Tonight
by Finding Faith

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They belong to Mutant Enemy and others.
Author's Notes: I'm kinda new so I'd like to know what you think. Um, this takes place after Faith and Buffy meet. But no evil-Faithness. And they never became enemies. They're friends. More than friends and this is toward the beginning of their relationship. The Scoobs don't know about their closeness yet. This is a little sappy but I can't help it! I love corny dialog! Oh yeah, ***** signifies change in POV.
Feedback: Yes, please let me know how this is going?

PART 1

She pulls away from the kiss and I can still taste her warm saliva in my mouth and it makes me smile. I open my eyes and she isn't looking at me. Instead, her eyes seem to be looking at my neck, or my shoulder maybe. They are very focused, but she seems hesitant, she wants to say something.

"Faith?" I offer, bringing my hand to her face, encouraging her to talk. She opens her mouth a little, but still doesn't speak. She brings her right hand up and places her fingers lightly on my collar bone, where her eyes had been focused. She starts running her fingers, very softly, up and down the length of it. It drives me wild. This is the first time that she has actually touched me sensually with her hands. Yes, she has hugged me, and held me in her arms, but that was comforting. This is arousing, very arousing. Almost as good as her kissing. My eyes slide shut. Finally her whispered voice breaks the silence.

"B?"

It is a question so I respond, "Yes?"

"B, I want ..." she trails off and I force my eyes open to see that her eyes have dropped and she is looking down, almost guiltily. Her fingers, however, had not stopped their ministrations. My hand is still on her cheek so I caress it again, silently urging her to go on. She is still looking down but continues speaking slowly.

"B, I want to ..." her fingers stop and lay still on my chest, "... to kiss you ... all over."

I realize what she is asking me. She is asking my permission to take things further. A silence falls and I can tell she is nervous. I can feel it coming off of her and her fingers are trembling on my skin, waiting for me to respond. There is something endearing in her apprehension. I move my hand that had been on her cheek up and tangle my fingers in her silky dark hair. I bring her eyes up to meet mine. It is the first time our eyes have met in the last few moments and what I see melts away any hesitations I may still have about being with her this way. I see her desire but that is not what convinces me. I also see fear. She is so worried about my reaction, scared of getting rejected. She seems so vulnerable. It breaks my heart. What takes my heart then, and puts it back together is the underlying emotion that is shining visibly in her eyes. She hasn't admitted it to me yet but she is saying it now, in the silence. Love. And I realize I want her to take it further, desperately. I want her to take it as far as it will go, and show me how much she loves me.

As I take time to analyze these feelings she is still waiting for my answer. It seems as though the little confidence she did have is dissolving because I have not said anything in the last few moments. Her eyes have fallen away once again. I won't torture her anymore. I move my face close to hers and kiss her tenderly on the lips. I drape my arm around her shoulders and move my head further so my mouth is next to her ear. When I move my lips, they brush against her lobe.

"Do it Faith. Kiss me. I'm giving myself to you. I want you to take me. Touch me. Faith ... make love to me." And I've said it, just like that. I've let it all out and I hope it was the right thing to do. I move my head back to look into her eyes. I see so many emotions (desire, excitement, love, relief) but they're all positive. She looks like a child who has finally gotten that puppy she's always wanted for Christmas. She grins at me and I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful. And as she gently lays me down on my back and places herself on top of me, I know that I have made the right decision.

*****

I'm on top of her now and I'm having a hard time believing this is even real. But I'm painfully aware of how perfect my hips fit between her spread thighs, how wonderful her breasts feel pressed up against mine. My elbows are positioned on either side of her shoulders and I put my hands on either side of her face. Her hands are on my lower back and her fingers are making indistinguishable patterns on the exposed skin between my tank top and my pants. The touch is electric.

I look down at her and that is when I realize how different this is. Not the fact that she is another girl, (although that is new for me) it's the fact that any philosophy that I had about getting some and getting gone just flew out the window. I want her. And I want to have her forever. I want to wake up in the morning and have her in my arms. I love her. I won't tell her that now though. Don't want to push my luck. I might scare her with all the emotion buried inside me for her. She said she was giving herself to me. Did she mean just her body? Or also her heart? I decide I should stop thinking so much and concentrate on giving her as much pleasure as I can possibly give. If I can't tell her how I feel, maybe I can show her.

*****

She is kissing me again but this kiss feels different. Our kisses have always been passionate, but this kiss is searing, holding a hint of something more, because we both know that we will be taking it so much further.

I run my right hand up over her back and place it on the back of her neck. I let my fingers play with the short hairs there. My left hand stays on her lower back, my index finger tracing the protruding bones of her spine. Her hands are on my face and her thumbs are stroking my temples, matching the pace of her tongue stroking in my mouth.

I love the way she kisses. Like she is trying to get as deep inside my mouth as she can. And she is trying to bring me just as deep into her mouth. Her movements vary, sometimes her tongue swirls around mine. Other times she runs it along the length of mine, or along my teeth, or along the roof of my mouth. And it's always such a slow, burning stroke. Liquid fire in my mouth. And her lips, her delicious lips, are always soft. Her full bottom lip always dancing with mine. And when she extracts her tongue to break for air our mouths never lose contact. She keeps her lips lightly on mine as we breathe in each others breath, only to exhale into each others mouths as we come together again to continue the sweet caress of our tongues. Yes, I love the way she kisses.

*****

Sweet Jesus, I don't think I can take this anymore. Never have I gotten so turned on just from kissing someone. I briefly glance at the clock and realize that usually after this much time my partner would have already come and if I was lucky I would have come and I'd either be quickly leaving his place or kicking his ass out of my place. But that just makes me realize again how different this is. This isn't fucking. This won't be seeing how fast I can get Buffy off. I'll go slow, so slow. I'll do what she asked of me and make love to her. But like a bullet, the horror of that thought strikes me. I've never done this before! No, it's not the girl thing anymore. I'm pretty sure I can handle that. I've never made love before! It's always been screwing. All this experience and absolutely none of it will help me now. At this point I lift my head from hers. I look down at her beautiful countenance and I'm truly terrified. She is giving herself to me and I won't be able to satisfy her. I can't give her what she wants.

I remove my hands from her face and put them on either side of her shoulders. I push up a little and lift my torso from her upper body. But I am stopped from moving any further than that because her arms have come up and wrapped around my shoulders.

"Faith?" she asks softly. I don't answer. I can't. I don't look at her and try to extract myself from her further. But she tightens her grip and says my name, this time more firmly. I look down at her and she looks upset. Way to go. Now I've upset her. 'Good job Faith, you fucked up again.'

*****

When she first lifted off of me I thought maybe she was going to switch positions, or maybe start to touch me like I want her to so badly. But then I realize she is trying to stop, to get off of me. I say her name a few times but she won't answer. She looks scared, like she is trying to run from something. I feel my chest constrict when I realize she is running from me. But why? She said she wanted to kiss me. But maybe thats it. Maybe she just wanted to go a little farther. And I jump right in and tell her I want to have sex with her. Maybe I'm going too fast. Maybe she doesn't want sex. But that doesn't sound right. This is Faith, besides slaying and eating, sex is her favorite hobby. Right? But she looked so happy when I said I wanted her to make love to me. And then I realize with horror that it is me. No, not what I said, but me. My body, me as a person. Is it because I'm a girl? No, you would think that wouldn't be a problem any more considering all the kissing we've been doing in the last few days. It's just me. She doesn't want me, doesn't want to touch me. What? Was she just humoring me with all the kisses and touches she's been giving me?

She is off me all the way now, I miss her warmth immediately. She is sitting beside me with her knees tucked up to her chest with an unreadable expression on her face. At least she's not bolting out the door.

I sit up and position myself so I'm sitting right infront of her. I put my hands on the outside of her calves and move them up and down in what I hope is a comforting gesture. "Faith?" I try again. Silence. She won't look at me. "Faith, what's wrong?" Her eyes flicker up to mine briefly but leave as soon as we make eye contact.

She starts, "I..." but then she trails off. 'God what does she need from me?' I think to myself. Instead of saying anything I lean into her legs and bring my hand to her face, encouraging her to speak, although not sure if I want to hear her answer.

"I can't do this," she whispers, and her words sting me as I realize what I was fearing is true. I suddenly pull my hand away, figuring she won't appreciate the touch. When I finally find my voice it is low and scratchy, and laced with realization and sadness.

"You ... you don't want me?" It's not really a question. She opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off. "You don't want to ... to touch me?" Again, not a question. I feel humiliated and tears start singing my downcast eyes.

*****

Fuck! She's about to cry now and I'm a damned fool for letting that come out sounding that way. She thinks I don't want her? God, I want her every second of every minute of every day, and I want her over and over and over again. I've got to fix this. "God, no B. That's not what I ... I didn't mean it like that." I look at her but she still looks skeptical. I put my hands on her shoulders so she has to look at me. "I want you." I say it slowly and clearly to show her that I'm dead serious. "B, I want you so bad I can hardly control myself when I'm around you."

She relaxes a little under my hands but she still doesn't seem convinced. "Then what's wrong Faith?" Her voice is small.

"B, I-" but I stop. I'm afraid, that's what's wrong. But I hate being scared, and even worse, I hate admitting it. Can't even remember the last time I did. I remove my hands from her shoulders, feeling uncomfortable again. I really can't do this. But then I look back up at her and a tear slides down her cheek and I hate myself.

I have to tell her something. After I tell her that I don't know how to satisfy her, she'll probably not want to do this anyway. So fuck it - I'll just say it. So, I open my mouth, hoping that I can open up to her, the first time opening up, to anybody.

*****

She finally looks like she is going to tell me what's wrong. I can't believe I started crying. It's just that I want her to want me so badly. She said that she does want me, but maybe she just said that because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Her voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

"It's just that I've never done this before." I look up at her and I'm a little confused. I've never done this before either, and she knows that.

"Faith, baby, it's okay." My hand finds hers and our fingers entwine. "I've never been with another girl before either. But, I'm sure ... we can figure it out." I smile, partly to let her know that it is okay, partly in intense relief that maybe, just maybe, we will be together tonight.

She smiles and blushes a little at my words and I think it is probably the cutest thing I have ever seen. She speaks and her voice is shy.

"B, that's not," she laughs, kind of nervously, "well, that's true but ... it's not what I meant." I chuckle now too and scoot closer to my girlfriend (girlfriend? Wow, that's nice). I put my chin on her upraised knee.

"What is it then, cutie?" She smirks at the name but her visage quickly drops to that worried look again.

"What I meant was ... I mean I've never ... I'm afraid I won't ..." she shakes her head, almost violently, and looks away. I can tell she is frustrated. I want to comfort her. I move again, to the side of her. I put my right leg under her upraised knees and I put my left leg around, behind her back, so she is sitting sideways between my legs. I put my left hand low on her back and rub it in soothing circles. I place my right hand on the left side of her face, gently urging her to face me. She only turns her head a little.

"You can tell me Faith." I bring my face to hers and kiss her cheek softly. "You can tell me anything." I run my thumb along her bottom lip and it trembles a little before she starts to speak again.

"What I was trying to say B, was that I've never ..." she pauses and takes a shaky breath, "I've never made love before. To anyone." Her voice has dropped and it sounds like she is ashamed of herself. "I mean I've, I've slept with people, but it's always been ... screwing, you know? It's never meant anything." I don't speak, just caress her cheek. I know she's not finished yet, and she needs to get this out. "But this is different B. I... I lo-... I want to make you ... feel good. But I don't know how. I want to ... satisfy you. But I'm afraid I won't be able to. That's why I can't B. I can't make you happy."

I'm racked with emotion as she finishes her speech. Her eyes had switched from looking at me to some place beyond my shoulder while she was talking, and now she is turned away, practically with her back to me. I can tell by the sniffling and the slight tremble in her shoulders that she is crying. I'm almost glad she is not looking at me because it gives me a moment to gather myself. If she was looking at me, I'm sure she's able to see my heart breaking. Because I can sure feel it. How can someone be so hardened by life on the outside and be so soft and vulnerable on the inside? She looked so sullen when she was speaking, so sad. I could hear the self-loathing dripping from her words when she was talking about screwing other people. I realize something. I never ever, for the rest of my life, however short it may be, want to hear that tone in her voice again. I never ever want to see her beautiful face so sad. And I will now until the day I die do everything in my power to keep her from being upset.

With these thoughts comes another fierce realization. It is a thought that hits me so hard I suck in a deep breath. I love Faith. I am in love with Faith. Most people in a relationship will say that they don't know the exact moment they fell in love with their partner. It was just a growing emotion that was just one day complete without it being noticed. Well, that's not how it's happening for me. I feel it the very second it happens. And when it hits me I'm filled with so much love for this beautiful, misunderstood girl sitting in front of me that it lifts me up. Up into a new level of feeling, a new level of thinking. I have never felt this way before and I'll never feel this way again. Except with Faith. From now on, if Faith, my Faith, is not next to me, standing by my side, I will not be whole. She is my completion.

*****

I can't look at her and I can't believe I'm crying like a fucking baby. I'm waiting. Just sitting here, crying, waiting for the rejection I know will come. Waiting to get slapped, or kicked out, or for her laughter and her voice to tell me how pathetic I am. But there is nothing. Her hand has stopped on my back and she is still and silent. I blew it. I shouldn't have even brought it up. Shouldn't have said anything about touching her, or kissing her, or whatever the hell it was. I have to leave. That would make it easier for both of us. Just get up and go Faith. But I am frozen in humiliation. Somebody has to say something. The silence is thick and suffocating, even though it can't be more than a few seconds since I finished speaking. Never one for patience, I decide it will have to be me to do something. My voice is shallow and it resonates hollowly in the silence of the room. "I've said too much B, I should probably go."

I feel her tensing as I get up off the bed. She's saying something. Telling me to wait, to stop. But I can't. I can't let her look at me like this. Let her laugh in my face. I can't believe I almost told her I love her! I've got to motor! But ... I'm stopping. No, she is stopping me. Her hands are on me and she is spinning me around to face her. She is saying something. What is it? Sorry? She's saying she's sorry? "B, why ... why are you sorry?" I ask clumsily, interrupting her apologies.

"Because I ... I wasn't saying anything after you ... you, why are you leaving? Why are you leaving me?" She sounds desperate, begging me to answer. But she is not laughing at me. Good sign? I don't know. I'm no good at this shit.

"I thought I ... I scared you B, or ... or maybe you think I'm pathetic ... I don't know. And you weren't saying anything so I-" But she cuts me off.

"No Faith." She puts her hand to my face and her thumb is across my lips, preventing my speech. "I wasn't saying anything because ... I was shocked."

Fuck! I knew it. I scared the hell out of her with all that intense pathetic emotion. I look away from her piercing stare and she must see what I'm thinking because she continues.

"No .... Faith ... not scared. You don't scare me. You amaze me."

At this my eyes snap back to her in disbelief. But she is smiling at me. Just smiling. And it is that smile. The one that played a huge part in my falling in love with her. The smile that made me envy who ever it was that she was giving it to. And now, it is aimed directly at me, and only me. And it makes me feel absolutely fucking wonderful. It makes me forget why I'm not laying her down on that soft bed and kissing every inch of her so I know her body by heart.

She still has her thumb on my lips and now she is running it back and forth lightly, making my lips come alive with sensation. She speaks again and I find myself having to concentrate very hard to ignore the shivers running through my body to understand what she is saying.

"Faith, I ... what you said ... about making me feel good ... was beautiful. You're beautiful, Faith. And tonight ... I want you to make me feel beautiful."

I'm ... I'm completely speechless. Can't talk. Can't move. She leans up and replaces her thumb with her lips and only by natural reflex am I able to return the kiss. It is a soft kiss and she pulls away only after a few seconds. "Don't worry Faith, about making me happy. Just you being here makes me happy." She takes my hands in hers and continues. "You say you don't know how ... let me show you." She looks up at me again and I know I have to say something, despite my stupefied state.

"B ... I'm ... I" stuttering, real smooth Faith. "I don't know." God! what the fuck is my problem!? The girl of my dreams is standing in front of me, asking me to do the one thing I want most to do to her. I'm a fucking pussy!

"It's okay Faith. If you don't want to ... tonight, we don't have to. But please ... stay. Stay with me tonight. Just ... hold me. But please ... don't leave."

Well, what the hell do I say to that? Since I can't seem to remember how to speak English, I play it safe and nod my head. She looks relieved and pulls me into a hug. "I'll get you something to sleep in."

As she is digging through her drawers and closet for clothes, I realize this is not going to work. Me, in a bed, with Buffy in my arms, can only lead to one thing. But maybe, hopefully, laying down for a while, holding her, will calm me down a little, relax me. And maybe, just maybe, I can do this for her tonight, for us. She said she'd show me. Maybe I could do that, let her tell me what she wants. Maybe, I can show her how much I love her.

---

PART 2

Oh, she's staying, she's staying, thank God she's staying! Oh, it will be hard, being so close to her all night. But it's better than her leaving.

I find some pjs for me and find a pair of shorts and a tank top for her. I purposely choose clothes that will be a little small for her. What can I say? I can't help it. I love her tight body.

I turn around and walk back over to her. She is fidgeting like crazy. It's adorable. She's nervous. Have I ever seen her nervous? No, not Faith. "Here you go." She takes the tank and shorts from my hand and gives a nervous smile. "I'll be right back," I say and head out of the room and make my way into the bathroom. I change my clothes and brush my teeth. I run cold water and splash it over my face. It doesn't help. My whole body is flushed with heat. I can't remember the last time I've felt like this. 'Slow Buffy, remember ... slow. You already almost scared her away!'

I walk back to my room and before I open the door I have to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I open the door and walk in. She's sitting at the end of the bed and her fingers are drumming against the mattress. Still fidgeting. I don't know whether to smile because she looks so young and nervous, or drool because she looks so God damn sexy in the tight clothing. So much for calming myself down. I'm staring and when she speaks I'm so distracted that I hardly hear her.

"So B, what side do you want?" What side? What side? The simple question throws me for a loop. I shake my head to clear my thoughts.

"Um ... it doesn't really matter to me. Ah, I'll take the left side I guess."

She doesn't say anything, just nods once and proceeds to crawl under the covers. As she moves to do this I see the muscles in her thighs flexing and relaxing, flexing and relaxing. I'm staring (drooling) again and now she's in bed and comfortable and I'm still standing in the doorway like an idiot.

"You comin' B?"

Coming, coming, coming ... !? "Yeah," I answer, but it comes out strangled and I briefly wonder if she can hear my heart pounding beneath my rib cage. I turn off the light and now the only light in the room is from a small table top lamp next to my bed, and the light filtering through my curtains from the moon. I get into bed and put my legs under the covers. I remain in a seated position and busy myself with straightening the sheets and fluffing my pillows, unnecessarily I realize. I'm stalling. I chance a look at her and her eyes are straight up at the ceiling, her expression unreadable. She stills seems a little nervous.

When I finally feel comfortable, I realize the table light is still on. Instead of asking her to turn it off (its on her side of the bed) I reach over her to turn it off. I try desperately to control myself but can't help it when I lean into her a little more than necessary. The left side of my body presses against her chest. I become dizzy when I feel her warm, moist breath exhaled on my chest, just below my neck. I get the light turned off and realize I'm still pressing into her. Her breath is kissing my skin and it paralyzes me.

I finally find my senses and pull back. I look down and smile sheepishly. God, I'm a moron. Can't even control myself.

She smiles back at me and I'm again struck by her beauty. The only light now is from the moon and it casts a soft blue light, illuminating her sharp features. The silence has become kind of awkward and I'm still leaning over her. I have to do something. "I'm glad you stayed." I lean down and kiss her forehead softly.

When I pull back she is smiling again and replies, "Anything B. I just ... want you to be happy. I'm sorry I-"

No, we won't go there again. "Shh Faith," I interrupt her. "Don't apologize. Just ... be with me." She nods and I lean down to kiss her again, on the lips this time. The caress is so soft and loving that I have to demand myself to pull away. I feel her tentatively put her arms around me and she pulls me down close to her. I lay down next to her and put my head on her shoulder. I drape my right arm and leg over her body so I'm half way on top of her. I feel her arms tighten around me and I snuggle deeper into the embrace. It feels so perfect. I feel so warm and safe and content in her arms. I can't remember ever feeling this way, so secure. Not even with Angel. Because with him, there was always the underlying fact that, well, he was a vampire. The underlying feeling that it could never work because of that. But with Faith, I know that this could be my future. I want her to be in my future. It is so perfect. We are so alike yet different enough to be attracted to each other. I don't want to ever be without her.

I lift my head and nuzzle my face into her hair and neck. I inhale deeply, breathing in her scent. I can faintly smell shampoo and soap, since we both took showers after our slay tonight. It's clean and fresh. But the over powering scent is that of just Faith. A smell that only she gives off. It's so raw and so intense, and so extremely female. With this thought I'm reminded of how different this is. Faith is a girl. I've never been with a girl. Never even thought about it until Faith. But still, I don't really consider myself a lesbian. I don't think I could be attracted to any other girl. But, come to think of it, after Faith, I don't think I'll ever be attracted to another guy again either. Only Faith. She invades all my senses. I love Faith the person, not the gender. However, I have to admit that her being a girl does excite me and when we do finally ... well, no need to think those thoughts now. Not when I'm so close to her. For now I'll have to be content just laying with her. Softly kissing the sweet skin of her neck, running my hand up and down her side. It's not too bad. It's not too bad at all.

*****

Buffy Summers is laying in my arms. The only way I know this is not a dream is to keep pinching myself. Well, I'm not waking up and at this point, if it is a dream, I don't care if I ever wake up. If the Scoobs could see me now. But I don't really care about that right now. In fact, I can't seem to care about anything except the beautiful angel lying in my arms. She's all I can think about. The warmth of her skin against mine. She has taken over my mind.

Every once and a while a random thought runs through my head, making me squirm. Like, will she squeeze her thighs against the side of my face or open herself wide for me when I go down on her? Will she moan deep in her throat or scream out my name when I make her come? I think her close proximity is starting to drive me crazy. She is tickling my neck with her nose and lips, her hand slowly making it's way up and down my side. I feel myself become flooded with desire. I'm so hot I'm afraid of burning her. There's a wild fire spreading beneath my skin.

I want her. Like nothing I've ever wanted before, I want her right now. Visions of me taking her, hard and fast, fly through my brain. Only some deep rooted sense of will stops me from flipping her onto her back and jumping her right here and now. Suddenly, my earlier thoughts repeat themselves in my head. 'I'll go slow, so slow with her.' Can I do that? I don't know, but somethings gotta give. I knew this wouldn't work. I'm too much of a horny girl. Too much of a sexual person. And no, that's not all I see in Buffy, her physical beauty, her sexuality. But right now, that's all I can think about. Action time. I just hope it's not too late.

*****

God, I shouldn't be doing this. She told me she wasn't ready, but here I am kissing her neck, petting her. I'm horrible. But I just can't keep my hands off her, my lips. She brings out this side of me, this ... carnal side ... I can't control. I should stop. I should ... oh God ... she tastes so good. She's trembling, but I don't think it's from nervousness anymore. I know she wants this. I know she does. I should say something. Tell her she can trust me. But she speaks first and her voice, so deep, so smoky, so sexy, sends a shiver from my brain straight down to my core.

"Ya know, I've never really ... um ... snuggled before either B."

I pry myself away from her neck and look down at her. "Well ... you're doing a pretty good job so far." My voice is husky. It surprises me. She returns my statement with a smirk before she continues to speak.

"You're not doing so bad yourself." She's referring to the small hickies I've been giving her on her neck. I look away from her expressive eyes shyly.

"I'm sorry Faith," I murmur out. But I don't mean it. I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for wanting her, for needing to kiss her and be close to her. And I'm not sorry for wanting her to make love to me.

"Don't be sorry. I don't want you to be." She brings her hand to my face and runs her fingers along my jaw line. "Hey, I want this too. Just as bad as you. I'm just a ... I'm such a ..." she trails off and shakes her head, exhaling sharply. Then, she looks thoughtful for a moment, like she has come to some sort of a conclusion. "Would it be ... I mean ... would you be mad if I said I changed my mind. I mean ... would it be too late?"

About what?! About me being sorry? About staying? About sex? About me?! Fucking what?! Whoa, calm down. "Huh?"

She smiles an anxious smile and shifts our positions. Now she is laying over me. Her right forearm is propped comfortably beneath my head and her left hand rests on my waist. "I changed my mind. I think I'm ... No, I know I'm ready. I want to be with you." She wraps her arm around my waist and encircles me, pulling me up to her as she's speaking. "I'm sorry I wigged out before. It's just ... this means so much to me. And I don't want to screw it up, like I do everything else. But, I think I can do this ... with your help, like you said." She kisses my lips so lightly that I'm not sure if we even connect. "Show me. Tell me what you want."

God, I love this woman. I find her hand and grasp it with mine. "You can trust me Faith." I bring her hand up to my lips and kiss her palm. "We'll go slow okay?" She nods and I think I'm the luckiest person in the world. "All I want is you."

---

PART 3

So soft, gentle, delicate. Those were never words I thought I'd be using to describe my actions. But I'm trying, I'm trying so hard for her. It would be so easy to rush this. So easy because I want her so badly. But that's not what we want. She wants this to last. I want this to last. So, here I am, being soft, gentle, delicate. Yes, it is new for me, but I could get so used to it.

I've found a new fascination. Her neck. Her strong column of throat. The flesh there is so smooth and delicious. I can't help but taste her as I let the tip of my tongue travel, so slowly, from her collar bone to up behind her ear. Once I'm there I plant light kisses all over, sometimes pulling the skin into my mouth and biting tenderly, letting my teeth drag along the flesh. I feel her tremble beneath me as I hit a sensitive spot. She lets out a ragged breath into my ear that causes me to shudder myself. I move down again, until I feel her beating pulse beneath my lips.

I stay there for awhile, and feel the pulse flutter as my left hand makes a unhurried journey from her hip to just below her right breast. I lift my hand a little to cradle the pliant mound of flesh between my thumb and my index finger. I continue kissing down her shoulder. When I reach the strap of her tank top I nudge it away with my nose and kiss the now newly exposed skin. I hear, as well as feel, her breath quicken as I start gently massaging her perfect breast with my hand.

Her heat is scorching me now as I feel it radiate through the thin material of her cotton top. Where our legs touch, and there are no clothes to obstruct the contact, I can feel my flesh melting. I move my head lower, leaving my mouth open to blow hot breath against her body. When I reach her top, low on her chest, I leave wet trails of kisses all over her flushed skin. Tasting her with the tip of my tongue.

I feel her arms enclose me and she presses me closer. Her small hands move down to my lower back and they gradually makes their way under my shirt. I have to pause what I'm doing as my breath hitches when I feel her fingers gliding up and down the bare skin of my sides. I can't help but let out a low moan when I feel her thumbs brush the sides of my breasts.

I'm lost in the feeling of her hands on me. I give into the feeling and lay my face flat on her chest. I lift my head a little so I can nibble on her neck. I take my hand that had been massaging her breast and move it up to run over the nipple. Tautness quickly forms beneath my palm.

Our legs are tangled with each others. My left leg is between hers and her left between mine. I shift a little, so now my thigh is lying flush against her warmth. In turn, her hip bone is nudging against me perfectly. I suck in my breath and give one full deliberate gyration with my hips. The intensity of the pleasure I feel causes my breath to whoosh out in a shaky gasp and she lets out breathy moan into the quiet of the room. Her nails dig slightly into my back. It's the best sensation I think I've ever felt.

I need to hear her moan like that again. There was something so purely untamed about it that is driving me wild. I settle myself as best I can and begin pushing up into her. But before I can get a steady rhythm going, my name from her lips floats to my ears.

"Faith..."

But at the same time I have lifted my head to give her a sizzling kiss, so she doesn't get out much more than that. My hips move more frantically. As I lift my mouth to breath she is speaking again, breathlessly.

"Faith, wait ... I want ..." She trails off, breathing heavily, but it doesn't matter because at the word "wait" I freeze. I don't move. I barely breath. Shit, shit, shit! Wait is so not a good word right now. I'm looking down at her, but not really *at* her, as I panic. I've already done something wrong. Wait ... wait ... wait ... The word ricochets inside my head until finally her voice snaps me out of my daze.

"Faith I ... ... what's wrong?" Do I look as terrified as I feel. That's hard to believe but she must be able to tell because she looks worried. Her brows are furrowed, her cheeks are flushed, her chest is heaving, she looks wicked sexy and I-...ah!...Faith, wait!

"I ... aah ... " My voice is gruff and I have to clear my throat before I can finish. "I ... Wait?" I ask, hoping she'll understand my question.

"Ohh ... no, no!" she practically yells, then quiets her voice to continue, "No, not wait as in ... stop ... Wait ... as in go ... I mean, not go but just ... wait ... a second. I need to stop for ... No! ... I don't want to stop but ... we can go ... I just need to ..." and she trails off for good this time and slaps a hand to her forehead. "Oh my god," she finishes. Her hand drops to the bed.

I'm completely lost.

At least I'm not terrified anymore.

She's cute when she's flustered.

I move my head down to kiss her chin. I continue down her jaw until I'm at her delectable neck again. But my kisses are uncertain, still not sure about what is bothering her. "What's wrong?" I whisper into her neck, repeating her question from moments before. My hand has moved from her breast, it is now stroking her upper arm.

"I want ... " her voice sounds shy. I move my lips to her ear to whisper.

"Tell me."

She moves her hands to my hair and kisses my ear before replying. "I want to feel ... all of your skin ... touching all of my skin."

I'm impressed, that's the most creative way someone has asked me to get naked. But coming from Buffy it turns me on to no end and a little whimper escapes my lips that have gone dry with anticipation.

I sit up and her hands slide from my hair down to my hips. I'm now kneeling astride her left thigh. I bring my hands to the hem of my shirt and suddenly, every single butterfly in my stomach decides to wake up and have a party. Nervous? I'm not nervous. Why should I be nervous? I've been naked infront of people before and it never bothered me. But for some reason, those people don't matter anymore. Nobody I've ever been with matters anymore. Only Buffy, because this is real. The first time it has ever been real. As far as I'm concerned, nobody else exists. This is my first. She is my first.

And as my hands tremble at the bottom of my shirt, I feel so young. And like a warm blanket I let the feeling of innocence wrap around me. Innocence that I thought I had lost. Innocence that had been stolen from me before I even knew what it was by a drunken father. Innocence that had been taken from me by boys with dirty hands and slobbering mouths.

And here is this girl, who is in a way a lot like me. Who knows all about the demons. And knows all about the night. And knows all about growing up too fast. And she has the power to give it all back to me. All that I had thought was stolen is now fresh and new, like an unspoken bond between us. Does she even know how much this means to me? Should I even let her have that power? Have that power over me?

I look down at her and she is smiling sweetly, probably oblivious to the revelation that is happening behind my eyes. And when I smile back she sits up and puts her arms around my waist and kisses my belly through my shirt. Her eyes are twinkling and she puts her hands on my hands and opens her mouth to speak.

"Let me."

*****

Her hands are trembling when I reach for them and it is a relief to know that she is as nervous as I am. A minute ago, when I was lying down, so many emotions played across her face in a few seconds that I didn't know what she was thinking as she was looking down at me. But then she smiled and she looked so ... refreshed somehow, I can't explain it.

I reach up and slip my hands to her sides and grasp the bottom of her shirt but before I can get anywhere, she has her hands on my wrists, stopping me. I look at her and she smiles before running her hands down under my thighs and lifting me. She shifts our positions so now she is sitting upright on the bed and I am sitting between her thighs with my legs wrapped around her waist. Our eyes are now level. I look hard at her. She is so very beautiful. I cup her face with my hands and move in slow for a kiss. I nibble her bottom lip a little first and then succumb to the moist cave of her lovely mouth. I do love the way she kisses.

Her hands are rubbing up and down my back, all the while pulling me closer. I wrap my hands around her neck and find my chest and stomach pressed tightly against hers. Her body is so warm. Her mouth is so warm. I indulge myself in that feeling, of how great it is. Angel was so cold. But any thoughts of him are banished from my mind as I feel her hands under my top. They are at my sides and as she moves them up slowly, so slowly, the material of my shirt catches on her wrists. Her fingers are gliding against my skin and it makes my head spin. I realize I am no longer kissing her, just breathing heavily into her open mouth as I give in to the sensation of her fingers on me.

Suddenly she stops. Why, why did she stop? I open my eyes and her eyes are open and are mere inches away from mine. They are clouded with desire yet clear at the same time. I realize the reason she stopped is because she has reached my arms and needs me to lift them to go any further. But she isn't saying anything. She's just waiting, waiting for me to decide. Asking me with her eyes.

I lift my arms for her.

Her eyes lock with mine as she continues lifting her hands, only to have the gaze broken as the shirt flips over my face. When my arms are free of my shirt, I put my hands back on her shoulders and she's looking. Looking at my face, looking at my chest, looking at me. And she's looking so hard at me. I've been aware when people have looked at me before. When guys have checked me out, ogled me or whatever. But it's never been like this. The way she is gazing at me now, there's something extremely ... erotic about it. There's something intense behind her eyes as I watch her looking at me. The electricity is tangible between us and it makes my breath quicken. I feel a tingling at the peak of my breasts and realize my nipples are hardening just from her eyes on them.

Then her lips are on my shoulder and I bury my hands in her silk dark hair, holding her to me. She's moving down, placing kisses as she goes. Her hands are running up and down my back again and then her lips reach my right nipple and I stiffen with excitement and push my chest into her. Her mouth is open around the nipple but she is not closing down on it. Instead, she is just exhaling her hot breath against me, driving me wild. Every few moments her tongue sneaks out and she flicks it against the nipple. I gasp every time. And finally, finally, she closes her mouth around the swollenness and takes it into her, sucking delicately. And I don't even realize her hands have stopped on my back until I feel her left hand on my other breast, taking the nipple between her fingers and pinching it lightly. I have to bite my lip to stop from screaming out when I feel her nip at me with her teeth.

I want her shirt off, now. I regain myself and find the bottom of her top and begin tugging on it. She feels my urging and breaks away from me and lifts her arms. I'm suddenly angry with myself for choosing such a tight shirt for her because in my haste it gets stuck in the process of removing it. It is caught on her elbows and her arms are sticking straight up, her face and hair are tangled in the collar. I hear her chortling in my struggle and by the time I get it off I'm chuckling too. When we can finally look at each other, our snickering turns into a silly giggle. And though it's broken the mood a little, the clumsiness of the moment makes it more real somehow.

Her laughter dies off and she gives me a sweet, quick kiss. "Well, was it worth the trouble?" Her smirk is teasing.

I give my own smirk to match it as I let my gaze travel down her now exposed torso. When my eyes meet hers again, I move my face in close until my lips are barely brushing hers and drawl out, "Ooohh yeah."

And we're kissing again. And when she pulls me close our chests touch and I moan into her mouth at the feeling it generates through every vein in my body. I feel myself being lifted and then she is lowering me back down onto the bed. She is kneeling between my legs and leaning over me. She's looking at me again. So intensely and she doesn't break out of it until I lift my hands and cup her face between them. She smiles and lowers herself until she is laying on top of me, supporting herself with her elbows. She puts her mouth on mine but when I try to deepen the kiss she pulls back a little and starts placing random kisses all over my face and chin.

I feel her reach down and grab the sheet that has gotten tangle around our legs and she throws it over us so it is covering from our waists down. Then I feel her struggling with something and realize she is trying to take her shorts off without breaking contact with me. It's not working. Damn tight shorts.

She finally lifts her head from mine and both her hands disappear under the covers. "Wicked tight shorts B," she says absently during her struggle.

"Come on F, I thought you like your clothes tight?"

"Tight? Yeah. But tight is one thing. Circulation blockage is ... ah ha!" Her hand emerges from below the sheet with the shorts in them. She tosses them to the side and is grinning when she continues her kisses. She lifts herself off of the top of me and changes positions so now she is laying along side of me. I feel her fingers on my skin as she lets them wander to my waist, the tips dipping just below the top of my shorts. She stops kissing me and without even opening my eyes I nod my head, answering her questioning gaze. And with less struggle than she had with her own shorts, she removes mine from my body.

My eyes are still closed and I feel her shifting around on the bed. And then, oh god, and then she lays herself down on me and I practically swoon at the contact. My eyes are shut so tight, and I'm gnawing on my lip and my body is stiff with arousal. And I imagine Faith is the same way, I can feel her heavy breathing on my neck. Then her voice cuts the silence.

"Are you ... B ... is this okay?" She sounds nervous again. I don't want her to feel that way.

"Yes Faith ... It feels so good ... You feel so good." My voice is no more than a whisper but it is determined. I bring her lips down to mine and kiss her passionately to let her know just how good she feels. I wrap my arms around her back and she puts her hands under my shoulders. Then she slides her body up into mine and my senses are over loaded with the feeling of it. Every part of her is touching every part of me. It is a full body caress. My skin is alive. She is making love to every part of my body. Wanting to fully enclose her, I wrap my legs around her hips.

She is moving with me, and it is exquisite.

*****

Amazing. Having her underneath me, naked, is amazing. And there are so many other words I could use. But I don't want to think about vocabulary now. I just want to feel. And the sounds she's making ... knowing that they are being made because of what I'm doing is making me wild with passion.

Like nothing else, I need to be inside of her. And just as I'm finishing that thought, she stills beneath me and finds my hand with hers. "Faith ... could you ..." I can't help but smile at her breathlessness. She brings my right hand up to her mouth and puts my finger tips over her lips. "Could you ... be inside me?" She sucks the tips of my fingers into her mouth, wetting them. I'm overridden with desire at her actions and her words and I have to remind myself to breath.

I nod to her and my throat is so dry I have to choke out the word, "Anything."

I let her guide my hand down her taut stomach, towards her heat. When I get there, she frees my hand and runs her own back up my arm, letting me have control. I let my fingers sift through tickling soft curls. I cup my hand and let my index finger start rubbing gently. Almost instantly, my finger is wet with her and the room is filled with her scent. I suck in my breath and let my finger slide, slowly but firmly, past the tight ring of muscle, into her most intimate flesh. I keep my eyes on her face.

I let my hand lie still for a minute. Partly to let her get used to the feeling of me being there, partly because I'm in awe at the feeling of her silken walls around my digit. She is satin around me, she is ... velvet. And all those other pretty words to describe wonderful things.

I shift to place my thigh behind my hand to add more pressure and now I can feel her tiny nub of hardness throbbing against my palm. Her right thigh is now perfectly between my legs and almost involuntarily my hips grind down on her, causing my hand to push up slightly deeper into her. She groans loudly at the movement into my shoulder and while I'm basking in that marvelous sound I feel her right hand flutter feather light down my side. When she reaches my hip, she brings her hand under me so now it is between us. I feel her explore with her fingers for a few moments before she enters me. And then she is inside me and I think I might explode. I don't know how many fingers are in me but it doesn't matter because she is filling me so completely that it goes beyond a physical feeling.

She then wraps her left leg up around my waist and we are locked together. And she's inside me and I'm inside her and it feels like the only thing that is keeping me from sinking into her is the boundary of my own skin. We're as close as two people could ever hope to be and that makes me feel whole in places I didn't even know were incomplete.

I look at her and she is so beautiful, and she feels so beautiful. She is mumbling something in my ear and when I realize she is saying my name, over and over again, it makes me feel beautiful. I have never felt that way.

She is moving with me, and it is exquisite.

*****

We have been sliding against each other for hours now, or has it been minutes? Or has it been forever? Our bodies are sweat - slicked and the room is filled with nothing but our mixed moans and our combined scent and our labored breathing. And we are dancing. Our bodies in perfect motion to compliment each other.

Sometimes we are kissing and looking into each others eyes, and that is when we concentrate on the pleasure we are giving each other. Sometimes she buries her face in my neck and we have our eyes screwed shut and we concentrate on our own pleasure. Neither sensation out does the other. But the power of the two feelings together - of giving and receiving - completes the perfect love we are making.

Then I feel it. My impending release approaching, and I know it is the same for her because her movements are becoming more frantic. This is the time I need her to look at me. I need her to see me right now, so she knows. Knows she can satisfy me. Knows she can make me happy. I bring my hand that had been wrapped around her shoulders to her face before I speak.

"Faith baby ... Faith, look at me." She leans down to give me a searing kiss before complying. "Oh Faith ... do you see? Can you see ... how you make me feel? You don't have to be scared anymore Faith, because look ... look what you're doing to me."

Her only reply is a sob and she looks away, like she still doesn't believe me. And I'm so close now and I *need* her to watch me. "No, Faith. Please ... please look at me." I turn her head to look. Her eyes are glossy. It's getting really hard for me to talk. "Please Faith, I need you ... to ... see me." Her forehead drops to my forehead and I can feel myself threatening to spill at any instant. In a last attempt I beg. "Open ... your ... eyes."

She opens her eyes for me.

I'm hit with so much love from them. And then I feel her finger curl up against my sweet spot as my fingers do the same to her. I feel her thumb sneak up to brush across my swollen center as my thumb does the same to hers. Then I'm surging over the edge and she is right with me, still looking at me. Loving me with her eyes. The release is felt deep in my belly then it is exploding along my every nerve, filling the spaces between my blood vessels and muscles and bones with warmth. She pulls me close and I pull her close as we quiver against each other in the wake of our climaxes. The sweet seconds of orgasm last forever and are all too short at the same time as I try to hold on to the tension in my body.

And then I'm coming down from the high she has given me and she is sinking into my skin as she comes down with me. It isn't until I have complete control of my senses again that I realize she is murmuring something to me. Whispering it in my ear. And when I finally understand what she is saying, I'm again filled with warmth and love and complete satisfaction for the woman laying my arms.

"Buffy ... I love you ... I love you ... Buffy. I love you ..." over and over again. A mantra, a chant. And I am soothing her now as best I can with my one free hand because she has closed her legs around my other hand to hold me inside of her. Shushing her, not because I don't feel phenomenal at what she is uttering to me - I could never get tired of hearing her say it - but because she has started weeping now. I can feel the hot splash of tears against my shoulder.

For her, I somehow just know that it is the first time she has used the words "I love you" and has meant them so absolutely. For me, I don't think I have ever heard my name uttered so beautifully.

It is a long time before she allows me to take my fingers from her.

---

PART 4

I wake up in quite the predicament. I desperately need to use the bathroom. Usually that wouldn't be a problem, but this morning, however, Buffy seems to have made herself quite comfortable laying directly on top of me. Not that I wouldn't normally be just as comfortable with her right were she is but her hip is digging into my bladder and if I don't get up and go soon, I won't have to get up and go at all because it will be over and done with right here.

I hug her close to me and roll, placing her on her side and I attempt to untangle myself from her. I have to stifle a giggle at her grumbled murmur of protest.

I get to the bathroom and relieve myself and as I'm washing my hands a wave of paranoia washes over me. What if I have morning breath? I've never had to worry about it before and decide not to take a chance. I don't have a tooth brush here so I fly through B's bathroom cabinets until I find a bottle of mouthwash.

When I get back to her room, I stall in the doorway as my eyes fall upon her sight of her lying in bed. I'm powerless to move and finally just settle on staring at her loveliness. I don't know how long I've been standing there when her voice floats up to my ears. "Are you going to come back to bed, or are you going to make me get up and get you?" I don't hesitate a second and make my way back to her. I jump under the covers and she folds herself in my arms and our legs tangle together easily like we have been waking up next to each other all our lives.

She leans up to kiss me and when she pulls away she has a questioning half-grin on her face. "Did you brush your teeth?"

"Mouthwash." She snickers. "What B? What's the big deal? I've never had to think about morning breath before, I was worried." God I'm whining now. What's wrong with me? Her half-grin turns into a full smile and she just shakes her head at me before nuzzling her face into my neck. Something absolutely irrelevant occurs to me then. "Hey B, didn't you want the left side of the bed?" I feel her chuckling in my arms and she pokes me in the side as she says, "God Faith, you're such a dork."

I smile at her words and reply, "Yeah, but I'm your dork?" And it was meant to be a statement, it really was. But I couldn't help it as my voice raised at the end to turn it into a question. Insecurities are hard to shake. And she doesn't even hesitate before snuggling closer and answering.

"Mmmm. My dork."

*****

We have been silent for the last few minutes, listening to each other breathe. Her heart beat under my ear. My finger tracing patterns on her abdomen, feeling the muscles ripple as I hit sensitive spots. There's something I want to bring up, but I don't want to ruin the bliss of silence. I need to ask her though.

"Faith?" She mumbles a reply, letting me know I can continue. "I want to ... tell people about us. Willow, Xander, Giles .. my mom. I want them to know." She's quiet for a long time and I'm about to speak again when she replies.

"Well, if you're sure B. I mean ... they're your friends, your family. I have no one to tell. It's your call. But I'm not really the type of girl people like to see their best friends with, their child with. Let alone the fact that we're both girls."

"Yeah but Faith ... they don't decide who I want, or who I'm with. And don't think about yourself like that. I want them to know about you and me. I want them to know how much I ... want to be with you." And I want to tell her I love her, and I'm about to. But then she looks away and has an upset look on her face.

"Look B ... last night, if I ... went over the line when I said ... you know ... if I said too much then I'm-"

"Faith stop." I cut her off, rather sharply as I realize what she is referring to. It hurts me that she is still so insecure. When she looks back at me her eyes are sad. I remember yesterday I promised myself that I would never let her look like that again. I'm going to fix it now.

"Faith, we made love last night." The corners of her mouth turn up in the beginnings of a grin. I cup her face in my hands and make her look at me directly, so she knows I'm serious. "Faith, I don't make love ... unless I'm in love." She goes completely still and her face frustratingly unreadable. Then, after a few moments of agonizing silence, she speaks and her voice is so soft I have to strain to hear her.

"Say it Buffy. If you mean it ... please ... say it."

The need in her voice is so thick. Could I ever deny her? I focus on pouring as much of my heart into my words as I possibly can. "Faith, I love you."

And her eyes flutter shut for a moment, as if she is gathering herself. A tear slips from behind her closed lid and when she opens her eyes they are bright with tears and love and they hide nothing from me. And she gives me a smile that lights up her face and lights up my face and lights up the dim room.

She moves in slowly for a kiss that is loving and passionate and hungry and lingering and a thousand other pretty words that I can't seem to think about because her hand are on me and her lips are on me and her tongues is in me. She pulls away from the kiss and I can still taste her warm saliva in my mouth.

It makes me smile.

The End