Disclaimers: Joss owns the
BTVS characters, I own the others. We make no cross claims.
Title: Thank you to the reverse
of my Top Shop receipt for it.
Date Stamp: Miss K, aka Kitty
hit productivity overload on 24.12.01
Lucy's POV
Slayers Do Christmas
XXXVIII - It's No Problem, If You Change Your Mind
'So, we're agreed then. I get your soul, you
become one of my soldiers and I spare Danwie-pie. There's a few things you
have to sign first, I know, we're like the IRS, everything needs to be in
triplicate.'
I hand her all the forms, and she starts reading
them.
'Faith, time's a moving. Leave it too late,
and I won't be able to stop the battle. It's standard stuff, um, I, Faith
Knight, hereby relinquish all claims to my soul... blah, blah, Lucifuge Rofocale,
that's me, accepts transfer of aforementioned soul for eternity... more waffle.
What else? Oh, there's the benefits package on page two, dental, dry cleaning,
holidays, ten percent raise per year, yada, yada. Page three has the condo
deeds on it, it's nice, huge swimming pool out back, oh, you get
a convertible, all my soldiers do. Elle doesn't give hers that. Swung
a few deals I can tell you. That's it in a nutshell, or, a three page, terribly
spelt, legal document. You know, I have to get onto Bee about that spellcheck,
I don't think it's working properly. It doesn't need to be signed in blood,
just plain old fashioned ink. Here you go.'
I hand her a pen, she takes a deep breath and
starts to sign.
Oh, Elle will haul my ass over the coals for
this.
Have to say, I'm really looking forward to
it.
'Faith, no!'
What?
I turn round and see Buffy Summers running
over to us, followed by a sauntering Elle.
Oh dear, think the shits about to hit the fan.
Elle's POV
'Bad puppy, Lucy! Can't you ever play fair?'
Oh my God, Faith, Faith, Faith, Faith!
I can't believe you were going to sign...
Ok, I so can believe you'd do that
because....
Elle, concentrate on blocking that babbling
Slayer out of your mind, or your heads going to fall off your shoulders!
Ok, silence, finally.
'Elle, do you have an appointment? I'm sort
of busy here. Take a ticket and get in line, babe.'
She flashes me a cheeky smile, and pushes Faith's
hand onto the contract.
'Faith, what are you doing? Don't listen to
Lucy, really, I know her, and she isn't the Devil because of her over zealous
journey, to try and achieve complete honesty with all those around her. And
you, Lucy, I don't know what to do with you sometimes. You said you wouldn't
hurt the Slayers?'
She puts her best pout on; that's for me, she
thinks it sways me somehow.
Sometimes it does, but this is not
one of those times.
'Elle, I'm the Devil. It's in my work contract
to lie, cheat, scheme and be thoroughly dishonest. I can't believe you always
expect something different!'
She has a point.
I don't know either.
Maybe I should sign up for an assertiveness
course, on how to deal efficiently with her?
'Buffy, Faith, we'll be back in a minute. I
need to speak to Lucy, alone.'
She pulls a yikes face, and walks off with
me, leaning herself against a tombstone when we're far enough away.
'Elle, babe, you wanted some quality alone
time with me?'
'Lucy, leave the Slayers alone. Do not
make me go all Uber powerful on you, and prove who's the boss round here!'
'You're in a cemetery on the Hellmouth, I think
I've got "the boss" round here thing covered.'
'You know what I mean! Why do you want Faith?
Explain this to me.'
'Why? You know, there's really no
reason, other than I knew it'd get on your nerves. There was me thinking I
was being all transparent as well. Shouldn't have worried, should I? Shame
though, this was my secret weapon, sort of my mini trump card. I'll have to
think something else up now.'
She's too much sometimes.
Why I ever dated her is beyond me!
'Lucy, my patience with all of this is wearing
very, very thin. I'm taking Faith back with me. Bring your warrior out in,
oh, twenty minutes, and we'll settle this, once and for all. We're doing this
in the arena aren't we? I get so tired of having to fix heads and limbs back
onto innocent by-standers.'
She waves the contract in my face, fluttering
her eyelashes at me.
What now?
'No can do, Elle, Faith's already signed! I
win, you lose.'
I grab the paperwork out of her hand and flick
through the pages.
She has signed it!
Wait a minute; why do I think that Faith would
not sign her name with a love heart, dotting the I!
'Lucy!'
'Oh, alright, can't blame me for trying. See
you in twenty minutes. Sianara.'
She disappears in a ball of flames, and I catch
a stray page of the contract that's gently falling to the floor.
They get convertibles and free dry
cleaning?
Well that explains my lack of recruits over
the past few years then.
It's Hell trying to keep up with the
Devil and her marketing plans!