Cherish What They Had
By Istannor
Series: TOS Part: 1/6 Rating: [PG13] Codes: Het sex, cursing, and general writing run rampant Summary: This story is set on the Enterprise 1701, and DS9. Somehow, I had to make Jadzia and Kirk do a little more than talk. Think 'Trials and Tribulations.'
Disclaimer: These are the characters of Paramount and Viacom, they own them, I only check 'em out from the library. I promise to bring 'em back. I ran without a Beta, so if I blew the race, blame me.
Feedback to Istannor@Aol.com
CHERISH WHAT THEY HAD
Ezri Dax stood at the door lock and tried to relax. Her feelings about meeting this man again seemed confused, raw. In truth, she had never met him as Ezri, but Jadzia had met him. The feel of hot fingertips holding her forearm in a vice like grip made her glance down and search briefly, illogically, for a handprint. Spock had never touched her. She would have remembered him doing so.
The lock opened.
She felt her stomach knot and her bowels grumble.
There he was and all the air in her body was not enough. She fought down her memories, squelching them with practice born of repeated need. She was not Jadzia Dax. She had never met him. She had never felt his lips graze the back of her neck, or the skimming intimacy of his mind whispering across her awareness, darting in and out of her secret rooms. That had been a fantasy of hers back on the original Enterprise 1701, back when Jadzia Dax and Benjamin had traveled in time.
"Mr. Spock. "
Dark, clothed in black flowing robes that rippled, stirred by the mild currents of Deep Space 9's reconstituted, rehumidified, recirculated air. Flashes of light, brilliant colors sparkled at her from the folds of cloth. How like him: brilliance, electricity, colors, hidden in mystery. She waited for him to realize, to acknowledge she was not whom he had come to see.
"Jadzia has died?"
"Yes. " This question she knew and could handle with ease.
"You contain Dax. " It was a statement.
"... and Jadzia's memories. "
He blinked and remained silent as he absorbed it all. "I grieve with thee, Dax. I welcome thee ...?"
"Ezri Dax." She completed his sentence.
"Forgive me. I have been distracted and derelict in my research. I should have been aware of the change in the Host." He nodded. "Perhaps we should continue this conversation somewhere private. "
She turned silently and led him to her quarters. Somehow, it seemed the only right place to go. She showed him in, bade him to take a seat, and found herself having to clamp down on a question. It was not how she wanted to begin their conversation. She sat across from him and tried not to stare.
She knew he had come for Jadzia, not for her, but at least he had accepted the change in Dax. It was more than she ever expected, but not what she wanted, at least from him. She realized she was staring, standing stupidly while Spock waited for her brain to reconnect. "You asked to see me, Mr. Spock. Is there something I can do for you?"
He approached. A whisper of cloth, the slightest sound of his footfall, was all she heard. Now, he stared into her eyes and searched for something.
"I'm in here, Spock. " Ezri heard her own voice speak Jadzia's words. "I missed you and I miss Jim. I grieve with thee. " It was unusual for another to speak from her memories, but not unheard of. Ezri had learned to take it in stride.
The darkest brown eyes she had ever seen, shuttered against the light. When they reopened, she swore she saw stars floating in their core for the briefest of moments.
"Do not grieve," he reassured her. "He lives. "
She knew Kirk was dead. Ezri recalled the news they had already heard from the Enterprise. James T. Kirk, resurrected by Picard to save his former ship, had triumphed only to die on a pile of rocks. "They buried him. He's dead, Spock. "
Spock's eyes flashed and she swore a smile hinted at his lips. It made her angry. "Why is this amusing to you?"
"That phrase brought Leonard McCoy to mind. Thinking of him gives me satisfaction. He was a true friend. I miss him. "
That in her which was Jadzia Dax knew this simple admission was the culmination of a lifetime of struggle. Even she, Ezri, appreciated the journey he had taken to be able to say those words. Still, why was he here? Jadzia and he had not been intimate, not even the Vulcan equivalent of a one-night stand. Jadzia, posing as a crewman, had seen Spock on 1701. That was all and he had not even known she was there.
"Why do you think he lives? Picard seemed sure and the Federation verified the corpse as his remains."
"Picard is," he visibly searched for the word, "deluded by his guilt. It is something I know. All things are possible in the Nexus. Someone, whose observations are reliable, has corroborated my conviction. Picard received what he wished for and required for him to succeed: a James Kirk to follow him on an ill-planned mission to save the Enterprise. The genetic imprint of the corpse was exact, but I am sure that was not Jim."
She tried to see if he was insane. He didn't appear to be, but who could tell in Vulcans?
Spock had intrigued Jadzia, almost to the point of hero worship. Ezri smiled as she sensed the excitement again, the lust filled attraction Jadzia had felt when she had actually seen Spock on his own Enterprise. They had been so cocksure of themselves. Jadzia, Benjamin, Julian Bashir and Chief O'Brien had enjoyed getting dressed up in the period uniforms and rushing to the rescue of the hapless Captain Kirk. Benjamin had been like a schoolboy about to meet a rock star. True, they had gone back to save their time line using the Orb and the Defiant. True, they were chasing a Klingon saboteur, Arne Darvin. But ... great ghost, they had been on the real Enterprise. She laughed. People still called Kirk's Enterprise 'the real one'. Damn, she had drifted again.
She came back to gentle and patient Vulcan eyes. "You didn't answer my question," she continued.
"I require your assistance."
She looked at him blankly. He was inarguably one of the most powerful men in the Federation. She could not imagine how she could help him. "Do you require my assistance, or Jadzia's?"
"Actually, Jadzia's. If you are unable to access her skills or memories, then I have come in vain. "
"It takes effort, but I am able to access all of her skills and memories. You still have not told me why you are here. " Her mouth dropped open at the next sentence.
"I am ready to go get Jim. "
Click.
Dax, and Jadzia, screamed inside of Ezri. Shock, surprise, elation, then pure joy ran through her. A lock was opened by those words and the floodwaters rushed over her. She felt herself drowning in sights, sounds, feelings, somehow hidden all these months by a gentle Vulcan touch. He had blocked her memories. He had done the unthinkable and Jadzia and Dax had allowed it. Bittersweet tears flooded her face as she remembered what had been forgotten.
Spock turned his head to the side and reached over to gently wipe her tears.
She sat down on the couch with a thud. "I remember."
"Yes, as planned 80 years ago. Do not grieve. He lives."
"Stop saying that. They buried him, dammit. Picard's stupid plan killed him."
Wordlessly, Spock was sitting beside her folding her into long, strong arms. He enveloped her and held her while all that was Dax and all that was Jadzia grieved.
The Orb. Damn the Orb. Or should she bless the Orb? It had taken them back to Enterprise 1701. It had allowed them to foil the Klingon's plans and it had transported them home. But ... not together and not without company. Captain James T. Kirk and Commander Spock had come along for the ride -- part way -- to the time between time. They went to the place between places where the Prophets dwelled. How long she had been there, Jadzia could not say. What meaning did time have there? Sisko was sometimes around and sometimes he was gone, forgotten by them all. Probably off learning and conferring with the Prophets. He was the Intendent, after all. But she ... Jadzia ... had been there. Inside the Orb, Spock had speculated. They had been trapped together, forever or for a second. Who knew? She found herself laughing between her tears.
Ezri was there, the Enterprise, 1701. Jadzia's memories flooded her mind and swept her away.
Jadzia and Benjamin marched down the halls of the Enterprise one last time, in triumph, while they waited for Chief O'Brien to transport them back to the Defiant. Once they got there, the Orb would take them back to their time and one more tough job would be over. Success felt good. The Klingon had been caught. The ruined grained had been discovered. The tribbles had fallen on Kirk's head. The tribble with the bomb inside it had exploded harmlessly in space. All was exactly back on track. Ben smiled. It was giant and infectious. "Good job, Old man."
Her mouth opened to reply. Strong arms clamped on her from behind and threw her through a door onto the floor. Ben landed in a heap beside her. He moved to leap up and the coldest voice she had ever heard stopped him.
Simply, "Don't." It was enough. "Lights." They stared at six redshirted security men, Captain James T. Kirk and Commander Spock. Phasers were trained on them and not a single one wavered. She was suddenly not feeling triumphant. "Who are you?" Kirk's voice made Dax flood her with warning, "Be very careful. " She knew he would kill her. It was a certainty. Sisko turned and looked at her then shrugged silently.
"Sir, we're members of your crew. We, I'm ..."
"Cut the bullshit. I know the faces of every single member of my crew. I handpicked them all. And ..." his voice filled with scorn, "if my paltry human memory fails me, I can rely on Mr. Spock's. Do you remember these 'crew members', Mr. Spock?"
"They are not members of our crew, Captain. They are not members of Starfleet. Their tissue scans, retinal scans, and voiceprints are no where in the Starfleet databanks. " Spock looked at them like they were interesting insects. Her hero was going to let her be killed.
"I have the authority to space intruders, stowaways, or spies. You qualify as all three. Any last words?" It was like Kirk was talking about laundry.
"Great Bird of the galaxy," she whispered and hoped this was an act. She wasn't sure.
Sisko cleared his throat and the attention focused on him. "Captain Kirk, I am Captain Benjamin Sisko of Starfleet. I invoke Starfleet regulation 1001BTTR alpha-infinity. " The room became absolutely still. Sisko had, in essence, revealed that they were time travelers from Kirk's future, members of Starfleet, and told him any questions would be a violation of regulations against contaminating his own Timeline.
Kirk stared at them and then turned to Spock. Jadzia and Sisko could almost feel a background hum.
Kirk turned to his security chief. "Giotto, you may go. "
Jadzia gave Kirk's security chief credit. Giotto obviously hated the order, but he followed it immediately and took his troops with him.
She and Benjamin should have known better. She heard the lament rise up in her head. How could they have been so foolish to think these men, of all possible command crews, wouldn't have smelled them out?
Sisko sighed. "May we get up off of the floor?"
Kirk nodded and stood back. "Talk. We're alone now and you better make me believe you. " Kirk backed up more and sat on the edge of the desk.
Kirk waited. Jadzia could feel him, could feel them. They vibrated with an energy: tense, brilliant, curious, impatient, patient, and most importantly, powerful. It was palpable. Ben sent her a silent plea for support and turned back to face them.
"We came back to keep your time line from being destroyed. Someone had planned to kill you. " She could see Spock tense. Kirk simply looked attentive. "They wanted to keep you from discovering the plot with the grain. They had to be stopped because if you had died today, I can't even begin to tell you what the future ramifications would have been. I can't and I won't. You know the routine. "
Sisko brushed off his pants and straightened his shirt. Dax could see him shrug and make a decision to tell them a little more. "We're from the year over 50 years in the future," he tossed them a carrot. "The same man you just discovered on space station K-7 to be a Klingon spy was on his way back to kill you. We had to stop him. "
Spock interrupted him. "Where are the other two members of your crew?"
Sisko laughed. "Incredible, you know about them, too?"
"Yes. We have been tracking their movements since the altercation on K-7." Spock's voice made Dax wonder why they thought they could have ever fooled them.
"I wish I could tell you where they are, but you both know I can't." Sisko smiled. "You're the ones who started all the regulations about time travel. You, if anyone does, know what the restrictions are. I can't reveal any more information. Sorry."
Kirk looked at Spock who nodded and went over to the com. "Computer, record this for delivery on 4523.7 plus 50 standard years. Commander Spock recording, to be delivered to Starfleet, CIC, authorized by Captain James T. Kirk, Commanding the Starship Enterprise 1701, Commander Spock concurring."
Sisko moved to protest and a phaser appeared in Kirk's hand, pointed at the center of Sisko's chest. The weapon was rock steady.
"Stardate 4523.9
We have in our custody two individuals claiming to be from Starfleet. They have given the Starfleet code for Timeline Protection. I am attaching their retinal, DNA and voiceprint scans." Spock quickly pressed a button. "If these are not Starfleet personnel and if there is any deviation from this timeline as attached," Spock pressed another button, "please detain, question, and take any appropriate measures to rectify the results of their actions."
"Why in hade's name did you do that?" Benjamin roared.
Kirk smiled and it was not a nice smile. "Mysteries give me a belly ache. That call gave me some relief. If you're legit, Starfleet won't stop you. If you aren't, you're toast."
She had to like the logic in it, but how did Spock know to do it without Kirk saying anything? Dax stirred within Jadzia and she felt memories of other times other races teasing at her. The answer was obvious. They heard each other somehow, without need for speech. That was not in their files, only speculations about what they could do with each other, never confirmed. Jadzia wondered what else she would discover in the next few minutes to hours. Surely, O'Brien would find them and beam them both back before long. The Enterprise couldn't track them after they used the Orb. Even if the Defiant couldn't out fly the Starship, it could leave them behind in the timestream of the Orb. She mentally crossed her fingers and wished for Julian and O'Brien to move faster. These guys were lots more dangerous than she, or Benjamin, had given them credit for, and they had given them a lot of credit.
Now, Kirk smiled. "Thank-you is the appropriate response. " She liked his smile. She really liked his gorgeous hazel eyes. The way his hair felt over his forehead; his voice; his tight rock hard muscles, she liked the whole package. Jadzia wanted to groan. She fought the changes in her spots that happened whenever she was embarrassed, or aroused. When she turned and thought she saw Spock staring at her with a look of sympathy ... and empathy. She shook it off and paid attention. They still were in the room with giants of history. Lust was not an appropriate response.
Spock was gorgeous.
Kirk was absolutely yummy.
Spock, she wanted to marry.
Kirk, she wanted to screw ... repeatedly.
Shit.
Spock's voice made her lips tingle. "I, also thank-you for your intervention. My Captain's death would have been most undesirable."
Kirk laughed. Jadzia was totally hooked.
"Well, I guess that means we won't kill you. "
Benjamin began to chuckle. "I appreciate that and we apologize for underestimating either of you. "
"Apologies accepted. " Kirk bowed his head briefly and put the phaser away.
It was just like that. Have you ever felt a fresh spring breeze come off a cool lake in the morning? Kirk's forgiveness was like that. It was absolute, started immediately and cleansed the air like my breeze. It felt really good. Damn, she wanted him. Oh, let's be honest. She wanted them both and if possible, both at the same time.]
Ezri fought for control of the memories and found it. She was now separate. 'I am Ezri, darn it.' her mind shouted.
'Shut up, look, and listen.' Jadzia responded. Memories flowed over her from Jadzia. She heard Jadzia's voice, now her own voice, felt taller, hair fell to her shoulders, and more muscle rippled under her uniform.
"No, I am Ezri!" Ezri shouted to any who would listen.
"Shh, child," Dax's voice calmed her. "It is for the best. Float and you will return safely. I will not let anything harm you here."
She became Jadzia and Ezri fell silent.
[Benjamin couldn't stand it anymore. He crossed over to Kirk and held out his hand. Spock moved closer to Kirk. Forgiveness was one thing, caution was something else completely different. They shook and both of them chuckled in relief. Kirk held his hand out to me. I was always a little more daring as Jadzia, so I held out one hand to him ... and one to Spock. That's when the Orb decided to play its game with us.
Some of what happened I can't remember. I do remember Spock's voice and his mind melting into mine. I remember Jim's presence. Sometimes, he shone like a throbbing light, too bright for comfort. Touched and touching, parted and never parted. When was that? Who said that? No answer appears in my mind even now.
Oh, I do remember the beings coming to speak to Jim. I remember them talking to me. I can't hear the words, but they left us alone afterwards. Benjamin, we only saw from a distance, always deeply immersed in discussions with the Prophets.
That left a lot of time for us. We talked, for days, for years, who is to say. I can feel the tears flowing. Let them. I learned to care for them both. They were good men.
"Jadzia. " I can hear Jim's voice even now. I loved Jim's voice. We were there a minute, or forever. The Prophets told us the Orb might return us when it decided it wanted to. I never liked those guys.]
"Ezri." Spock called her name softly but she was too lost in Jadzia to answer.
[Kirk and Spock.
Spock and Kirk.
I had wondered, as did most of the known Federation, what they had been to each other. Nothing had ever been confirmed. The only answer their old crew, their old flames, or their old enemies would give was, "Close."
Now, I remember. Now, I know.
Spock, once betrothed and pledged to T'Pring, had adored his Captain as only a Vulcan could. He had loved James Kirk with all of his intellect, all of his senses, and all of his dedication. He had killed his human Captain on the sands of Vulcan and had not forgiven himself.
Kirk, the eternal optimist, loved Spock with all of his fire, all of his quick wit, all of his joy, and all of his courage. Unfortunately for Spock, none of that translated into sex, at least back then.
They were as chaste with each other as two Arcadian monks. You know the ones I'm talking about: cut, cut, snip, snip. Such dedication to religion is rarely played out anywhere else in the Federation and for good reasons. The Arcadian monks ' supreme act of devotion is pretty extreme, but it makes for great choirs. ]
She felt warm arms encircle her and pull her closer. Ezri could not stop crying. Strange, neither Curzon, nor Jadzia had been criers and, of course, Trills had no tear ducts. Ezri didn't think she was a crier, either, but she couldn't stop the racking sobs or the running nose. Spock sat and wiped her face silently with something. Ezri hoped it wasn't his wonderful robe, but was afraid to look.
Without any warning, Jadzia resumed control and Spock's touch was lost in the sensation of Jadzia's memories.
[Let me give you one final gift, Sister. Please stop fighting me.] Jadzia spoke directly to her. Ezri released her last barriers and merged with all that had been Jadzia Dax, and the memories pushed their way in. Ezri was Jadzia, once again.
[I need to explain. We have a symbiote. We vie for years to be selected to have a large worm placed inside of us. A worm with previous lives exists inside others. A relationship with an alien, in whom we are subsumed, becomes our only goal. So few understand why anyone would want a Trill, to lose ourselves, to merge and become something entirely new. We understand, Dax and so many other Trills/Host pairs understand.
Crafty Vulcans. They've been doing it for centuries, quietly, without telling anyone what T'hy'la or Bondmate really means: love without limits, existence without barriers. There was little difference between what Kirk and Spock lived each day, and what we, as Jadzia lived, or now as Ezri, live. I had a symbiote. You have a symbiote. They each had symbiotes. They had each other. What would you do to help a Trill who was dying for lack of hir host?]
"Ezri. " She, Ezri, finally looked up and Spock was asking her a question.
Ezri knew what he wanted to know.
She told him how Jadzia died, killed by Dukat in the midst of her prayer to the Prophets for allowing her to bear a child for her chosen one, Worf. Ezri Dax felt Spock's grief through his touch. He allowed her that. How much he had grown, she thought, or was that Jadzia's thought? He had not been able to fulfill Jadzia's needs, in the Nexus. Jadzia had felt lost within the landscape of the Prophets. Spock had not known how to comfort her in her fear. All of his skill had been reserved for another, then. Ezri knew Spock would comfort her now, if she asked. But Ezri did not want him to be the one to give her comfort. That was Julian's role.
Jadzia returned.
[At first, we looked for ways out ... ways home. We called for the Prophets, screamed for the Prophets. Then we tried to talk to Benjamin but he couldn't help them. No one answered us, shit. Kirk and Spock finally realized they could find things by strongly visualizing the target. That made it easier to go exploring. We each went off in different directions. I have no idea what they saw, but I met you, Ezri. I met Dax before Dax had a host; I met my predecessors and the ones who will follow me with Dax. It was a humbling experience and terrifying. I don't wish to speak about that part of it.
After a while, I used the visualization technique and found Spock. He was looking over a desert temple setting. I soon came to learn that I was looking at the place where he had killed his Captain. He stood there with bloodstained tears screaming down his face. I watched the drama play out once and when it began to replay, I couldn't stand to see it again.
"Spock, stop this!"
He turned and stared at me like I was a complete stranger. I closed in on him and grabbed his face in my hands. Trill-Host pairs are physically strong. Vulcans are extremely strong. He grabbed me by my upper arms and lifted me into the air. I yelled for him to stop, several times. He did, finally.
"Spock, let me down, please. " I felt myself being lowered to the ground.
"Why did you come? Did you find a means of escape?"
His questions indicated he was back to normal and I sighed in relief. The last damn thing I wanted was to be choked by him. "No," I wanted honesty with this man. "I came to find you. "
"For what purpose?"
I leaned forward and tried to kiss him. He turned his face away. "No. "
"Spock, this place, this now, is all we may ever know. We can share something special. " I reach for it and tried to kiss him again. I was surprised when he allowed it. His lips were thin, and so soft. I felt his fingers brush my temples. He asked for permission to enter my mind and I gave it. He entered with a rush, relief, quiet joy at sharing, power, and brilliance filled me. I burned. His hands touched my body; his mind engulfed my thoughts. I swam toward him and wanted more, lusted for more, tried to push him down, unclothe him, and take him further and further towards the edge . . .and over. I burned with a lust I had never felt before in my life.
He held my hands together and stopped me. Then, he showed me what he felt; what he wanted. It was not what I was after. He did not desire me. He gently pushed me away, physically and mentally and I opened my eyes. I was held against his chest.
I was mad. Screw him. He jerked away like I had burned him.
"Jadzia, allow me to explain further. "
"Don't bother. You don't want me and I won't beg."
I pulled away and turned to stalk off dramatically. My arm was held fast. "No. " I turned around and something in his face made me want to listen.
"You are beautiful, brilliant, and extremely alluring. I am not immune to your charms. " He waited for that to register. I felt ... vindicated. "However, I am fearful that if I give you what you wish in this place of the Prophets, I will be permanently drawn to you. I am unbonded, Jadzia, and I have no barriers here. I sense ... everything. "
I could not imagine what he had been experiencing, but I was smart enough to know he was telling me he was almost defenseless, at least telepathically. I wondered if his lack of shields meant emotional vulnerability as well. Damn, there's nothing worse than having the man of your dreams at your mercy and being plagued with an over- developed super-ego. Double damn.
"I do not wish to become bonded to you, " he continued. "Would you return across the years to be at my side for my time?"
I shook my head, but he already knew the answer. It was not meant to be. I kissed him gently on his cheek and walked away. I felt his eyes bore into my back, but I would not turn around to look back. Double fricking hot damity damn.
I turned to Jim.
Jim sat alone and looked at something only he could see. He glowed in the land of the Prophets. We never discussed it, but neither Spock, nor I, glowed. Ben did too, brightly, sometimes so much it was painful. I still wonder why they glowed.
I sat beside him. When he finally looked up, I smiled at him and he returned it. He was a beautiful man, not handsome, beautiful. Handsome was for retired men who still worked out, or well-preserved women in exquisitely tailored clothing. I reached over and touched his lips. Being almost 300 standard years old makes you cut to the chase pretty quickly. He reached up, grabbed my fingers, and kissed them gently. "Spock said no, huh?" His smile was gentle and without any accusation.
I should've known he had noted my attraction to Spock.]
Suddenly, Ezri was back on Deep Space 9 looking at an older and wiser Vulcan. "You could've made love to Jadzia without bonding her. You told me no, then. Why did you lie? I know you found Jadzia attractive. Why did you send her away?"
Spock stroked Ezri's cheek. His touch was the softest feather "I could not give Jadzia what she desired at that point in my development. I did not know how. " He turned to look away. "I believe you would say I was fixated on one thing and one thing only. I had no room for distractions."
"Do you know how to give, now?"
He smiled with his eyes and his answer made her chest constrict. "I know more than I can contain, but knowledge without purpose is fire without heat. "
Ezri knew she was not his purpose. Jadzia never had been and Ezri never would be. Memories flowed and took Ezri back into the torrent.
["How did you know?" I asked while I stroked Jim's chest. It was hard muscle, energy wound tight, smooth hairless skin stretched over a small star. "I can tell when it's me someone wants, or its Spock. "
"He is ..."
"Special," he finished for me.
"Yes. " My hands were under his shirt, roaming over the rippling surfaced. I found his nipple and his eyes closed. He had long lashes, almost too long for a man. "Does that offend you?" I leaned forward and kissed his lashes.
"Spock is very desirable. You'd have to be blind not to see it. " He reached up and ran his fingers slowly through my hair and let his hand rest on my neck. I felt the lightest kiss on my lips, a tease, a taste. I can still smell him even now. He was male, all male with a hint of wood smoke.
I remembered needing to explain to him what I wanted from him was different then what I wanted from Spock, rawer and less coherent. I tried to say it and a hand pressed against my lips.
"Don't say it. No explanations, no excuses, just take what you need and I'll do the same. " His voice was soft and pulled me in like a maelstrom. I think I answered him, but I'm not sure. I pulled his shirt off and pushed him back. I covered him with my body and I began to drown.
Kisses, endless kisses, lips everywhere on my body, engulfing me. Hard body. Soft skin. His hand on my back pulled me closer and I couldn't stop rubbing against him. It had already become an addiction. His hands knew all the right places, his lips the perfect speed. I was afraid, trapped with the Prophets, and in danger of destroying my own Timeline, but I was so alive. He had the gift of life. My skin was alive. My lips were on fire. I burned inside.
When I finally felt him fill me, I know I screamed. How long does a scream, a kiss, an orgasm, or a tear last in a place where there is no time? The part of Dax that was Curzon wanted to be comforted and loved, the part that was Jadzia wanted to be fucked, hard. I got both.
Don't let anyone tell you Kirk was over-rated.
He moved and I held on to him with all 297 years of my lives. I felt all the times I had loved and been loved. Every single life focused down into that moment. Sex is the closest humans can approach life with a symbiote. Sex and pregnancy are symbiotic and of the two, I prefer sex. We, Jadzia and Dax, joined with James Tiberius Kirk in the universe of the Prophets. Nothing more basic has ever touched me. I needed him and he needed me and neither of us lied and said we loved the other.
We heard the Prophets whisper in our heads.
Spock was there, and Benjamin.
I saw my own death, Ezri's birth, and Dax's final end. I don't know for certain what they saw, but I may be the only person alive to have seen those three men cry. The Prophets showed me what might be, what would be, and what could never be and it was knowledge that I never wanted.
I awoke wrapped in two sets of arms. James Kirk held me against his chest and Spock wrapped us both in his long arms. I, for one, didn't want to leave. I didn't want to return to reality and die as Jadzia, even if I would live on in Dax. I didn't think I could handle knowing my future. In fact, I knew I couldn't. Being held by a touch telepath, has its advantages and its disadvantages.
"Do you wish to forget what you have learned?" Spock asked. He knew my answer, and Dax's.
"What about you and Jim?" I turned to Jim and Spock answered for him. Jim's eyes were closed and he was in obvious distress.
"He does not wish the knowledge he has been given and neither do I. I will assist him and then return to Vulcan for the services of a healer to allow me to forget."
"Please, let me forget." I felt fingers touch my temples and when I remembered anything again, I was back on the Defiant, strong in the belief that we had left the Enterprise undetected shortly after saving James T. Kirk's life.]
Now, she, Ezri Dax, remembered, not everything, but enough.
"Where are the rest of Jadzia's memories of the time she spent there? I don't remember my death, or anything about the rest of Dax's hosts after me."
"She and Dax requested that I make certain they, and any successive Host, never have access to those particular memories. I granted their request."
"What can I do to help you?" It was one of the easiest questions Ezri had ever asked.
"I required Jadzia's assistance with a multidimensional component I have constructed. " Jadzia had been a brilliant scientist, but Ezri was not. "I wish to use this to contact Jim. It will serve as a locator beam to allow him to identify the correct Universe. Theoretically, it can pierce the Nexus. The research is forbidden by Starfleet, in response to the interference of Soran."
Her answer, of course, was yes. Ezri submerged herself and Jadzia's memories returned. Chief O'Brien and Worf avoided her. Julian hovered and waited for Ezri's return. Benjamin was gone. She wasn't sure what he would have felt about it all, but he was dead. At least, she had thought he was. Now, she wasn't so sure.
Five days and 14 hours later, Spock left Deep Space 9. After the Dominion War, word reached DS9 of the strange happenings on Earth. McCoy's body, in stasis since his death; Uhura's body, also in stasis, had both disappeared. Stolen, some say, as a prank. Others theorized it had been for illegal cloning.
Spock and Montgomery Scott were at a reception with Picard to celebrate the Federation's costly victory over the Dominion. Half the surviving bigwigs of Starfleet were in attendance ... but their story is one everyone had already heard many times, so she did not choose to dwell on it.
Ezri believed, somewhere out there, fire had found heat. Jadzia, Ezri, and Dax --they all missed them. But now, they remembered and cherished what they had.
***The End***
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