Untitled Document

We all make mistakes. It’s what we do afterwards that
counts.

Faith never stopped trying. The determination she had
always possessed was for the first time focused on
repairing the damaged she had done, instead of causing
it. But it’s not easy. Forgiving ourselves can be can
be the hardest thing to do, and when we’re not allowed
to forget our mistakes, it becomes nearly impossible.

But we try, what else can we do?

Somewhere in the back of Buffy’s mind, she registered
the scooby gang’s open mouthed stares. Reluctantly
pulling away from Faith’s embrace, she turned and saw
them all at the window, as Xander and Willow seemed to
have backed away into the shop and collected the gang.

She looked at Faith, who had followed her gaze and now
had a look on her face that indicated that she was
about to bolt. Buffy took her hand and smiled softly.
“You want to get this over with?”

Not really. “I guess.” Faith murmured, shrugging. It
had to happen eventually, after all.

The gang retreated from the window and back to their
seats as the two slayers walked in, hand in hand with
an unmistakable glow about them. Giles watched them,
blushing slightly. “You’re... um...”

“In love.” Buffy stated for the second time that
morning. “Yes. Do you have a problem with that?” She
glared.

“No.” Anya said, not really caring all that much.
“Orgasms are good. Well done.”

Spike just grunted and grabbed his blanket, shooting
Buffy a hurt look as he ran out of the shop.

Ignoring the vampire’s exit, Willow started ranting
again. “Well I have a problem with it!” She exclaimed.
“You’re in love?! Have you forgotten that she’s a
psychotic-”

“Murderer?!” Xander finished, glaring at Faith.
Glaring that is, until Faith met his eye and he
decided looking at the floor was a better idea.

Buffy glanced around the room sadly, her eyes finally
resting on Dawn, who was sitting at the back of the
shop. She walked over and crouched in front of her.
“She won’t hurt you.” She said softly. “I trust her.”

Dawn just looked at the wall and refused to make eye
contact with her sister, flinching as Buffy’s hand
reached out to stroke her hair. Sighing, Buffy turned
back to her friends. “She’s sorry.”

“Why doesn’t she say that?” Tara asked quietly, as all
eyes turned to Faith, who felt her mouth go dry.

“I am.” She choked out, before clearing her throat.
“I’m sorry. I wish-”

“It doesn’t matter!” Willow shouted. “You hurt us all.
You tried to KILL us!”

Tara stood and put her hand on her lover’s arm.
“Willow...”

“No!” She continued, turning to her best friend. “I’m
sorry, Buffy. But no.”

Faith watched them all arguing, shutting out the their
cries of disapproval. She knew they didn’t want to
hear what she had to say, that it would only make it
worse. This had to happen. She watched Buffy through
the murmur of voices, marvelling as the room blurred
around her, until only the blonde was left in focus,
the only light in the darkness.

It was the way she moved, graceful and confident, like
a mirror of Faith’s own body. She had thought it was a
slayer thing. But no, it was just Buffy.

And then their eyes met, through the blur, through the
noise. Their eyes met and it was only them, giving
each other everything they needed.

A smile grew on Buffy’s lips, despite the situation,
despite the awkwardness and disapproval. For an
instant, everything was perfect, and she knew she had
made the right decision.

“Are you even listening?” Xander asked, stepping in
front of her and blocking Faith from her view.

“Yes.” Buffy lied. “And I understand. I wish things
were different.” She looked at them all. “But they’re
not. This is how it is.” She stepped around Xander and
walked back towards Faith, who’s smile played on her
lips as she watched her walk towards her. “I love you
all.” Buffy said, looking around the room. “ALL.” She
repeated, looking at Faith again.

“I think-” Xander started, only to be cut off by
Giles.

“I think we should take a break.” He said firmly.
“This is a difficult situation, and it needs to be
considered carefully.”

Buffy threw him a grateful look, despite not seeing
what had to be considered. Giles looked away and began
to rearrange books, signalling that the discussion was
over. Buffy gave her friends one last pleading look,
and dragged Faith out of the shop, letting them make
up their minds like she had made up her own.

Faith let out a sigh of relief as Buffy pulled her out
of the shop and back into the sunlight. She marched
down the street with Buffy, still loving the feel of
the blonde’s hand grasping her own. It wasn’t until
they had made it to the end, that her mind kicked in
and she wondered where they were going.

“Uh, B?” She said, tugging her hand and pulling them
to a halt. “Where are we going?”

Buffy turned to her with a pained expression on her
face, an expression that melted into a smile as she
was met with the dark, concerned eyes of the other
slayer. “Yours.” She said firmly.

What, now?” Faith asked her, a little surprised.
“Maybe you should go sort things out with-”

Buffy leaned in a kissed her gently, quieting her
protests. “I don’t want to waste any more time.” She
said softly. “I want you. Only you.”

Faith sighed and shook her head, knowing that the
blonde would regret not making amends later. Kicking
herself, she choked out what she hoped was the right
thing to say. “It’ll be easier if you go talk to them
now, B. I’ll still be here when you get back.”

“B...” Faith grinned, planting a soft kiss on her lips
and wondering how she managed to have any will power
at all. “Meet me at the Sun at 6, ‘K?”

Reluctantly, Buffy nodded and watched the brunette
drag herself away, her leather clad ass finally
hitting its confident swing in the morning light.
Buffy growled to herself and turned back to the magic
shop.

The gang looked at Buffy with a mixture of surprise
and anger as she walked back in the door and closed it
softly behind her. She had been in this situation
before, when Angel had come back from Hell and Xander
had caught them together. But this was different. She
had felt guilty back then, and now? Now she knew that
what she was doing was right.

But they didn’t know that. They couldn’t.

Xander glanced up at her as she moved to take a seat
next to her friends, who had their noses buried in
various books. “Faith busy?” He asked, venom in his
voice.

“No.” Buffy replied. “I want to help. What’s going
on?”

“Big nest of vamps just moved in, according to Spike.”
Xander said. “But then, you’d know that if you’d been
here instead of off with your girlfriend.”

“Look-” Buffy started, only to be cut off by Xander
again.

“No.” He said. “You look. Don’t you remember the last
time you got involved with a killer? Do you even
remember Miss Calendar?”

Buffy glanced at Giles, who had moved away from the
group and was looking everywhere but at his slayer.
“That’s not fair...” Buffy said. “I wouldn’t put you
in danger. You don’t understand-”

“You’re right. I don’t.” Xander slammed his book shut
and got up. “If you have time, you might want to check
this nest out. Looks like they’re getting ready for a
major spree.”

“I will.” Buffy said softly. “Of course I will.”
Xander snorted at her and grabbed his girlfriend by
the hand.

Anya nodded and glared at Buffy. “You’ve upset him
now.” She snapped and turned back to her boyfriend.
“I’ll make it better.” She said as they left the shop.

Buffy stared after then with a look of despair and
turned to Willow. “Faith can help too.” She tried.

“Not while I’m there.”

Willow shot her a look filled with hurt. “Not again.”
She said, shaking her head. “Not now. Not ever.”

Buffy sat helplessly as she watched her best friend
get up and walk to the door, Tara following her after
giving Buffy a slightly sympathetic glance. “I’ll see
you later.”

“Wait!” Dawn called, rushing over to the witches. “I
wanna stay with you.”

Willow turned to Buffy, raising her eyes
questioningly. Sighing, the slayer nodded. “OK. I’ll
pick you up-” She called after her sister as they left
the shop and slammed the door. “... Tomorrow.” Buffy
shook her head sadly and stood. Wandering towards
Giles, she breathed out a sigh and leaned on the shop
counter. “Do you think they’ll ever get it?” She
murmured.

Giles turned towards her, his face a blank slate.
“No.” He said softly. “I don’t think we will.”

Buffy winced at the inclusion of himself in the
statement, “I’ve made a decision, Giles. I can’t go
back on it.” She said, wishing there was some way she
could explain everything that had happened. “Even if I
wanted to.” She added.

“That’s up to you.” Her watcher nodded, turning back
to his books. “But don’t expect us to understand,
Buffy.”

Of course you can’t. Buffy sighed and walked to the
back room, deciding to train until she was able to
meet Faith.

Despite all the tension, Faith step was unusually
light as she made her way out of the motel room that
evening. Everything seemed to be going to plan,
everything seemed right for the first time in a long
time. She tried not to let her doubts in, that Buffy
would choose her friends above her, or that something
unexpected would tear them apart. Live in the damn
moment.

Her heart was beating faster and faster as she
approached the cinema, the same one she had shot an
arrow from all that time ago. Still came down to the
same reason. Still came down to Buffy.

She felt Buffy’s presence ring in her soul as she
walked closer, her stomach leaping and her heart
punching her chest. Anticipation burned its way
through her veins as she caught sight of the other
slayer, standing waiting for her under the overhanging
roof of the cinema.

Too soon, and not soon enough, Faith walked up to her
and grinned. Before she could make a comment on the
blonde’s earliness, she found her mouth invaded
roughly by the other slayer, her arms suddenly wrapped
around her neck. Buffy’s tongue slid against her own,
growling somewhere deep within her throat.

“We’re gonna see a movie?” Buffy pouted, unsure
whether she could wait that long, the training she had
done that day leaving her in a state of unresolved
tension. But it wasn’t just that. Her eyes trailed
over the leather clad form of the brunette slayer.
No... it wasn’t just that.

Faith grinned at her through her shallow breathing,
feeling the heat radiating off the blonde and turning
her legs to slush. But she resisted, wanting to do
this right. “Well... I’ve never been on a date...
thought it might be nice.” She said sheepishly.

Buffy grinned back at her, putting a leash on her
raging hormones with difficulty. “’K.” She said,
kissing her again briefly and taking her hand. “Does
this mean you’re paying?”

Faith rolled her eyes. “Sure, B.” She replied, pulling
Buffy into the cinema and joining the queue, “How’d it
go at the shop?”

Buffy sighed. “Fine. Whatever. I’ve got to go check
out a nest though.”

“Cool.” Faith shrugged. “Movie, slay, mi-” She stopped
herself and blushed. Maybe she shouldn’t push it.

“Yours.” Buffy grinned, slinking closer to her.
“Definitely yours.”

About a hour into the movie, Faith had started to
think Buffy had had the right idea. To be honest, she
wasn’t even watching it, instead finding her eyes
drawn to the blonde’s chest rising and falling in the
dim silver light. Dark, warm, quiet, the room wrapped
around her and took her in it’s arms, and she found
herself inching closer and closer to Buffy.

Nervous. Why was she nervous? The sound of Buffy’s
breathing was the only noise Faith could make out in
the room, above the sound of the voices from the film,
or the giggling from the teenagers around them. It was
all just Buffy.

Buffy could feel her eyes burning into her, her whole
body tingling at the feel of the other slayer’s
closeness. Then suddenly she felt Faith’s breath soft
on her skin, tickling her neck and sending shivers
shooting up her spine. She moaned slightly as she felt
Faith’s lips brush against her, closing her eyes as
every nerve in her body latched onto the feeling of
the warmth on her skin.

Faith’s lips touched the blonde slayer’s neck, drawing
a gasp from deep within her throat, gasp that grew to
a groan as Faith’s fingers fingers touched her leg,
trailing up her thigh and resting on her stomach.
Buffy let out a moan as Faith’s teeth nipped gently at
her burning skin, and she wished for the third time
that day that they weren’t in a public place. Both
struggling to control their breathing, their lips
found each other in the darkness, meeting more
hesitantly than they ever had before. Faith’s tongue
glided slowly into Buffy’s mouth, massaging her
softly, her arousal growing as Buffy groaned against
her. As the heat between them grew, Buffy’s hands
tangled themselves in Faith’s hair, pulling her closer
towards her, their kiss increasingly passionate and-

They stopped as they heard a loud cough behind them,
and turned to meet the eyes of a man glaring at them.
Faith growled at him, making him slide back in his
seat slightly. She felt a tug at her arm and met the
gaze of the blonde, who was grinning sheepishly. “You
wanna get out of here?”

Faith didn’t need to be asked twice.

Barely making it out of the cinema before their lips
meet again, Buffy found herself pushed up against the
other slayer, breathless with desire as the brunette’s
hands caressed her skin. Only to lose that feeling as
Faith stepped back from her.

“What?” Buffy gasped, for the first time feeling the
pang of fear that Faith’s feelings towards her had
changed.

Faith grinned at her. “B, unless you want to piss the
Scoobs off even more, I believe we have slaying to
do?”

Buffy groaned. “Yeah... forgot.” She took Faith by the
hand. “Wanna get this done quick?”

“Quick as possible.” Faith agreed, pushing her lips
against Buffy's once more, desire shooting through her
at the promise of what was to come.

Their fingers linked together, the two slayers went to
kick some ass.

“12.” Buffy said, poking her head round the door of
the crypt.

Faith stood for a moment, wondering whether her
instincts could be controlled. 12 against 2...

Their eyes met as a grin grew on both the slayer’s
faces.

“I’m not gonna die tonight.” Buffy said, whipping out
a stake.

Faith shrugged, a little surprised by the blonde’s
willingness. “I don’t have plans to either.”

“We’re safe.” Buffy said. “Trust me.”

Grinning, Faith nodded at her, at that moment giving
Buffy her heart completely. She took out a stake and
licked her lips, busting the door with a smash.

The vampires didn’t know what had hit them. Dust flew
about the room as the slayers thudded their stake into
them, synchronised, side by side, in harmony.

Kicking apart a chair, Faith laughed out loud.
“Wood?!” She smirked, slamming a chair leg into the
vampire’s heart. “Wooden furniture?!” She heard Buffy
giggle from the other side of the room. “Stupid
fuckin’ vampires...”

In minutes they were alone, efficiently completing
their slayer duties and panting heavily. As soon as
they realised, Buffy pounced on Faith. “Yours now?”
Buffy grinned.

They were kissing before they were even in the door.
Jackets were discarded as they moved together towards
the bed that welcomed them with open arms. It had seen
them before, that was true, but this was different.
All different, and all the same.

Kicking of her boots, Faith watched as Buffy did the
same and lay down on the bed, reaching for Faith and
pulling her towards her with an urgency that had been
a fixture in their few times together. She slid on top
of the blonde slayer, her lips caressing Buffy’s,
softly, slowly, determined to make this time
different. Their tongues slipped into each other’s
mouths as their hands tangled through hair and over
and faces and necks, brushing away everything until
only one moment was left in their minds.

Slowly, Faith’s hands trailed over Buffy’s body,
sliding her top above her breasts as the blonde raised
slightly, allowing the garment to be removed and her
bra unclipped. The brunette’s lips landed soft kisses
on her skin, flowing down her neck, her collarbone, to
her breasts. Faith’s tongue wrapped around an erect
nipple, drawing gasps once more from her throat as her
teeth grazed over it lightly. She grinned as she felt
Buffy’s hand reach for her own top, pulling over her
head and whining slightly at the brief loss of
contact. But it was brief. Faith lips fastened tightly
around her again, groaning as her own bra was
unclasped and her nipples found quickly by Buffy’s
fingers, hardening under the blonde’s touch.

Faith unzipped her lover’s pants and slid them down
slowly, her breathing quickening as Buffy thrust her
hips gently, signalling her desire. Removing Buffy’s
clothing, Faith sat up and undid her own buttons,
pulling her leathers roughly down past her hips and
shrugging them off as Buffy watched her with fire in
her eyes. Naked, they pressed together, their legs
entwined and their hands roaming frantically over each
other’s skin. Passionately they kissed again, their
hands slipping together between their bodies and
finding each other’s centres smoothly.

Buffy ran a hand over Faith’s back as she gasped out
into the room, their fingers sliding deeply inside one
another with ease. Sucking on her tongue with
increasing force, she thrust against Faith’s hand, her
desire heightened by the feeling of the brunette doing
the same. Thumbs circling, fingers thrusting, they
breathed heavily against each other’s mouths joined
together in more ways than one.

Almost too soon, they felt each other’s oncoming
orgasms and stopped kissing for want of oxygen.
“Faith...” Buffy gasped as she tightened around her
fingers, a question in her voice.

“Yeah...” Faith whispered with difficulty, her
breathing ragged as Buffy pushed her towards the edge.

“It was all... god... worth it...” Buffy gasped, her
hips starting to buck and feeling the brunette’s do
the same.

Faith nodded, closing her eyes tightly as Buffy’s body
tightened, propelling her faster towards oblivion.

Buffy tensed briefly before her orgasm took her,
gasping Faith’s name into the dark. She thrust her
fingers hard into Faith again, bringing her with her.
“I... love you.” She breathed as Faith joined her,
climaxing against her hand and meeting her lips again.

They kissed deeply for a moment, before withdrawing
their hands and staring at each other. “I think I
always did.” Buffy said softly.

Faith slid against Buffy, wrapping her arms around the
blonde slayer and nodded. “I love you too.”

They stayed like that for a while, their hearts
beating in time, enveloped in each other’s arms,
before Faith spoke again, slightly embarrassed. “I
wanted to do this right.” She muttered, kicking
herself for forgetting. “I even bought champagne.”

Buffy grinned at her. “Get it.” She said. “We’ve got
all night.”

(Today)

We search for reflections of ourselves everyday, in
the reactions of others, in the things we see and the
voices we hear.

Autumn will always be Faith’s reflection to me. A
season laden with contradictions, looking like fire
and feeling like ice, Autumn is winter in summer’s
disguise. But somewhere deep in its layers of cold,
there is a heat burning inside its heart, hoping,
remembering the light that once surrounded it. It
yearns for that heat to be set free once more,
fighting against the frost that descends on it a
little more everyday, a frost that comes no matter how
hard we try to forget.

But we know that no matter how hard we fight, summer
will always die, and we will be left in the bleakness
of winter once more. And then, then we can only wait
and pray that summer will once more return.

*******

(3 days ago)

Buffy woke to find herself wrapped tightly in the arms
of the other slayer. Her head nestled in the crook of
Faith’s neck, Buffy’s eyes remained closed as she
listened to her soft, steady breathing. Peace.

Light crept into the room, touching the blonde’s eyes
and willing her to open them just in time to see the
dark slayer’s skin turn gold in the morning sun. She
sighed gently, her eyes drinking in her body, firm,
smooth, and strikingly female. Sometimes anticipation
is the best part, but sometimes you’re not with Faith,
under Faith, surrounded by Faith... Buffy groaned
slightly, remembering the previous night’s events,
remembering the feel of her lover’s confident touch.
Sleepily, she pulled Faith closer, her thigh nudging
between Faith’s legs and her hand running lightly over
her hips.

Buffy thanked whoever it was that made sure slayers
didn’t need much sleep. Her lips trailed over Faith’s
lightly, teasing her with her tongue and grinning as
Faith’s mouth parted slightly, granting her access
unknowingly. Her breathing quickened as she ran her
fingers over one of Faith’s hardening nipples, rolling
it in her fingers softly, as her mouth trailed down
her neck, her teeth grazing over Faith’s pulse point.
As gently as she could in her rapidly increasing state
of arousal, Buffy rolled Faith onto her back and slid
her tongue down her breast and over her other nipple,
taking it in her mouth and sucking gently.

Faith’s legs parted slightly as a moan escaped her,
feeling Buffy’s actions in her sleep. The blonde’s
hand trailed down Faith stomach and through her curls
to her growing wetness below. Sliding back up Faith
body, her fingers remained between her legs, stroking
the brunette’s folds with feather light touches,
feeling her arousal begin to show it’s self on her
hand. Her lips brushed over Faith’s again as she heard
her moan out, and slid her tongue back into her mouth,
playing with her lover’s own as their breathing became
laboured.

Her hips thrusting gently, Faith gasped out as she
awoke to feel Buffy sliding two fingers smoothly
inside her and her tongue deep in her mouth. “Fuck...”
Faith gasped, her body straining into Buffy’s touch.

Buffy just grinned at her and circled her clit with
her thumb, putting more pressure on it as Faith moaned
and slid her nails across Buffy’s back.

“Morning.” She whispered into Faith’s ear as the
brunette came beneath her.

*******

Buffy’s breathing finally began to steady as Faith
crawled back up her body, grinning widely. “Aren’t you
supposed to pick Dawn up?” She asked, briefly sliding
her tongue back into the blonde’s mouth and letting
her taste herself. Buffy groaned and nodded. Time. It
all ended with time.

Reluctantly pulling away, Buffy got up, feeling
Faith’s eyes burning into her skin and feeling the
heat shoot down towards her centre. “I have to talk to
her...?”

Faith frowned slightly as Buffy voice made her
statement into a question. “You really want to leave
it like this?” She asked, growing distracted as she
watched her dress. Focus please...

Buffy sighed. Yeah, she couldn’t let it end that way.
Faith was right, it was just... time... “’K.” She
mumbled. “But I won’t be long.”

“Get it sorted, B. Time doesn’t matter.”

Buffy sighed and walked towards her. “Maybe.” She
shrugged. “But I wanna spend it all with you.” She
leaned down and kissed Faith, her hands straying to
her hair as she increased the depth of their kiss.

“Go.” Faith ordered, pulling back and grinning at the
blonde’s pout. “Now.”

Buffy sighed and walked to the door, taking one more
glance at Faith’s unembarrassed nakedness. Leave! She
turned and walked out the room, biting her lip.

Sighing, Faith slumped back in her bed, closing her
eyes as her hand trailed to the still warm space where
Buffy had spent the night. It was strange, alien, the
feeling in the pit of her stomach. Last night had
dispelled any worries she had had that Buffy was
playing with her, and she was left with this feeling
of... Faith’s eyes snapped open as she realised what
it was. Happiness. Pure, complete happiness. This was
what she had waited for, longed for, perhaps even
before the two slayers had met. Part of her had always
been calling out for Buffy, just not knowing that it
was her she wanted. She turned and lay face down,
drinking in the scent of the blonde and focusing all
of her senses on remembering the feel of her body. As
she drifted back of to sleep, she swore she could feel
Buffy’s arms around her.

*******

Buffy walked along the street with a spring in her
step that she couldn't remember feeling before. Dumb
really, when she thought of all the badness that came
with her decision to accept Faith. Still, it was
there, and she was going to enjoy it while she could.

She felt as if she was in some old musical, the urge
to sing and yell and kiss passers-by embarrassingly
strong. Instead, she just smiled quietly to herself
and basked in her happiness, refusing to think about
the future.

Wandering up to Willow and Tara’s dorm, she knocked on
the door and walked in, only to be met with her
sister’s cold stare.

“You ready?” Buffy asked cheerfully.

Dawn grunted, picked up her bag and folded her arms
across her chest, giving Buffy her best death stare.

Buffy sighed. “Where’s Will?” She asked, looking
around just in time to see the redhead walk back into
the room giggling, with Tara’s arms around her waist.

The blonde dropped her arms and blushed when she saw
the Summers’ sisters still standing there. “We thought
you’d be- be-”

“Gone.” Willow finished, glaring at Buffy.

Buffy looked at Dawn and motioned to her to leave the
room, getting a scowl in return. “C’mon, Dawnie.” Tara
said quietly, taking her out the room, secretly
grateful at the chance to let the two friends talk
things over.

Buffy closed the door quietly behind the two girls.
“You OK?” She asked nervously.

Willow nodded, turning away and fidgeting with her
books.

“Please, Will. Can’t we at least talk about this?”

“What’s there to say?” Willow asked quietly.

“I just...” Buffy paused uncertainly. “I just don’t
want to have to choose between you.”

Willow shrugged. “You already have.”

“Don’t say that...” Buffy said softly, wondering if
Willow was still remembering when Faith had first come
to Sunnydale. “I’m not choosing anyone. I love you
both.”

Willow sat down on her bed and sighed. “I don’t
understand, Buffy. After everything she put us
through.” She said softly, shaking her head.

Buffy moved beside her slowly and sat down. “It was
meant to happen.” She murmured. “I didn’t even accept
that until a few days ago.” She turned to her best
friend and placed her hand on her arm. “Please Will.
I’m not asking you to like her-”

“Good thing.”

“Or trust her-”

“Lucky, that.”

“But please...” Buffy asked, looking at her hopefully.
“Just accept it. I don’t want to... lose you.” She
said, wondering if those were the right words.

“I’m not happy about it, Buffy.” Willow said firmly.
“And if she so much as looks at anyone in the wrong
way-” Her threat trailed off as Buffy nodded, holding
her breath. Willow couldn’t help but smile, not
remembering the last time she had seen her so happy.
“But I won’t stand in your way.” She said finally, her
smile growing wider as Buffy hugged her. “I love you
too much to lose you to her again.” She whispered, not
seeing Buffy’s smile weaken slightly over her
shoulder.

“Thanks, Will.” Buffy said, pulling back and putting
the grin back on her face. “I better go-”

“Yes!” Willow nodded, standing and walking with her to
the door. “Dawn’s a bit upset.”

Buffy hugged her again and threw her a look of thanks
before rushing out to find her sister.

*******

Faith’s arms unconsciously felt for the other slayer
as she awoke to the sound of the phone ringing.
“Fnnnn... where...” She muttered, before opening her
eyes and remembering that it was the middle of the
day. “Yeah?” She asked as she picked up the phone,
rolling sleepily onto her back.

“So much for calling me.: Cordelia said, only half
jokingly.

“Shit, Cordelia. Sorry.” Faith mumbled, propping
herself up against her headboard. “How the hell do you
always manage to call me when I’m sleeping?”

Cordelia sighed and ignored the question. “How are
you?”

Faith’s eyes strayed to the emptiness beside her, an
emptiness that she knew would be filled again. God,
she wanted to tell her everything... but how could
she? “Fine. You?”

“Good. Buffy?”

Faith winced, the urge to tell Cordelia every detail
about the previous day and night overwhelming.
“Good... we got together....”

“She loves you?” The seer’s voice was unemotional,
keeping her feelings bottled down as she tried to be
happy for her friend.

“Yes.” Faith replied, trying not to sound too
enthusiastic. “It’s all good.”

Cordelia gulped. “That’s great. Really.”

“Yeah.”

They sat for a moment, unsure of what to say to each
other for the first time in a long time. “When are you
coming back?” Cordelia asked suddenly, not sure what
she wanted to hear.

Faith frowned. “I don’t know. We haven’t talked about
it.”

“Soon?”

“I don’t know.” She replied softly.

Cordelia hid the urge to cry with a cough. “Right.
Well when you do, give me a call, OK?”

“Cordy...”

“No! That’s fine. Enjoy it!” She said, her voice
overly light. “I’ll just be here-” waiting.

Faith closed her eyes. “I don’t know what to say.” She
sighed. “I love you. I miss you. But-”

“I know.” She sighed, hating that everytime they
talked it seemed to end like this. “You’re in love.
You should be enjoying it. I just wanted to... know, I
guess.”

“Well-”

“Well now I do.” She said. “Be careful. Say hi to
everyone.”

“OK.”

“Bye.”

Faith put down the receiver and ran her hands through
her hair. God, it was never perfect... She had
everything she ever wanted, and yet it still seemed to
hurt so many people. Cordelia, Angel, and even though
she didn’t really care all that much, the Scoobies.
Maybe she should have stayed in LA...

Buffy walked back into the room at that point, and
strode straight up towards Faith, pushing her back
down on the bed and kissing her impatiently.

Or maybe she’d done the right thing after all.

“We’re going to my place.” Buffy stated breathlessly.
“I just have to do one thing first.”

“Oh yeah? What’s th- god....”

Buffy just grinned as she slid her hand between
Faith’s legs.

*********

Many teen comedies and much pizza later, Dawn seemed
almost happy to have Faith around. The tension that
had been so obvious in the room when the two slayers
had arrived to find a sulking teenager had dissolved
into giggles and teasing. Faith had to hand it to her,
Buffy had the big sister thing going down well.
Yawning, Dawn had gone to bed, even saying goodnight
politely to the slightly surprised brunette slayer,
and left Buffy curled up on the couch with her head on
Faith’s lap.

Faith sighed contentedly, her hand playing with
Buffy’s hair, gently running her fingers throughout it
almost absentmindedly. She was still in shock. A month
ago, she would never have believed that she could be
here, be tolerated let alone wanted. But maybe over
analysing wasn’t such a good idea.

“What time is it?” Buffy asked, sleepily.

“One. You wanna go to bed?”

Buffy shook her head sleepily. “I don’t want to
sleep.”

“Who said anything about sleeping?” Faith grinned,
kissing her gently and knowing full well that that was
exactly what was going to happen.

Buffy smiled back at her. “OK.” She said, getting up
slowly. “But don’t let me sleep. I want to stay awake
with you.” She took Faith’s hand and led her up
stairs, as the brunette wondered what her recent
obsession with time was.

They walked into Buffy’s room, sliding each other’s
clothes off before they were even in the door, and
crawled into Buffy’s bed. Buffy yawned again, and
Faith grinned. “Sleep.”

“No.” Buffy said, kissing her again. “I don’t want to
waste it.”

Faith pulled her into an embrace and stroked her hair,
letting Buffy’s head rest on her chest. The blonde
mumbled a quiet protest before closing her eyes,
lulled quickly into darkness by the steady, comforting
beating of Faith’s heart.

“Sleep.” Faith whispered again softly, kissing her
hair. “We’ve got all the time in the world.”

“Yeah...” Buffy murmured, her dreams claiming her.
“Time...”

(Today)

In the end, words don’t mean that much. The names we
give each other, the names we give our feelings, serve
only to create an illusion that we are in control. But
they’re only words. They don’t bind our desires, and
they don’t harness our fears. Only we can do that. We
will believe what we want to believe.

No matter what we are told.

*******

(2 days ago)

Buffy woke with a start. Gasping, she clambered over
Faith and searched for her clock. “What time is it?!”
She yelped, elbowing Faith in the stomach as she
groped about next to the bed.

The brunette grunted and opened her eyes reluctantly.
“Early. Go back to sleep.” She grumbled, turning over
and burying her face in her pillow.

Buffy ignored her and found her clock, gabbing it and
staring at the numbers in disbelief. “It’s past noon!”
She exclaimed, leaping out of bed and tripping over
her rug.

Faith watched her out of the corner of her eye and
giggled as the blonde ran frantically around the room,
trying to find clean clothes. So cute. Seeing that
there was no way she was getting back to sleep, she
dragged herself out of bed and wandered over to the
flustered slayer. Wrapping her arms around her waist,
she kissed her neck tenderly. It’s cool, B. It’s not
that late,” she murmured.

“It is.” Buffy said, calming down in spite of herself
as she felt the closeness of the other slayer. “You
promised me you wouldn’t let me sleep,” she said, her
voice almost breaking.

Slightly confused at the emotion in Buffy’s voice,
Faith shrugged. “You were just so... peaceful.” She
murmured, kissing her soft flesh again, surprised as
Buffy turned in her arms and wrapped her hands in her
dark hair, pulling her towards her and kissing her
desperately.

It took a moment for Buffy to pull away and remember
why she had left the bed in the first place. “I’ve got
so much to do.” She said with difficulty, as Faith’s
dark eyes burned into her, filled with desire. “Wait
for me.” The blonde breathed. “I won’t be long.”

Faith nodded. “You want me to watch Dawn?”

Buffy looked at her for a moment before shaking her
head slowly. “She needs... I need her to come with
me.” She muttered, turning back to her search.

Shrugging, Faith trailed her fingers over her back.
“I’m taking a shower, OK?”

Buffy stood up and pulled her close once more. Yes.
It’s OK.” She whispered, looking in Faith’s eyes
before kissing her passionately again, her arms
wrapped around her neck. They stood like that for a
moment, before Buffy once again pulled away and looked
expectantly at the other slayer. “Go. Hurry. I won’t
be long.”

Utterly bewildered, Faith nodded and headed to the
bathroom.

*******

She felt the warm water wash over her body and closed
her eyes, forgetting the oddness of their
conversation. Every nerve was still burning with
Buffy’s touch. Every touch. Making love... god that
was new... those touches that were given, received,
just for the hell of it, those nights she spent
wrapped in her arms. Everything emblazoned on her
memory. It was all new.

It had never been like this. Every dream, every wish,
every thought Faith had ever had of the other slayer
had never compared, never even come close to what she
felt. Love. An emotion she had dreamed of feeling, an
emotion she had almost given up hope of experiencing,
and it was finally here.

She ran her hands through her hair and thought of her.
She slid her hands over her body and thought of her.
It was all her. It always would be. And god, she
adored that feeling.

She took her time, feeling the feeling of being alone,
even loving that pain that came with the thought of
their distance. Every sense was heightened with the
feeling of happiness, trust, love, and the fear that
it would one day end. But even that... it all felt so
good. It all felt like she was finally alive.

Flicking off the shower, she stepped out and felt a
chill run through her body as a breeze hit her wet
skin. And even that felt good.

She towelled herself off, and pulled on a change of
clothes, their crisp cleanness new against her skin.
And that felt good too.

Faith grinned to herself and stepped in front of the
mirror, running her hands over her face and examining
every part of her skin. Everything felt different. It
was... it was weird.

But even that... well that, felt pretty damn good too.

*******

Faith wandered back into Buffy’s room and wondered
just how different it all was. Faith the Vampire
Slayer. In love for the first time... and she guessed,
for the only time in her life. And not only that, but
the one she loved... she loved her too. How fucking
weird is that? She giggled to herself as she felt
happiness wash over her again, before stopping
suddenly. Faith does not giggle. Faith chuckles. Faith
laughs deep in her throat. Faith smirks. Faith does
not giggle.

But she couldn’t help it.

She giggled at the strangeness of her thoughts.

She giggled again at the sound of the giggle.

She giggled some more at the feeling in her heart.

God, this was all so fucking weird!

The urge to run around and scream and yell and dance
at the throbbing delight of the whole situation almost
overcame her. But she took a deep breath and calmed
down. Being cool was starting to become an effort. She
giggled at that thought.

Oh man...

*******

An hour or so later, Faith turned of the TV. She sat
slumped on the couch and let her eyes wander around
the room, feeling the strangeness of everything again.
The last time she had been here... the fight they had
had, the terror she had imposed on Joyce... the look
in Buffy’s eyes. Pain. Betrayal. And mostly... the
last glimmer of hope burning out as they had... no, as
she had stolen her life. They hadn’t even talked about
it.

Maybe it was best left in the past, but somehow, it
felt unfinished. Today, she needed to apologise. Her
eyes rested on the door, waiting as always for the
arrival of the other slayer. But nothing. Checking her
watch, she stood and headed to the kitchen, rummaging
through the cupboards, the fridge, and then stopping
and thinking.

Faith was once a badass. At least, she liked to think
so. Through her memories of the past, through her
desire to change, something stirred in her soul, and
she smirked. It wasn’t totally bad, right?

She wandered through the house, poking her nose around
doors, opening and shutting drawers, looking. Nosing.
Maybe it was wrong, but hell. It was interesting.

She made her way up to Buffy’s room and tentatively
walked over to her dresser. Photos. Dawn, her mother,
the Scoobs. She picked up a photo of Buffy, Xander and
Willow and ran her fingers over the glass. That was a
different world. A different Buffy. She suddenly felt
guilty again. The innocence that was in those eyes was
gone, and Faith? Well, a big part of that was her
fault.

She was about to open another drawer when she stopped
and sighed to herself. No point in taking any more,
right?

She almost dropped the photo as the phone rang.
Placing it carefully back on the wooden surface, she
turned and ran down the stairs, getting to the phone
and stopping. She looked at it warily as it continued
ringing.

Reaching a hand out slowly, terrified that it would be
a Scooby, she picked it up and choked out a quiet
“hello?”

She was surprised at the voice on the end of the
phone.

“Hey, Faith.”

“Cordy.” Faith grinned, relief surpassing the
awkwardness she had felt the last couple of times they
had spoken. “How’s it going?”

“Good.” The seer replied. “I wanted to tell you
something.”

Uh oh. “Yeah?”

A deep breath was clearly audible down the phone. “I
love you.”

“Cordy-”

“No, wait.” Another breath. “You’re my best friend. I
want, more than anything, for you to be happy.”

Faith nodded and leaned against the wall. “I am.” She
said, wondering where this was going.

“I know. And I don’t want to stand in the way of
that.” She added, her carefully prepared speech going
out the window as she spoke. “God... Buffy means
happiness.” She shrugged. “I just want you to know...
that I’m happy for you.”

Faith paused. “Thanks.”

‘No problem.” The seer chuckled and changed the
subject. “I think Fred has a crush on me.”

“What?! Really?!” Faith’s voice raised a few notches
in astonishment. “You’re fucking kidding! I thought
Gunn had a thing for you...”

“Yeah, maybe.” Cordelia grinned. “But I’d never say no
to a threesome.”

“Cordy!” Faith gasped, unsure whether she was joking
or not, before collapsing in laughter. “I never would
have thought.”

“No, neither did they.”

A second passed before both girls started laughing
again. “You gotta tell me!” Faith shouted. “God!”

Her laughter dying down, Cordelia hesitated again. “I
will, just... when you get home. Faith, I mean it. I
love you, whatever happens.”

“Me too.” Faith replied, a smirk still on her lips. “I
won’t be long, I promise.”

Cordelia nodded, pleased that she had resolved the
tension between them. “Later.”

“Yeah, later.” Faith hung up the phone and grinned,
feeling much the same feeling as Cordelia had. Joke or
no joke, they were OK again. She was about to walk
away when the phone rang again. “Yeah Cordy?”

“Faith?” Dawn asked uncertainly.

Faith snapped out of her grin at the sound of the
youngest Summers. “Yeah?”

“Bitch!”

Faith jumped, shocked to hear the word, and the venom
in the girl’s voice. “Huh?”

“It’s all your fault!” She screamed down the phone.
“I’m locked up here and all she can say is “Be brave”
while she runs off to be with you! You!” She spat.

“Dawn, I-”

“Murderer!” She yelled, over and over. Faith heard
Willow’s voice in the background as Dawn sobbed the
word down the phone, repeatedly voicing the one thing
Faith hated most about herself, the one thing she knew
she would never escape.

“Faith?” Willow’s voice was cold, but calm.

Speechless, Faith stared at the phone.

“Faith?!”

“Uh... yeah?” She said with difficulty. “What... I
mean...”

Willow was quiet for a moment, choosing her words
carefully. “Buffy’s on her way, she’s left Dawn with
Tara and I.”

“OK.” She replied, still shocked.

“Don’t... she’s just angry at being left here.” The
redhead said firmly. “Don’t...” She paused again,
controlling her voice. “Don’t pay attention.”

Faith nodded slightly. “Right... but... I’m-”

“Bye.” The phone was replaced with more of a slam than
a click. Faith just stood there staring, the old self
loathing washing over her. That was how Buffy found
her a minute later.

“Dawn?”

“I-”

Buffy sighed and walked towards her, wrapping her in
her arms. “I told her not to call.” She kissed her
gently. “You OK?”

Faith shrugged. “She’s right.” She said calmly. “I am
a murderer.”

“Faith-”

“No.” She looked Buffy in the eye. “I am.”

Buffy hugged her. “It’s in the past. You paid.”

“Did I?” Faith looked at her, her eyes wide and
threatening to spill her tears.

“Yes.” She said. “You’ve paid for too long already.”

Wanting with all her heart to believe her, Faith
pressed into Buffy tightly. “I wish-”

“Shh...” Buffy kissed her again. “Faith, this is very
important.” She met the younger slayer’s eyes
seriously. “You’re not being punished. That’s over,
whatever happens, you’ve served your time.”

“I-”

“It’s done.” Buffy said firmly. “It’s done, and I love
you. That’s all that matters.”

Faith smiled weakly at the blonde, hoping with all her
soul that she was right. “Yes. That’s all.” She said,
kissing her softly with an aching need of comfort.
“That’s all... Buffy?”

“Yes?”

“I need to say it.” Faith met her eyes once more. “I’m
sorry. It doesn’t sound enough, I know, but I’m so
fucking sorry.”

“I know.” Buffy said, hugging her again and wondering
what would make her believe her. “Thank you.” She said
after a minute. “Thank you for telling me.”

Faith stepped back and looked at her. “No.” She said,
a gentle smile forming on her lips. “Thank you.”

Smiling back at her, Buffy took her hand and glanced
at her watch. “3pm.” She said softly.

“You want to do something, right?” Faith guessed,
pushing away the darkness that had threatened to
envelop her. Buffy wanted her. Buffy loved her. “Where
do you want to go?”

Buffy kissed her gently. “Right now, everything I want
to do is here.” She said, her eyes flashing as she
looked at her. Smiling, she took her hand and led
Faith back upstairs to her room.

Passion was never even a question when it came to
their love making, but when they stepped inside
Buffy’s room that afternoon, their touches were
different. Heat, desire, there as always, but
something else too. Reassurance, comfort, the blatant
need to be in each other’s arms. There was a
desperateness that both girls felt as they slid
against each other, a desperateness they felt for
different reasons.

As Faith worked her way down Buffy’s body, the
blonde’s hands never left her skin. When she was about
to reach her tongue to her centre, the older slayer
pulled her back up and shook her head softly. “No.”
She whispered. “Here.”

Faith nodded, her tongue sliding between her lips as
their fingers claimed each other, their bodies
pressing almost impossibly close as they moved
together. Oxygen became irrelevant as they gasped and
panted against each other, their tongues never leaving
each other’s mouths. Their heads swimming with each
other’s taste and smell and touch, they climaxed with
every available inch of skin pressed together.

When they found they could think again, their lips
parted contact in weak smiles from each girl. Smiles
that stood on the edge of tears. Why?

Happiness.

Trust.

Love.

The fear that it would one day end.

And because it all felt like they were finally alive.

(Today)

I keep expecting hate to engulf me. But it never does.

I should hate them both for the tragedy they caused,
whether they knew what they were doing or not. But
like love, hate never comes when you expect it, it
doesn’t follow rules or patterns, it doesn’t
understand logic. What she did seemed selfish. She
thought only of herself. She Faith, she hurt my
friends, she hurt me.

But I can find no anger. It was her time, her choice,
and no matter how much pain it caused, I know she did
the right thing. I know in my heart that it was all
worth it.

I just hope that someday, Faith will understand that.

*******

(Yesterday)

Buffy’s arms pulled Faith tighter to her as she gasped
out her name for possibly the millionth time that
night. Her breathing still shallow, she kissed her
softly and rested her head back on the pillow as Faith
nuzzled her neck.

“What time is it?” Buffy asked, her voice calm.

“Just gone midnight.”

She sighed quietly. “Can you drive?”

“Yeah.” Faith murmured, confused by the suddenness of
the question. “Well... not officially, but yeah.”

The blonde couldn’t help but smile. Of course.

“You wanna go someplace?”

Buffy nodded. “There’s something I want to show you.”
She bent her head and kissed her again. “But just...
five more minutes.”

“Sure, B.” The younger slayer whispered back. Faith’s
fingers wandered over the blonde’s stomach, tracing
the lines of her muscles softly, mesmerised by her
perfection. The silence in the room hung over them
like a warm blanket, lulling them closer and closer to
sleep as they lay in the comfort of each other’s arms,
every problem forgotten for now.

Buffy closed her eyes slightly, exhausted by the
events of the evening, both physical and emotional.
But she willed herself awake, knowing that sleep would
come soon. All too soon.

As the seconds ticked away, the blonde’s eyes fell
onto her clock. With great reluctance, she pulled
Faith up against her and kissed her again, slowly
running her fingers over her skin, and memorising her
taste.

“We better go.” She said quietly.

Faith shrugged, inwardly pouting at having to leave.
“OK.” A second passed where they looked at each other
before kissing again, and sitting up. “Now?” She
asked.

Buffy smiled softly. “Yeah.” She whispered. “Now.”

*******

Faith’s black boots rested on the dashboard as she
looked out the window. “I thought you wanted me to
drive.” She muttered.

Buffy glanced at her, shrugging. “You can drive on the
way back.”

“Whatever.” Faith said, leaning back and closing her
eyes. “Where we going, anyway?”

“Lake.”

Faith looked over at her. “Where?.” She asked.

Shaking her head, Buffy didn’t answer, instead keeping
her thoughts on the road.

Faith sighed and resumed gazing out the window. As the
time passed, her hand strayed to the blonde’s thigh,
stroking her absentmindedly though her pant leg. She
could never be close enough. At the back of Faith’s
mind, there was still that voice, that voice that told
her she didn’t deserve this. That voice that told her
she would regret believing she did.

Her eyes rested on Buffy, her heart beating wildly in
her chest. That always happened. It took a glance, a
smile, or simply the sound of her breathing to send
her soul on fire. Scary.

She never would have let go for anyone else. She never
would have opened up. She never would have believed.
But she had, and she did. Because it was Buffy.

The blonde looked over at her, catching her eye and
smiling. A smile that held so much, and yet gave
nothing away. Faith watched her as she turned back to
the road, and shook her head. Scary, all right.

*******

Faith woke up to Buffy shaking her softly. “We’re
here.” She whispered, feeling slightly guilty that
she’d dragged Faith out of the house. Couldn’t be
helped...

The brunette stretched and yawned loudly. She looked
at Buffy who was watching her with a weird expression
on her face, and kissed her. “Cool.” She said,
enthusiastically, “Let’s go!”

Buffy smiled at her and nodded. “Let’s.”

Faith’s boots hit some loose stones and she promptly
fell over. “Oh.” She grinned. “We’re ‘here’ here.”

Giggling in spite of herself, Buffy took her hand, a
blanket in the other, and the two slayers headed
towards the water. It was a tiny pool of water really,
nestled in some hills just above the town. But it felt
miles from anywhere. They spread out the blanket and
sat down, Buffy huddled between Faith’s legs and
leaning back on her. “You like?” She asked, motioning
to their surroundings.

Faith looked up at the sky and gazed at the stars,
much clearer than they were in Sunnydale. “Yeah.” She
said softly, turning her gaze to the lake, her eyes a
mirror of the dark water. “I like. I didn’t even know
this was here.”

“You just have to look for these things.” Buffy
whispered. The moonlight danced on the stillness in
front of them, a gentle breeze playing with their
hair, still warm though the night would soon become
morning.

“B?” Faith asked. “You ever done it...” She giggled,
realising they themselves had done ‘it’ outside. She
paused as Buffy looked at her, turning in her arms.
“You ever done it out here?”

“It?” Buffy smiled. “Toasted marshmallows? Sang
songs?”

Faith raised an eyebrow at her and stuck out her
tongue. “Made love...” She whispered into her ear.

“Oh *that*” Buffy replied, smiling at her and
wondering why the hell her heart felt so goddamn
light. “No... I’ve never been here with anyone else.”
She turned and kissed the brunette, pushing her body
against hers until she was lying stretched out on top
of her. “I never wanted to share it with anyone. Not
until now.” She leaned towards her and brushed her
lips against Faith’s. “Not until you.”

Her tongue slid into her mouth, sliding their clothing
away desperately until their skin was once more
connected, pushing against each other tightly. Buffy
whimpered against her lover as Faith’s fingers
massaged her breasts, her mouth sucking gently on her
neck, her thigh nudging between her own.

Slowly, slowly, they moved against each other in the
night air, committing to memory every inch of each
other’s bodies. Tongues and fingers brushed and slid
and caressed until they were locked together in the
most intimate of embraces. An intimacy they had never
known before, despite the openness of their
surroundings. Neither girl wanting to let the moment
end, they made love until sunrise, climaxing and
starting again immediately, their desire for each
other’s touch seemingly infinite.

As the sun rose in the sky and sunlight washed over
their bodies, Buffy trailed her fingers once more over
Faith’s familiar skin. “I have to tell you something.”
She murmured. “And it has to be now.”

Breathless and nodding, Faith pulled Buffy up and
kissed her again, searching blindly behind her for
their clothes. Smiling weakly, Buffy reached past her
and handed them to her. They pulled on their clothing
and kissed deeply again.

“It’s 7.30.” Faith said suddenly, anticipating Buffy’s
question.

Buffy nodded and settled back into Faith’s arms,
leaning against her and watching the sun glisten on
the water, the lake becoming a mirror again, but this
time for Buffy as tears shone in her eyes.

Buffy entwined her fingers with Faith’s, and tried to
find the words. “I made a choice.” She said slowly,
gripping her hands harder. “A choice I tried not to
make... god...” Buffy blinked back tears and felt
Faith hug her tighter, reassuring her. “I treated you
so badly! I had to... I thought I had to...”

“It cool, B.” Faith said, concerned at by the blonde’s
words. “It’s in the past, right?”

Buffy gulped and shook her head. “No, it’s now.” She
turned her head and stroked the dark slayer’s hair
with her fingers, suppressing the urge to cry. “I
wanted you to hate me.” She gulped. “I wanted you to
hate me, because I couldn’t hate you.”

“B-”

“No! Let me tell you.” Buffy said, leaning back into
her again, unable to stop her emotions as she gazed at
Faith. “I tried so hard, just so I wouldn’t have to
choose. God... I didn’t even believe at first that you
loved me, so I treated you worse, just to make damn
sure that you couldn’t. But it didn’t work.” Tears
began to free themselves, falling down her cheeks as
she felt Faith’s lips kissing her hair. “You wouldn’t.
No matter what I did! You wouldn’t, and I couldn’t.”
She murmured through her tears. “I made a choice. I
couldn’t help it. I fell in love with you.”

“Good thing.” Faith said.

“Buffy choked out a laugh. “Yes.” She said. “And I
don’t regret it. The last few days were everything I
was promised. Happiness, love. Everything.” She
gripped Faith’s hands again. “Faith... I don’t regret
it, you have to know that. I just wish... I just wish
you didn’t have to be hurt. I love you so much, and
it’s my fault. All the pain you’re going to feel...”

Faith swore her heart stopped beating for a second.
“Its over, though.” She said desperately, tears
falling from her own eyes as the realisation of what
Buffy was saying hit her. “Right, B?”

Shaking with tears, Buffy turned to her again. “Yes,
it’s over, but not how you think. I love you, I’ll
never stop loving you...” Gulping, she knelt in front
of Faith and took her face in her hands. “I made a
choice. A year ago.” She said, brushing away Faith’s
tears with her fingers as her own continued to run
down her cheeks. “Life... or you. Three days of
happiness with you. All I had to do to make that
choice,” she whispered, choking on her emotions, “was
to fall in love.”

Faith froze, staring at the blonde. “No...”

Nodding, Buffy closed her eyes. “8am. The same time I
told you I loved you.”

Faith grabbed Buffy’s wrist and looked at the watch
she was wearing. “Fifteen fucking minutes?!” She
shrieked. “No! You can’t!”

“Please-”

“Don’t love me!” Faith screamed at her, her face
soaked with tears. “Hate me! HATE ME!”

“Faith!” Buffy sobbed, hugging her tightly. “Don’t!
Please...”

“Buffy...” Faith held her tightly, as if she could
keep her forever just by not letting go. “Please don’t
leave me.” She wailed. “Please don't...”

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry...” The blonde buried her face
in her neck and repeated the words over and over,
regretting nothing but the pain her lover felt. “I
love you so much...”

Faith pulled her up and looked into her eyes, wet with
tears. “You should have hated me, B.” She cried. “I
wasn’t worth it.”

Buffy shook her head. “You were worth everything.” She
murmured. “You have to know that.”

Sobbing, Faith nodded slowly. “So were you.” Their
lips met one last time before Buffy pulled back and
turned, pulling Faith’s arms around her.

“Tell me something... I want to hear your voice.”

Gulping, forcing back her tears, Faith nodded, but
found her mind blank.

“Tell me about when we first met.”

Faith’s right hand lay over the blonde’s heart as her
left clutched her hands. “I came looking for you.” She
said, remembering. “I did everything I could to make
you like me. Everything but ask for your help.” She
kissed her hair softly, raining more tears down. “I
couldn’t ask you, but... but you helped me anyway...
god...” She shook her head and gulped. “You helped me
kill him, the one who I was so afraid of. And I
thought... I thought... oh god...” She sobbed out
again and she felt Buffy heart slowing under her
fingers. “I thought it was my hardest kill. But I
didn’t know... I didn’t know about this...” she cried.

As she felt Buffy’s heart stop, Faith wailed.

She hugged her to her with every ounce of her strength
as she howled out, a howl filled with the pain of
loss. A howl that the residents of Sunnydale would
attribute to a werewolf, despite the sunlight. A howl
so primal that it seemed it could only come from a
beast.

But it didn’t. The howl that descended on the town
that morning didn’t come from a beast, or a monster,
or a demon.

It just came from a heartbroken girl.