Title: TO FACE REALITY

Author: T'Lin

Series: VOY (TOS)

Pairing: Kirk/Vorik (K/S, S/V)

Rating: NC-17

Feedback: gladly accepted ... send to LinkyS@aol.com

Archiving: Kirk Fuh-Q Fest, ASC/ASCEM, BLTS and my own web page: http://www.oocities.org/tlin_s/

Note: Part of the "Kirk Fuhq Fest", http://oocities.com/kirk_fuh_q_fest/

Summary: Voyager has just recently gotten lost in the Delta Quadrant. Vorik is homesick ... looking back to a year ago, when Spock left him, he decides he must find out what it was about Kirk that made Spock love him so. This is a sequel to "TO REALIZES ONES FANTASIES", part of the Spock Fuh-Q Fest Round II - http://www.kardasi.com/fuh-q-fest-2/ (can also be found on my web page - see the URL above)

Warning: This story contains m/m sex ... if this isn't your thing, or if you're underage, READ NO FURTHER ... this is fair warning!

Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns all things TREK ... I just borrow their wonderful universe, and all the people in it, and let them have a little fun. I promise to put them all away when I am done. No copyright infringement intended, I make no money off of this.

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TO FACE REALITY

• PERSONAL LOG:

I have tried to meditate ... to clear my mind of the hopelessness and depression I am feeling. But I see the situation we are in and can not help myself ... we are lost, so far from home that, baring a miracle, most of our crew members will not live to see their homes again.

I tell myself that the Captain is resourceful ... that we *will* find our way home sooner ... but late at night, when I feel vulnerable and alone, I doubt her abilities.

< there is a pause in the recording, then Vorik continues in a quiet voice >

Late at night ... when I am lonely ... I think back on the life I had. The life I shared with Spock ... and all we could have been if it were not for James T. Kirk. If Spock hadn't left me, when he heard that Kirk was 'alive' in the NEXUS, I would not have taken a starship post ... I would not be stuck in the Delta Quadrant ... I would not be alone.

Today, as I meditated, I came to the realization that I must find out more about Kirk, and what he was to Spock. Try to understand why, after all these years, Spock was still drawn to him ... even from the grave.

Perhaps then I will be able to find the peace I need to go on with my life ... after all, if I am to survive this long journey, I will need to find another mate.

• END LOG

Vorik had booked the Holosuite for the next hour ... and in doing so, also pulled up the historical records of James T. Kirk. He had asked the computer to examine them and extrapolate the data where his relationship with Spock came into play. He was not surprised by the sheer volume of such entries ... after all, they had served together on two 5-year missions, as well as countless other assignments, several life-or-death situations ... and even saved Earth on more than one occasion.

When Spock died, Kirk grieved ... then risked everything to save his katra ... and eventually resurrect his friend. Later, when Kirk died, Spock was devastated. He spent years searching for his friend ... never truly believing he was dead. Eventually, he went on with his life, but at the first word that Kirk was alive ... some 80-years after his *death* on the ENTERPRISE B ... Spock dropped everything to seek out his old lover ... including Vorik. This is what Vorik needed to understand. What was it about Kirk that drove Spock from his bed ... and his life?

"Computer ... use historical documents to re-create James T. Kirk."

"Specify time-frame," intoned the computer.

"Re-create Kirk from Earth date 2264 ... shortly after he assumed command of USS ENTERPRISE." Vorik thought for a minute, then continued, "make him fully interactive. As time passes, have him change and age according to the historical record."

"Program complete ... you may enter."

Vorik entered to find Captain James T. Kirk sitting at a desk, in what had to be his office aboard the original ENTERPRISE. He was young, barely 35 at the time, with wavy, sandy-blond hair, piercing hazel eyes, and the physique of a man who keeps in top condition. Vorik could see why Spock would be attracted to him on a physical level, but he also knew Spock ... there had to be more to it than mere physicality.

As he approached the desk, Kirk looked up, asking, "May I help you ...?"

"Vorik, Sir. I am conducting research into prolonged space journeys, and the effect they have on the interpersonal relationships of crewmembers." He had devised this line of questioning in order to examine all aspects of their relationship, not just the apparent physical one, because it was the *full relationship* that he needed to understand. "I am especially interested in the command staff ... to see how prolonged contact, on a daily basis, influences their life choices."

"Please, have a seat." As Vorik sat, Kirk flashed him one of his famous smiles ... Vorik's heart fluttered in his side. Kirk was well known for his considerable charm, and Vorik was already partially under his spell. "So, tell me, Vorik ... what would you like to know about me and my command staff?" he said with a smile. He chuckled slightly as he went on, "and if I'm not being too presumptuous, may I assume that by *command staff*, you are referring to Commander Spock?"

"To be blunt, yes ... I am curious about your relationship with him. All aspects of it."

"May I ask why?" Kirk was genuinely curious.

Vorik hesitated a moment, but realized that it didn't really matter if Kirk knew his motivation for this inquiry. As a hologram program, Kirk would not be influenced by the knowledge of future events when answering his questions. "Of course you may," he answered, then stopped to compose himself before continuing, "I am from your future. To be more precise, nearly 90 years in your future."

He paused, noting the increased curiosity of his companion. "Until a year ago, I had been Spock's lover ..." At these words, Kirk raised his eyebrow, much like Spock would have done. Vorik could see his scepticism at this revelation, but he did not question. Vorik continued, "we had been together for nearly five years. I believe we would still be together, today, if it were not for you."

The room was quiet for several moments. Finally, Kirk broke the silence, saying, "I'm not sure if I understand you ... by your time, I must surely be long dead ... how can *I* have any influence on your relationship with Spock?"

"That is a fair question ... although one I am not prepared to answer at this time." Vorik said with a hint of a smile. Seeing an answering smile on Kirk's lips, he went on, "Talk to me ... let me get to know you, as he did ... then, I hope both of our questions will be answered."

**********

For the rest of the hour, Kirk told of his exploits during their first 5-year mission, and how his friendship with Spock developed during that time. Apparently, it was about halfway through this mission, when Spock experienced his first Pon Farr, that their friendship developed into something more. Kirk had risked everything to save his friend ... not for the first time ... and certainly not the last ... this was a major turning point in their relationship.

"Actually," Kirk said, only moments later, "that is not entirely true. It was at this time that we *acknowledged* our mutual attraction ... and it was at that time that Spock taught me what it meant to be *t'hy'la* ... but we had been *t'hy'la* long before we ever said it out loud."

As his allotted time in the holodeck came to an end, Vorik instructed the computer to save the program, and continue from this point when he returned. Although he had barely started his investigation into their relationship, he already had a good understanding about it. He could sense from Kirk's words that they had been something unique in this universe .. two people who were truly *soul-mates*.

Vorik had much to think about, as he lay alone in his bed that night.

**********

His flesh burned ... he was on fire. He had thrown off the covers, and stripped out of his damp bed clothes ... the mere touch of the soft fabric on his sensitized skin caused exquisite agony. He was painfully aroused, but nothing he did alleviated his condition. He needed the touch of another ... but there was no one. He was alone, with no hope of quenching the flames that consumed him.

Suddenly, he gasped ... as icy fingers lightly stroked his engorged flesh. His eyes flew open to see the blond head go down, and feel the cool lips enclose his hot shaft. He writhed in pleasure as the cool tongue played around his cockhead, and teased his ridges.

As the tongue expertly teased the cock, a hand gently massaged the ball sack, nearly bringing the young Vulcan to climax. The blond, knowing exactly what it would take to complete his task, applied just a slight bit a pressure to the balls, while he deep-throated the Vulcan.

*************

Vorik awoke, shaken by the intensity of the dream. It had been years since he had had a 'wet dream' ... but never once had they been as exquisite as this one. Of course, it *was* James T. Kirk he dreamed of ... the one man Spock cared for ... more than any other. The man who was legendary for his sexual prowess.

Vorik took a sonic shower, replaced the soiled linens, and went back to bed. He would revisit the holodeck after his duty shift ended, and try to learn more about James T. Kirk ... the man, not the legend. He would concentrate on his time on Earth ... while Spock was on Vulcan, with the Masters at Gol ... and what they had between them that changed their lives forever.

**********

"I really didn't think he would go ... I mean, he had *threatened* many times, but never actually done it. I thought this was more of the same," Kirk said, as he settled back at his desk with a fresh cup of coffee.

Vorik and Kirk had moved on. They were now in Kirk's office at Starfleet Headquarters talking about Kirk's promotion to Admiral, and Spock's resignation from Starfleet. Vorik encouraged him to continue, "do you know what prompted him to leave this time, when he had not done so before?"

"Oh, yeah ... it was me. I postponed our Bonding Ceremony once again," he said, then after a brief pause continued, "well, it was that, among other things." Kirk looked decidedly embarrassed, but went on, "accepting promotion to Admiral was another factor. Both he and McCoy resigned from Starfleet over it ... partly because of the arguments we had, and partly because of the arguments with the top brass."

Kirk sipped his coffee, then continued, "of course, I was pissed at Spock for leaving me ... when he told me that he had accepted a teaching position at the Vulcan Science Academy, I was hurt. After all, Starfleet Academy had given him a similar offer, and if he had accepted that, instead, we could have stayed together."

Kirk fell silent, bitterness and anger painting his features as he sipped his coffee, and contemplated his life. Vorik could see the hurt there ... and for the first time truly understood how Kirk felt. There was one thing that puzzled him, however, so he asked, "if you don't mind my asking ... how did Spock end up at Gol, if he left Earth for the VSA?"

"Again, that was my doing," Kirk said, as he composed himself, and continued. "As I said, I had been hurt by his choice to leave Earth. To ease my pain, I 'reverted to type', so to speak." Once again, he hesitated before going on, as if he were embarrassed. "I started dating again ... I became quite the 'ladies man' ... virtually sleeping with anyone who would have me. This went on for quite some time, until one day, Nogura set me up with Lori Chiani ... we became quite an item ... and before I knew it, we had gotten married." Kirk fell silent, obviously lost in thought.

To break the silence, Vorik asked, "can I assume that Spock did not take the news well?"

"No, he didn't." Kirk thought for a moment, then added, "well, actually, he seemed to take it just fine, *outwardly* ... he called, offered his congratulations, and wished me all the best." Kirk paused, a sadness came over him as he continued, "then he proceeded to tell me that he would never see me again. That he was going to the mountains of Gol, where he would spend the rest of his life in the study of Kohlinar." There were tears in his eyes as he continued, "until that moment, I had no idea just how much I loved him ... or how empty my life was without him." He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, "oh, I put on a brave face ... wished him happiness and all that, but inwardly, I was devastated. My life after that was ... I don't know ... it was like I was sleepwalking ... going through the motions of living and working ... but not really participating."

Vorik was fascinated ... there was such a depth of character to this man who, for all intents and purposes, had been portrayed 'larger-than-life' by historians for his deeds ... but for all of his heroism, that portrayal was sadly 'two-dimensional'.

As Vorik watched the man before him, he noticed a change come over him. The vibrancy and vitality that he had admired so was gone ... Kirk looked tired, worn out ... suddenly appearing years older, as Vorik watched.

Abruptly, Kirk shook himself, and continued with his tale. Time passed ... Lori Chiani left him ... he was unhappy in his work, and his life ... but then everything changed. Vorik noticed the life returning to his eyes as he told of Earth being in danger, and how the two loves of his life had come back to him ... the ENTERPRISE ... and Spock! Kirk was suddenly rejuvenated once more ... he had a purpose in life ... a reason for living.

Kirk and Spock were bonded shortly after the V'Ger incident, and had several happy years together. Their happiness, however, came to an unexpected end when Spock sacrificed himself to save the ship. Kirk was devastated by his death ... and could not share his pain with anyone, for they did not know of their bonding. That is, no one except for McCoy ... but at the time, he was in no condition to help ease his suffering.

As Kirk sat there, reliving Spock's sacrifice, Vorik was moved by the emotional display. Reaching out to the grieving man, he could not help but be attracted to him. Whether it was his vulnerability, or the quiet dignity he displayed, Vorik did not know ... all he knew was that he was drawn to this man.

At that moment, he knew why Spock had been drawn to Kirk, even beyond the grave. Taking the older man into his arms, he rocked him gently, whispering soothing words as Kirk cried softly for his lost love. "There is no need to weep," he said. "Tell me of your reunion ... you deserve happiness."

Kirk slowly regained his composure, then went on with the tale. He told of Sarak's plea to find his son's lost Katra, McCoy's madness, and the mixed feelings he had over their search and rescue mission ... for although they had found Spock, quite alive, Kirk's own son, David, had been killed by the Klingon's ... and they had lost the ENTERPRISE.

Of course, there were also mixed emotions over his reunion with Spock after the 're-fusion' ... Spock had no memory of their life together as anything other than Captain and First Officer. He had vowed to himself to 'make' Spock remember. And as he told Vorik of the euphoria he felt when Spock's memory of their life together returned, Vorik once again saw the spark in his eyes that was his lust for life.

Vorik knew that there was much more to their life together, but he had all the answers he needed. He could see exactly what it was that Spock saw in this man that made them such a perfect couple. They were 'soul-mates' ... where one was light, the other was dark ... the perfect combination of logic and intuition. Neither one was whole without the other. Seeing this first hand made Spock's leaving less painful. Their time together had been a mere 'fling' in comparison. He told Kirk as much ... and that answered his question of how, years after his death, he could possibly have an influence on Spock's life.

***********

As Vorik thanked him for sharing his story, Kirk asked, "isn't there something else you'd like?"

Vorik was puzzled. He thought for a moment, then said, "I do not require anything else ... you have answered my questions admirably."

"Maybe the spoken ones.," Kirk said, as he came over to Vorik. Taking him by the hands, he pulled him to his feet and embraced him. Tenderly, he ran his hands up over Vorik's arms to his shoulders, as he pulled the young Vulcan into a gentle kiss.

He kept the kiss light and tender ... he didn't want to rush or force anything. Suddenly, Vorik opened Kirk's mouth with his tongue ... exploring the cool opening as he pressed their bodies closely together.

He was on fire ... and as his erection pressed against Kirk's hard flesh, he knew what they both needed.

"Come," Kirk said, as he took Vorik by the hand once more and led him into the bedroom. They quickly undressed and lay down on the large bed. "Let me show you how I made him feel," he went on, as he explored Vorik's body with his hands and mouth.

Vorik was lost in the sensations he was feeling. He suddenly knew where Spock had learned some of his lovemaking techniques ... and was hard pressed to keep himself from losing all control.

As Kirk used his hands and tongue to explore his body, Vorik did the same. He had never been with a human before and was fascinated by the coolness of the skin. This was not the Kirk of his dream the night before, but he was still in remarkable shape ... and far more experienced than Vorik's imagination could ever dream up.

The tension was building in his groin. By this time, they had explored every inch of each other, with the exception of each others erections. It was time ... Kirk's hard shaft was in Vorik's face, and vice-versa. Although there was no meld involved, they acted as one ... as if their minds were in perfect sync.

Tentatively, Vorik ran his fingers along the length of the shaft in front of him. The flesh jumped and stiffened ... he could see the reddish head throbbing to the pulse-beat of his companion. He could feel his own cock responding to the same light stimulation from Kirk.

The light touch was excruciating ... he needed more ... he needed to feel the frisson of sliding into a tight opening ... of penetrating his lover completely ... of release.

He knew Kirk must be feeling the same. As he firmly grabbed the base of Kirk's cock, he thrust his hips forward, pushing himself deep into the waiting mouth. Kirk did the same ... thrusting ever deeper into each other, their climax was imminent. In seconds, the spasm overtook them, as they shared their mutual release.

**********

As Vorik's time in the holodeck came to an end, he thanked Kirk for his help. After a moment of awkwardness and uncertainty, he said, "I know that I will still miss him ... but, thanks to you, I can now understand why I could not replace *you* in his life."

"Vorik, don't lose hope. It is the one thing you must always hold on to." He came up to Vorik then, and took him by the shoulders, saying, "find someone to be with. Whether it's for a little while, or forever ... it doesn't matter. Just find someone to share your life with." He hugged the young Vulcan, then released him, saying, "and as far as Spock is concerned, remember ... you *may* find a way home sooner than you think. Your Captain is resourceful ... she wouldn't be a Starfleet Captain if she weren't ... and if there's a way, she will find it. When she does, Spock will be there ... don't let him brood ... don't let him push you away. Make him live life to its fullest ... and if he won't listen to you, tell him *I* said so!"

"Thank you, Jim ... for everything." As he stepped back, he took one final look at James T. Kirk, and knew that his life would never be the same.

"Computer ... end program."

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