Strumming away on her guitar, she sat on bed. Singing out loud the lyrics she had just wrote.
Nothing ever seems to go your way
You’re never allowed to have your own say
And everyone always tried to put you down
Too much going on at the same time
Everything you do seems to be a crime
I guess it’s just another teenage trauma
You can’t take it, any more
You’re gonna break down, fall on the floor
You can’t fake, your happiness, like you did before
She ended her last chord, and sighed deep. She let our all her pain and worries by singing and playing her guitar, against her mothers wishing.
Mel used to be a happy kid, until she got a bit older and wiser. She got her own opinions, which never seemed to be appreciated. She got her own style of clothes; no one ever said, “Mel dude, you look nice today!”. And much to her annoyance, her mother didn’t respect her choices either. Her mother always said that she’d never get anywhere; she would be nothing. And that hurt, it hurt like hell. It hurt so much, that she was willing to end her life abruptly. Every time, over and over again when her mum told her she would end up on the streets, being nothing, she’d ran up the stairs, to her room and lock herself in to cry. Crying, and crying. Then opening her beside table’s drawer and getting the sharp pieces of glass out of it. Ready to cut her wrists. But she never actually did it. Every single time she had been ready to cut her wrists, her life flashed in front of her eyes, and realised that she had to live. Even if it was only to torture her mother for being alive. Alive and very much kicking around to keep herself standing on her feet. Keeping her head up in the water. Survive.
And then there was school. She didn’t have much friends around there. And it got worse when she moved schools. One of her new teachers introduced her in English class. Fingers pointing her way, soft giggling in the background. Well, she had to admit. She looked kind of stupid there, in front of the class. Skateboard in the one hand, other hand in her pocket. The teacher told her to sit next to a boy. Much to the amusement of the girls in the class, who broke out laughing. Apparently he was the outcast in class. He looked up from his work, sneakily stared at her. Mel turned her head round to look at him. He smiled, “Hey, I’m Matt.” He straightened his back and sat up. “Mel.” Finally someone was talking to her. Maybe it was to be polite, but whatever. He talked to her, which was a comfort in some way.
End of day one in her new school. She was about to race away on her skateboard when a hand held her back. “And where do you think you’re going?” A girls voice asked. She sounded familiar. Mel turned around to see who it was. Oh no, not those Barbie girls. The girl smiled in a mean way. A group of Barbie look-alikes behind her. “Home.” Mel replied, and wanted to get back on her board, when the girl suddenly pulled her by her hair. “What the f*ck do you think you’re f*cking doing?!” A boy pushed the girl away from Mel. It was Matt. He saved her. Mel pulled up an eyebrow. “C’mon, let’s go.” Matt picked up her skateboard and grabbed her hand, quickly walking away from the gang, looking over his shoulder to see if they were following them.
“I saw this coming….” He whispered to himself, still holding Mel’s hand. “What? How?” Mel replied, not minding him holding her hand. “Cause you’re an outcast, like me.” He looked down to the floor. “Counting ants, Matt?” Mel joked, playfully pushing him with her shoulder. He smiled, a beautiful smile. She didn’t want to talk about the being an outcast thing. She knew she was, always had been. He stopped walking, letting go of her hand, and sitting down on a brick wall. Mel sat next to him. “Do you play any instruments, Mel?” There, out of nothing he asked her something. He barely knew her name. The only thing he knew, was her being an outcast from day one, like him and probably around his age; 16 or 17. He felt connected by that. “Yes actually, I do. I play acoustic guitar.” He looked up, his eyes twinkling. “Really? Cool.” He gave back her skateboard. “Better be going home now, before my mum gets worried.” He said and jumped off the wall. “Wanna come with me?” He stretched his arm to take her hand. Mel nodded, she wasn’t feeling like going back home and getting a go from her mum because of nothing. She took his hand and let herself slide of the wall, skateboard under her arm. “I don’t live far from here. A five minute walk.” He let go of her hand and put both of his hands in his pockets, walking with a bounce in his step.
His house wasn’t big, but not small either. A normal house. He opened the white, wooden gate and walked through, closely followed by Mel, who felt her tummy going weirder with every step she took. Matt fished a key out of his pocket and opened the door, letting Mel in and closed the door behind him again. “Mum! I’m home!” He yelled and threw his bag in the corner. Mel followed his example and put her bag next to his. He took her jacket and hung it on the hat stand, hanging his leather jacket on top of it. His mother greeted her son by a short, but warm hug. “Hello, and who is your friend Matt?” She smiled, it was like the dark clouds above Mel’s head disappeared and the sun coming through. “Mum, this is Mel, Mel, my mum.” His mother gave Mel a hand, squeezed it tight, but friendly. “Hello, Mrs…” “Mrs. Willis, but please, call me Linda.” Again that warm smile. Mel felt welcome and comfortable already and she just knew she would be there a lot more. If it was up to her anyway. “You guys want something to eat, drink?” Mrs. Willis asked. Matt looked over to Mel, who shook her head. “Nah, we’ll got something later.” He answered for the both of them. Mrs. Willis nodded her head and headed for the kitchen where she had come from when they had come in. Matt quickly grabbed Mel’s hand again. “Let’s go upstairs.” He said, not whispering, but still soft, so his mother couldn’t hear him. “Matt? Why do you keep grabbing my hand every time?” Matt let go of her hand and shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel like I have to protect you.” Mel looked around the house, and pulled up an eyebrow. “Erm, Matt. We’re at your house, nothing to protect me from. Maybe only your mother from stuffing me with food or whatever.” Matt laughed, “Yeah, she can be overprotective sometimes.” “Runs in the family then.” Mel whispered, so Matt couldn’t hear her.
He walked up the stairs, signalling Mel to do the same. As she did, she looked at the photos hanging on the wall; Matt, Matt and Dad, Matt and a younger lad, Mum and Dad together, younger lad. “Who’s this?” Mel asked, pointing at the photo of the younger lad. “Oh, that’s my little brother. He will be home soon.” He continued climbing up the stairs, walking into his room and closing the door behind Mel. He turned on his stereo, Blink 182 boosting out of the speakers. “Better turn that a bit down.” He grinned. He sat on his bed, patting on the bit beside him, inviting Mel to come and sit next to him. “So. How are you?” Matt’s brain was working on full speed, meaning; trying to think of an impressive sentence to get the girl he liked round. “I’m fine thanks. Yourself?” Mel laughed. Matt tucked her hair behind her ear. Mel’s heart skipped a beat, he touched her! “I’m okay.” He smiled. Jesus, what an amazing smile. He was about to kiss her when the guitar in the corner of the room got Mel’s attention. “Oh! You have a guitar! Can I see it?” Matt sighed, “Yeah, sure.” She got up and picked up the guitar. Sitting beside Matt again, she touched the chords gently, humming her own song. “What are you playing?” Matt asked curious, looking into her eyes. God, he wanted her so much, but even his guitar got more attention than him. “Nothing, just a song I wrote.” She stopped playing. “Then if it’s nothing, you can put away the guitar again.” Woops, that came out the wrong way. “I mean, I…” But it was too late, Mel stood up and put away the guitar. He snapped at her, she was getting more uncomfortable every second. “Nah, it’s okay. It’s your guitar, not mine.” Mel stood in the middle of the room, hands on her waist, being a tad pissed off. Matt stood up, walking towards her and getting her hands off her waist, placing them around his neck and brushing his lips against hers. Matt pulled away first, “Sorry, shouldn’t have done that.” He turned around. “Yeah, I think I should go now.” She didn’t really want to, but she had to. It didn’t feel right to just go and kiss him in the first 20 minutes she talked to him. “But Mel…”
Mel walked out the door, not even thinking of getting her jacket, bag and skateboard. Her mum would go mad when she came home, but she didn’t care. All she wanted was cry now. No reason for it, she just felt like it. Maybe it was the fact that someone liked her, an unusual feeling deep inside her.
“Where the hell have you been?! In your room, right now! No dinner for you tonight, lady!” Her mum yelled when Mel entered the room. She didn’t even listen, and walked up the stairs immediately, breaking out in tears when her head made first contact with the pillow. She took a deep breath in, let it out slowly and locked her door, to then open the drawer of her bedside table and get the glass out. Nothing could hold her back now, and she slowly pulled the glass through her skin, blood dripping on her lap as she did.
She woke up with the pain in her wrists. It was a normal school day, how was she supposed to hide these cuts? She thought for a moment, and decided that no one would care anyway. She carefully washed her wrists in the shower. It hurt, but it was her own fault. Her school uniform would hide them. Good, now she was ready to go. Her mum, for the first time in her life, had packed her lunch for her. “How are you feeling today, Mel?” Her mum looked worried, it scared her. Mel mumbled a ‘I’m alright’ and left. Her mum was freaking her out.
At the school gate, Matt was waiting for her. He leaned against the gate, hands in his pockets. He straightened as he saw Mel coming and got his hands out of his pockets. Not quite sure how to behave and where to leave his hands, he put them back in his pockets. Mel walked through, not even looking at him. Not even one look. “Mel?” Mel stopped walking, shook her head and continued walking. “Mel, for Christ’s sake!” He pulled her by her shoulder, so she turned around. “Go away, Matt. I don’t wanna talk, I don’t wanna know you.” The tears pricked in her eyes. Why was she doing this to him? Why was she being so bitchy? He hadn’t done anything! She regretted her words immediately after she said them. But Matt was getting sick of it. She had turned him down, she had left him when he even apologised, she rejected him again now he wanted to apologise for a second time. “Fine! Have it your way.” He passed her, “Bitch,” he mumbled. “What did you say?!” Mel screamed out. Matt didn’t stop walking as he was planning on doing the same thing as she did to him. Ignore. But Mel didn’t gave up. She ran to catch up with him, and stopped in front of him, making him not able to walk any further. She strolled up her sleeves, pulled her arm back, ready to punch him in his face. “What the f*ck did you say Matt…” Matt reached out for her hand, gently pulling it down. “I only wanted to apologise about yesterday, Mel. What’s the fuss about?” Her arms went limb, Matt caught her as she fell down. Every other student was already inside, Matt and Mel were the only ones left on the school yard. He kneeled as he couldn’t hold her any longer. “Mel? What’s going on?” He brushed her hair out of her face. Mel’s eyes stared into the sky, watching the clouds go by. She slowly got up, standing on her feet again, pulling Matt with her. For a minute or so, they stared at each other. Mel smiled, and caressed his cheek. He got hold of her hand, kissed it and pulled her in for a hug. Mel let the tears flow freely. “Can we go to your house?” She whispered in his ear. “Sure.” He stroked her hair and they walked hand in hand to Matt’s house, leaving the school behind them.
Sitting on the couch, Matt upstairs, changing clothes, Mrs. Willis was running from the kitchen to the living room with tea and cookies. She nearly dropped her plate as she saw the cuts on Mel’s arms. “Oh dear. What have you done to yourself?” She sat next to Mel, who broke out in tears, sobbing on Mrs. Willis’ shoulder. “We need to clean those, honey.” The dried blood was all over her arms, it had started bleeding again after she washed it off that morning. She led Mel into the kitchen, gently rubbing the blood off and bandaging the wounds. “Yo mum, where’s…” Matt stood still in the door way. His jaw dropped as he saw blood flooding with the water. Mel looked up, she was afraid of what he would say. “I’ll leave you two alone now for a bit.” She put the last bandage on Mel’s arm and left the kitchen. Mel stood with her stomach against the counter, looking out of the window. Matt came closer to her, pushing himself to Mel’s back, holding her by her waist, putting his chin on her shoulder. He hugged her tummy, and nuzzled her neck, which tickled a bit. But it was a nice feeling. A feeling of safety. “You don’t have to explain…” Matt whispered, and kissed her in her neck. Mel put her hands on Matt’s and sighed. “C’mon, let’s go to my room.” He grasped her hand, pulling her with him up to his room.
Mel reached out for the guitar in the corner of his room, playing her song,
Your parents are annoying
Your schoolwork’s in the way
You want to talk to a guy you like
But you don’t know what to say
Your mate has gone behind your back
Then you and your boyfriend split
Don’t think you can handle much more of this
Why should you take this shit?
But don’t worry cause it’ll be over soon
It’s just a phase you’re going through
Too much going on at the same time
Everything you do seems to be a crime
I guess it’s just another teenage trauma
You and your Mum are fighting
Your grades are getting low
You want to ask that cute boy out
But you’re worried he’ll say no
Everyone’s trying to rule your life
It’s like you can’t take control
So you better do something about it soon
Or you’re digging a deeper hole
But don’t worry cause it’ll be over soon
It’s just a phase you’re going through
Nothing ever seems to go your way
You’re never allowed to have your own say
And everyone always tries to put you down
Too much going on at the same time
Everything you do seems to be a crime
I guess it’s just another teenage trauma
You can’t take it, any more
You’re gonna break down, fall on the floor
You can’t fake, your happiness, like you did before
She ended her last chord and put away the guitar. “There, hadn’t had time for that in a couple of days.” She smiled satisfied and put her head on Matt’s chest, giving Matt a bump in his trousers as she caressed his chest gently. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to think of something else. It wasn’t getting any better when Mel started kissing him in his neck and his ear lobes. “Mel, stop it. Like, now.” He rolled over, turning his back to Mel. Mel leaned over his side. “What is it?” He pushed her away. “Nothing, just don’t do that.” “Do what?” She climbed over him, making him lying on his back. “Stop making me…” He tried to push her off. “Making you what, Matt? Making you wanting me even more?” She lent in to kiss him, going over to his neck and ear lobes, heavily breathing in his ear. “Stop it!” He yelled, pushing her off him, and standing up, showing off the bump in his trousers. “God Matt, I thought you wanted this!” Mel sat up straight on the bed. “I do, but… I don’t want to take advantage of the situation.” “What situation, Matt? There is no situation!” She shuffled off the bed, taking Matt by his collar. “I know it’s a bit soon, but I love you.” She kissed him passionately, he returned the kiss. “Are you sure, babe? Cause I don’t want to rush things.” Mel looked him in the eye. “I’ll just leave you now. Let your imagination do the rest.” She winked and left his room, leaving Matt with tight trousers.
“Who’s Matt?” Was the first thing Mel heard when she came into the living room at her house. “Hello to you too, mum.” She put her bag under the stairs. “And how do you know Matt anyway?” “His mother phoned me to tell about the cuts on your arms, which I already knew about. Now sit on the couch or I will drag you here on your hair, you whore.” Already with shaking hands, Mel walked to the couch, as far as possible from her mother. “Who’s Matt and why did you cut yourself?” Her mother seemed calm, but Mel knew she was boiling on the inside. “I think Matt is my boyfriend, and I cut myself because I have a couple of screws loose.” Mel stood up, leaving her mother gasping for air. She quickly picked up her bag, ran up the stairs and emptied the bag above her bed, and filled it with some clothes. Running down the stairs again, grabbing her jacket and leaving her house. Her mum not even trying to go after her.
“Matt, Mrs. Willis? Is anyone there?” Mel yelled, slamming on the door. “Matt… Mrs. Willis… please…” Mel collapsed on the floor, leaning against the door and crying herself to sleep.
A few hours later she found herself in Matt’s bed, Matt on the side, stroking her hair. “Hey baby.” He softly said. “Found you at the door.” Mel found the strength to pull Matt by his shirt close to him. She kissed him, “I’m never gonna leave you now.” He whispered softly, making Mel smile a little. He crawled under the sheets with her, pulling her close to him. His body warmth warmed up Mel. “I signed you up for auditions for a band, Mel.” He said, stroking her hair, kissing her neck softly. Mel’s hand went up his shirt. “Why?” Her hand finding it’s way up to his warm chest. “Cause you’re so good at singing and playing guitar.” Her hand now lowering again, down his trousers, trying to undo the zipper with one hand. “You’ve got cold hands…” Matt grinned, and helped her undo the zipper. “I know, I wanna warm them up.” Mel replied cheekily. Matt turned Mel on her back, kicking the trousers off his ankles and pulling his shirt off. Kissing her in her neck, going down, making his way to her belly button, and ripping her top off. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this, Mel?” Mel groaned. “Yeah, two whole days.” She pulled him up, kissing him passionately. Her skirt soon disappeared and Matt carefully filling her up. “Tell me when it hurts.” Mel nodded and planted her nails in his back. It hurt like hell, but she didn’t want to ruin Matt’s fun, so she just acted like it was okay. But when he speeded up, it was getting nice. And it didn’t take long before the both of them were lying beside each other, gasping for breath.