| Harry's Soliloquy Do you know who I am? Almost everyone does. Or so they think. They used to see yours truly and start screaming. Girls would swoon and guys were jealous. “Look its Harry Potter!” they would say in whatever possible tone you could conceive of. But Harry Potter is just a name, an idol for people to worship. My whole life, I’ve been treated like dirt. I was trash, to be thrown away first chance and never thought about again. Then my world was dumped on its head. The poles switched, popcorn flew out of people’s ears and music came out of turtle’s butts. I was a wizard. And not just any wizard either, I was the most powerful wizard of all time. The defeater of the Dark Lord, that’s me. But did anyone know the boy behind the name? Hermione and Ron thought they knew. They were my best friends and I loved them for it but they didn’t truly know me. Even I didn’t know me until something happened that changed my life. I killed. It was a battle and I killed a man. As I watched his life ebb away I felt this twisted joy in the killing. I actually enjoyed watching the man die. I got a rush from it, like you would racing fast cars, or eating lots of sugar. I guess that’s what you get from being abused all your life. Something mutates in you, deep down inside and you don’t really realize it until something cataclysmic happens. Well a lot of cataclysmic things have happened since I first found out I was a wizard but it didn’t really occur to me that something was wrong until I killed that man. There was something sick and dark down deep inside me and I knew it. I hid it from everyone. At least I thought I did. One person noticed, the person I least expected. Draco. Maybe not so unexpected actually, he is after all a bit evil. He came to me one day and told me he understood how I felt. I got angry and denied it all. Then he began describing the fiery feeling of power one gets when they are killing. The rush of blood that makes you lust for more, the warm feeling that most get during lovemaking. I listened. I was so glad to find someone like myself. I became an almost disciple of his. I followed his ways and became hard and cold to those closest to me. The whole world was extolling my name but the ones that loved me most were having their hearts broken. Ron talked to me one day, asked what was up, what had happened to me. I wouldn’t speak to him and he got angry. Finally his short fuse ended and he tried to strike me. I ended up putting him in the hospital. People were shocked but Fudge quickly covered it all up. He didn’t want anything to mar my perfect image. The people needed a hero and I was it. That didn’t change the fact that all my friends drifted away until I had no one, not even Draco, who I thought had known me. I became reclusive to the point that no one knew if I was still alive. I waited until the name Harry Potter was moved into legend and schoolbooks. And then I came out. No one recognized me. I was glad. I’d had a lot of time to think while I was a hermit and I didn’t like the life of a hermit. I went to Diagon Alley. I needed money and I needed a place to stay. I used make up to cover my scar and contacts for my eyes. I could have used a make up charm to change my appearance but Muggle cosmetics were less easily noticed. I went for a week with no one noticing me. Then I saw someone who would recognize me no matter how well I was concealed. I turned and ran from her. She followed. When she caught me, she looked right into my eyes, took a deep breath, and slapped me. “How could you?!” she had screamed at me. Then she broke down and cried. I cried with her and years of pain and bitterness slipped off me like a cloak. My shoulders became lighter and my tears turned to ones of joy as I hugged her close and whispered “Thank you” And that’s where I am now. I’m in therapy for my abused childhood and Ron has forgiven me. So, that’s my story and if you don’t like it I don’t care because that twisted bit inside of me is gone forever and, for the first time in my life, I am really and truly happy. |