Title: As The
Set Turns: Smack My Bitch Right Here In Hollywood
Author: -|- Miss
K -|-, kitty_licks@yahoo.com
Rating: R for
rack talk?
Summary: On set
with Eliza and Sarah.
Disclaimers:
I don't own Eliza Dushku or Sarah Michelle Gellar. They do.
Distribution:
Want it? Take it, just tell me.
Title: System
of Down own the line from 'Prison'. I would love to play the song at a Labour
rally, I think it would go down very well.
As The Set Turns -
Smack My Bitch Right Here In Hollywood
Runner: Silence
on set. Going in; three, two, one.
Sarah: *long
pause* Are we going yet?
Eliza: Gellar,
yes, she just fuckin' said we were!
Sarah: I didn't
hear her, my shirt kept gapping, I was doing my safety pin up! Can we go again?
Runner: Still
rolling people. When you're ready?
Sarah: Hey, I'm
always ready, I'm a very seasoned actress and...
Eliza: Gellar,
will you say your line!?
Sarah: Shut it
Dushku, I was talking to the runner. Are we going yet?
Eliza: Fuckin'
hell! Someone get me some medication, not for me, for her! *jabs Sarah in
ribs*
Runner: Rolling
people, we're still rolling. Time is money!
Sarah: Time isn't
money. You try going into Gap, and buying some jeans with time. You'll get
your ass kicked out, pretty quick. Same as keeping time with a dime. Doesn't
work, unless the sun's in the right place, then maybe you could make it into
a really tiny sundial.
Eliza: *looks
round incredulously, shrugging her shoulders* How did this show get named
after her character? You guys might be silent, but I know you're
with me!
Runner: Miss
Gellar, can we go on three?
Sarah: Break
time?! I'm so hungry. See you in *makes air quotes* three then, that's half
an hour, right? *walks off set*
Eliza: *dumbfounded*
And you wonder why I don't sign a permanent contract for this show? *points
exaggeratedly at the slowly disappearing form of Sarah* She's why! She, her,
that... argggghh! I'm going. *walks off set*
*the crew look round and watch
as Joss walks off, shaking his head*
Runner: This
is my first day, is it always like this?
Soundman: Didn't
you get the word sheet?
Runner: Word
sheet? Huh?
Soundman: There
are words you can't say to Sarah, like, go in three, or she sort of, well,
goes. Don't ever say wrap to her, she starts on about food. You'll
learn.
Sarah's trailer
Sarah: *singing
walk this way, Aerosmith* Walk this way, talk this waaaaa-haaaaay!
*Eliza bursts through doors*
Eliza: What the
fuckin' hell are you doing, Gellar? I have a screen test in two hours, and
I'm never going to get off set at this rate!
Sarah: *puts
on innocent face, while trying to speed eat a donut* Haf gyoou? Dign't know.
Sowwy!
Eliza: Don't
do that! Don't show me your food all chewed up! Shit, you're gross.
Sarah: *swallows
all of her donut, licking her lips* Screen test? Oh, right, you told me about
that. What's it for again? Not that you're going to... I mean, I'm sure you'll
get it.
Eliza: *flips
her the finger* Soul Supermarkets, or, some shit like that. Looks like an
ok film, hey, read through to the end, instead of skimming like normal. I
get to kiss some chick! Yeah, baby. Roll on the good times. Woo!
Sarah: *eyes
narrow* What chick? You mean chicken, right? You have to kiss a baby chicken?
Is it for Easter?
Eliza: *taps
Sarah's forehead* Wow, echo? No, chick as in honey, babe, girl, feeeeeee-male!
Sarah: *smacks
Eliza's hand away, and pouts* What do you mean, kiss a girl?
Eliza: Gellar,
we've done it enough times for you to know what I mean. Kiss, tongues, full
on, body, contact. And I get paid for it? That's like Heaven.
Sarah: Tongues?
But... *gets teary*
Eliza: *doesn't
notice as she pulls her top off* I'm gonna have a shower. Huh? Yeah, full
on. Paid. Money for kissing honeys.
Sarah: *Starts
fanning face as Eliza gets more and more naked* Money... honey... uh-huh...
Eliza: *steps
out of leather pants* Guess that's why I only came back for a few in season
six, right?
Sarah: *rubs
face with KFC finger wipe to try and cool down as she watches Eliza walk around
in her underwear* Sex, I mean six, six, yeah...
Eliza: *turns
round to face Sarah, brushing off lint from her chest* Yeah, so, worked out
well, huh?
Sarah: *on verge
of passing out* Uh-huh, well, yeah, money for baby chickens... I like
your breasts.
Eliza: *starts
laughing* Wondered when you were gonna notice the twins. I'm covered in lint,
baby. You help me out? *winks at Sarah*
Sarah: *Rushes
over at the speed of light, blowing on hands to warm them up* Where's the
lint? *licks lips*
Eliza: *grins*
Shit girlfriend, it's all over me. Can't you see it?
Sarah: Lint,
yeah, all over... everywhere. *puts fingers on Eliza's stomach* They warm
enough yet?
Eliza: No, but
I know how to get them all warmed up. I got somewhere you can put
them. Not all at once, see, but maybe three of them.
Sarah: *panting*
three of them, yeah, three, to get them warm...
*Joss walks in, and Sarah grabs
hold of Eliza's head, tilting it upwards and looking into her eye*
Sarah: I think
the lash is gone, can you blink now?
Eliza: Wh...
oh, yeah, annoying. Lashes in eyes, real annoying. Hey Joss!
Joss: Hey, back
on set in five minutes, girls, ok?
Sarah &
Eliza: *Both looking very guilty and flushed* Yeah!
*Joss leaves, chuckling to himself
about subtext*
Eliza: You wanna
take a rain check on de-linting me?
Sarah: Yes, yes,
de-linting you, with three fingers, or even whole hands. De-linting, uh-huh!
Tonight, the whole night? I can spend hours putting them in you... I mean,
getting it off you!
Eliza: Honey,
that's why I keep coming back. *winks as she walks into shower*