DJ: Drum roll please! Lets bring this man in here, in all his glory here. And here he comes. Alright, here he is. Here's WNYU's crowning moment here.

GG: They're gonna run the phone bill up on ya.

DJ: Yes, yes, yes. So what's in the package?

Evan: Talk in the mic, GG.

GG: Yea, hello. The great thing about being here is that we're not supposed to be.

Evan: You're never supposed to be here.

DJ: What is that little green book you have there, GG?

GG: That's my little green book.

DJ: Tell us about the show you're gonna be doing Sunday. Is this your first all age show?

GG: It's our first, it's our 2 year annual New York show.

Evan: Every 2 years, huh?

GG: Every 2 years. I can't hear a damn thing, what the fuck is going on here?

Evan: Oh, brother. There's one.

GG: Ah, what the fuck's going on here? Where are you, motherfucker?

Evan: Well, uh, you won't be hearing me on the air for the next couple of weeks.

GG: Evan, how are you, honeypie?

Evan: Oh, pretty good. Hey, when you touch me there, I light up and smile.

DJ: GG, tell 'em about the time you woke Evan up on tour.

GG: The time I stuck my dick in your mouth when you were sleeping.

Evan: Hey, that's penis, not dick! You can't say dick on the air!

GG: OK, cock!

Evan: Alright, we're going to Hell.

GG: Where's Bill? Bill's the penis. Yea, Bill's the penis.

Evan: Yea, but I woke up in time before Merle could figure out my camera and take a picture of it.

GG: It's alright, it was the memory that counted.

Evan: Yea, the memory of seeing that puckered starface right over my eyeballs.

GG: Right over your lips.

(laughing)

Evan: God, I still have nightmares.

(Someone off mic says something.)

GG: Yea, I wanted to marry him, but. Hey, I slept with him one night on the road. We could talk about that.

Evan: Oh, no, lets not bring up that.

GG: You and me and the girl that you never fucked!

(laughing)

GG: We gotta talk about this, Evan. C'mon! C'mon!

Evan: Hey, my lack of sex life has nothing to do with this, um, show right now.

GG: Well, we wanna talk about sex on the road with GG Allin.

Evan: Sex on the road with GG Allin in a nutshell is watching you sniff underwear...

GG: How much piss did I drink, though?

Evan: You drank gallons of piss.

GG: How much pussy did I eat?

Evan: You ate gallons of, ah...

GG: Pussy. Kitty puss.

Evan: And I got to watch you masturbate and sniff underwear. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined this. Steve, I'll be seeing you in a couple of weeks.

Steve: Yea, you'll be...

GG: Wasn't I never supposed to come back to NYU?

Evan: Yea, the security guards right now are maxing.

GG: Here they come!

Evan: Oh, yea, you were at the program board with the banana, right?

GG: Yea.

DJ: What happened the last time you were here?

GG: I stuck a banana up my ass.

Evan: Julie, you're not listening out there, are you?

GG: His last name is, his name is Evan. Lets get his spelling right, here.

Evan: Evan, uh...

GG: Cohen.

Evan: Yea, that's me.

GG: Blowing.

DJ: Are you playing with Denied?

GG: We're playing with Black Brain, Denied and some other band who'll let us use their equipment.

Evan: Humyn Sewage, they're a politically correct band. They have to spell "human" h-u-m-y-n. Are they a bunch of... I don't even want to say it on the air. I can't.

DJ: When are you going to play the Line Life, GG?

Evan: With Blitzfear and Feel Fuzzy.

DJ: That's right. There you go.

(laughing)

Evan: And Lez Patrol.

DJ: Is it true Slash is playing guitar on your new tape there?

GG: Ah, I don't know. You have to ask him.

Evan: Lets talk about the new album.

GG: Lets play it, fuck talking about it.

Evan: Oh, brother. Well, we just played a couple of cuts off it. We have Raw, Brutal, Rough & Bloody. It's about a 10 second...

GG: No, no, no. Brutality & Bloodshed For All.

Evan: I should know this already.

GG: How many times have you heard this goddamn tape?

Evan: Too many times. Actually, it put me to sleep after a while.

GG: It wasn't the tape that put you to sleep, it was the lack of fucking sucking pussy or something.

Evan: Well, not from lack of you.

GG: You go on a goddamn tour with GG Allin and you can't get laid, you gotta have a dick problem.

Evan: Not getting laid with GG Allin...

GG: Dino didn't get laid either.

Evan: This is the only tour I brought condoms with me and didn't want to use them.

GG: I wanted to use them on you.

Dino: Are we on the air?

Evan: What, Dino?

Dino: Are we on the air?

Evan: Yes, unfortunately so, this is live on the air.

GG: Lets talk about the cane contest!

DJ: Hold on, this is the FCC here. Lets see what this is about.

Evan: The FCC is calling in right now.

GG: The fucking cunt corporation!

DJ: GG, I got a girl that wants to talk to you.

GG: A girl?

Evan: A girl.

GG: Hello, girl. Are you a young lady that likes to fuck?

Evan: She's not anymore.

GG: You're a what?

(The girl says something off mic.)

GG: If you're a decent young lady, why the hell are you calling me then?

(The girl says something off mic again.)

GG: Oh yea, that's what they all they. So do you want to do us or what? Nah, I don't think you do.

Evan: Do you wanna piss in his mouth?

(The girl says something off mic once again.)

GG: Well, we're infected with AIDS and we fuck every day and we kill everything we fuck. So what do you think about that?

Evan: It was a short career, but a fun one.

GG: Alright, alright. Well I'm saying goodbye to you 'cause you ain't gonna fuck.

Evan: Oh, brother.

GG: Next girl, please.

Evan: Next song, please. Ah, what do we got here?

GG: WNYU.

Evan: No, we're, this is Fairly Dickinson. We're listening to Fairly Dickinson. This is a fairly ridiculous predicament we're in right now. Just press play and lets pray to God.

GG: He's fired. Ready, Evan?

(Brutality & Bloodshed For All starts playing and fades out.)

(Everyone in the studio's yelling.)

GG: Well, we got a girl on the line. Who are you?

Evan: We're going to Hell in a...

GG: Is Jennifer on the air?

(A promo track from another GG album starts playing.)

GG: I'm just talking to this girl on the phone. She wants to be on the air. No one knows how to fucking put her on.

Evan: Wait a second...

(Evan talks off mic.)

GG: Chaos at NYU! Are you gonna be at the show on Sunday at the Gas Station?

Evan: There in New Jersey...

GG: Were you really?

Evan: What's their phone number? 201-LOSER!

(More off mic talking.)

GG: Yes I did, would you like to do the next one?

DJ: I could do the next one? The next what?

GG: She wants to shove the next banana up my ass.

DJ: Oh...

GG: OK, well lets talk about the album. It'll be out in September, and the show will be Sunday.

Evan: 3 o'clock at the Gas Station.

GG: Gas Station. Sunday. GG Allin & The Murder Junkies!

DJ: I wanna talk about your cell mate...

GG: Yea, talk to this girl here. 'Cause I can't hear the other one.

Evan: Hang up on her.

GG: Hang up on the bitch. Fuck her. Who gives a shit about her anyway?

Evan: She probably wouldn't piss in your mouth anyway.

GG: If your listening, if your not pissing and shitting in my mouth, than we don't want you.

Evan: He doesn't you. I can't speak for myself here.

DJ: I wanna talk about your cell mate.

GG: Johnny the punk was not my cell mate.

DJ: That's not what he says.

GG: Well, I was in Michigan, I think he was in New York. Unless he dick reaches to Michigan.

(laughing)

GG: It might, I don't know.

Evan: Dino's could.

GG: Coast to coast.

Evan: It would if it could, huh?

DJ: What guest musicians are on the record?

GG: Um...

DJ: Who are The Murder Junkies?

Evan: The Murder Junkies are left to right - Dino Sachs. Say something, Dino.

Dino: Lunachicks are #1.

Evan: Lunachicks are #1!

GG: Lunachicks suck.

Evan: We have Merle Allin over here. Hey, Merle, impart some words of wisdom and don't try to curse.

GG: That's my job.

Evan: Yea, that's his job.

GG: Get Merle over here to say something.

Evan: C'mon, Merle. Serenade us with your sweet, sexy, cigarette voice.

DJ: Merle's got the best sideburns east of the Mississippi.

Merle: Yea, the longest sideburns in rock 'n' roll.

GG: Shortest pecker too, but...

(laughing)

Evan: Next to yours.

GG: Well, yea, it's about the same size. It comes from the same genes.

Evan: Yea, but you have a bigger scab on yours.

GG: I've got a very big scab on mine. Let me tell ya, that fuckers been working overtime the last couple weeks.

DJ: How big is Mr. Allin?

GG: Mr. Allin is probably about the same size as mine.

(laughing)

Evan: Merle Senior.

GG: I'm Daddy Allin!

Evan: Over here we have William Webber.

GG: Daddy! Mommy! Daddy! It's Lenny!

Merle: The man who wouldn't take his shirt off.

GG: He had a girl and... I wanna say one thing about Bill Webber that I forgot to say in Detroit. Bill Webber got the Len Colby award.

Evan: The Golden Len Colby award.

GG: The Golden Lenny award for the most fuck-ups on one tour.

Evan: Lenny is now in Brazil having sex with 14 year old boys or something, we hear.

GG: I'm jelous.

Evan: Never got a post card from him, though. He's doing good I guess.

DJ: Are there any more songs on the tape?

GG: That's all we're gonna play, you guys'll have to buy the album in September.

Evan: What's the label?

GG: Oh, I don't know. Christ, don't ask me that question.

(Someone says something off mic.)

GG: Oh, fuck Subpop. Subpop's got the lamest fucking bands.

(Someone says something off mic again.)

GG: Chicken John is a fucking pussy ass coward motherfucking son of a bitch. I'm gonna kill you. Chicken, if I ever fucking see you, I'm gonna kill you!

Evan: Oh, brother.

GG: Chicken's a fagot!

Evan: Chicken, if your out there, run away!

DJ: He's in Denver.

Evan: He's in Denver? He should be in California by now.

GG: Chicken should be in Denver. Denver sucks just as much as Chicken does.

(laughing)

DJ: Tell us about the tour, tell us some stories.

Evan: Why do you hate Chicken John?

GG: Why do I hate him? 'Cause he's a fucking two-faced pussy ass coward.

Evan: Any friends of Chicken John, call us up.

GG: I don't think he has any friends.

DJ: There's a phone ringing right now.

GG: That's probably Chicken calling from Denver.

(laughing)

Evan: He's got some back-up vocals for you.

GG: Merle, tell us some tour stories.

Evan: Tell us a tour story that don't revolve around myself.

GG: Tell us about the ah...

Merle: Tell us about the time in San Francisco when you head-butted the dominatrix...

Evan: Was she a dominatrix?

GG: Yea, she thought she was a real bad ass bitch and I put her in the hospital.

Merle: Yea, they came in with a stretcher and took her out in the middle of the set.

Evan: Never have I ever seen anybody head-butted into unconsciousness.

GG: And then there was L.A. Who was that girl?

Merle & Evan: The Duchess DeSade.

Evan: He punched out the drummer or the bassist, one of those fat lesbian chicks.

GG: Yea, that was great.

Merle: Then there was the night in Missouri when we got paid and didn't play and ran out...

Evan: And were chased 45 miles out of town by, uh, teenage punk rockers.

(laughing)

(Someone off mic says something.)

GG: Yea, lets talk about the girl that Evan slept with and didn't even pull his pecker out.

Evan: Every night on the tour is the night I didn't get laid.

GG: Well, we know that.

Evan: C'mon, would I wanna have sex with a girl that would have sex with you?

GG: Well, you laid with me and her all night.

(laughing)

GG: Maybe you wanted me.

Evan: The truth comes out...

GG: You gotta look at it this way, after I jerked off with her...

Evan: You left the bed.

GG: I left the bed with for other two young ladies, and then she wanted me back.

Evan: Yea, she wanted you back, but didn't want to have sex with me 'cause she didn't know me. Or something like that, I don't know.

GG: She didn't know me either, though.

Evan: Yea, but your a rock god or something.

Merle: You didn't have any scabs on your dick or something.

Evan: Yea, I didn't have scabs on my penis or, ah, I didn't smell bad.

GG: I got scabs on my dick right now.

Evan: It's bigger, it blows it away.

GG: Liz, Liz could tell you about that scab.

DJ: Lets see!

Evan: Yea, lets see. Put the microphone next to his scab. Holy Christ is that a scab! Ah, puss is coming out of it! Oh, disgusting! Where's Hank when you need him to wipe the puss in his hair?

(laughing)

GG: OK, now you know for sure, ladies and gentlemen. There is puss coming out of my dick.

Evan: Yes...

GG: Everybody in this room is a witness to the puss factor.

(Someone off mic says something.)

Evan: Why did I tell these guys that I have a radio show?

DJ: I'd like to thank these guys for coming up here.

GG: Yea, we're going to CB's, so fuck you all.

DJ: Sunday, Sunday, GG tell them about Sunday.

GG: Sunday, be at the Gas Station, I got something for you.

Evan: What's the address of the Gas Station?

GG: I got news and it ain't good!

DJ: Avenue B and 2nd Street.

Evan: Avenue B and 2nd Street.

DJ: Be at the Gas Station.

Evan: Oh, God, save us all.

DJ: OK, here we go, we're gonna bust out the White Flag clip now. I'd like to thank GG for coming up and we hope he comes back real soon.

Evan: We have as much thanks for him as he has inches in his penis.

(laughing)

GG: See ya later.

Evan: So long.