Disclaimers: Joss owns the
BTVS characters, I own the rest. I make no claim to his.
Title: No Doubt owns the line.
It's from their album 'Return Of Saturn.
Dedications: To everyone who
lives on the edge and doesn't need guarantees of happy endings.
Major angst warning: Eeep,
don't you all look at me like that! Faith said she loved Buffy didn't she?
What do you want, blood? Well, as it happens...
Faith's POV
Slayers Do Christmas
XXVIII - A Counterfeit Disposition
'Faith, talk to me, this silence is beginning
to crawl.'
You know what, I should care, but I don't.
Thing is, I'm not really sure why
I don't.
Dis is an Angel, fighting for good and all
that, and I'm being all selfish and... screw it, I don't want to think about
it anymore.
Fuck family, because they fuck... because they
fuck, things up.
'What do you want to talk about, Dis?'
'Why you're pissed at me, ok, I know why
you're pissed, just, I can't help it, Faith. I'll try and talk to Elle when
we get back, 'k?'
'Nah, s'cool. Five by five.'
'Cut the trademark lie, I know you too well.'
'Whatever. I'm not into small talk at the moment.
I've still got your presents at mine, didn't want to give them in public.'
'I got you something to, didn't think I'd forget
did you?'
'Didn't think about it at all.'
'Faith, cut the shit out, you're beginning
to piss me off!'
With that I swing my foot over, slamming on
the brake, bringing us to an emergency stop.
'What the fuck are you doing?!'
'Walking, see you later, Dis.'
With that, I push the door open and get out
as quick as I can.
I look round and see a short cut where I can
lose her, 'cause I know she's hauling ass out of her car right about now.
Two minutes later and I'm safe.
See, even in heels and a skirt, no one can
get me!
No one can get me...
Why am I thinking about that shit now?
Cut it the fuck out, now!!
Discord's POV
Where did she go?
ShitShitShit!
I make my way back to the car, and hope that
no-one stole it 'cause I think I left the keys in there.
Nah, there it is.
Way to remind me this isn't LA.
Getting in, I smash the dashboard, and as I'm
about to scream a bunch of curses out, Elle pops up next to me.
'Dizzy, calm down, I could feel your tension
all the way up in the office!'
Great, just what I don't need.
'Tut tut, not a nice thing to think of your
boss, is it? Faith didn't like you having to work then?'
'I promised her a family Christmas and New
Year, she freaked out when I told her I was working. Come on Elle, can't you
swap my shifts? She was really looking forward to the family deal.'
'Sorry, no can do. Anyway, Faith has some things
she needs to deal with. It's better this way.'
Yeah, that's 'cause you don't have to look
at her and feel like crap.
You can just go back up on your cloud, and
forget all about it.
Man, this sucks.
'Dizzy, let things be, it's better in the long
run. Faith needs to deal with some things. Don't ask me to explain. It's better
this way, it's better with you here. You're leaving at nine, stay a little
longer with her, and remember, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.'
'What are you talking about? Can see why you
don't give us Angels mind reading skills!'
'My mind would make you blush. Listen to me,
about Faith, you have to understand my position on this. I can't change the
past, I can only help the future.'
'Hey, wait up, is this some fuckin' test or
something? Don't tell me it is, because if you do... just don't!'
'No it's not. Buffy will be there. I'm not
cruel, well not to people who I like. I'm in the middle of a property consolidation,
I have to get back, you know what the suits up there are like. All, nownownow!'
I feel her fingers on my cheek, stroking, softly.
Then she smiles, leans over and kisses me,
gently, my eyes close for that second, and when they open, she's gone.
What can I say?
God's a bitch sometimes.
Faith's POV
'Where have you been? Buffy's called about
twenty times wanting to speak to you, and after the first load of 'she's in
the shower' I kind of had to tell her the truth. Nah-uh, Faith, you've
been drinking!'
'Hey, mom, don't ground me, I've got cheerleader
practice tomorrow night, and it's the play offs!'
High and mighty, I'm a fuckin' angel, do as
I say.
Screw you.
'You want to part on bad terms? Fine, you want
that then that's what you get! You remember this when you wake up tomorrow
with a monster hang over, I tried, you didn't.'
'Ok, I'll try not to cry myself to sleep tonight,
Dis.'
These fuckin' heels are killing me!
I kick them off and they hit the sofa, and
lay in a little pile.
Jeez, need to get out of this skirt to.
I make my way to the bedroom, undressing as
I go, leaving a trail of stuff.
I can do that though, it's my apartment, all
mine.
I can leave them on the floor all week if I
want.
I don't need family, they let you down.
They let you down and hurt you.
They... hurt you.
Shake the booze off, girl, come on, get with
it.
I put on my leathers and start sorting out
stakes and shit.
I feel like I need to go and rip some vamps
heart out.
Hey, wonder if you do it quick enough, can
you show it to them before they dust?
I'll have to find out.
'Faith, look I'm sorry about... what you doing?'
I look at my outfit; my standard Slayer clothes.
Then at my hands; stakes and a big knife.
What's to guess?
'I'm going to do some community work at the
old peoples home on Ashwood. Did I make a shit clothing decision for giving
bed baths?'
'You can't go out smashed. Some vamp might
get lucky and...'
I run at her, full pace, knocking her backwards,
down to the floor, and land on top of her.
I flip the knife round to her throat, pressing
it in softly.
I feel her growling underneath me, nice.
'That purr for me, cuz? See, if I
can do that to an Angel, then I don't think I'm gonna get sucked dry by some...
what are you doing?'
All of a sudden she breaks free and's got hold
of my hand, pressing the knife into her flesh.
She makes a grab for my other hand, and
holds it still, locking my legs with her feet.
Shit!
'This what you want, Faith? Huh, you're such
a fuckin' bad ass aren't you. Go on then, go on!'
I can't move my arm off her, she's. Too. Strong.
Can't. Move. It. Fuck!
'Dis, let go, stop it, man.'
'Why, this what you wanted, right? You want
to play games then you better be prepared to finish them off. Go on, Faith,
you wanna see me bleed? Show me how bad you are.'
I stare into her eyes and they're white, like
solid white; sends a shiver down my whole body.
'Dis...'
'Show me how bad you are! Come on, Faith,
let's see it!'
She's still pushing, and then there's blood
on her neck, blood, like, not a lot, but it's fuckin' there, and I'm trying
to pull my arm away, trying to get off her but it's not working, I can't get
off her, and she's pushing my hand in, further and further, and I can't stop
her!
'Cut it out, Dis, this ain't funny!'
'Come on, break my hold, little girl!'
'Don't call me that!'
I can feel myself heating up.
I don't like being called that.
That's what...
Why am I thinking about that now?
It's just...
I don't like being called that.
'What, little girl?'
'Don't call me that!'
It's just all the talk of family, Faith, don't
think about...
I can't move my fucking hand!
I can't move at all!
'But you are one. You want to play
some games with me, little girl?'
I start to shake, can feel my arms shaking,
that's what he used to say to me when... used to laugh at me, laughing and
laughing, like she is now, just like him, laughing at me! She's still pushing
the knife in, and there's more blood, and it's warm, on my hands, it's warm,
her blood on my hands, it's not meant to be like this. This isn't...it's not
meant to be like this, her fingers digging into me, and she's still hissing
at me, calling me that, just like he used to when... and it's like he's here,
she's him and I feel myself start to boil, hot, scalding, all my angers busting
to rip out of me, busting, tearing to get free, I can't stop it, rage, ripping,
shredding, clawing, trying to get out of me, no, it's not meant to be. Like.
This! I can't get him... her off me! Please, stop it. Little girl, little
girl, swirling round my head, and he's taunting me, laughing, laughing, and
I can't get his hands off me, I'm not strong enough yet, not strong enough,
rage, uncontrollable rage, pulsing through every part of me, and I'm shaking,
shaking and crying, and he's still got hold of me, no, no, no, please,
no, no, no, and I scream. Screaming, screaming, and I can't
hold it back any longer, it's clawing at me to get out. Anger, rage, I'm losing
control. Losing. Control. Can't. Hold. It. In. And then...
...I can't stop it anymore.