======= Ro Sham Bo =======

By Robin Lawrie

There's an ep of TOS where Kirk and Spock are on this planet having a kerfuffle with Kahless (Klingon Hero) and some other guys, so that the resident aliens can "study them". I think these aliens would probably do better watching WWF if they want to study human nature .

Anyway, I drew Kirk and Kahless in this round and so here's what I came up with. And yes, large amounts of scotch were involved, as well as episodes of South Park.

Disclaimer: Star Trek and the characters in this story are the property of Paramount. =======================================

"Ha! What do Humans know about fucking?"

Kahless circled Kirk, appraising Starfleet's finest with a critical eye. His chest swelled and muscles popped audibly, as the Klingon warrior assessed his quarry.

"Klingons are the galaxy's best lovers! We appreciate the whole body, not just a few conveniently damp spots."

"But humans can handle those few damp spots with well practised ease." Kirk grinned and rubbed his groin. Negotiations with this "phantom" Kahless proceeded slowly.

"So you say. Your reputation precedes you, Kirk. You appear to be proficient in the art of fucking. Perhaps you wish to expand your repetoir?"

"By all means, my lord!" Kirk's shirt, already ripped from earlier adventures, showed a well muscled chest beaded with sweat and heaving. Kirk touched the exposed flesh with his fingertips, leaving a glistening trail through the sparse hairs.

"I would appreciate the instruction, if it would indeed improve our chances of leaving this planet."

Kahless glanced around and snorted derisively. "You should be grateful for its own sake. The powers that placed us here have no interest in our petty squabbles, only in the final outcome. Relax Kirk! Warriors like us should not only laugh in the face of adversity! We should fuck and be fucked as an indication of our disdain for those who control our destiny!"

Kirk shrugged. "As you wish. So. You want me naked or what?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" In the bare room, the Klingon's laughter echoed. "Stand still, little man. Stand with your legs apart and well braced. We shall begin with the ancient Klingon ritual of Ro Sham Bo."

"Hmmm, I don't think I know that one." Kirk rested a hand on his chin, but complied with the Klingon's request. Any information he gathered about the Klingons during this mission would surely prove valuable.

"It is easy, small man. We shall test our ability to endure. Those that fail, suffer to be the receptacle for passion's release. Only a true warrior will be able to withstand. Do you feel strong tonight, little man?"

"I am Kirk. Captain of the USS Enterprise. Strong is my default value."

"We shall see. You can go first in the ritual, and you'll see how a true Klingon endures. With your hardest effort, kick me between my legs, in the centre of my warrior-heart. Do not hold back! I shall be offended enough by your puny human effort, so do not withhold your force."

Kahless stood firm, with his stocky, armour clad legs spaced apart and his hands resting easy on his hips, and a cocky grin on his face. Kirk adjusted his ripped shirt, and scratched his nuts. This seemed quite wacky, but who the hell understood Klingon pain rituals? If only Spock were here to make some sense of it. Ah well, one good, hard, swift, boot to the nuts would probably see old Kahless curled around Kirk's boots sucking in O2 and counting his remaining testicles. Kirk grinned.

"Okey doke, oh Mighty Kahless."

Kirk wiped his hands across his taut and well rounded butt cheeks, then gave a final hitch to the positioning of his semi erect cock. He took a couple of steps back and then strode forward to the kick, landing a solid boot toe deep into the tall Klingon's groin. Kahless twitched, nostrils flaring, and a thin sheen of perspiration broke out along his brow. He coughed once.

"Nice. . . " Kahless coughed again, clearing his throat, then proceeded a couple of octaves lower. "Nice try, human. But as you see, I did not falter. Now it is your turn. Prepare!"

"Er. . .um, can we talk about this? Are you sure this counts as fucking?" Kirk winced as he stepped back from Kahless. His foot hurt. He eyed the Klingon's curled boot tips. Ooo, this was gonna hurt unless he could think of something damned fast. Kahless wasn't even rubbing his crotch, but Kirk could see a definite bulge beginning to form underneath the robes. Kirk hoped that was a nasty swelling from his booting efforts. He really hoped it was.

"Are you withdrawing? Do you accept defeat like an honourless rogue? Do you lack the courage to take the pain Klingon warriors have endured for centuries? Will you crawl on the ground to me like a Denubian slime mould? "

"Hey, you leave Denubian slime moulds alone, you, you, you, big dumb ass!"

"Hah! Double dumb ass back on you."

"I know you are, but what am I?" Kirk continued his clever taunts, hoping to distract Kahless, but his words seemed to be arousing him further. Fascinating.

"By the horny gods of Stobokor, Kirk! I did not think you humans understood our mating rituals! But now I see you must have studied under a true Klingon master, for only then would you know that such words stir the blood of all true warriors! Stand now, human, and I will kick your balls into mash. Then your ass will be mine!"

"Oh shit." Kirk murmured. Giving in to the inevitable, Kirk stood firm, his legs parted. He placed his hands on his head, and tried to think of something, anything, except the state of his nuts. "Go for it, Kahless."

"Muhahahahha!" The Klingon stepped back and took a run up at the waiting captain. But in his haste to plant his curled boot tip up to his ankle in Kirk's scrotum, he failed to make sure of his footing. At the last instant while Kirk was closing his eyes and thinking of Spock, Kahless tripped over his own feet and fell heavily backwards onto his armour plated butt. Only the sole of his boot grazed lightly across the tight Starfleet pants containing Kirk's rampant love prong.

"Oh shit" Kahless murmured.

"Well gosh, Kahless. It looks like I win. Roll over matey, and let's see how a Klingon demi god takes it like a MAN!" Kirk unzipped his pants and pulled out his throbbing cock.

"I have honour. I shall submit." Kahless grumbled as he rolled onto his knees, dropping his black leather pants and exposing his hairy Klingon butt. "But can you do me one favour?"

"I guess so." Kirk pressed a hand on each butt cheek and checked out the Klingon's arsehole. Nice.

"Um, do you think you can, you know, say that stuff again?"

"Double dumb ass?"

"Oh yeah baby!"

***************End***************

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