| May/June |
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| May 29th, 2002 Today has been semi busy. I had to run over to the house to meet a friend for lunch and then the AC estimators came out. We are having AC installed because it's something we can't live without! Heat is NASTY! So after that I came back to the house to make some phone calls and whatnot. Just been thinking about the idea of skinny today. That and how my life has changed. I told a friend today that sad but true my self worth has risen while the numbers on the scale have gone down. I read this really profound email yesterday and the last line of that mail really grabbed me. It basically stated that after this surgery i'm not the same person I used to be; but I will always love and honor the person I was because it got me to where I am now. I started crying when I read it. It just blew me away. It's so weird that as a community of females (I can't speak for the men but i'm sure in some ways it applies) we all stress over our weight and beat ourselves up over it, and then turn around and judge and scorn other women because of their weight. It's a sick little cycle. If we could just come together and accept everyone for their uniqueness I think the world would be a simpler place, not better but at least easier. Then we could deal with our own baggage as individiuals without carting societies baggage on top of that. How idealist am I? Shit! The funny thing is that it would take some time but in some ways it wouldn't be that hard. We just have to abandon self hate, and the adversting world will never let women do that. There's too much money to be made in diets and creams and pills. I'm no stranger to vanity. My hair is falling out, my face breaks out......and I freak out! How easy it would be to just simply go "whatever" and move on with my day. Instead I pour on pounds of makeup and try using extra protein conditioners. Right now it all feels like such a waste of time. I'm sure the woman that just lost all her hair on chemo feels that way. But yet tonight.....i'll scrub my face with products and use smelly lotions to help me feel better about myself. I guess that's just the way things are. Well, i've rambled on LONG enough eh? LOL Until tomorrow folks! Much love! ;) |
| Song I'm Listening To: All I Ever Wanted - Bauhaus |
| Book I'm Reading: AC estimates ;) |
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| Click on the picture to see (step by step) the gastric bypass surgery I had. Not for the weak of heart, but if your a pre op it's something to really behold. It will help you understand what your REALLY doing to yourself. |
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| May 30th, 2002 Today is the day of the flaming BITCH! That would be yours truly. I finally started my period and OMG am I nuts!! The day started off with my boyfriend leaving for work which made me cry. Who knows why, he leaves like every morning and I have no issues with it. So he leaves and I call Sears for AC estimate. Here's a tip, if you like good customer service NEVER call Sears. So that pissed me off followed by bad customer service by Mazda. I was flaming at this point, and then Word isn't working and I just blow up. I call my poor boyfriend who gets screamed at. He eventually hangs up on me and IM's me to say hey........when you calm down call me back. FUCK! Then the fuckers at my nail place made me wait 30mins to get started on my nails. Don't tell me 12:30 when you really mean 1p! Let's just say they finally lost my business today because this is the 6th time it's happened. I've calmed down a bit.......but i'm still a mess. The move has me totally stressed out. Oh, have I mentioned it's HOT as a MUG out there?!?! I'm done bitching......I feel better now that I have that off my chest. I think now i'm gonna crawl back into bed for a wink and try to restart my day. A massage would be nice right about now. :) Take care everyone. I'm leaving for overnight camping tomorrow afternoon so there probably won't be any updates til Monday. Loves! :) |
| Song I'm Listening To: Trance and techno |
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| Does anyone know anything about rose gardens? Please email me and tell me! :) |
| June 3rd, 2002 Hey all! Well, the house is coming along slowly. We have no help really and so i'm a stress basket. I asked some friends for help this weekend and 2 showed up. One stayed for 2 hours, the other for 4 hours. I'm so greatful for them. What hurts me is the people that said they would be there and totally flaked. Not even a phone call. You know, it sucks when you really need help and you ask your "friends" for it and they can't come thru. I'm pretty bummed about this right now. I feel really weird about my friendships right now. I'm in such a transition. My boyfriend said today to me that it's amazing how i've matured so quickly. Because of it i'm moving past some of my friends. It hurts tho because I always had my girls and I found great comfort in that. Now I feel that I have to pull people's legs to spend time with them. Oh well! *shrug* I just can't wait to get the move done so I can focus on the good stuff......like reiki and tarot. I did work the faire this weekend and got TONS of compliments. People said I was really accurate (I did tarot readings) and that felt good to hear. I tend to doubt myself and my abilities.....so to get confirmation was wonderful. One woman that I used to work with was there and she said, "why were you at AOL when you could of been doing this???" I thought to myself, good point. I gave this one woman a reading and she was crying because I hit some sore points. I gave her pieces of my story and experiences, and I think it gave her a little hope. That made me feel really good......like I was actually doing something worth while. Well i'm off.......take care all! :) Wish me luck! ;) |
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| Song I'm Listening To: Jill Scott - The Way |
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| We went camping Friday night at Big Basin State Park. Tons of beautiful redwoods! :) |