Westlife star Bryan McFadden has revealed all about his sex shame with a lapdancer. And he says he was put on 24-hour suicide watch after wife Kerry confronted him. Dad-of-two Bryan, 23, faces a bitter court battle with Amy Barker over her sex-and-drug allegations. He told The Sun: “A 30-second moment of madness will cost me a lifetime’s punishment.” Mum-of-two Barker, 29, claims the heart-throb singer, “fuelled with cocaine”, had sex with her on his stag night two years ago. But Bryan says: “It’s time the truth was told. I admit this woman did perform a brief oral sex act on me.
“But, there was no reluctance on her part whatsoever. And I can categorically state that I never had intercourse with her and have never taken cocaine. “I am totally anti-drugs. I’ve had friends who committed suicide after they became addicts. “I’m not proud of the truth — it is shameful enough. But what this woman is saying is obscene. “I’m no longer willing to stand by while she tries to damage me and my family.” Bryan, who wed former Atomic Kitten star Kerry Katona, 22, two years ago, first saw Barker — a Spearmint Rhino lapdancer — during his stag night with 84 mates three months before his marriage. He says: “We’d hired a coach to take us from Dublin to Limerick where we’d planned a meal and karaoke night.
“This woman and her friend turned up at the coach in Dublin. On the bus the two of them began to entertain everyone. “We were all in high spirits — we were drinking beer throughout the whole journey. The girls performed lapdances on nearly all of the lads, wriggling around suggestively. “It was a typical stag do. At one point in the journey everybody chucked £20 in a hat and the two women performed a lesbian sex act, kissing and groping each other. “When the coach reached Limerick, the girls went their own way and we all went off to a restaurant and, later, to a karaoke bar and a pub. “We were all quite drunk. When I got to my hotel with my friend Mark, we were told the two women were upstairs in a bedroom continuing to perform lapdances for the party. “We went up to the room. We each sat on a bed while the two women performed in front of us. Mark’s lapdance finished first and he and one girl left.
“The room was dark, you could barely see in front of you. “I was sitting on the bed when the woman undid my flies and began to perform oral sex. “I was disorientated, it was very unexotic and unerotic. It lasted all of 30 seconds before I realised how stupid I was being. “It wasn’t something I’d intended to happen. Afterwards I went back to the bar and sat there, white-faced. “I felt guilty, ashamed, grubby. It had started as a laugh and gone too far. “My only concern was the shame I felt. It never occurred to me that I would later face a demand for money to keep the matter private.” Bryan was called five days later by record company chief Simon Cowell, who told him Barker had approached PR agent Max Clifford, saying she wanted to sell her story. Barker was apparently desperate for money, but was anxious to protect her own identity and that of her family. Max Clifford suggested that instead of selling her story, and to protect her family and Bryan, she could be paid £15,000 in return for entering into a confidentiality contract, preventing her from discussing the matter in public. Bryan agreed to pay this sum and Barker was advised on this matter by a firm of specialist media lawyers.
Bryan says: “My greatest fear was losing Kerry. I’d have done anything for her not to find out. I knew I had made a stupid mistake but that’s all it was. It was a foolish, drunken moment of madness on my stag night. “I could live with the guilt — but I didn’t even want to imagine the hurt Kerry would feel. I was very scared. Kerry was all that mattered to me. I knew I’d done wrong but I felt I’d paid the price. “I wanted to forget it had happened. Every time I looked at Kerry I felt my heart stab at the thought of losing her.” Then a few months later the couple’s world collapsed when Barker went public, alleging she had “reluctantly” had sex with Bryan after he barged into her room uninvited. She also told of the £15,000 deal. Bryan says: “I was on tour in Newcastle. Kerry was working in the Bahamas. “A bunch of fans were there. Some were crying, one was holding up a newspaper. All I saw was the headline. “As I walked back into my hotel room the phone was ringing. It was Kerry. She said, ‘Just tell me, is it true?’ “I just said, ‘Yes’. I hadn’t read the story but I didn’t want to deny that I’d done wrong. I didn’t get a chance to say anything else. Kerry said, ‘I want a divorce,’ then started screaming. The line went dead. “I tried to call back but she wouldn’t take my calls. I sat on the bed for an hour in shock. “Then I started crying. I wanted to die. I didn’t want to live without Kerry.
“My room was full of people. I couldn’t see their faces. All I could see was I’d lost Kerry. “I was raging. I knew I had to go on stage. I didn’t think I could. “I remember singing Angel — it was too much. I was standing in front of 10,000 people, crying and none of it meant anything. “I didn’t want to live. Suicide seemed a reasonable option. I didn’t know how to go on. “I wasn’t left alone — couldn’t be trusted to be alone — for the next 48 hours. I was mad with grief, lashing out like a wounded animal. I remember waking and my face was being slapped. My manager, Louis Walsh, was shouting, ‘You stupid boy, what have you done?’ “And I didn’t care about anything, didn’t want to wake up and know I’d lost my Kerry.” The couple had a fraught reunion two days later after Kerry took the first flight out of the Bahamas.
Bryan says: “Kerry walked into my room. I said, ‘Hit me, do what you like, just don’t leave me.’ “She wasn’t wearing her wedding ring, she wouldn’t let me touch her. She insisted I told her everything, in detail. “It went on for eight hours, over and again. I could see her hurt, it was so raw. “I told her I was going to quit the band, that I couldn’t go on if she left me. I’d have done anything to keep her.” Devastated Kerry — who was taken into care and fostered eight times as a child — veered between rage and heartbreak as she tried to come to terms with Bryan’s betrayal. She says: “The moment I saw Bryan I knew I still loved him — but I wanted him to feel the hurt he had caused me.
“For the first few weeks I didn’t know if I could ever forgive him. I felt someone had torn my heart out. “I couldn’t make love with Bryan — I made him sleep on the floor. I couldn’t let him touch me — I had images in my mind of him and this woman. “I wasn’t eating properly, couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t rip the pain and rage out. It ended in me having a breakdown. “I blamed myself — I kept asking if it was because I’d had our baby, Molly, and put on weight. “I didn’t want him to quit the band — I didn’t want to be blamed for that. “I remember the first time we did make love again. I cried. I told him it was because of what I saw in my head.
“What we have gone through has been brutal. I’m still mad at Bryan but I have forgiven him. We have come through this more in love than ever. “But it hasn’t been easy. When I fell pregnant with Lily, just two months after I’d first discovered the betrayal, I was still unsure. “But Bryan said: ‘Maybe this is our gift, maybe this baby will help us heal.’ And he was right. “The minute Lily was born, everything seemed to come into perspective. I could feel the anger and the hurt pride and the pain melt away. “I’ve always chased a fairytale, imagined having the perfect family to make up for the one I never had. “I suddenly realised life isn’t like that — it isn’t perfect and nor are people. It was like I was falling in love with Bryan again, on a deeper level.”
Taken from The sun
