Disclaimers: Joss owns all characters originally from BTVS. I do not. No harm intended.
Claimers: I own everyone else.
Dedications: To Wlfgrrl and Sway. It seems we are all moving in together? Fine by me, grrrls.
Title & Lyrics: Guttermouth own the song. It makes me feel like getting drunk on tequila and doing illegal things.
 
I'll recycle all my beer cans
Like I promised I would do
I'll cancel my subscriptions
To jugs and beaver hunt
Just for you I'll do it!
For you, for you!
Just for you - for you!

Elle's POV
 
LaOC II - She's Got The Look
 
So, here we are; restaurant, adoring public, good food, fine wine, gorgeous girlfriend.
My life is complete.
 
I watch as Dizzy's eyes rake over my body again.
I think she's removed my clothes about thirty times in her head, in the past hour.
I won't read her mind; I'd get overheated in less than ten seconds.
 
I feel like I'm in a lava pool, sitting opposite her; bubbling, hot and steamy.
Just in time, I suppress a kitty purr in my throat.
Don't want to send her over the edge; yet.
 
'So, Dizzy. What do you want to do after dinner?'
 
She concentrates for a moment, making me smile.
She's so cute!
Then, with a totally straight face, she makes my toes curl with one word.
 
'You.'
 
Oh, naughty.
Verbose?
No.
Sexy as a troop of lap dancers?
Yes.
 
I think I squeaked out something resembling an 'ok' and we're up and leaving.
I throw a pile of paper things on the table.
I never know what any of these dirty sliced trees are worth.
 
'Elle, there's, like, a thousand bucks here, the waitress wasn't that cute.'
 
I just shrug.
What do I care?
I'll get Sam to print some more up.
As I turn round, I see something that makes me jaw set, and my eyes narrow.
 
Lucy.
 
Wasn't that girl at Dizzy's earlier?
I hope she knows what she's letting herself in for.
 
'Dizzy, can we go?'
 
With a furrowed brow she follows my eyes, and then does something I don't expect.
She marches over there.
 
Crap.
 
I have no intention of watching some big Heaven/Hell battle again if...
But as I watch, she only growls at Lucy, and pulls her date away, off into a corner.
Has everyone forgotten about me; the divine being, God supreme, the ruler of the entire planet?!
Everyone except Lucy it seems.
 
I am not talking to her.
 
'Elle, sweetcakes, look at you squeezed into that shirt. I can hear those buttons begging you to stop pushing your lovely breasts against them, you know. They're screaming out "death by rack, please, no more!" You should come back to my place, and I'll help you quieten them down if you like?'
 
Don't smile Elle, you'll only encourage her and she'll never go away.
 
'Lucy. Follow your slimy trail back over to your date will you? And for your information, there's only one woman I'm allowing on my breasts tonight. Should have narrowed it down to; not you, with the woman comment. But if you need help her name begins with Di and ends zzzzzy.'
 
I make sure I purr the z's.
Eyebrow raise; good.
 
'Playing hard to get? I like it! At least you're speaking to me now. I missed you so much, babe. Especially the way you always stop my hands from trying to get into your panties. I missed the feeling of you slapping them away. Make up?'
 
'Lucy?! Go away. You tried to kill Dizzy, so no.'
 
She flashes me a big grin, then slides up and whispers in my ear, her hands resting on my hips.
 
'Make up with me, Elle, please? You'll make me the happiest Devil in all of Hell. Pretty please? Is it because I'm clothed? Do you want a naked apology? I can do that you...'
 
'Hey, Lucy. Hands off her, you tramp!'
 
Oh great, the cavalry's arrived; Dizzy and friend.
All we need are chairs and an audience shouting "Steve, Steve, Steve!'
Bible sales would rocket if people knew what it was all really like.
 
'Tramp? Ditzy, stop talking about yourself like that. It makes me want to shed a whole tear. See, you're upsetting me. Come on Cordelia, let's leave the grrls to their... banal conversation? Boring evening? Dull sex? Elle, honey, if it helps, you can pretend it's me. Bye.'
 
She blows a kiss as they walk off.
I have to physically restrain Dizzy from going and trying to rip her head off.
 
Women.
They bring such joys, but at the same time they make me realise; as a sub species, they're insane.
Before I know what's happened, Dizzy is half way out the door, without. Me.
So much for a quiet intimate date.
I move as quickly as I can in 4" heels.
Not the best choice of footwear.
Had I known I would've worn my Airwalk.
 
'Dizzy, will you slow down? Good. Where are you going so quickly?'
 
Face set, eyes blazing, she starts off with a finger point.
 
'You know... you never stop her from saying that shit to you! Like... I'm your date and you let her make all those comments about you, and... when I try and defend your honour, I'm the bad guy!'
 
Arms waving, shoulders tensed, she doesn't stop there.
I seem to have lost the ability to talk in the mean time.
I'm a mass of open mouth and unblinking eyes.
 
'She's fuckin' draping herself all over you but I go to hold your hand over the table and you're all "I don't think we should Dizzy". Well fuck you! You think you got a raw deal with me then... I'm going home. Alone!'
 
I watch her storm off.
My feet appear to be glued to the sidewalk.
I must look like I just sat down to an algebra test after revising physics all night.
Would anyone like to explain to me what that was all about?
I do not let Lucy paw me!
 
Oh.
 
She sort of was.
And I didn't stop her.
It's just... she makes me laugh with her ridiculous persistence.
Then I realise how it looks to anyone else, especially Dizzy.
I don't want Satan, I want my Angel.
 
Knight women and their famed tempers.
I feel like a resident of Pompeii.
 
Time to spread a little of God's grace and love about then.
And if that doesn't work, then I'm sure my total lack of underwear will swing it for me.
 
 
Right, Discord Knight, let's see how mad at me you really are!