as of today, and tomorrow is my 4 month anniversary. I saw Dr Tanaka at PB yesterday, and I got all readout about my fat mass and whatnot. It's gone down considerably in such a short amount of time. It's amazing. He said i've done really well and he wants me to start weight lifting. Okie dokie! I've been walking like everyday. It feels really good and my speed is really increasing. The house stuff is still going and next week this time we should have our house. That's pretty scary but totally exciting. The bad stuff is that i'm having problems with some of my friends and it's hurting. I've had to have conversations with 2 of my good friends this week. That's been really hard. I don't know if they read this site so i'll keep that conversation at a minimum. My boyfriends brother has been sent off on a "classified" mission, he's in the air force. We don't know how long he'll be gone, or truly where he's gonna be. Give you one guess tho. Finally, my Dad is moving to another state for a job. It's a great opp for him but we've grown pretty close in the last year and i'm really gonna miss him. I'm pretty bummed about that. I see him this weekend and then he's gone. :( Boohoo! Oh, the really cool news is that an old coworker saw me on Tuesday and he almost didn't recognize me! That was great! Well, it's almost time to go now. Thank you to everyone that's e-mailed me lately. It means a lot to know if this journal is helpful to you. I'll get pics up soon (hopefully!). |
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| Ain't love grand.......... |
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| Song I'm Listening To: Under pressure - David Bowie |
| Book I'm Reading: Reiki Two Handbook |
| May 20th, 2002 Okay, i've been TOTALLY busy! No excuse, but i'm using it! I was in a wedding this weekend and then my dad left. Oh man! This morning we did the final walk thru for our house, we get the keys on Friday! Holy balls! :) So much emotionally has been going on. My boyfriend says i'm growing up, I feel like i'm becoming a bit of a snob. He says there's a difference between being a snob and having manners. I grew up in a white trash enviroment and have struggled to get myself away from it since i've become an adult. I moved to the bay area and away from my past. I've ran ran ran! Things that used to be totally acceptable to me are no longer that way. It's weird. I can't go into too many details without possibly hurting peoples feelings that may read this site. It just really hit me this weekend that i'm really growing up, leaving behind some pain. It's scary tho. I've been obessing about being white trash and fat my whole life. Now what do I obess over? It's weird, the paradox that happens when the weight comes off. Years of self loathing and anger and hopelessness.......and now it just feels like wasted time and wasted life. I've been running from myself and running from my past for so long that now I don't even know who I am anymore. On the flip side, if I don't know who I am I can make myself be anyone that I want to be. This is where my attitude becomes my choice. My life becomes my choice. My life has never felt like my choice. I was either trying to run or trying to fit in, never daring to really be myself (whoever that was!). Now that I wake up in the morning and have hope.....it leaves for a lot of unanswered questions to surface. All the neglicted feelings and emotions now have to be dealt with or i'll end up 300lbs again because i'll give up and not care. How scary is that? I guess it's almost a bit of a god complex........I am my own redeemer. I either neglect myself and die emotionally, or make the changes and let life be my own bit of heaven (so to speak). Okay, when the pagan starts using words like heaven it's time to go! :) I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and i'll leave you with this thought. What do you do when you have all the time in the world? What becomes important to you at that point? :) All my love.......... |
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| Jump around, jump around........ Jump up jump up and get DOWN! ;) *giggle* |
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| May 21st, 2002 I'm totally PMS'ing today, so I don't have much to say. I hear the call of my couch telling me to lay down on it and take a nap. I'm just being a total whiny bitch today. My poor boyfriend will probably kill me once the day is done. I'm craving sushi and something really sweet. I also miss my dad too. My uncle called me last night totally bummed that he's gone. UGH! Maybe if I close my eyes the day will be over? Til next time and better moods everyone........ |
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| I M I S S Y O U !! |