Disclaimers:
They all own themselves, they're REAL PEOPLE apparently. No harm intended,
really. We know they aren't gay.
Comments: Not beta-d as I refuse to give Pebblin this fluff. She
rocks as a Beta though, total Grammar Nazi if you catch her on the wrong
day, but hey, you guys benefited from the use of a semi-colon.
Authors Note: They're getting more porno as time goes on. Soon
I'll have them all writhing in a hot-tub. Nice time for a cig, this Marlboro
is dedicated to Sway and Star. Smokers Unite! Grrrr.
As The Set Turns- Heterodox
Faith:*Licks her lips, suggestively* I guess
it just makes me wicked... hungry.
Buffy: *Dumbstruck*
Director: CUT! Sarah? Problem?
Sarah: Sorry.
Director: Again, still rolling people.
Faith: *Flicks her tongue out a little to moisten top lip* I guess it just makes me wicked... hungry
Buffy: *Silent apart from vowel sounds as she stares at Faith's lips*
Director: CUT! CUT! CUT! Take 5 people. Eliza? Talk to her! *points at Sarah*
Eliza: What's up, Miss School Play? You've only got 3 fuckin' words to say!
Sarah: *Slaps Eliza's arm* Stop licking your god damn lips before you say a line then!
Eliza: *Laughs* Woah, what a professional Gellar. It says in the script that I'm meant to! *Points at script line* SEE! "Faith licks her lips suggestively."
Sarah: When did you learn to read words with more than one syllable?
Eliza: The same time you realised you liked being with me, as opposed to that fruit boyfriend of yours!
Sarah: Leave Eddie out of this! He's not a fruit! Well he is but... I'm not sure what my point is.
Eliza: F-F-F Freddie!
Sarah: Who?
Eliza: Freddie! Your god damn cover story you spaz, he's called Freddie! Not fuckin' Eddie. Say that on the MTV awards and the National Enquirer will be camped out on your front lawn for the next 2 years.
Sarah: Freddie, Eddie, who cares?
Eliza: *Rolls eyes* Come on, we're going out for a smoke. You need to de-tense, girlfriend.
*Eliza drags Sarah off out back*
Sarah: Hey, watch the shirt! It's silk and creases easily.
Eliza: Get a life and stop reading washing instructions.
Sarah: Hey! Just because my whole wardrobe doesn't consist of wipe clean garments does NOT mean you can be nasty to me! *starts to cry*
Eliza: *Shocked* Woah, slow down, what's up?
Sarah: What's wrong? Have you looked at these pants? My friends watch the show. I look like I'm colour blind!
Eliza: Right, just to clarify things. You're crying because you have to wear a nasty pair of pants? *looks down at them closely* Actually they do suck. They make your ass look huge.
Sarah: *Starts crying again*
Eliza: Damn, where's Aly when you need her? *shouts* ALY?!
Alyson: *Walks round corner* What? I'm trying to give you guys some *uses air quotes" space.
Eliza: Tell Sarah she looks ok in those pants will you? *pleading look*
Alyson: *Screws up her face* Wow, your ass looks huge. Who'd you piss off this time Sarah?
Sarah: *Sobs louder* SEE!
*Amber rushes up as Sarah can be heard for miles*
Amber: What have you said to her now, Uber-Bitch Eliza?
Eliza: Hey! No harm, no foul!
Amber: Sarah are you... jeez, those pants suck! You need to see wardrobe about them.
Sarah: *Screams* I KNOW! I FUCKIN' KNOW THEY SUCK! They make my... *pauses to wipe her nose on her cuff*
Amber: Make your ass look huge, that's what they do. Not like you HAVE a large ass. I mean you're all tight and toned.
Sarah: *Stops crying* You don't think I have a big butt?
Amber: Hello? I CAN see! You're fine, girl!
*Aly and Eliza are trading looks*
Sarah: Really? *sniffs a little* I mean, I don't do I? It's these pants! My ass is small. I was voted 'nicest ass' by american housewives last year. That's how good it is!
Amber: Look, come on we'll go see that whore in wardrobe and I'll make her change them, ok?
Sarah: *Childish voice* ok.
*Sarah and Amber walk off*
Eliza: What the hell just happened?
Alyson: She was Amber'd. She just does that. I mean, this morning when we woke up... I mean I woke up, um, well I was freaking about my underwear and she was all 'No don't change it, it's so tactile'. I mean, she could SEE how nice it could be to touch, she didn't, you know... um...
Eliza: Give it a break Red, we all know you two are playing naked twister every opportunity you get.
Alyson: *Wide eyed horror* w--wa-um.
Eliza: Stop sweating, I don't give a crap.
Alyson: Oh, I mean, if it were true then thanks, but it's not so there!
Eliza: *Bitch mode kicks in* My mistake Red, so you wont mind if I ask her round to a party I'm having then? Just I have a few single friends that she'd like meeting. Models, you know; blonde, tall, thin, rich, models. You wouldn't mind, sorry, I mean SHE wouldn't mind?
Alyson: *Squeaks* No, I think she might be busy though.
Eliza: Busy? When?
Alyson: When what?
Eliza: You related to Gellar? When as in When is she busy?
Alyson: Um, lots. *looks panicky*
Eliza: Narrow it down Red, I wanna see if she can come *purrs this last word out*
Alyson: Alright! WE'RE DATING! Fuck you Dushku!
Eliza: Hey, that pet name has Gellar copyright, watch it or she'll kick your ass for mis-using it. I'm yankin' ya about Amber! Relax, secrets safe with me, ok?
Alyson: *Looks a little calmer* I guess.
*Amber and Sarah walk back*
Sarah: Check me out! *does a twirl* I hope the film in the camera is heat resistant.
*Eliza looks at Sarah's new TIGHT SHORT black skirt*
Eliza: I don't know about the film, but I know these hands are.
*Sarah grins as she walks back on set, shaking her ass from side to side with every step*
Sarah: T-I-g-h-t! That's what I am.
Eliza: *Whispers to Amber and Aly* She ain't THAT tight, trust me. *winks*
*Walks back on set to try the scene again, leaving open mouthed Aly and Amber staring blankly at each other*
Buffy: *Dumbstruck*
Director: CUT! Sarah? Problem?
Sarah: Sorry.
Director: Again, still rolling people.
Faith: *Flicks her tongue out a little to moisten top lip* I guess it just makes me wicked... hungry
Buffy: *Silent apart from vowel sounds as she stares at Faith's lips*
Director: CUT! CUT! CUT! Take 5 people. Eliza? Talk to her! *points at Sarah*
Eliza: What's up, Miss School Play? You've only got 3 fuckin' words to say!
Sarah: *Slaps Eliza's arm* Stop licking your god damn lips before you say a line then!
Eliza: *Laughs* Woah, what a professional Gellar. It says in the script that I'm meant to! *Points at script line* SEE! "Faith licks her lips suggestively."
Sarah: When did you learn to read words with more than one syllable?
Eliza: The same time you realised you liked being with me, as opposed to that fruit boyfriend of yours!
Sarah: Leave Eddie out of this! He's not a fruit! Well he is but... I'm not sure what my point is.
Eliza: F-F-F Freddie!
Sarah: Who?
Eliza: Freddie! Your god damn cover story you spaz, he's called Freddie! Not fuckin' Eddie. Say that on the MTV awards and the National Enquirer will be camped out on your front lawn for the next 2 years.
Sarah: Freddie, Eddie, who cares?
Eliza: *Rolls eyes* Come on, we're going out for a smoke. You need to de-tense, girlfriend.
*Eliza drags Sarah off out back*
Sarah: Hey, watch the shirt! It's silk and creases easily.
Eliza: Get a life and stop reading washing instructions.
Sarah: Hey! Just because my whole wardrobe doesn't consist of wipe clean garments does NOT mean you can be nasty to me! *starts to cry*
Eliza: *Shocked* Woah, slow down, what's up?
Sarah: What's wrong? Have you looked at these pants? My friends watch the show. I look like I'm colour blind!
Eliza: Right, just to clarify things. You're crying because you have to wear a nasty pair of pants? *looks down at them closely* Actually they do suck. They make your ass look huge.
Sarah: *Starts crying again*
Eliza: Damn, where's Aly when you need her? *shouts* ALY?!
Alyson: *Walks round corner* What? I'm trying to give you guys some *uses air quotes" space.
Eliza: Tell Sarah she looks ok in those pants will you? *pleading look*
Alyson: *Screws up her face* Wow, your ass looks huge. Who'd you piss off this time Sarah?
Sarah: *Sobs louder* SEE!
*Amber rushes up as Sarah can be heard for miles*
Amber: What have you said to her now, Uber-Bitch Eliza?
Eliza: Hey! No harm, no foul!
Amber: Sarah are you... jeez, those pants suck! You need to see wardrobe about them.
Sarah: *Screams* I KNOW! I FUCKIN' KNOW THEY SUCK! They make my... *pauses to wipe her nose on her cuff*
Amber: Make your ass look huge, that's what they do. Not like you HAVE a large ass. I mean you're all tight and toned.
Sarah: *Stops crying* You don't think I have a big butt?
Amber: Hello? I CAN see! You're fine, girl!
*Aly and Eliza are trading looks*
Sarah: Really? *sniffs a little* I mean, I don't do I? It's these pants! My ass is small. I was voted 'nicest ass' by american housewives last year. That's how good it is!
Amber: Look, come on we'll go see that whore in wardrobe and I'll make her change them, ok?
Sarah: *Childish voice* ok.
*Sarah and Amber walk off*
Eliza: What the hell just happened?
Alyson: She was Amber'd. She just does that. I mean, this morning when we woke up... I mean I woke up, um, well I was freaking about my underwear and she was all 'No don't change it, it's so tactile'. I mean, she could SEE how nice it could be to touch, she didn't, you know... um...
Eliza: Give it a break Red, we all know you two are playing naked twister every opportunity you get.
Alyson: *Wide eyed horror* w--wa-um.
Eliza: Stop sweating, I don't give a crap.
Alyson: Oh, I mean, if it were true then thanks, but it's not so there!
Eliza: *Bitch mode kicks in* My mistake Red, so you wont mind if I ask her round to a party I'm having then? Just I have a few single friends that she'd like meeting. Models, you know; blonde, tall, thin, rich, models. You wouldn't mind, sorry, I mean SHE wouldn't mind?
Alyson: *Squeaks* No, I think she might be busy though.
Eliza: Busy? When?
Alyson: When what?
Eliza: You related to Gellar? When as in When is she busy?
Alyson: Um, lots. *looks panicky*
Eliza: Narrow it down Red, I wanna see if she can come *purrs this last word out*
Alyson: Alright! WE'RE DATING! Fuck you Dushku!
Eliza: Hey, that pet name has Gellar copyright, watch it or she'll kick your ass for mis-using it. I'm yankin' ya about Amber! Relax, secrets safe with me, ok?
Alyson: *Looks a little calmer* I guess.
*Amber and Sarah walk back*
Sarah: Check me out! *does a twirl* I hope the film in the camera is heat resistant.
*Eliza looks at Sarah's new TIGHT SHORT black skirt*
Eliza: I don't know about the film, but I know these hands are.
*Sarah grins as she walks back on set, shaking her ass from side to side with every step*
Sarah: T-I-g-h-t! That's what I am.
Eliza: *Whispers to Amber and Aly* She ain't THAT tight, trust me. *winks*
*Walks back on set to try the scene again, leaving open mouthed Aly and Amber staring blankly at each other*