Claimers: I own them. I make them, so I can break them.
Title: Veruca Salt own the song, Pale Green, not me. The lyrics are from 'One More Page Of Insincerity Please.'
 
The day is over
I can't get over--it
I must move on
When it is gone

One more page of insincerity please
 
Discord's POV
 
LaOC XXX - Pale Green
 
'Shit, what were you thinking, Mich?! She listened to your thoughts!'
 
Fuck it!
Talk about sober me up in less than ten seconds.
 
'I was... I panicked. I saw her and I couldn't help it! You have to speak to her Dis, tell her...'
 
'What? Tell her what?! The truth? You've already done it! Why'd you get up anyway?'
 
I have this urge to punch something to get my aggression out.
Everything's fucked.
I've done it again.
I've ruined everything all over again!
 
'Hey, this is my apartment, I can get up when I want. I heard voices and... call her now and say sorry or... something. Do something, Dis!'
 
Dis, do something.
Dis, make things ok.
Dis, do this, Dis, do that.
 
Except Dis doesn't know what to do.
 
'Shut up for a minute and let me think, Mich. I can't think with you talking!'
 
I need to figure out what to do.
I can't concentrate.
My head's foggy.
It doesn't feel like a beer head either.
 
'Don't shout at me, I'm not the one who fucked up! Ahh, shit, I didn't mean that, Dis. I'm sorry.'
 
She comes up to me and tries to touch me, but I move away.
I don't want her near me if that's what she really thinks.
I don't need any help telling me I've messed things up.
 
'I'm going home. Go back to sleep.'
 
'You can't drive anywhere, you've had too much to drink.'
 
Crap.
I'll walk, it'll do me good.
The night air might clear my thoughts.
 
'I'll walk then.'
 
I make it as far as the hall but she stands in front of the door, blocking my way.
I'm getting agitated, I can feel it in my limbs.
I need to walk this off.
It'll only take me an hour to get back to mine.
 
'Get out the way, Mich.'
 
She spreads her arms out, touching each wall, making a proper barrier.
 
Don't tempt me.
Don't fuckin' tempt me.
My temper starts on a fast boil.
 
'I'll go through you if you don't get out the way!'
 
She doesn't move but I see her tensing up, ready for the fight she thinks is going to happen.
 
You want to play with the big girls?
Ok, don't say I didn't warn you.
 
I can see she thinks I'm going to go for her arms.
But I don't.
I hook my foot round the back of a knee, and with a quick pull she's down.
Easy.
 
'No wonder Jude whipped your ass, Mich.'
 
Have I got any control of my mouth?
Obviously not, or that would have stayed in it.
 
She gets up really quickly and squares off to me.
Her eyes are blazing.
Then, with a quick couple of blinks, the look's gone.
She moves out of the way, leaving my path to the door free.
Huh?
 
'Fine. Go if that's what you want.'
 
I don't want to, I want to stay and make things up with her.
But staying would mean backing down.
And I'm. Not. Backing down!
 
My temples start pounding, and it hurts.
Not just alcohol hurt either.
I feel like I've got someone inside my skull, smashing it with a hammer.
And it's making it hard for me to decide what to do.
 
I can't concentrate!
 
I rest my head against the door, and try and calm down.
Deep breaths, just breathe.
Focus on your breathing.
That's it.
See, no problem.
 
I can feel my brain start to clear as I keep focusing on my breathing.
 
Ok.
 
My hand hovers over the lock.
And I stare at it.
 
'Don't go, Dis.'
 
As the pounding in my temples begins to die down, I realise that I'm taking all this out on the wrong person.
It's not Mich's fault, it's mine.
She's not with someone, I am.
I should've kept myself in check.
Why couldn't I keep myself under control?
I've never been unfaithful to anyone I've been with.
Never, not once.
 
I take my hand away from the lock.
 
I turn round and lean back against the cold wood of the door.
We stand there for a bit, both looking at each other.
She makes a face; the one she does when she's finished arguing with herself.
Then she surprises me.
She walks up and gives me a hug.
After the shock wears off I put my arms round her.
 
At least one person doesn't hate me.
Even if I was bad to her.
I remember what I did and I still can't believe it.
 
'I'm so sorry for hurting you, Mich. I don't feel like--myself lately.'
 
She moves back and rests her hands on my shoulders.
She stares at me, as if trying to figure me out.
You be sure to let me know if you manage it.
Because I'm not having much luck.
 
'It's ok. You've had a lot to drink. Let's get some sleep. We can decide what to do later.'
 
She kisses my head, and then lets me go.
She walks off towards her room, and I eye the sofa up again.
They always give me a sore neck.
 
'Sleep in my room with me, yeah? You'll feel terrible if you sleep on that. I let you be stubborn earlier because I was pissed at you, but I've calmed down now. I can never stay mad at you. Come on, Dis, heel!'
 
She pats her leg as if I'm some... mongrel!
And it takes every bit of me to stop from losing my temper.
Dis, she's kidding.
It's a joke.
Chill out.
I need to relax.
Too much stress tonight.
 
I follow her in and stand at the end of the bed.
I haven't got anything to sleep in.
 
'You know where my bed stuff is, help yourself. I'm going to get us some headache pills and water for when we wake up.'
 
I get changed quickly.
I know she's seen it all before, and we almost had sex earlier, but... I'm not sure.
It's not right.
Great time to get some morals, Dis.
Then I start thinking about what I'm going to tell Elle.
 
I know she hates me, she must.
I hate me for it.
 
I get in bed and Mich comes back, putting the supplies on the bedside table.
Then she slides in next to me.
 
We lie there looking at each other by the light of her lamp.
I know she's trying to figure out what to say to Elle.
And she's got to be coming up with the same answer as me; what can we say?
 
'Let's stop thinking about it for now. We'll deal later. Close your eyes.'
 
She takes my hand and holds it as she relaxes under the covers.
 
I listen to her breathing slow down as she falls asleep.
 
I finally let myself think about me and Elle.
About what I've thrown away.
There's something that's on repeat in my head.
 
And it keeps me awake for hours.
 
 
 
I've lost the only person I ever really loved; and it's all my fault.