July 2000
Will someone please stop this spinning inside
my head?
I just want one day of not feeling like I have
the winning lottery ticket only to discover its out of friggin date when I
try and claim my prize. Just want to go back to the time when between me and
B there was just subtext. Not this maintext that is screaming inside my head
and making things between me and the slayer all confused.
Take the other night for example. This one
is gonna give you a kick trust me. And probably in a few years time, if I’m
still in the slayer business and not pushing up worms somewhere I’ll be able
to see the funny side too. Right now though....right now I’m stuck on the
rollercoaster ride of pain and it ain’t slowing down.
Its night. Well it would have to be, we were
patrolling Sunny Memorial again cos we still hadn’t tracked down the big bad
that flew into town. Giles is re-thinking tactics with the Scooby’s back at
the magic shop and has decided that this might not be an easy seek and destroy
gig as he originally thought. Jeez Giles, you think? Considering its been
a week and all me and B got to show for it is a higher ratio of vamps turning
to dust than usual I’d say a re-think is way overdue. So Giles packed us off
with these enchanted sword type things, all very Wiccary cos Red has been
working her mojo with T-T-Tara and finally we get a beat on where this demon
is hanging. We’ll report back later B tells them, ever ready with the team
spirit there B. I’d already decided that if we killed this dude all I was
gonna do was swing by the liquor store and spend the rest of the week with
a couple of buds.
Or at least that was what I had in mind.
Man the size of that demon when we finally
tracked him down gave both me and B pause for thought. And my thought was...
“Fucking hell” or maybe it was “Holy shit” I forget which now but you get
my point. Giles needs to brush up on his research skills, or maybe this one
was down to Xander not reading the small print again. Either way our little
pointy sticks and enchanted swords didn’t feel much protection against this
mother, who despite his size still felt the need to have un-dead minions protecting
him. Go figure!
Well this was no time to get all wiggy and
Army Boy over it. I looked over at B, she had the same startled expression
in her eyes, one I’ve seen before when she realises how much her new shoes
are actually gonna cost her.
“You ready for this B?”
Without hesitation she answered. You go girl!
“What is it you say Faith? Bring it on?”
She had this sly smile, real sexy and my stomach
flipped over like a thousand times. I was speechless. Damnit Faith, this is
no time to lose your slayer edge! I just laughed, cos there was nothing else
my brain would let me do right then. And like we always do, without needing
to do some lame “count to three and move on three” thing, both of us crashed
the un-dead party.
Two slayers, fighting side by side, good times
were had right?
For awhile there it was solid. The vamps were
well trained, had to give ‘em that. Demon guy obviously hadn’t picked the
home-grown variety, they had some brains about them and plenty of brawn. We
were ganged up on, six to one I think I counted. But nothing new there though,
should have been able to handle that. Roundhouse kick, elbow block then sweep
up for an uppercut, stake and we’re through! That’s how it goes usually, and
for awhile there the other night it played right out of one of Giles textbooks.
The vamps job was to keep us away from the demon, and they were doing real
well at it. But then me and B got chance to re-group, I gave her my sword
and told her to go forth and slay herself something big for supper and I’d
keep Lestat and the boys busy whilst she did it. And just cos its the kinda
thing I say I added “if you think you can handle a big one B?” Pretty lame
yeah, but it got B fired up that bit more, she’s so easy to bait sometimes,
and she needed the edge. Didn’t catch her response though which was probably
just as well, we were being cornered in again by the three vamps that were
left, so to give B her hall pass to the demon over in the corner I just flew
across the room at them trying to take as many down as I could.
And here is where it all starts to go bad for
Team Slayer. Or more importantly for me. See I’m acting all tough and cool,
I can handle three stronger than your average vampires by myself no worries.
Just let me get my stake ready and....
...WHACK! Something connected with the back
of my head and all of a sudden I was flying slayer. The only thing stopping
this bird from spreading her wings any further was the brick wall I slammed
into.
OUCH... or a better description of what was
screaming inside my head would be AHHH FUCK I tried to stand up, re-focus,
see what the hell happened to me and who I was gonna dust first for doing
it. And suddenly my legs don’t wanna work, and I’m clutching at the wall behind
me just so I don't keel over. There’s this fog in my head too, don’t know
where it came from but its making everything blurry and I can only half make
out that there is a vamp coming towards me, and he has this big thing in his
hands. Looks like a steal girder or something, well at least that explains
why one blow to the slayer head knocked slayer sense out of me. Told you these
vamps were packing some un-dead muscle. So if there is one vamp aiming for
me, and lets face it I could have been wrong here, cos my vision was in and
out like channel hopping on cable, where were the other two? More importantly
where was B and the other two?
And then it don’t matter how bad I feel, how
my head feels like its just been speared straight down the middle of it, only
some of the metal broke off and its banging against my forehead each time
I try and move. I have to find B. I have to help B. My vamp was practically
on top of me by now, its lucky there was still some latent slayer strength
in me, cos I managed a few good knee jerks in his groin to knock him off course,
reaching for my spare stake in my jacket pocket as I did it. What followed,
I’m sorry to say, was the lamest staking I've ever taken part in, but the
end result was the same and right then I wasn’t thinking about a perfect score
in the Staking Olympics, you know? Just as I get the damn thing out my pocket
and pointing the right way I felt myself launched through the air again, only
this time I had a vamp making me airborne. He didn’t take too kindly to being
kicked in the family jewels, I guess. Least when I landed this time, it was
on the marginally softer concrete floor and I managed, fuck knows how, to
not crack my head against it, and also with the luck on a second front, my
vamp had impaled himself on the stake in my hand when he landed on top of
me and I got a face full of dust instead of a snarling set of teeth. Phew,
that was fortunate right?
You don’t need to be a freakin Einstein to
figure out things weren’t going so well for the Chosen Two this half of the
game. I’m on the floor. I want to get up. I want to get up and fight, cos
hell it’s what I do! It’s what I see B doing over in the corner, least I think
its B and I think she is fighting. My vision is doing its fade to black thing
again. And I realise that I’m not getting out of this without help. I could
just lay there and wait for B to slay Giles “nothing too serious” demon, but
what’s to say when she let the dust settle around her she wouldn’t find me
with my neck ripped out, or worse. And it wasn’t the thought of dying that
got me on my knees despite the pain in my head. It wasn’t the thought of being
some scumbag vamp’s next meal that got me to my feet without blacking out
again. It was the thought of B finding me after it was over. Finding me and
blaming herself just like she did when that Kendra chick died and she wasn’t
there to stop it from happening. And you know what else got my beaten ass
up and over to wear B was? The thought that I might die without telling her
what she means to me.
Can you believe that?
Faith thought with her heart for once.
We got out of there alive of course. Once I
got over to B and she could see how the odds were SO not in our favour anymore
there was never any question about staying till the bitter end. If it had
been an apocalypse kinda deal and the weight of the world was on our shoulders
instead of just our manic little corner of it then I might not be here now
writing this. But it was just a demon. Okay a demon Giles and the Scooby’s
underestimated, and don’t think for a minute me and B have let them get away
with that, but just a demon all the same. So we made like a regular couple
of gals and got the fuck out of there.
And I’d like to say that was it. I’d like to
say that the one time I actually listened to my heart where B is concerned
is what has got me all riled up, riding the rollercoaster of emotion again
like some kid in a theme park rides the big dipper till it makes them sick.
But I can’t say that.
I can’t say that cos it was after we’d stopped
running, made it all the way back to her house in fact, that has got me this
screwed up again. It was walking her up to her front door, her turning towards
me about to say something that’s made the world of Faith all whacked again.
It was seeing her face as I bleached white and stumbled forward cos the pain
in my head just hit a home run and I couldn’t stand anymore that’s made it
impossible for me to go a minute without thinking about her. It was feeling
her hands holding onto me, pulling me into her body and falling with me to
the ground. It was the tears in her eyes spilling over as she yelled for her
mom inside to come quick, Faith’s hurt! It was the last thing I heard her
say before the fog came back and took over completely inside my head that
has made me realise that I’m not going to get over this thing with B, its
never going to go away.
As I lay there in her arms I heard her whisper...
...“Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave
me.”
I couldn’t leave you B. Not even if I tried.
Five by five, if only.