Matt walked into the living room of his flat and slumped down on the sofa. It hadn’t exactly been the best of nights. He loosened his black tie from around his neck and unbuttoned the top three buttons of his white shirt. He sat, emerged in thought for a good ten minutes. If it had gone the way he had planned, he have would been sitting here with his new fiancée. If it had gone exactly to plan, then maybe he wouldn’t have been sitting with her. Maybe they’d be next door in his bedroom, making love for the first time as an engaged couple.

            But it hadn’t gone to plan. The start of it had. They’d had a great meal in a top class restaurant, spoken for the whole time, hardly ever breaking eye contact. Then, Matt had taken her out of town to the outskirts, the wood where they shared most of their childhood together. He’d led her carefully through the dark surroundings and stopped when they’d come to a little hut. Their hut. The hut they’d discovered together, when they were 6 or 7 years old, one evening after school had finished. Back then, it was fine for two children to be out without adult supervision. Even if they had come into trouble, Matt would have done everything humanly possible to protect the girl he saw as his best friend. The girl who he now saw as his one true love.

            He’d pulled the little silver key out of his pocket and had slowly undone the padlock, holding the door shut. He let her in first, then followed behind. He pulled the door to and walked over to her. She looked around the place.

            “I can’t believe everything is still here,” she commented as she looked around. Matt had just smiled. He had walked over to the table where a huge array of candles stood. Some had had the wick burnt right down, so much so that they could never be used again. Others, were still okay to be used. He produced his cigarette lighter out of his back pocket and lit about 5 candles. The dim light had flickered about inside the old hut. He sat the girl down on an old beanbag and knelt down in front of her. One hand took her left hand whilst the other crept into his back pocket. He had placed his fingers around the black velvet ring box so nervously as he recited his well rehearsed lines. But rehearsals meant nothing the moment you were stuck in a real situation.

            “Babe,” he had started, looking deep into her blue eyes. “I love you so much. More than you can ever imagine.” He had paused, wondering if she was taking all this in. Her eyes were urging him on. “That’s why, I bought you here tonight.” It was at that point that he’d pulled the black ring box from his pocket. “I’m shit at being all loved up. You know that more than I do. So it’s better just to come straight out with it.” He took a deep breath and flicked the box open. The white gold engagement ring glistened in the candle light. The diamond standing on top of the band shone. The girl put her hand to her mouth and giggled slightly. “Will you marry me?” The girl had then removed her hand from her mouth and grinned at him. She slowly started to nod.

            “Yes.” She had smiled. “Yes, of course. I’ll marry you.” Matt had burst into a grin of his own as he softly kissed the girl. He had then looked down at the box, taken the ring out and slid it along her wedding finger. He slipped the box back in his pocket, just in case. It was then that the night rapidly started going down hill. Matt had been on cloud nine, with his new fiancé status. The girl had looked him in the eye and taken a deep breath. “I have something to tell you,” she had told him quietly, almost in a whisper. He had looked at her inquisitively.

            “What’s up babe?” he had asked, genuinely worried that she was going to give him really bad news. He squeezed her hand. She had looked up at him and smiled sweetly, her eyes glistening.

            “Matt, you’re going to be a dad.” She had spoken the words so softly, yet somehow, the words had hurt him so much. He was unsure of what to say. He had unsteadily stood up and turned so his back was facing her. “Matt?” she had said, almost in a whisper again. Matt had bitten on his thumb, thinking of what to say next. He’d never thought of starting a family, not just yet. Marriage was a big enough step for him, but children, they were in a whole new league.

            “How far gone are you?” he had asked, a slight bitterness in his voice. He turned, to see the girl who now looked slightly confused.

            “About three months,” she replied. She looked down at her hands. “I thought you’d be happy. I thought you would have wanted a child, someone to look up to you, someone for you to care for,” she had stuttered nervously.

            “Why do you think I always insisted on us using protection? Why do you think I was always checking up on if you were taking your pill?” He had asked angrily. “I didn’t do it for the fun of it, I did it because I didn’t want to get you pregnant.”

            “I’m sorry,” the girl had cried out.

            “Sorry’s not good enough,” Matt had replied. He walked over to his fiancée and crouched down in front of her. “How come you’re pregnant if you’ve been taking the pill?” he asked her. He watched as she lowered her head into her hands. “You have been taking the pill haven’t you?” he had asked her in desperation. She slowly lifted her head out of her hands.

            “I didn’t not take it on purpose. But when I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t think you’d be angry,” she told him, looking him straight in the eye. Matt had then stood up, breaking the eye contact.

            “I need to think,” he had told her, storming out of the hut.

            That’s how he’d ended up here. Alone. No one to comfort him. He’d fucked his life up big time. Not only did he have no one to comfort him, there was no one for him to comfort. No one for him to kiss and cuddle better. Then he realised. It wasn’t just his life that had been fucked up. He’d fucked hers up as well. Hers and her baby’s. He couldn’t see a way out of the situation. That was until he clapped eyes on an old pot of aspirin. He wasn’t really sure if you could overdose on aspirin, but if he was aiming to kill himself, there wasn’t going to be much harm in trying. Matt pulled himself up off of the sofa, and walked over to the alcohol cupboard. He pulled the doors open and looked at the contents. He reached for a new bottle of Rum, sitting on the top shelf. As he walked back to the sofa, he grabbed the pot of aspirin and a notebook and pen that was lying next to the pot. When he reached the sofa again, he placed the things on the coffee table infront of him. He opened the bottle of Rum and took a big swig, then opened the aspirins and tipped the contents on the table. There must have been about 200 pills. With another swig of Rum, he popped a couple in his mouth. Matt picked up the pen and paper and slowly started jotting down a letter.

To my lovely fiancée,

                                    I’m sorry that I’ve had to put you through this, I never set out to hurt you. Please don’t think that I’m taking the easy way out, saying goodbye to you is by no means easy. You are my life and my soul and without you I just can’t be me. I can’t make myself pretend to be anyone else either. That’s why I have no other option.  When my baby is born, please love it and care for it as much as I would have. I’ll always watch over you and our baby. Don’t ever let our baby think that I don’t love it. Just keep it well informed about me. Please don’t block me out of this baby’s life.

I’ll love you forever

Matt.

            He quickly read through the letter. It was short but like he’d said once before. He was crap at being ‘loved up’. He placed the letter down on the table and looked at the pills. He slowly grabbed a big handful. In his other hand, he held the Rum bottle.

            “Matt.” The voice behind him made him jump, causing him to throw the pills across the floor accidentally and to spill the Rum over himself. He stopped for a few minutes, thinking over what he had possibly just been saved from. He turned his head, to see her standing there. She walked towards him and saw the pile of pills on the coffee table. “Matt, how many pills have you had baby?” she asked urgently. He smiled to himself then ran a hand through his hair. The fact that his girl wasn’t one to walk away from a confrontation had just saved his life, in his eyes. He’d completely forgotten the fact that she had her own set of keys and that she would definitely be come around to finish off what had started. He looked from the letter to the girl and smiled.

            “I’ve had about two,” he told her, smiling. The girl noticed the letter as well and picked it up. As she read through it, tears formed in her eyes.

            “Were you seriously going to kill yourself?” she asked as she finished the letter. He nodded sadly.

            “My life’s not worth living if you’re not in it,” she smiled. “Forget all that crap I said about not wanting a baby. I’ve changed my mind.” He told her excitedly.

            “What, so you do want a baby?” she asked. He nodded.

            “Without a doubt. And I still want you to marry me,” he explained. “Only if you want to though.” She nodded, breaking into a grin.

            “Of course I want to,” she confirmed, throwing her arms around his neck. He kissed her softly, glad to have her back.

            “But can we leave the wedding until the baby’s born? I’m still going to marry you, but I just don’t want to put any pressure on you at all,” the girl smiled and kissed her fiancé again.

            “Do you know what?” she asked, grinning.

            “What?” Matt asked back. She grinned even more and kissed him. “What are you smirking at?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her tighter, remembering all the reasons why he loved her so much.

            “Nothing,” she smiled. “It’s just amazing what a bottle of rum and two aspirin can do to a man.”