Crazy thing

It's 2.am, but I don't sleep. I just lie on my bed, look in the dark and feel tears in my eyes. It have been a year since the whole thing happened, but my heart still aches when I think about it. I wish I could get over it, but it's impossible. I remember every detail and I don't think that I will ever forget it. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was lying on my bed like now and it was about 11.pm. I was waiting for my mum to go to her bedroom. Then I would quietly go downstairs, take my bicycle and head for the park. There guys were waiting for me. We arranged to meet in an hour, so I didn't worry about being late, I had plenty of time.

Finally, my mum locked her bedroom's door and turned out the lights. I slipped out of my room and in a minute I was in the street with my bicycle. I found all the guys in the park, waiting for me.
"Hey."I whispered. It was a very quiet night, so I didn't see a point in speaking louder.
"Hey. You could've rushed a little bit, it's cold."Matt said.
"So let's go if everybody's ready!"James looked at us.
I, Matt and Charlie all nodded and we started our "night cycle". All of us enjoyed cycling, skating, skiing, doing sports and we spent our free time actively.
We liked taking risks and that's what this "night cycle" was about. Slipping away from home late at night and cycling in the dark empty streets of our town-wasn't it a great idea? It seemed to me then that nothing can be better. If only I knew how wrong I was...
We were cycling in the park for two hours until we decided to make it more interesting by cycling on the road. The road was desert so it wasn't dangerous, but it was more interesting to cycle there.
"Hey, look what I can do!"Matt shouted, while showing us his latest trick.
"Nothing special!"James shouted back."I can do that, too!"
"No, you can't!"Charlie said rather contemptuosly.
"I can! Want me to show you?"James was getting angry.
"Calm down."I laughed."We believe you."
"I'll prove to you!"He drove to the pavement to get ready. "No need to. We know you can, James." He shook his head. That meant that he has already decided. James was one of that persons who are really stubborn and don't follow people's advices. And I knew (actually all of us knew) that James isn't good in doing tricks and I really didn't want him to get hurt. After all, he was one of my best friends. But I knew him too well-he was not going to stop now. All I could do is look at Charlie, maybe if he said that he believes that James can do that trick, James would calm down and wouldn't do it. But Charlie turned away from me and started watching James.
"Matt?"I looked at him. He was James's best friend, he should know how to stop him!
Matt shook his shoulders.
He didn't look worried, he was sure James was going to handle that trick. But I was worried! I WAS WORRIED! Somehow I felt that this won't be good. I tried to calm myself down by telling myself that nothing bad can happen, that road is desert, so it's not dangerous at all, but it didn't work.
"Ok, I'm ready!"James shouted from other side of the road."Don't miss it!"
I watched him cycle to the middle of the road and then I saw the lights. The lights of the car. Of the car, which went on road. The road, where James was going to do his trick. Lights became more bright, I heard a girl's and a boy's voice screaming, screeching of brakes, and I felt pain. That's all I can remember.
I woke up in the hospital and the sun was already shining outside. Charlie and Matt were sitting on the bead near me.
"Finally."Matt sighed."How do you feel?"
"Fine. And what d'you mean 'finally'? How long am I here?"
"Almost two days."Charlie answered.
I looked at them attentively and noticed that Matt's eyes were a little bit red, like he was crying. But Matt never cries, except maybe...
"What's happened? And...where's James?"I asked and my voice trembled.
They exchanged glances and I was sure then that something was wrong. Something was wrong with James.
"mmm...Do you remember what happened that night?"Charlie said instead of the answer to my questions.
"Yes, we were cycling and Matt showed us that trick and James wanted to do it, too and he was getting ready and then...the car."
Charlie nodded.
"Right.And after that?You don't remember? When the car was near you ran out on the road to protect James, but you were late. Car crashed into James's bicycle."
"Was James on the bicycle that moment?"I asked quietly.
"No."Matt answered and I sighed with relief."But then... the car..."he looked at Charlie."...the car blew up."
"Blew up?Why?"
"I don't know. Maybe because of that crush."
"God, it's only a bicycle!"
He nodded and looked at me with his deep eyes. I never saw those eyes that sad before.
"So where's James?"
"He was just near that car, when it blew up and... there was nothing what could be done. The driver is dead and so..."
I understood. He didn't have to say anything else. I looked at Matt, he turned away, I looked at Charlie and he turned away also. He turned away like he did that night when he could've stopped James. When he could've SAVED James. But he didn't, he thought that turning away would be easier, how I hate him!
I took my pillow and threw it at him, shouting "I hate you! I hate you!"
Matt grabbed my hand .
"It's not his fault."
I had to spent two more days in the hospital, because, as I found out, I had seriously damaged my arm that night, but I didn't care. I had nothing to do, I had nowhere to go. I didn't want to go home, because everything there reminded me of James. But when those two days passed, I had to go home whether I wanted it or not. The first thing I saw when I opened my room's door, was the photo of me with James on my shelf. I took it, sat down on my bed and looked at his innocent face.
"How could you do that to me, James?"I whispered in the emptiness, which surrounded me."Why? I need you here with me. I can't live without you in my life. I need you. I NEED YOU HERE!"I threw the photo on the floor and the frame broke. Tears were running down my cheeks and my heart was being tortured by pain."I NEED YOU, JAMES!"I shouted, but he couldn't hear me.

I didn't attend James's funeral, I wouldn't be able to see it. Although there was nothing to see- James's body and face were all burnt. After all, that car blew up.

I didn't get over it even now when a year had passed. And I don't think I ever will. Everytime I close my eyes, I see his smiling face. But I know that when I'll open them he won't be there. And that's the craziest thing. Everyone who had lost someone close to them, will understand me. That someone knows the feeling of despair. In the moments like this I wanna follow James. Everytime when I open my eyes and don't see him.