Never Knew I Was Losing You

I'm feeling so alone now tonight
Even though you're here by my side
Is there something on your mind
From the world you'd left behind

Janneke sighed, as the first reaction for many hours. She tuck herself more into Mark's arms, and he kissed the bottom of her head. As his lips touched her, he let a tear fall. She wasn't there anymore. Who was she thinking of? Who did she pretend he was? He couldn't believe how hard it was to loose someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. She sighed again. Though the fire from the fireplace heated them both up, there was still no heat in the sofa. There had grown an edge in the middle of them. They were growing apart, and Mark hated it so much.

I feel as if the loved shared before
Doesn't wanna be here no more
And if there's something on your mind
There's never been a better time
To tell me

Mark coughed, but got no reaction from Janneke. He coughed again. Another tear fell from his eyes and landed on her hair. He sniffled and took a deep breath,
"Do you love me?" he asked. His voice sounded more tender that it used too. He was surprised that he sounded like someone who cried. But he was. Janneke turned around in one quick move and widened her eyes when she saw him cry. She embraced him,
"Mark..." she whispered, "You're so sweet..."her voice warmed up Mark from the inside, but something wasn't right. He grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him,
"Janneke...do you love me? do you still want me?" He asked directly. he saw her eyes run down his face to land on the floor. He let more tears fall. His heart was being ripped apart. He cried silently as he said more words,
"Do you still love me and need me... As I love and need you?"

Do you love me
Still wanting me
Like I need you

She still didn't answer him. Her tenderness, her warmth, Mark couldn't resist her. He loved her so much, so deeply. He'd never loved anyone as much as he loved her. He bit his lip and let more tears fall. He let go of her shoulders and faced her eyes. He realised that she was shaking her head. His heart broke again. He felt the need to hold her in his arms and make her comfort him. Nothing had warned him, it had just happened.

Oh, there came a crossing on the road
If only there were signs to show me
Which direction I should go
I live my life with no regrets
It hasn't caught up on me yet
But I never knew I was loseing you

Janneke was perfect. Mark looked at her like she was an angel. How could she hurt him like that? He felt embarrassed for crying. Janneke sniffled and Mark saw she was crying too. She bit her lip,
"I-I... I've been wanting to tell you..." she sobbed. Mark pinched his eyes together to understand. He couldn't. He swallowed a bulge and felt his bottom lip shiver.

I wonder as you walk through the door
Are you gonna hurt me some more
Never took you for the kind
Who would play up on my mind

Mark searched through her eyes. For only a few minutes ago, it had all been perfect. Now, everything was ruined. He hated himself. He hated Janneke because he loved her. Her eyes were like two little shiny stars, but full of tears. She was avoiding the look from him.
"I'm not in love with you..." she said, and Mark shivered by the sound of her tone - it sounded like she would say more. Mark didn't need to hear more. But she continued, "I'm in love with someone else." her words broke his heart into a thousand little pieces. Why? How? He didn't understand her at all...

Tell me what are you looking for
I can't play your games anymore
And when there's something on my mind
I will always find the time
To tell you

Though she'd broken his heart, by declaring her love to - somebody else -, he couldn't help his feelings. He loved her. He knew he wouldn't survive without her by his side. He closed his eyes, trying to close the door on reality. He shook his head to himself, as to rewind time. He still wanted her. He needed her so badly. The thought of her kissing someone else - loving someone else - made him feel so bad, that he cried even more. He could see, without looking at her, that she'd never felt more guilty.

Oh there came a crossing on the road
If only there were signs to show me
Which direction I should go
I live my life with no regrets
It hasn't caught up on me yet
Well I never knew I was loseing you
Losing you

"I've loved him for so long. He loves me too" she said this time she cried more than ever. It hurt her to say so. Mark recognised how he felt. He'd been hurt before, many times, but this time it was worse. He'd loved her for so long. He'd finally reached her heart. He'd finally opened up to her. She'd been faking all along. But he didn't want to realise it. He wanted to have her love again.
"Who?" Mark repeated looking up. Her eyes found his,
"Shane." she said. Of all the people in the world, Mark thought, why Shane? He whoop shocked and looked at her with huge eyes,
"Shane." he repeated. He didn't understand a word of hers. He just wanted her to disappear. He suddenly felt a hate for Shane, his best friend, how could he do it?

It's not for the first time
That someone else has hurt me
By faking it too long
Where did we go wrong
Yeah

He realised that he still loved her. He loved her for telling him. He loved her for being her. He loved her for once having loved him. He just loved her. Nothing she could do was wrong. She was an angel, remember, he said to himself. He found himself faking a smile. He found himself realising that he wasn't faking the smile. He realised that he wanted the best for Janneke, though it would break his heart. He kept his smile placed on his face, and he saw how Janneke looked at him. She didn't understand. That beautiful non-understanding look on her face was only loveable.
"I'm glad for you." Mark said, and didn't cry anymore. His tears were drying on his cheeks. Janneke still didn't understand but she smiled and thanked.
"I wish you the best of luck. But remember... No one can ever love you the way I have loved you, Jan... If Shane doesn't treat you well, I'm gonna come and kick his bony little ass!" Mark laughed. Janneke laughed nervously but tried to gather herself to embrace Mark. They met in a hug. Mark loved her so much. She was his. His little Janneke. His angelic Janneke.

There came a crossing on the road
If only there were signs to show me
Which direction I should go
I live my life with no regrets
It hasn't caught up on me yet
Well I never knew I was loseing you