A Symbol Of Love
Chapter One
“It won’t ever work. You won’t last for the week. You may think that you love him, but you don’t really. You’ll wake up one day and realize your mistake, but it will be too late by then, so why not just listen to me now and stop this before it gets out of hand? I warn you, one day he will turn round and tell you he’s seeing someone else, and you will hate him for it. When this all falls apart, remember what I told you… remember… remember…”
Matt shook his head violently, as if trying to shake away his thoughts. Everyone had told him he was wrong, that one month later they would be history, but now two years on they were still going strong. Yes, Matt had to make a lot of sacrifices for their relationship to work, but then again they both had, and now look where they were. They still had each other and that was all that mattered.
Matt and James.
Just the two of them against the world. Every single person they told had been dead against them being together, still were against them, but there was nothing that could ever tear them apart. They were just too strong – their love bound them together more tightly than any rope. And Matt never once doubted that their love was real. He knew it was – he knew as he lay in the dark with James’ arms curled around his waist, and his warm breath gently tickling the back of his neck. He knew as he gazed deep into those shining blue eyes and saw love gazing back at him. He knew then that James felt as much for him, as he did for James. And even if everyone else in the world had abandoned him, it didn’t matter at all because he still had James and that was worth fighting for.
He smiled softly to himself as he watched James sleeping. He looked so peaceful and calm. His lips twitched slightly and Matt leaned closer to hear what he was mumbling. In the midst of all the incoherent babble, he picked out three words “I love you.” Matt sighed, and closed his eyes while resting his aching head down on the pillow beside James. He opened his eyes again to feel tears trickling slowly down his face. He rubbed them away furiously with his hand. He was tired of crying, dead tired. His body ached from it, from hours of letting out his pain and misery, but it never made him feel better. Only one person could do that – James. Simply by saying those three little words which made Matt the happiest man alive.
He gazed out the window through a gap in the curtains at the blue moonlight flooding the bedroom, then turned back to James. He was outlined perfectly, every inch of his body bathed in an unearthly shade of silver. To Matt, he had never looked so beautiful.
He reached out and gently stroked his cheek. James didn’t even stir. Cautiously Matt leaned forward and whispered in his ear.
“Night Jay Jay. I love you.” Then he carefully wrapped his arms around James’ waist and fell asleep with his nose buried deep in his golden hair.
“I just can’t do it anymore James. I can’t!” Matt cried as he slid slowly down the wall. He sat in a messy tangle of limbs, knowing he looked completely undignified, and not caring at all. With his eyes full of concern, James walked slowly over and wrapped his arms around Matt’s shoulders. Matt turned his head, and buried his face into the comfort and warmth of James’ neck, nuzzling him like a newborn kitten. He never felt so safe and loved as he did when James held him close, so close he could feel his heartbeat through his shirt. James stroked Matt’s hair gently, while murmuring to him softly.
“It’s ok, Matts. I know it’s tough, but there’s nothing we can’t do together. They all said we were wrong, but I know we weren’t, you know we weren’t, because nothing has ever felt so right before. And every time I look at you, I know that they are the ones who are wrong, not us. We can’t give in to them, we can’t let them win. We need to show them we can be together. Please, Matt? Please? For me, your Jamesy?”
Matt gazed up at James adoringly. He always knew exactly what to say to make Matt forget about everything, to remind him that it was only the two of them that mattered; that as long as they had each other everything would be all right.
“James…” He whispered, a single tear sliding down his cheek. James carefully wiped it away with his thumb, and held Matt’s gaze, stroking his cheek until he felt Matt relax gradually, and his breathing became even once again.
“Ssshhh. We’re gonna make it Matt. I know we are.” He murmured quietly.
“James, I don’t deserve you…” James quickly cut him off, leaning in so his lips brushed against Matt’s. Matt pulled back, just for a second, then met his lips with James’ again, running his tongue along his bottom lip, requesting full entrance to his mouth. James opened his mouth, and Matt thrust in his tongue to search it, pressing delicately into his jaw line and twisting around in his throat.
Matt began running his fingers through James’ hair while pushing his tongue deeper and deeper into his throat. Sighing contentedly, James leaned back against the wall, and allowed Matt to tousle his hair, which he usually kept so perfect. He curled his arms around Matt’s chest and held him close. James gave a small smile of puzzlement as Matt gazed at him intently. Matt sighed, and leaned his head on James’ chest, tracing his fingers over James’ torso.
“Jay Jay? Remember that necklace I got you, when we first fell in love?”
“Yeah, I remember.” James whispered, almost absentmindedly tracing the outline of a star on Matt’s hand, his other hand reaching up, and pulling the beaded necklace out from underneath his t-shirt. He began playing with it, running his fingers over the cool, round beads, smiling softly to himself.
“I’ve never taken it off since you gave it to me.” He whispered to Matt. “And I never will, until the day I die.”
Matt brought his hand up to the necklace and studied it carefully. It wasn’t fancy – just a brown, beaded necklace that Matt had bought when they went to Spain promoting their single. He was browsing through a craft market, and happened to pick the necklace up. As soon as he held it, he had thought of James. It was just the sort of thing he loved, and when Matt turned it over, he noticed an engraving on the back in tiny, precise letters –Cariño.
“It means love.” Matt muttered into the top of James’ thick blonde hair. That necklace had been around James’ neck when they shared their first kiss, the first time they slept together, and the day that James moved into Matt’s flat. It had been there through all the arguments and silly fights, and whenever they made up again. Whenever James had a really bad day, all he had to do was hold the necklace, and then he knew that everything was Ok, because Matt loved him and they didn’t need anybody else. That necklace had been there through the good times and the bad, and was now as much of a part of James as Matt was. It was so special to them both.
“I love you.” James replied.
Matt had no idea how long they stayed like that, just wrapped in each other’s arms, but gradually the Sun slipped lower in the sky, casting pink and gold light across the room, eventually replaced by soft streaks of blue and purple, and thousands of shimmering stars. James snuggled closer, and began placing soft, delicate kisses in the hollow of Matt’s throat. He tilted his head back as the kisses became more vigorous and sighed contentedly, then wound his fingers into James’ hair.
“Jay Jay…” He smiled, his eyes glowing. James beamed back at him, but did not reply immediately. Instead, he moved his kisses up to Matt’s chin; warm, affectionate kisses each one making their breathing heavier.
“Jamesy…” Matt’s tone was almost pleading, as James finally answered, a sparkle in his eyes.
“Yeah, Mattie?”
“Are you coming with me?” Matt stood up slowly, and padded a few steps away. James followed immediately; Matt took his hand and led him into the bedroom.
They were barely in the room, when James began clawing at Matt’s jacket, fumbling clumsily with the zip. He pushed it back off Matt’s shoulders, and threw it to the floor. Matt tugged at James’ t-shirt, pulling it up over his head, then began undoing his belt. They began kissing again passionately, and Matt felt James hardening against him. He gently lowered James backwards onto the bed, and straddled his lap. He could feel his excitement already. He softly traced the outline of James’ lips with his thumb, and stoked his cheek, then let his hand move up into his hair, the silky strands tickling his fingers. James pulled off Matt’s t-shirt and jeans so fast Matt barely even realized they were gone. He eased himself down to playfully kiss James’ chest, while removing his trousers. James whimpered in frustration, as Matt moved his mouth down towards James’ crotch, then back up to his neck again. He could feel James’ excitement through his boxers, and his hand gradually made its way down to tease James’ bulging member through the material, making him moan. Matt grinned, encouraged, and eagerly ripped the boxers off, as he felt James tugging at his waistband.
They were both completely naked now, and Matt knew James wouldn’t last long – he was really worked up. He moaned against Matt’s neck, arching his back as Matt’s hand grasped him firmly, and began thrusting up and down. He replaced his hands with his mouth, pushing James’ penis as far down his throat as he could without gagging himself. He sucked James harder and harder until he screamed out in pleasure as his orgasm took over his body, making him shudder.
“My…God, Matts… I’m gonna…” He came forcefully right into the back of Matt’s throat.
James groaned as he sank back down, gasping for breath.
“Jesus… Mattie!” Matt grinned as he saw his effect; squirming with pleasure as James softly kissed the back of his neck. James held Matt’s hips securely in his strong arms while Matt whined in anticipation. Without warning, James thrust forward with every ounce of strength he had left, Matt gasped and bucked his hips as a very excited James pushed deeper inside him. He groaned in pleasure, calling out James’ name.
“Jay Jay… I… love you… so much! Mmmm, FUCK YES!!!” James released himself into Matt, then moved his hand around Matt’s waist, and began pumping up and down on Matt’s arousal until he came, covering James’ hand and the bed in sticky white fluid.
Shuddering, Matt collapsed onto the bed with James beside him trying desperately to catch his breath. Breathing heavily, Matt reached over and closed his fingers around the beads of James’ necklace. James placed his hand over Matt’s and traced the outline of the star on his hand once again.
“I love you Jay Jay.” Matt whispered, his brown eyes shining. James grinned.
“I love you too, Mattsie.”
“Jay? Please don’t ever leave me. You’re all I’ve got. My friends and even my family have deserted me; I couldn’t take it if you did too. I need you to be here with me – I couldn’t live without you.” James ran his fingers through Matt’s hair and tapped his nose affectionately.
“You always were a worrier Matts. I’m in exactly the same situation, remember? You know I would never leave you. Nothing and I mean nothing can take you away from me.” He paused, chuckling lovingly. “Matt, I promise to stay with you forever.”
The next morning Matt woke to find himself alone in bed. He rolled over to glance at the clock. 9:30? Where could James have gone at this time? Their little flat was so tiny that Matt could always hear James humming to himself or generally making a noise wherever he was, and he couldn’t hear him now. So where is he? James isn’t normally even up at this time… lazy shmuck. He thought warmly. He didn’t care if James was a slob, he loved him anyway. For a while, Matt just lay there staring up at the blank ceiling, remembering last night, and everything he loved about James. His huge grin, big blue eyes, adorable floppy blonde hair, and all his stupid impressions and accents that always made Matt smile. James could always stop Matt feeling like trash, with his sweet face and kind words, no matter how much of a bad day he was having. Matt realized then just how much he truly needed James, how much he depended on him for love and support. James was the only one who would give it to him, the only one who loved him back. Matt got up and padded out of the bedroom.
He paced around the kitchen. He had no idea why, but suddenly he was anxious; he just had a feeling that something was going to happen. He pulled his mobile out of his pocket and punched in James’ number. He groaned to himself as he heard the familiar ring tone start up from the bedroom. Calm down. He told himself. James is an adult; he can take care of himself. Now you’re just being overprotective. He ambled over to the window and leaned his forehead against the cool glass. The steady drum of rain soothed his nerves, as he watched it bounce off the pavement. He hadn’t seen rain this heavy for a long time. The sky was dark, and full of the promise of thunder. Matt watched the raindrops trickling down the window forming patterns, merging into each other, just as he and James had merged. He smiled to himself. Of course James would be fine. He had probably just gone to visit his family – now that James’ Mum had actually met Matt she was fine with the whole situation, and now she was always telling James off for not seeing them enough.
Pushing himself up from the windowsill, Matt wandered aimlessly into the bedroom. His gaze traveled around the room, finally resting on a framed photograph on the bedside table. He walked slowly over and picked it up, smiling softly to himself. It was him and James on the day they had first got together, the day Matt had given James the necklace. The photo was taken on board their tour bus, and showed Matt and James messing about as they always did, but somehow then it was different. They were laughing, their eyes glowing with happiness, so contented to be together at last - the two of them sharing a secret that no one else knew, and Charlie, good old Charlie, had captured that moment forever. Looking closely, Matt could see that James was wearing his necklace; it was just visible underneath his t-shirt. Closing his eyes, Matt remembered the very moment the picture was taken; being careful not to show too much affection for James in front of the others although it was hard because he just wanted to hold him close and kiss him. The hairs would stand up on the back of his neck whenever James’ hand brushed against his own, and glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. The way his hair fell across his eyes, and how tempting it had been just to reach up and gently brush it out for him, fighting temptation all afternoon. Soon after, safely out of shot of Charlie’s wandering camera, they had shared their first kiss. Matt was ecstatic. He has James in his arms at last and he would never let go. He knew then that he was meant to spend the rest of his life with James. He looked at the date in the corner, and realized that from tomorrow they would have been together for three years.
Matt jumped as the doorbell rang, echoing loudly around the silent flat.
“James.” He breathed to himself. Dozy fool had forgotten his key and locked himself out again. Shaking his head fondly, Matt half ran to open the door. He flung it open to find a policeman with an ashen face.
“Mr. Willis?” He enquired, quietly as though if he spoke too loudly he would knock Matt over.
Matt nodded his head, speechless with fear. His mind was swirling with thoughts, as the policeman spoke again, his eyes dark, his face serious.
“I’m afraid it’s bad news. There is no easy way of telling you this…”
Matt could only say one word.
“James…?” The officer flinched as though he had been struck, and nodded.
“Mr. Bourne was involved in a car crash. Another vehicle skidded on the slippery roads and his car was hit. He died about an hour later. He gave us this address, and asked us to give you this…”
He held out his hand, and from under his closed fingers he revealed a brown, beaded necklace. Shaking, Matt took it, his eyes shining with crystal tears and felt the cool hard beads underneath his fingers. The tears flowed freely, flooding down his cheeks, as he gazed down at the necklace in disbelief. He was just with James last night, he was so young and full of life, he couldn’t be dead, he just couldn’t… Clutching the necklace tightly, Matt closed his eyes and suddenly, he saw everything that had happened since James had first put the necklace on. All the happiness and laughter, all the hours spent together, all the romantic walks at night, their first kiss, the day they moved in together, the first time they made love. Everything. Matt saw their whole lifetime in an instant, and realized just how short it had been. It just wasn’t enough. He needed James back with him.
He turned the necklace over slowly, and traced the word with his finger. A single tear trickled down his face, as he gazed once again at the word Cariño and whispered softly, so softly that only two people could hear:
“I love you Jay Jay.”