Disclaimers: Joss owns all
BTVS characters, not me. I make no claims to them.
Me: I own all the other ones.
Do not take them.
Title: No Doubt own the line,
not me. This series is becoming a tribute to their cd 'Return of Saturn'!
Authors comments: You know
I said it would end up happy? Hmm, well... never mind.
Dedications: To Veruca Salt.
I worship your boots, Louise.
Discord's POV
Slayers Do Christmas XLVI - My Divorce
From Dependence
'Faith's got some cranberry sauce at hers,
Mrs Summers. I'll go and get it.'
'Yeah, I'll come back and show you were it
is, Dis.'
'I can find it, Faith, you stay here with your...
with everyone.'
'I moved it. We'll be twenty minutes, tops,
Mrs. S.'
She grabs my arm and drags me out of the front
door, and into the car.
'Man, I need a smoke! Them Summers girls are
on Christmas overload! Shit, if I hear B and Dawn pecking at each other
one more time, I'll go mad.'
'I'm with you. Happy holidays, huh? Are Dawn
and Buffy always like that? It's like two feral cats, stuck in some tiny cage,
biting and clawing at each other 'cause they're bored.'
'Always, man, always. It's their way of showing
each other they care.'
I rev the car up, and resist the urge to wheel
spin.
Won't look to good to Mrs Summers and all.
Have to create a good impression, especially
since she's the only one there who doesn't watch Xena.
Buffy's POV
'Shut up, Dawn, you're such a Devil's spawn!'
I side step out the way of her slap.
'I'm a Slayer, Dawnie, you have to move faster
than that!'
Then she starts with that repeating thing
that makes me insane!
'I'm a Slayer, Dawnie, you have to move
faster than that!'
'Shut up, or I'll call the Devil and get sign
your soul over myself!'
'Lesbian!'
Arghhhhh!!!
She pokes her tongue out at me and runs into
the kitchen, where mom is.
She makes my blood boil sometimes.
Ok, I'm calm; I need to go and wrap Faith's
present.
Oh, what if she doesn't like it?
Never thought of that.
Lucky I have a reserve tight, leather top for
her to.
Mmmm, she'll look all sexy and steamy in it,
and I get to take it off of her.
And who said Christmas is all about giving?
With Faith in that top, it's going to be all
about the taking!
I open the closet and look for the box.
Yup, still there, even if Demon Spawn did
get her hands on it.
Time for twirly ribbons and glitzy paper then.
Faith's POV
'Yeah, got it. See, really did have some. Fuck
knows why.'
I toss the jar over to Dis and she sits down
on the sofa, lighting a couple of smokes up for both of us.
I sit next to her and inhale, slowly, letting
all the Summers stress fall out of me.
'I'm sorry for not telling you about the death
stuff. Rules are rules. Elle's tight with them, you know.'
'No biggie, I get it. Talking about tight,
you and Elle, huh? Come on, spill it all, and don't leave anything out!'
She starts with the blushing again, man, she's
six foot of spaz sometimes.
'Faith, a lady never tells.'
'You're not a lady, spill.'
'She could be listening!'
'Can she do that, listen in and stuff? Dis,
can she? Look at you! She can't. Come on, tell me.'
'No way, it's private. Not that you know anything
about private. Shit, Faith, letting Buffy cop a cheap feel in the back seat!
What? I'm an Angel, you think I'm blind and deaf?'
Now it's my turn to go red.
Yeah, this ranks in my top ten most embarrassing
moments.
My cuz in the front seat, knowing that my girls
got her hand up my skirt.
Still, I'm glad I wore it.
Two minutes of groping's better than nothing.
'Don't try and steer off the original question.
Ok, how'd you even get chance at the big G? It was the raven locks
and blue eyes, wasn't it? Either that or the legs and rack, yeah, I can see
why she digs you. Us Knight girls have it going on. Anyway, did
she ask you out? Any details, any, give it up, Dis.'
'You're not going to stop quizzing me, are
you? She's a good looking woman, Faith, I mean like, fine. She's
funny, sparky, body I could just drink in, you know? But Angels and God, well,
frowned upon's not the word. Major backlash. Half the Angels up there
are Amazons with tempers like you wouldn't believe. They put her on a pedestal,
so, you know, we split. I spent a whole year hardly speaking to her, crying
into my cloud, she bounced off of me, to Luce, end of story.'
'Elle dated Lucy? God dated the Devil? Hold
up, run that past me again, 'cause it's making my eyebrows go way
up on my face!'
The God, dated the Devil.
And I thought my life was fucked up
sometimes.
I take it all back.
Being a Slayer on the Hellmouth is normal.
'I know she's the devil, but Lucy's ok sometimes.
She digs Elle, guess with her being Lucifer and all she doesn't mind burning
her hand on that torch she still carries.'
'Dis, she's the Devil! How can she
be ok sometimes?'
'Hey, look, you guys worship the Bible. They
all wrote that after getting stoned on Santa Monica beach. It's full of crap.
Boats full of animals, feeding tonnes of people with a teaspoon full of food?
Total trash. Look, hundreds of years ago, people didn't have the same
mind set as now. They needed to fear God and the Devil, think that if they
went round killing and doing what they wanted they'd be damned, forever. They
don't want to hear that Hell's got three inch shagpile carpet and a boss who
is drop dead gorgeous. Doesn't make for a good deterrent. You with me on all
this?'
Head-motherfuckin-trip.
Lucky I'm not religious, or I'd be crying into
my prayer book about now.
'Yeah, I'm with you. Still, Lucy's a bad ass,
right? Elle's good, that's a given, yeah?'
'Sort of.'
Great, rock my foundations a bit more, Dis,
why don't ya?
'Lay it out for me. Sort of?'
'Ok, Elle's mostly good, she gets PMS like
you would not believe though. She's on Evening Primrose now, but
I read some of the files from way back. She took out a whole Roman
army, just because they called her names! Worked out ok, 'cause then the Amazon's
ruled for a few years longer. I like them girls. Good DNA, fit warriors, makes
for a big wing span.'
'So, Elle's mostly good, what about
Lucy, don't tell me, she saves drowning kittens and helps charities out?'
She shrugs her shoulder and moves the ashtray
in between us.
Cool, anything that means less moving's ok
by me.
'Lucy? She does good stuff as well. She's a
real cat though; all claws and hissing when she gets one on. That temper
wiped out most of Russia in the eleventh century. She rained it down with
rocks and stuff, killed people like you would not imagine. She saved a lot
of people when those dudes over in Salem went mad though. Most of them people
weren't witches, maybe two or three were, but the other thirty odd, they were
normal. She managed to pull about twenty out of there. She would have got
more but they were speedy, hung them quick. There was a lot going on in the
world around that time. Hey, she some of their souls though. Lyndia's still
doing admin on third, she plays a good game of poker, Bridget, was working
in disease acquisition, last time I was down there.'
'You were in Hell?'
You know, I'm gonna sit back and take this
all in and stop thinking so much.
What's there to think about?
God's got a temper that kills army's, Lucifer
saves innocent people from death, the Bible was written while they were all
stoned, shit, all sounds real normal.
'Hell? Yeah, course. I go down once a month
to catch up with the girls, gossip, trade info, stuff like that. I hang out
with Luce sometimes, she's got a lot on with the new IT system, what a headache
that is. So, your head going to explode yet?'
'Why would it? Your dead, Elle and the Lucy
are hot chicks, good and evil have been shaken up real good, Hell's got plush
carpets and you dated God. Yeah, cool. If I pass out from information overload,
you'll carry me back to B's, yeah?'
She gives me a tight hug and ruffles my hair.
'That's what blood's all about, Faith!'
I take my chance to flash her a big grin and
lay my head down on her legs, and finish my smoke.
And I thought I'd lost my cuz?
I didn't lose her, I just gained an
Angel.