Disclaimers: Joss owns them, not me. I'm
playing. No harm intended.
Spoilers: haha... no.
Comments: BE WARNED- it's not nice.
In the Pit of my Heart
She's talking to Angel.
They're laughing.
Joking.
He's touching her, and I wanna rip his hands away.
Punch him, 'til he's a bloody mess on the floor.
Rip him apart; rip his still beatin' fuckin' heart outta his chest.
Then tell her that he doesn't love her like I do
That he can't ever want her like I do.
That we're the chosen two, that we belong together.
But I just crack my knuckles.
I feel one of my fingers break under the pressure.
She's stroking his arm now.
Stroking his cold, dead arm, attached to his cold, dead body.
His cold, dead body that I wanna tear up and throw into the wall.
'Til he stops whatever they do that replaces breathing.
Instead, I leave the library, and walk into the hall.
It's late, and my footsteps echo in the darkness.
I rest my head against a locker, and wonder if I'm ever gonna be free of her.
Free of this pain inside me.
She'll never want me the way she wants him.
Never.
I could rip my own heart out and feel better than I do now.
And then it hits me.
What I have to do.
What will make it all ok.
And I'm scared.
What if...?
But I know I have to do this.
So I wait for her.
They leave, I see her kiss him goodbye.
Lovingly, dripped in warmth and tenderness.
And I'm scared.
What if it all goes wrong?
Don't think like that.
Just wait 'til he's gone.
I close my eyes, and when I finally open them, I see her walking towards the
exit.
Alone.
And I'm scared.
I walk towards her.
Her Slayer senses make her turn round, and her blonde hair floats down, around
her shoulders.
We're close, almost touching, her eyes look at me questioningly.
I touch her face, gently, a caress.
My fingers are so cold.
Does he feel like this?
'Faith?'
A perfect word from perfect lips.
And I'm no longer scared.
I move my hand down to her perfect jaw, then her perfect throat.
Soft, she's so soft.
I knew she would be.
My hand squeezes round her throat, stopping the air.
Her eyes go wide.
She can't understand.
'It's ok B.'
And it is.
She punches me in the face, but I don't really feel it.
She falls back, and I'm on top of her.
Squeezing her perfect throat, and watching her perfect hands claw at me.
Feeling her warm body underneath me.
She's moving for me now.
Not him.
Me.
'It's ok B.'
And it is.
I can smell my blood, and taste it on my lips from her punches.
Too many for me to count.
She's flailing underneath me.
Clawing and scratching at my hands, right through to the bone.
I'm not scared anymore.
I just squeeze, with every ounce of love I have for her.
I tighten and tighten my grip, through the bloody mess I've become.
Stopping my fingers from slipping in the warm wetness.
And I watch her leave from beneath me.
Her body slows.
Then stops.
And she's still.
Still for me.
Not for him.
For me.
Her face is blue and covered in blood.
My blood.
She's covered in me.
This is how it was meant to be.
Me not him.
I loosen my hands and kiss her lips.
'It's ok now B.'