Prologue It was a time that I was happy with the things I did. I had a wonderful (please can I say fit, cos he was, he really was) boyfriend; really nice, helpful. Anyway, me and my boyfriend, Matt, were sitting in the park, having a picnic. We took loads of books, a few magazines and tons of food with us to get us through the day. Matt was reading Cosmopolitan or something and was filling in a quiz to find out what kind of relationship we had. He read out loud that our relationship was perfect and that there couldn’t be anything better than this. He sighed and put away the magazine. “Vix, I gotta tell you something.” I was lying on his chest and looked up at him. “What?” I asked, slightly nervous cos of the tone he wanted to tell me something (I always hated it when someone tells you ‘I gotta tell you something’. I just hate it, but back to the story). “Well, me and the guys have to head off to L.A. to record our new album.” I didn’t see the problem in that, so I asked. “Erm, yeah. And how long will that take? Like, two weeks or something?” Matt shook his head. “No, more like six months.” I thought my eyes would fall out of its sockets. Six months?! That’s… that’s f*cking long! “But… what about us then?” We agreed that I would come over to visit him after two months. We agreed that we would be faithful to each other; no cheating, no sex with other people, no nothing. We agreed that we wouldn’t lie to each other (in my opinion, cheating and lying is the same, but I think I’m the only person who thinks about it in that way). At the airport we said our final goodbye’s and he left. In the first three weeks I wrote him letters, we phoned each other, et cetera. In the spur of the moment I booked a ticket to L.A. After I had booked, I phoned Matt with the happy news. He sounded very cheery too. After he had told me at least twenty times how I had to get from the airport to the hotel he was staying, we had a competition who could yell ‘See you in a few hours!’ the loudest and we hung up. The plane left in a couple of hours, so I packed my stuff and left off to the airport without telling anyone I was gone. Flying to L.A. I was sat by the window, a couple sitting next to me. I drifted off in my thoughts about how Matt and I had met again. We were at this party ‘Three bloody Mary’s’ that three (Mary, Marie-Anne and Maria) girls had only given because their names looked alike (oh how childish, give a party cos your names look alike, while in Africa 4-year old kids die cos of aids). Leila (one of my best friends) and I were having this raunchy conversation about, erm, how to… never mind, not important. Anyway, Leila and I were talking and I had to go to the loo’s cos someone spilled a drink over me (stupid jerk, you have eyes in your head, don’t you?! Apparently not..). So I walked into the unisex and tried to get the drink off my blouse. Then suddenly a few guys came in, pushed another guy in and locked the door. He fell against me and started muttering: “Oh, I’m sorry. Just those friends of mine…” I shushed him (obviously had too much to drink) and put two fingers on his lips. “Now, looks like we’re gonna be stuck in here for a little while, so why shouldn’t I give you a blow job? I’m horny anyway.” For a few seconds he looked me in the eye, blushed, then started to smirk. I put my hand on his belt and opened his zipper. “I’m Matt by the way.” “Vicky, nice to meet you.” Just the second I was about to put his, ahem, the door opened again and the lad’s friends stumbled in laughing. I stood up, with a smile on my face, gave him my number and left the unisex. The captain told us in not understandable English that we had to fly around a couple more times, cos we were still waiting for the permission to land. I looked to the couple who were sitting next to me. They were looking back. I found out his name was Phil and hers was Georgia. He was a bit older than her, bit more older; his hair began to show some grey bits. He was this kinda man who always wore scarves, like, his neck was really long. But he looked good (I always had this thing for older men). She, on the other hand, was not that good looking and she had this expression on her face as if to say ‘Hit me! Hit me!’. They went on a holiday to London and thought it was really intriguing, bla bla bla. We talked for a bit, and I told them I was going to visit my boyfriend in L.A. but had no idea where to go (even though he had explained it to me like, a million times). They told me they had to be in the neighbourhood, so I could drive with them since it was impossible to get a taxi and they’re expensive too. Finally we landed, and after an hour of searching for my suitcase (seriously, they have to slow those damn things down!), me, Phil and Georgia headed off to the exit of the airport. A limousine was waiting for us. Kinda surprised I dumped my suitcase in the trunk and got in the car, sitting next to Phil and opposite of Georgia. Phil pointed out some important buildings (bla bla bla), Georgia told me (Hit me! Hit me!) that they could show me around sometime, if I wanted to. Phil gave me his card, which I put in my purse. The limo stopped in front of a huge hotel. I got out of the limo (which Leila would have called ‘a porn-mobile’) to get my suitcase, said goodbye to Phil and Georgia and walked in the lobby. “Matt Willis’ room?” I asked the lady (type: thick glasses, thinks she’s sexy). “Name please?” “Vicky Bolan.” “Right, he’s expecting you, but he’s not in right now. He told me to give his key and this note.” She handed over the key to his room and a note saying: Hey Babe, not in at the moment. Will be back around 8 pm. Love, Matt xxxx Oh, how I loved the way he put the ‘x’ as a kiss in the end of his notes so much (thoughtful little sucker). Anyway, I walked to the elevator as his room was on the eleventh floor. The elevator reminded me of the time Matt and I were stuck in one and we kinda got… Erm, never mind. The elevator doors slid open and I stood in a hallway with tons of doors that led to rooms. I looked at the key which had 396 punched in it. Looking left, looking right; 389, 390… 395, 396. Hallelujah, found his room. I opened the door with the key I was given and walked in it. I kind of let my suitcase fall on the floor, so I could finally get rid of it (big, huge, heavy suitcase). Hello there! Whoa, what a long trip. I let myself fall on the bed and got a little comfier. Next thing that came into my mind, was calling my mother (no one knew I was in L.A. now, ‘member?). I picked up the phone and dialled the number to get a drunken mother on the phone (she always had these parties at her house when my dad was out, working). “Hullo? Who’s this? Hullo? Hullo?” Really, how much she could drink, even I couldn’t drink as much as she could. “Hello, mum. It’s me, Vicky.” A sigh of relief. “Oh, hiii hun! How are you?” Her voice sort of trembled and she hipped. “Hi mum, I’m fine. I’m in L.A. at the moment. Remember Matt’s here?” “Oh yes…Have fun darlin’. I have a party going on ‘ere.” With that, she hung up. Obviously drunk. Leila and I often talked about my mother when we were out (when we were drunk, mind, cos my mother isn’t really an interesting subject to talk about when you’re sober). When Leila and I were visiting my mother one time (Leila and I are friend for ages), and my mother went out to get some more Whiskey, I was looking for something in my mother’s bedroom (can’t remember what exactly, but I wish I had never done it anyway) I found two condoms, used ones. When my mother came back I asked her about it (yes, Leila was there too, and she tried not to laugh), she came up with the lame excuse that my father and her were still busy bunnies (wink, wink, as far as a drunken person can wink, that is). “But mum, dad is impotent…” She only giggled after that and made me promise not to tell anyone. Not to tell anyone what? Look, I’m not stupid, but I wanted an explanation. I knew she had lovers, not one, but more. Kinda disgusting when you think about, that’s why I try not to think about it that much. Snapped back into the real world, Matt came storming in (what the hell? Is everyone drunk at the same time or something?). “Hello there!” And flopped himself next to me on the bed. “Missed ya…” He said and started fumbling with my blouse. “Missed you too. Erm, can we just hug for a moment?” I said, I even scared myself with those words. Normally, when I haven’t seen Matt in a while (and that happens a lot, since he’s in a band) I jump on him to have some rough sex, but not this time. No, I had missed him too much for that. With his drunken head, he curled up around me and fell asleep. After an hour or two, he woke up again cos I was trying to get out of the bed without waking him, which obviously had failed. “Argh, headache. Where you going?” He whispered. I turned around and smiled, “Just gonna take a shower.” He smiled back at me and stood up from the bed. He undressed himself while walking towards me and I couldn’t help myself but jump on him and have wild sex in the shower (hello! I didn’t have sex in like, three whole weeks!). He pushed me up against the bathroom wall and pinned himself into me. He panted into my ear that he loved me so much and how badly he had missed me (erm, yeah right…he missed me, while just randomly fucking me). Erm, and who are you? Next morning I woke up, alone in the bed. A note was left by him on the bedside table. “Sorry hun, had to leave early for recordings and photo shoot. Love Matt x” Oh, the x again… With nothing else to do, I decided to take a look around the hotel and the neighbourhood of where it was at. The lobby was quite big, with a couple of sofas and armchairs. On the floor was red carpet (how typical in an expensive hotel) and flowers coloured the room. Basically, this is what Leila should call a bunny ranch (meaning: millionaires that rent a room for a couple of hours to hit it off with a hooker). Swinging my bag back and forth I walked around and amazed myself with all the people sitting in the lobby. All dead ugly, but still wearing Boss and DKNY shoes. A telephone started to ring and after a few seconds I realised it was my mobile. “Hullo?” I said cheery. “Hey babe, it’s me (Matt). Erm, was wondering if you were up yet (of course, you egghead, otherwise I couldn’t pick up the phone, now could I!)? Obviously you are, so maybe if you have nothing to do you can come over to the photo shoot? We’re at…” He named some street, and I quickly scribbled it down on a napkin. It took me about five seconds to get a taxi (doh, long brown hair, long legs, just DOH!) and it took me about an hour to get from the hotel to Matt (a distance that I could’ve walked if I had known how) cos we were stuck in traffic. “Hey Vix. You okay?” Charlie (one of Matt’s band mates) said and walked over to me to walk straight past me  to the food table. “Yeah, I’m okay. You?” Charlie nodded and put another grape in his mouth. I felt something touching my hand and when I turned around I saw it was James (Matt’s other band mate). “Hellow beautiful. How you doin’ this fine morning?” I pulled up an eyebrow. “I’m fine thank you very much. Yourself?” “I’m okay… Guess you’re here for Matt?” I nodded. “Oh bummer, he’s over there.” James pointed to a girl, who stepped aside and in front of her was Matt with a big lipstick kiss on his cheek and smeared all over his mouth (suspicious!). Not feeling very comfortable with what I had in my eyesight, I walked over to him. “Hi.” I said. He didn’t even try to hide the lipstick or get it off of his face. “Oh hi, babe.” He tried to kiss me but I backed away. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I pointed to his face and to the mirror the girl was holding. He smiled, “Oh right, the lipstick eh?” (Erm, YES! It’s like all over your face, cockmonkey) The girl held the mirror in front if his face, “Oh, not a nice sight for my girlfriend, Molly.” The girl smiled. “Erm, Matt? What is it doing all over your face?” I asked him, very suspiciously. “It’s supposed to be for the new album cover. Looking ‘used’ or something, I don’t know. The result looks pretty cool although I do say so myself.” He showed me one of those Polaroid pictures which showed him and the other two, with three other girls all over them. “Nice.” I just said and looked away from the picture, trying to focus on James who was trying to get three Jaffa Cakes in his mouth at one time. “Hey baby, it has absolutely nothing to do with us. It’s just for the cov-” I didn’t let him speak. “Yeah, yeah. Just shut it, will you.” I smiled weakly and gave him a quick peck on his cheek. He smiled back at me and grasped my hand and looked at that Molly person (ugh, I don’t know why, but I hated her), as if to say ‘Look! This is my girlfriend!’. I totally hated it when he did that, showing off. “I think we’re on a break now, you want to have lunch with us?” I looked Matt in the eye, then over to Charlie and James who were stuffing themselves. “With them you mean? No thank you, I’d rather have lunch with a cage full of monkeys than have lunch with them two.” Matt laughed, “Okay, so just the two of us then?” I put up a smile and nodded. He took me to a small café and ordered what we always took when we were on a lunch together; two ham, cheese and pineapple sandwiches. When I was about to take a bite from my hot sandwich, a girl with long, blonde hair and a short skirt came running over to us. “Hey Matt! Long time no see, babe!” (English accent, so not an American) I looked gob smacked for a second when she just fully kissed him on his mouth, totally ignoring me (and ATTACK!). I cleared my throat to let them know I was still there too. “Oh sorry hun, this is Gabby. Gabby, Vicky.” Matt introduced her to me. I sort of nodded my head as if to say ‘hi’ without opening my mouth. Then I reached out my hand. “Hi, I’m Matt’s girlfriend.” I emphasized ‘girlfriend’ just in case she thought I was just a random girl, having lunch with the most lush boy in the neighbourhood. My devilish look made her look offended. “Hi, I’m one of Matt’s ex-girlfriends.” I hate it when people try to copy  me with emphasizing, I really do. In the back of my head, I was already strangling her. “Have to go now, hun. See you around!” The Gabby person gave Matt a peck on his cheek and left our table. “Right…” I said and finally took that bite out of my sandwich. I thought for a moment, letting it sink into my mind. Who the hell does she think she is? “What is she doing her anyway?” I asked, trying not to sound too interested or suspicious. “She’s gonna be my opponent in the next video.” He answered. “Oh, what song was it again?” Please don’t let it be… “Fake.” What the hell! His ex-girlfriend is gonna lie under him, faking an orgasm! Why her, and not me?! “It’s only a video, Vicky.” I didn’t have to think of a reply. “You can just give them our home-video if you want a fake orgasm.” I hit him where it hurts most; his manhood (REVENGE!). I had enough of this, stood up and walked away. To let him think for a while, realising what he’d do if he was using that girl for a stupid video. “Vicky, please wait!” I could hear him yell. Ignore, ignore. Big, fat IGNORE!  Faking Stupid, lying cockmonkey. Who the hell does he think he is? That he’s in a band, doesn’t mean that he can just go round and fuck everybody he walks into. Especially not ex-girlfriends. “Vicky, I’m sorry. If you want me to get another girl for the scene, I will get another girl.” Matt said, snuggling up to me. “Oh, go fuck Gabby.” I said, pushing him away from me (muahahaha!). “You can be so unreasonable sometimes.” He said in an irritating tone. Me, unreasonable? MOI?! “Shut up, I’m going for a walk.” I grabbed my purse and left the hotel room. I knew where I was going, I knew exactly where I was going. I sat down in the lobby of the hotel, got my phone out of my pocket and dialled the number on the card. It rang, and it rang again, and again, and again. Eventually I gave up, sighing so loudly that everyone in the lobby turned around.  “He’s fucking another woman.” I could hear someone say. A girl sat down in the chair opposite of me. Gob smacked faces were all over the lobby. I liked this girl, a lot! “I wasn’t trying to phone my boyfriend. If I want to talk to my boyfriend, I would go upstairs.” I said, it came out more annoyingly that it was meant to. “Vicky,” I stuck out my hand and shook hers. “Daisy,” She said and grinned. “Sorry, I thought you were trying to call your boyfriend, you look so depressed.” I shook my head and smiled. “Nah, my boyfriend’s going to shoot a video and he has to fuck his ex-girlfriend for it.” Daisy’s eyes were about to pop out of her head. “And you are going to let him do that?” I shrugged my shoulders. “Come on, let’s get some dinner. I know this really cool place.” She pulled me up. “I’m gonna show you how you can get your revenge…” We walked along the streets, past shops, jewellery stores, restaurants. “Did you ever fake your orgasm?” Daisy asked me, while hooking an arm in mine. She opened the door to a restaurant and let me in. “Loads of times. Why?” We sat down at a table and ordered our meals. “Did you ever fake your orgasm with your current boyfriend?” I shook my head. “No, what are you trying to say?” She looked at me for a minute. “You know,” She started. “Men are really sensitive when it’s about sex. If they can’t get you to have an orgasm, they think there’s something wring with their equipment.” She smirked  and came a little closer by hanging over the table. “You gotta act like you’ve forgiven him about that video thing and just go and fuck him. But,” She continued. “You gotta fake it, the whole thing. But do it in a way it’s so obvious you’re faking that he will think there’s something wrong. It’ll drive him crazy.” From that moment on, I knew she was going to be a friend. A really good friend. She was at exact the same line as me. She slumped back into her chair. “That’s the secret.” She concluded and took a sip from the glass of water. The phone in my pocket started vibrating, I put it on the table. “Aren’t you gonna get that?” Daisy asked me. I shook my head. “Boyfriend.” She looked at me daringly, then grabbed the phone. “Hello?” She said, a grin spread on her face. “Daisy. Vicky is with me, yes. She can’t come to the phone just now.” She put her hand on the phone. “Freak him out. Start whispering my name or something.” I did as I was told, and softly started calling her name, a bit louder every time. She got her hand off the phone and started talking again. “Hold on a second.” She said and held the phone away on arm length. I was still panting Daisy’s name, and I was finding this more fun every time I said her name. “When are you gonna hang up, Daisy..?” I panted, I could Matt gasping for breath and hanging up the phone. We burst out laughing at the same time, the people around us giving us an evil eye made us even laugh louder. “He’s gonna be so mad when I get back.” I said, holding my stomach. “That’s the beauty of it.” Daisy replied and thanked the waiter for the dinner. Got you, my dear I was doubting whether I had done good on acting like I was in bed with Daisy earlier. She had reassured me that everything would be fine and if not, I could kill her. I had never been afraid of losing someone, never ever in my whole life. I’d never loved someone, but I loved Matt and I didn’t want to lose him. I bit my lip and opened the door to the hotel room. He was sitting on the end of the bed with his head in his hands. “Where the fuck were you and who was that girl on the phone?!” He yelled as soon as he saw me standing in the doorway. “Restaurant and Daisy.” I simply said and walked up to him, putting my hands around his neck. He quickly shrugged them off and looked at me. “No, what was that all about, you calling her name and stuff?” He asked me insecurely. “That was nothing baby, we were just having a laugh.” I was determined to get him into bed; I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him gently. I looked at him with puppy dog eyes and soon he gave in, laying me on the bed and undressing me slowly. “Don’t ever do that to me again.” He whispered in my ear, while throbbing himself into me.  I put myself on robot mode and acted like I was near an orgasm. I began breathing heavily and bit my lip, looking him in the eye all the time. I could see his eyes sparkling, I closed my eyes and let out a scream. I pushed him off me. He frowned, but didn’t say anything and lay next to me, holding me. “You never scream.” He whispered, I acted like I was asleep. Got ya, Matt darling. Now go and think, think about what you’ve done wrong that made me wanna fake. He was gnashing his teeth irritably, I felt satisfied. “Come on, get up!” Matt was pulling the sheets to get me out of bed. I groaned loudly as a sign of not wanting. “Oh come on, Vicky. I want you there when we shoot the video!” My eyes shot open, and almost immediately I got out and started searching for my clothes. Hell yes, I will be there when that stupid bitch is gonna touch my man! “I knew that would work.” Matt said cheekily. “Fuck you,” I said under my breath and rushed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. “Love to,” Matt said as an answer. “Did I ask for a respond?” I said, spraying some deodorant in his way. “Man, that stuff smells!” He yelped, waving his arms about to get fresh air. “I didn’t want to say, but actually, that’s yours.” I threw the deodorant at him. “Oh,” Was his reaction and sprayed some under his arms. “Dickhead…” I whispered and tied my hair back in a ponytail. “You ready?” I asked Matt, who still had fluffy ‘straight-out-of-bed’ hair. “I was ready the second I rolled out of bed.” I grabbed his cap and threw it at him. “I’m not gonna go down with you if you don’t put that up.” The word ‘shoot’ can be used in many ways The first part of the video would get shot in the hotel itself, in one of the biggest rooms there. The Gabby person was frolicking around in her underwear, obviously trying to get Charlie’s attention. But Charlie was not interested, and he rolled his eyes every time she came walking past and sighing deeply. I grinned to myself, but my grin soon disappeared as Gabby walked up to Matt and hugged him tight with only wearing that disgusting piece of cloth hiding her tiny breasts and arse. “Will you please get your dirty, little claws off my boyfriend, Gabby?” She looked at me from top to toe and stuck her nose in the air. “Excuse me, Matt.” She snapped and walked away, in Charlie’s direction. His eyes were getting large and he mouthed a ‘help me’. I was watching Charlie getting rid of Gabby, when Matt was getting ripped away from my side to get to make-up and hair. “I wonder who chose her to be in this video.” James whispered over my shoulder. “No one really likes her. She has this air around her. It’s just…eww.” I laughed, finally someone who agreed with me. “Did you know Matt went out with her before you?” I nodded, “That’s exactly the reason why I don’t like her.” He turned round to face me. “You just don’t ‘like’ her?” “Okay, I hate her. Happy now?” James nodded. “Why can’t you be in our video? You’re much prettier than that… thing is.” He pulled a disgusted face while pointing at her. “You trying to impress my girlfriend with one of your impressions, Jimmy boy?” Matt put an arm around my shoulder. James only smiled cheekily, then turned around. “I swear he has an eye on you.” Matt said in a serious tone. “Doesn’t everybody?” I said sarcastically, and threw my hair back. “I know I have.” He said mysteriously, pulling me towards him by my waist and kissing me lightly. “People, people. Quiet please! We’re going to get started!” The director yelled through the room. Cameras were getting set at the right place, Gabby was climbing up the bed and Matt was pulling off his shirt. “I’ll be thinking of you.” He winked, and gave me a quick peck on my cheek. “Let’s just hope this’ll be over in one shot.” I whispered to myself, imagining Gabby getting hung up by her arms and legs while I was ready to shoot her head off with a shotgun. “Okay, everybody ready? Quiet please. Quiet, I said! Roll playback, and ACTION!” The director screamed. Gabby started kissing Matt, music was getting played. Matt was miming his little part and Gabby the bitch rolled off him. Thank goodness, it was over. “Again please.” This went on for another hour, until that stupid shithead thought it was ok. All this time I had been watching my boyfriend sucking his ex-girlfriend’s tongue, while she wriggled about faking an orgasm for about forty times (she needs some acting lessons… hey, maybe I can teach her some stuff!) and then, finally the director thought it looked ‘alright’. It looked ‘alright’… They’ve been doing the same fucking thing for about a million times, you pigdick sucking transvestite! Matt seemed satisfied. Well, who could blame him? He had a girl on top of him, who was practically eating his tonsils and she was allowed to as well. With a smile, he came up to me, trying to kiss me. “Okay, what now?!” He asked irritated. “Go wash your mouth with water and soap first. With bleach, if you can find it.” He sighed deeply, let his shoulders hang, rolled his eyes up and sighed again. “No seriously, I’m not even going to touch you before you’ve taken a shower.” He turned away. After saying “Go fuck James, or something.” under his breath. I wasn’t out of words yet. “At least he hadn’t had his tongue in that whore’s throat and his hands all over that thing that she calls her body.” And if that wasn’t enough, I grabbed James by his arms and stuck my tongue into his mouth. “I like it when you two are fighting.” James said, as soon as he could breathe again, grinning his face off. “Shut up.” Matt and I said at the same time. “Mattie, one more time…” The Gabby bitch yelled. Something inside me snapped, and before I knew it, I was on top of her, pulling her hair and drawing my nails in her skin. I felt someone pulling me off her, I screamed that they had to stay out of my way, and got pushed into the elevator. “Go and cool off somewhere, but not here!” Matt yelled and pushed the first floor button, leaving me alone in the damn thing. Almost naturally, I walked out of the hotel to get some fresh air. I felt the first drop falling on my nose when I was long past the hotel. I looked up at the sky, all grey and dark. More drops fell on my face. “Yeah, just go and rain, why won’t you!” I screamed up to the sky. “I just fucking hate you! I hate you, y’hear!” I screamed, drops of rain mixing with tears and mascara. I fell down onto my knees and put my hands in front of my face. A dark shadow towered above me. It suddenly had stopped raining too. “Miss, are you okay? Miss?” A lady with an umbrella was standing next to me and helped me up. I shook my head. “No, I am not okay. Do I look okay? Do I look fucking OKAY?!” The lady didn’t move a muscle in her face. Thinking about it, she was ugly. Her eyebrows were the size of Charlie’s, she was fat, had four chins and the big mole next to her nose wasn’t doing her any good either. “Go home,” She said and stuck out the umbrella. I didn’t move. She waved the umbrella from side to side in front of my face. “Come on, take it.” She got hold of my hand and pushed the big thing into my grip. “Go home, he wants you to come home.” What the..? How the hell does she know? She walked past me, without her umbrella. I watched her hobble along the street until she went round the corner. I shook my head. They have some weird people around here in L.A. I slowly walked back to the hotel. Where was Leila when you needed her? She’d know the best thing to do, like always. Back in the hotel lobby, I picked up the hotel phone and dialled Leila’s number. “Hello?” “Hi, it’s Vicky. I’m in L.A. Matt has just swallowed his ex’s tonsils and I kissed James.” I sobbed down the phone. “Whoa, slow down girl! Matt did what?” “He had to fuck his ex for the new video.” “You mean like, fuck as in, putting his dick in to her love cave?” Leila asked rather bluntly. “How many meanings of the word ‘fuck’ do you know, Leila?” “True. And you were there?” “Yes, I attacked the bitch.” “Good girl!” “I know.” “Why did you kiss James? Exactly?” “Because Matt told me to go fuck James.” “Oh right, and you always do what he tells you to do?” “No, that’s why I kissed him, did not fuck.” “Okay, where are you now?” “Hotel lobby.” “And Matt is..?” “Hotel room, or shooting video hotel room.” “Go fuck his brains out, then cut his balls off.” “Will do, thanks.” “No problem, have a good fuck.” “Thank you, you too.” “How do you know?” “I can hear him in the background. HI STEVE!” “Oh, bye.” “Bye.” This is good example of how a conversation through the phone between me and Leila goes. Short, but always effective. I actually never phone her, only when I have trouble and need some advise, and that’s always when she’s not around. I hung up the phone and sighed relieved. Another problem solved, well not yet, but was going to be. Make up sex A granny was standing next to me in the elevator, looking at me from top to toe. I couldn’t blame her; I was looking like shit. My white blouse was soaking wet and see-through, my jeans had mud stains on them and the mascara which was once on my eyelashes, was now spread all over my face. Not to mention the locks of brown, wet hair stuck on my face. The elevator doors slid open. “Gotta go fuck my boyfriend now. Bye.” I said and stepped out of the elevator, leaving the granny with eyes popping out of her head in the elevator. I blow dried my hair and cleaned my face, put on some other clothes and tied my hair up. I was looking at myself in the mirror when I heard the door softly getting closed. “I was getting worried about you.” Matt stood behind me, eying me through the mirror. “I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself. Thank you very much.” He rolled his eyes. “Have you never heard of the words ‘I’m sorry’?” I turned around to face him. “No.” I simply said and kissed him. I never apologised for anything, never. That was just not me. If you’d hear me say ‘I’m sorry’, you should get afraid. Very afraid. “You do realise we have to have make up sex now, don’t you?” He grinned and picked me up to throw me on the bed seconds later. I’d never say sorry to anyone, so I made up another thing for the words; sex. If I was having a fight with my boyfriend that is. You don’t think I’d just go and fuck my best friend, do you? No, when I was in a row with Leila, we’d just make a joke about it and get pissed somewhere. I lit up a cigarette and blew out the smoke in circles. Matt took the cigarette off me and pulled. “I just love making up.” He said while blowing out the smoke. “I still haven’t forgot the whole thing, Matt.” I replied, taking the cigarette back. “So now you’re saying that it’s all my fault?” “Yes.” Matt turned, so he could face me. “I haven’t done anything, it’s part of the job, babe. You attacked Gab-” “Gabby the bitch,” “Gabby and pulled out nearly all her hair. The make up artist was having a really hard time to cover up all those scratches, you know.” He laughed, “It isn’t funny, Vicky.” “Do you hear me laughing? It’s you who’s laughing.” I sharply said, not being able to hold in my laugh anymore. “Well, it was quite a funny sight to see you two cat fighting. Not to mention that my girlfriend eventually won.” He stroked my tummy lightly. “Why do we always have those petty fights?” He asked me, straight face. “Because then we can make up afterwards, honey.” I smiled sweetly, ticking off the ash in the ashtray. Cheater! Matt woke me up at around 9, it was getting dark outside, only the lights of the neon things outside gave some weak light in the room, making Matt’s face look a bit greenish. “Hey, I’m going to Charlie’s room to work on some lyrics we thought of. James is downstairs at the hotel bar if you want someone to talk to or whatever.” He kissed me lightly on my forehead and disappeared out of my eyesight. I turned around and tried to get some more sleep, but now Matt had woke me, I couldn’t and decided that maybe having a few drinks would help. I quickly put on some jeans and a top, combed my hair and took the elevator downstairs. James was sipping from his Malibu drink, complete with a little orange umbrella, when I took a seat on the stool next to him. He smiled weakly and took another sip from his drink, the little umbrella nearly sticking into his nose. “What do you want to drink, beautiful?” He asked me, I thought for a moment. He took another sip. “Sex on the beach, please.” James snorted and the Malibu was coming from his nose, along with some snot dripping down his chin. “Excuse me?” He said, wiping the snot and Malibu off his face with a napkin. “Sex on the beach.” I repeated and smiled. I can’t remember much of that night (James probably gave me too much to drink), only that I was giggling all the time (I never giggle when I’m drunk, I only take off my clothes and dance on the bar, occasionally) and that James took up to his room. Next thing I knew, was James laying on top of me, panting into my ear and a few seconds later a screaming Matt running into the room and pulling James off me. Minutes of yelling and fists in the air later, I was still in James’ room. Alone. The sheets all messed up with stains of blood on them. I fell asleep as I was inspecting the stains and woke up curled up around a pillow, disorientated. I wanted to hit the fly away, when I heard a buzzing sound in my ear. “Wake up, we’ve got to talk.” I hit James on his face, who backed away. “Hey! You didn’t have to hit me! You were there as well!” My head ached, I knew I had too much to drink that night and that a headache would soon follow. I tried to open my eyes, but the sunlight pricked and I closed them again. “One; I thought you were a fly, and two; I was drunk.” I said, with one eye half open. I wrapped myself into the sheets and hopped to the bathroom, picking up my clothes on the way. “I don’t think we’ve got to talk, James. What’s done, is done. We can’t turn back time, although I wish we could.” James stood in the doorway of the bathroom, his head turned slightly red. “I can’t remember it anyway.” I concluded and dropped the sheets, so I could take a shower. “Now, get lost, I’m sober.” James crossed his arm and turned on his heels. “We’re all at the lobby, if you’re looking for us.” He closed the bathroom door, the hot water went down my spine and gave me light shiver. I don’t know what made me take the elevator to the lobby and confront Matt with what I had done. With one of his best mates, for God’s sake. The lobby was empty, only four huge cameras, people of the staff and the three boys were there. James was faking his cheeriness, Charlie was jumping up and down on the big, red sofa, while Matt was sitting in an armchair, looking sad. I caught a tear trickling down his cheek. I bit my lower lip and walked up to him, as slowly as possible. I sat down on the little coffee table, opposite of Matt and tried to catch his eye. He totally ignored me, I kept on staring at him, knowing that it would annoy him like hell. He looked away, a small smile curled around the corners of his mouth. “Stop staring, I hate it when you stare at me like that.” He looked at me, straight in the eye. The smile faded. “Why did you do it? Why? No, I don’t even want to know. Don’t I mean anything to you? Not even one little, tiny bit?” A fresh tear rolled down his cheek. I couldn’t help, but wiping it away with my index finger. He took hold of my hand. “Answer me, Vicky.” He squeezed my hand hard, forcing me to say something. It looked like hours ticked by, but it were only seconds, the words were burning on my lips, but I couldn’t say them. I never said them, and I wasn’t planning to either. “I… …I was drunk.” I stumbled, and pulled back my hand. “Do I mean anything to you? Well, do I?” Matt said angrily and stood up from the chair. He looked big and full of power, but that was only because I was still sitting on the coffee table and looked up to him. I sighed deeply, and stood up as well, so we were at the same eye height. “Of course you do. You mean the world to me, Matt. You’re the only one I truly care about.” I said, my arms were hanging lifeless down my body. Nobody could hear us whisper to each other; people were putting up the cameras, Charlie was making loud noises with the jumping up and down, and James started singing at the top of his lungs. “THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU FUCK JAMES?!” Matt yelled. There was a sudden silence. Everybody was looking at us, Charlie stopped jumping, the crew held in their breaths, and James shut his mouth. “Matt, I was drunk.” I bluntly said. Matt raised his hand. I thought he was going to hit me, but instead of bringing it down to my cheek, he ruffled his hair. “She was drunk, she was already sleeping when I brought her to my room.” Came voice out of nowhere. James stood at my side, just standing there, the words came out of his mouth. “It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have done anything to her. I’m so sorry.” With that he turned away, and started singing softly again, like nothing had happened. “Show’s over, people! Get back to work!” Charlie yelled and continued jumping up and down. Matt stroked my cheek, and smiled lightly. “I-“ He began, but I cut him off.  “I'm sorry, Matt. I shouldn't have drunk so much. It's not James' fault. You know he liked me from the start. He saw his chance and took it with both hands.” Suddenly I felt used, angry and was about to cry. I felt like I had to let it all out. “You fucked Gabby.”  I started. I wasn’t expecting Matt to say anything back. “I didn’t fuck her, I was wearing trousers.” “You touched her, you kissed her, you stuck your tongue into that tramp’s mouth.” “Listen, Vicky. I’m gonna tell you one last time that it was for a video. We have like, twenty eyewitnesses. I didn’t and still don’t feel anything for her. She’s nothing. It’s you who I love, not her.” Matt cupped my face. “You’re supposed to hate me now.” I replied. “I did your best mate.” Matt shook his head. “He did you, not the other way round. When I walked in the room, and pulled James off you, you practically just turned and fell asleep.” He kissed me lightly on my lips and pulled me in for a hug. “You said sorry for the first time ever.” He whispered in my ear. “Don’t think I’m gonna say it all the time now.” Matt softly sniggered into my neck. “No, I mean, so there won’t be make up sex?” I pinched his chest. “Shut up, dickhead.” The week flew by and before I knew it, I sat next to Matt, by the window of course, in the plane back to London.