“Ruth, I need to tell you something” James began saying. It was serious. I could tell by the look on his face. “What is it babes?” I asked. “We, as in me, Matt and Charlie, have to go on a European tour.” He said. It actually looked as if he was about to cry. “Well it’ll only be for a month. It normally is eh?” I said trying to lighten the mood. James just looked at me. “Hun, it is for 3 months” he answered. I just sat there frozen. I didn’t know what to say. “Ruth, I think we should break it off” said James out of the blue. Was I hearing right? They guy I loved with all my heart, the guy I always thought of having kids with and marrying, was wanting to break it off! “What?!” I finally said. “I said I think….” I cut him off. “I know what you James, why do you want to break up? Have I done anything?” I asked. “No, no, no it’s nothing to do with you, well it is a bit. This isn’t easy for either, but I think it is for the best” O, so he thought I was for the best. What a lame excuse. He could have given me a better one! “I couldn’t stand leaving you with no-one to have beside you. And now that we have broken up you can have someone better than me to cuddle up with. I love you soooooo much and always will” James said holding my hand. I mine away. “When are you leaving then?” I asked with tears rolling down my face. “Erm……. Tomorrow” he replied. “I think I better go” I said. He didn’t even say wait. It was like he really did want me to go. I ran out of the door and across the road to my house. I opened the door to find Lindsey and Matt cuddled up on the sofa, and Ashleigh and Charlie in the Kitchen. “Why did he do it? They didn’t” I thought to myself. “Hey Ruth” Ash came up and said to me. I froze. I couldn’t say anything. “Are you ok, Hun?” she asked. I looked at her. Tears rolling down my face. I ran upstairs and locked my door. I lay there on y bed looking at the ceiling. Tear drops trickling down the side of my face.
I stayed in my bed till the next morning. I was hungry. So at 4 o’clock in the morning, I got up and went down to the kitchen to get some food and juice. I hurried up as fast as I could incase someone came down. I didn’t want to talk about what had happened the night before. Once I got what I needed, I ran back upstairs, with my arms filled with food. “This should last me a good 4 days” I thought to myself. “I don’t need to come out of my room now” When I got in my room I dropped the stuff on the floor and locked my door again. I crawled back in bed. I turned round to see a picture of me and James at Alton Towers. That was where we first met. I started to cry even more now, but silently. How could he do this? “I’m never gonna get over him, I just know it” I said to myself, and went back to sleep.
I woke up again by aloud bang on the door. I turned around and looked at me clock. 11 o’clock. “Why am I still tired then” I said to myself and pulled the duvet over my head. “Ruth, Hun, the guys are leaving now” I heard Lindsey shout from the other side of the door. “Tell Matt and Charlie I said bye and give them my love” I said. I hope she doesn’t mention James. “Are you not going to say bye to James?” she asked. Great. I started to cry again. She must’ve heard me cry cause she asked to come in. “Ruth, let me in, there’s something wrong with you, I can hear you crying” she said. I couldn’t leave her out there, so I got out of bed and walked over to my door, and unlocked it. She looked at me. “Oh my god, Ruth, What’s the matter?” she asked putting her arms around me. “Oh my god Ruth, what’s happened?” she asked me. “I’ll tell you after their gone, now go and say bye to your boyfriend!” I said to her with a weak smile on her face. “Well if you’re sure? I won’t be long, only about 15 minutes.” She answered. “Ok” is all I answered back. She walked down the stairs and about 2 minutes everyone was gone and I was left by myself. I decided to go for a shower. I west to the cupboard and brought them with me to the bathroom. I closed the door and got undressed. Once the hot water hit me I got a shiver down my spine. I spent 15 minutes in the shower. I had washed myself and my hair. I stepped out and wrapped the towel around me. I looked into the small mirror above the sink. I looked at my face carefully. “No wonder he dumped me. He says it wasn’t me but it is. I mean, I’m ugly for starters. He probably just used me” I thought to myself. I went to the bedroom and got dressed.
I decided to take the food I got last night, and take it back downstairs. I was surprised to see Lindsey and Ashleigh still gone. NOT! They’re always late. I put the stuff away back into the cupboards. I went to the living room and slumped on the couch. The TV was still on. I flicked through the music channels but all I could see was busted. And busted equals James. I flicked it to BBC1 to see Matt Charlie and James on the Saturday Show. Maybe they were going on that before they left for America? Something caught my eye. The Watch. The watch I gave James on our 1 year anniversary. It was gone. He was wearing this stupid one instead. But I heard a question pop up. “So are any of you seeing anyone?” Fearne asked. The fans knew about all six of us being together. “Me and Charlie are taken” Matt said. “So you and Ruth aren’t together anymore? What happened?” Fearne asked James. “I don’t want to talk about it, thank you” he said. Great. People now know that we aren’t together. I couldn’t believe I was hearing this! He said that we were finished on television, well that is just fantastic! Just then Ashleigh and Lindsey came through the door. “Shit, we’re too late” Ash said. They came and sat down beside me. “How did you know he was going to say that?” I asked nearly crying. “the studio is five minutes ahead of the stuff on TV. When we saw it, we hurried as fast as we could but the traffic lights kept going red.” Lindsey explained. “I’m so sorry Ruth. I take it that this was the thing you wanted to tell me earlier?” she asked. I nodded. I felt tears rolling down my face. “I wanted to tell you later with Ashleigh, but hey, James did it for me. You know, I thought he loved me. Then I looked into the mirror earlier, I noticed why we broke up.” I said crying. “Why?” they both asked at the same time. “Cause I’m ugly. He finally noticed I ain’t a size 8, blonde with no brain.” I said. I starred at the TV as I said all of that. “Hey, it’s gonna be ok Ruth,” Ashleigh said. She and Lindsey put their arms around me. “No, it’s not going to be ok. I have just lost the one guy I have ever loved, has gone and finished it with me. I’m never going to get over him, I know it.” I answered her, with more tears trickling down my face. It was true though. I’m not going to get over him…..ever.
*3 months later*
Through the 3 months, Ashleigh and Lindsey have been texting, calling and emailing he guys. They have been doing the same back. I’m still not over James. If a guy comes near me and isn’t the slightest bit like James, I just turn away. “Hell o people! Were back!” Matt shouted from the hall. “HEY BABES!” Lindsey shouted. “Hi” Ashleigh and I said together. Ashleigh went up to Charlie and kissed him. I just went to the sofa, because I didn’t want to see him. The boys came and sat down but James wasn’t there. I was a bit disappointed cause deep inside I did want to see him. “Hi Ruth, howz u?” Charlie asked me. After he asked it, he looked at me and looked like he regretted it. “I’m fine Charlie. No need to look so scared.” I laughed. “And if you’re wondering, James has gone to put his stuff away, back at the flat. You wanna go and see him?” Matt asked. I did really but I found myself saying no. “Not just now. Maybe later” I answered. “I’m going out for a bit. Need some fresh air. I have my phone with me if you need anything” I continued. Everyone nodded.
I didn’t know why but I found myself in the park. It was where James and I first met. I looked at my watch. It had the date on it. “That must be why I’m here.” I though. It was August 20th. I had known James for 3 years today. I sat on the swing, just swaying too-and-fro. Then I heard someone coming behind me. I looked round and was surprised at who I saw. It was James. He must’ve remembered it was our anniversary. He sat on the swing next to me. We didn’t talk for which seemed like forever, but it was only about 5 minutes. Then he broke the silence. “How have you been?” he asked. How have I been? HOW HAVE I BLOODY BEEN?!! God, the nerve of him! “o yeah, I’ve been fine. Apart from nearly committing suicide, that is” I thought. I didn’t say it though. “I’ve been ok” I answered. ”you?” I asked, just to be polite. “I haven’t been that good” he answered. ‘What’s happened?’ I thought to myself. ‘He might have broken up with another girl.’ “Why?” I asked him, intrigued. “It’s…..well...erm...” he spluttered. “Ok, if you’re going to tell me, tell me” I snapped. He looked at me. Then at the ground. “It’s you” “Me?!” I exclaimed. “What have I done now?” I asked quite angrily. He looked at me. I couldn’t help but stare into his sparkly blue eyes. I always used to do that when I needed a hug. “It’s just……I’ve missed you sooo much. I didn’t realise it would be this hard being apart from you.” He explained. I kept looking into his eyes. It was like he had me under a spell of his. “What are you trying to say, James?” I asked. “I want you back Ruth. I really need you. I’m like sooo alone without you.” He pleaded. He took my hand “how do you think it was for me then James? Think of how your feeling and times it by 100. That is how you left me feeling, and I still feel some of that now. I don’t think we should get back together If you are just going to dump me like that again.” I explained to him. I pulled my hand away. He got up from his swing and knelt down in front of me. I looked away trying not to stare at him. He put his hands on my face, and turned my head so I was looking at him. “I love you, Ruth. Please don’t do this. I know you love me.” He said. Just then I saw a tear rolling down his face. “I love you too, but I don’t…”I never got the chance to finish my sentence. James interrupted my sentence, by kissing me. I found myself kissing back. It was soo good to feel his lips again. He pulled away and smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back. “So are we OK now? Like are we back together again?” he asked. His face lit up. “I still don’t know. If we did, and I’m not saying yes or no, but if we did, I don’t think I would be able to forgive you for dumping me soon, it would take time, but on the plus side, I would have you back” I explained. “And if you don’t?” he asked. He put on a sad face. “If I don’t I would be making the biggest mistake of my life.” I said with a smile on my face. “You have to promise me that you won’t do anything like this again” I said to him. “I promise. Now give me a kiss” he laughed. I stood up and for the first time in three months, I felt whole again. We stood there kissing for what seemed ages, but we were interrupted. “Yo, mateage. Was getting kinda worried, you not being at the flat when I went to look, but it looks like you have sorted yourself out.” Matt laughed. He winked at me. “Are we going home or are you going to leave me to freeze” I giggled. “Awwwwwww is Ruth cold?” Matt said in a baby voice. James put his arms around my waist from behind me and started walking. “James, is this not uncomfortable for you?” I asked James, heading for my flat. “No” he answered. “Well I am” I moved to the side of him and he put his hand in my back pocket, and we started walking properly back to the flat.
*1 year later*
“I can’t do it any longer, James. I’ve ran out of energy.” I panted. “C’mon hun, just once more, that’s all, and it’ll be over” James tried to reassure me. “You’re not the one who goes through all of this!” I shouted! That kinda scarred him, but he still held my hand. I pushed as hard as I could and then just relaxed. “Mrs Bourne, you have a little girl” the nurse said. She went away with my new baby daughter to get washed and cleaned. “She’s 7 pound 8 ounces” she called. I looked at James. He smiled at me. “Well done babes, you done great.” He told me. The nurse brought the baby over to me with a blanket around it. “Here you are.” The nurse smiled. “She’s so beautiful” I whispered. “Just like her mother then.” He smiled. “So what are we gonna call her?” he asked. “I don’t know. What name do you like?” I answered. He smiled. “I get to name her?” “if you give her a nice name, yes” I laughed. “What about…..Abbi, well Abigail but shortened to Abbi? He asked. I looked at James and smiled. “Abigail Bourne, that really goes. Ok then. Abbi it is!” I said. James lent over and kissed me then kissed Abbi’s forehead. “So do we have a name for baby Bourne then?” the nurse asked when she came back over with the birth certificate. “Erm, yeah. Her name is Abigail Nadia Bourne. Nadia being my sister. I wish she was still with us.” I said, nearly crying. “I know, I know” James hugged me. My sister dies 8 months ago in a car accident. So me and James decided to give the new baby, if It was a girl, my sisters middle name. Ash and Lindsey are going to be god-mothers obviously, and Matt and Charlie are going to be God-Fathers. Just then the four of them came in. They were all smiling. I gave Abbi to James to show them, cause I was too exhausted. “Everyone meet your goddaughter, Abigail Nadia Bourne.” James said proudly. Everyone was smiling and saying awww. I heard them all laugh when they saw me asleep. “Well it has been hard work for her” James said. I peeked at the five of them looking at Abbi. My daughter. ‘I wonder what she’ll be like when she’s older?’ I thought. Then I went back to sleep……..
TO BE CONTINUED…….