Kitty's Pad.

Claimers: I own them. I like everyone in this fic now. I don't want anyone to die... I mean, get ill.

Title: Natalie Imbruglia owns the line from 'Do You Love?'.

When your Angels cry

Does your spirit die?

When your Angels fall

Have you lost it all?

Discords POV

LaOC XXII - It's Broke, And I Feel It Slipping Away

'No, don't move, stay still.'

Where the fuck am I?

I try and push up but someone puts their hand on my chest, stopping me.

Who... Mich, shit, at least it's her and not Elle.

'I need to sit--up.'

My head feels like... yeah, well, feels like someone gave it a hard smash.

With an arm round my shoulders she gets me sitting up.

Not a good idea, not with everything swaying round making me feel like I need to chuck.

'Mich, forget the sitting up, I need to lie back.'

Why am I slurring?

From the taste in my mouth and feeling in my stomach, I'm going with; because I got drunk.

Ok, cool, I'm lying down again.

Deep breaths, close your eyes, don't chuck it'll pass.

Something cold and wet touches my arm.

I try and pull it away, but she's holding it still.

I make the effort to open my eyes, and she's just wiping at some cuts on my arm.

'Mich, leave it. I'll sort them out later.'

She doesn't say a thing to me, just keeps doing what she's doing.

Did I say that out loud?

'Leave it, it's ok.'

Again, doesn't even look at me.

Is my voice working?

'Hey, Mich...'

Then she drops my arm and gets up real quick.

'You know... you need to... why'd you antagonise Jude, huh? And you smell like a fucking distillery! What's wrong with you?!'

All my fault now.

Couldn't be that skank whore Jude, could it?

No way.

Blood sticks together up here, I get it.

'Fine. I'm out of here!'

I get up on my feet, bit shaky, but I can do this.

After a few seconds of getting used to the room swaying, I start to make my way out her office.

'Dis, wait... look, sit down, I'm sorry for yelling at you.'

My head starts kicking off, sending some nasty messages to my stomach again.

I don't need any of this shit, not from Jude or her.

'Then why do it? I can take care of myself. You worry about your blood Angels, that's what this is all about, anyway.'

I steady myself on the wall, because everything's started moving like a fairground ride.

I can feel a hot flush start to work it's way up my body.

Alcohol and getting smashed in the head; not a good mix.

'It's not about... shit, you make me so mad at you sometimes. Come on, lie back down. Please?'

I want to get out of here but I'm either going to pass out or throw up.

And that's not something I want everyone seeing.

Not how much of a fuck up I am.

I let her take me back to her sofa and I lie down.

'I'm only here so no one sees me, Michelle.'

'Michelle now, huh? Ok, you want to be an asshole all your life, then fine. Stay quiet while I get this blood off you.'

I let her clean me up because... simply because it's easier to let her, than to fight.

Probably doesn't want Elle coming down hard on the real Angels.

The pure ones, not like me.

It's weird.

I always felt out of place when I was alive, like, I don't know, an outsider, someone different.

I didn't think I'd feel like that up here as well.

I didn't think it'd be 'them and us' in Heaven.

I was wrong.

It's just the same, except it's hidden a bit better.

'Your arms are done. Take a deep breath because I'm starting on your face now.'

I grit my teeth as she starts to clean the blood off me.

Guess there was a lot of it.

I wince and she pulls off me, real quick.

'Wasn't you. My ribs shifted back, I'm ok.'

'No you're not. Just... shut up and lie still.'

'Screw this, I didn't ask you to help me.'

I try to get up but she pushes me back down.

She keeps her hand on my chest, making sure I don't move.

'I worry about you, that's all. Now lie back. Good. I'm going to get you some water and a change of clothes. Don't want Elle seeing you like this. She'd go and rip into Jude, and that's all we need.'

I grab her hand before she gets all the way up, stopping her.

'I didn't mean to shout at you, just...'

I don't finish because I don't know what else to say.

I'm an asshole?

Don't worry about me, I'm always flying off the handle?

I don't know.

She sits next to me on the floor, but keeps hold of my hand, stroking it.

'You're a handful, Dis.'

She's sort of smiling though.

Maybe I'm not on her shit list after all.

'But I'm a loveable handful.'

'Very.'

I get a solemn nod and another squeeze on my hand.

She can never stay pissed at me.

I don't want to ask, but she's the only one I can.

Elle would think I was over reacting.

Maybe I am, I don't know.

'Mich... you know Elle and Lucy, like, when they were...' fucking '... seeing each other...'

I trial off, and she rests her head on her hands in front of me.

Then she does that sigh thing.

I'm trying to get it out, I am.

'Are you going to finish that sentence anytime soon?'

I want to know but at the same time I don't.

But that wanting pushes me on.

'Jude said...'

'Don't believe anything she says. She's playing you.'

Maybe.

Maybe not.

'Jude said that Lucy got rid of Elle, so... I thought... is that what happened?'

Her eyes slide away from mine as she lies to me.

I could always tell when she was doing it.

Transparent.

'I don't know. You should ask Elle. It's not my business to talk about stuff like that.'

There's my answer.

I love you Dizzy, I didn't want to be with her, only you.

Yeah, that why your ass got dumped?

You didn't want her so much that she got rid of you.

'I need to get going, thanks for the help.'

I know I'm going to start crying.

I've got that feeling behind my eyes.

And I want to be on my own when I start, not here, not in front of her.

I get my hand back, and stand up.

I do a quick check in the mirror.

I look like shit; great.

'Wait up, Dis.'

She stands in front of me and straightens my T off, making me look presentable.

Don't think it's the off centre top that's going to give away the fact I got my ass kicked.

More like the blood stains and bruises.

Then she does something I wasn't expecting.

She gives me a hug, arms high to stay away from my ribs.

Makes me want to cry more.

I rest my head on her shoulder to try and stop the tears coming, and making me look stupid.

'Stop getting in fights, Dis, they're no good for my nerves.'

'I'm sorry.'

She doesn't say anything, just rubs the back of my neck, softly.

I like that, it's relaxing.

She used to do it when we were together, was nice.

'I am, Mich, honest.'

She pulls back a little and takes my face in her hands, shaking her head.

But she's got that "sort of smile" again.

At least I'm not going to get told off.

'I know you are, it's ok.'

Her thumbs move over my cheekbones, gently, and it makes me close my eyes.

She always could chill me out.

When I used to get stressed she'd stroke my hair, or something like that, and I'd fall asleep.

She's got nice hands.

'Are we still friends, or you going to stop speaking to me because I'm a half-breed?'

I didn't mean it to come out sounding like it did.

I wanted it to be more of a joke.

Sort of failed.

Her forehead rests against mine but she keeps moving her thumbs.

I only just hear her answer because she's speaking so quietly.

'It's what's in your heart that matters, not how old your blood is.'

And I don't know why I do it, but I kiss her, like, a real kiss.

Maybe it's because she's so close to me, or because I'm feeling sorry for myself

Maybe because she's holding me, and no one does that anymore.

Well, only Elle.

I don't know.

It suddenly sinks in, what I'm doing, kissing her.

And I've never moved so quick off someone, I even sort of stumble back.

'Sorry... I didn't mean to..!'

I feel like a moron, like a total shit.

She's standing there looking at me but not in a weird way, she's not pissed.

I don't think so anyway.

Then she looks away, probably because I'm such an idiot.

'Dis, it's ok. Emotions running high and all. Don't stress.'

I'm not into her, not anymore, so I don't even know why I did it.

Emotions running high, yeah.

I'm such a fuck up.

'Ok. I wasn't coming on to you, yeah? I wasn't making a pass at you, don't think that.'

She's just looking at me all weird, like I've told her that I broke her favourite sword.

Then with one deep breath the look's gone.

'I know you weren't. Like I said, emotions running high.'

'I think I hit my head too hard. It didn't mean anything, the kiss I mean. I'm really sorry.'

She picks up her jacket and throws it at me.

'I know it didn't mean anything to you. Put that on so no one stares at your bloody clothes. Go on, get.'

'Don't be mad at me, please, I'm sorry, I really am.'

She looks at me and I've seen that look before, I think she's going to cry.

You idiot, Dis, you fucking idiot!

See, she hates you.

I don't know what to do.

I want to go and give her a hug 'cause I made her feel bad.

But she'll think I'm making a pass at her again.

Me being me, I take the easy option.

I decide to go.

That way she doesn't have to look at my sorry ass.

'Dis, wait. I'm not mad at you. I... I don't know. Don't think I'm pissed.'

She leans back on her desk and runs her hands through her hair.

Ok, maybe not mad, she'd be spitting bricks if she was, but she's something.

And then I realise.

She's disappointed.

I let her down, that's why she's sad.

I feel my tears start coming because I messed everything up.

I start crying and I must look so stupid because she comes over and puts her arms round me.

See, you're so pathetic that she's willing to touch you, even after what you did!

I can't stop them.

It's everything over the last few days.

All the good stuff's getting ruined, you know?

Elle, me and Mich, even my job.

I don't have anything solid left.

I keep ruining everything I try and grab hold of to steady myself.

I keep ruining it all.

I push off her and I can't even look her in the eye.

See, a real Angel wouldn't have done that, not a proper one.

But maybe that's why I did it; because I am only a half-breed.

'I'm going back to my place to take some time to... I need to sort my head out. We're still friends, yeah?'

I sound like I'm begging.

And maybe I am.

I don't want to lose her, not on top of everything else.

'Of course we are. Listen, I'll come down and see you later, yeah? To check how you are.'

Makes me smile a bit, her wanting to still see me and all.

'I'd like that. I'll see you later.'

I get to the door, but her voice stops me.

'You should ask Elle about Lucy. She won't lie to you.'

I know.

That's what I'm afraid of.