Kitty's Pad.

Claimers: Me, I own the characters contained in this fic.

Title: Belly (Tanya Donelly) own the line, from "Bees". I do not.

Dedications: To Steff A and the dreamy "The Varos Triad". (Kill Willow, kill willow, kill willow)

Notes: All the titles & lyrics tell you exactly where I am going with this fic. Owners of Resolver have insider knowledge.

You've got a lot to learn,

So I'm your best friend,

You love me, and?

We'll I'll tell you something,

We're on the road to messy.

Lucy's POV

LaOC XLV - You're Not On My Side Anymore

The lights dim in my office.

Did we forget to pay the electric bill again?

I press down on the intercom.

'Bee, why have I suddenly got ten disco spotlights in my office? What's going on?'

'The technology department are firing the net up.'

The net?

I thought we already had it.

What have I been looking at porn on for the last two years then?

'The internet? Was there a problem with it? Come in my office and chat to me Bee, this thing's annoying me.'

She walks in, arms full of paperwork.

'Luce. The net, not the net.'

That made no sense.

'What are you babbling about? Oh! You mean the net. I forgot. Takes a lot of power does it?'

'We're siphoning off some of LA's electric. They won't notice the difference. Technology are going to be testing it out in the next few hours. We'll see what we get. About the flowers you wanted me to send. I can't find a florist with five hundred roses in stock. And air brushing them black's going to be even more difficult. That's a lot of flower, Luce.'

Is it?

Five hundred is about half an acre.

That's not a lot.

Young minions today don't think on a grand enough scale.

I once sent Elle an entire continent.

That was in the ice age, and severely drab, but the thought was there.

She always appreciated my sense of humour.

'How about four hundred then? And get the darkest red you can.'

She does that frowny thing.

She's incredibly lucky she won't wrinkle.

I should put that in the next "Hell recruitment pack".

Join me and stay forever young and pretty.

Should make for a surge in the recruitment of actresses.

'The most I can get is a hundred and forty. And that's from three different places. Has she got enough vases for all these?'

Do you put them in a vase?

I eat the heads and arrange the stems.

I guess if she's not going to do that then she can have the hundred and forty in stock.

'Get what you can. I've written a card out. Make sure this goes out with them.'

'I'll swap you your paperwork, for the card. There you go. I need it all signed by tonight. It has to go to Gabrielle. She'll be nasty to me if it's late again.'

'Fine, fine, blah, blah.'

She starts to walk out, but I know what she's going to do.

'And don't open the card up. I've glued it shut. I'll know if you do.'

She gives me a playful snarl as she shuts the door.

Bad Bee; taught her everything I know.

I pick the phone up, hitting speed-dial 666.

'Angel Investigations... '

'You have such a sexy phone voice, Miss Chase.'

'Who... oh. Yes, that's right.'

We have an audience do we?

Excellent.

'I was thinking of you today, Cordelia.'

I hear an exhale of breath down the receiver.

Reminds me of the way it felt on my thighs.

Oooo, what a memory that is.

Have to replay that one next time it's just me and my hand.

'I was thinking of licking up those tanned thighs of yours. Slowly. Carefully. Savouring you. I like the way you taste.'

'Uh-huh.'

Her voice squeaks out, and I can imagine her shifting around in that chair of hers.

I love dirty phone calls.

I hope my line's not being recorded.

This'll probably end up on some $5 a minute sex chat-line.

In that case...

'You know, if I close my eyes, I can feel you round my fingers. You remember how it felt when I pushed them inside you, don't you. Can you feel it too, Cordelia?'

'Yes. Yes I can.'

No more squeaking, just a breathy low whisper.

I rub a finger over the hip of my dress.

Good, wearing panties.

Hate to leave a wet patch.

'And that's what I'd be doing to you now if you were here. Fucking. You.'

I'm so naughty.

I start chewing my pen lid to stop the sexual frustration from spilling out; and that is literally.

'Angel investigations can do that for you.'

I bet the whole room's filled with the other Angel-ettes.

How ironic.

Working for someone called Angel and having sex with the Devil.

I clench my jaw to stop from laughing.

'I'd want to take you over my desk. I have a lovely big office. Incredibly private. Almost soundproof. Would you like me to take you?'

As if she'd say no.

She's test driven the Lucy convertible, and found the ride incredibly wild and fast.

I have great suspension, and a gorgeous pair of headlights.

I'd even let her play with my stick.

Actually, have I shown her my stick?

I'll have to find out where I put it, and bring it out next time.

'Yes. Maybe we should meet up to discuss the finer points of this?'

My mouth pulls into a wide grin and I spit my pen lid into the bin.

I get through so many of those things.

Maybe I should chew elastic bands?

At least they'd last longer.

'Meet up? You read my mind. Sorry. Private joke. I'm swamped with unexpected paperwork today. How about I send my limo to pick you up after work tomorrow? I'll be in the back. Naked. Yes?'

Never has one word been breathed out so successfully.

'Yes.'

And here we have it.

Deal done and dusted in less than five minutes.

'I'll fuck you tomorrow then, Miss Chase. Ciao.'

'Yes you will. Goodbye.'

I throw the receiver in my bin and start on my paperwork.

Hi, I'm Lucifer and I have to fill in a form to scratch my ass.

At least I have one thing to look forward to.

Taking Miss Chase, on the leather seats of my stretch limo.

And it won't be the only thing stretched, not if I have anything to do with it.