Disclaimers: Joss and his Mutant army own them, not me. I make no claims
Me: I do however own everyone else. Do not steal them.
Title: ABBA own 'Kisses Of Fire', not me. I've never even heard this song.
 
//When you sleep by my side I feel safe and I know I belong
//Still it's making me scared that my love is so strong
//Losing you is a nightmare fate and to me it's new
//Never before did you see me begging for more

Buffy's POV

Slayers Do Total Recall - Kisses Of Fire, Burning, Burning, I'm At The Point Of No Returning

I don't know how long we've been lying here, she stopped crying a long time ago.
I didn't.
You know, it's worse now, because I know there is a God, and that she made someone so bad that they did this.
To make someone like Faith, who's, all super strong, end up like this.
All scared.
Even scared of going to sleep.
And I don't know who I hate more, him for what he did, or God for letting it happen.
Faith's voice brings me back.
 
'Why are you still here?'
 
I don't know what to say, because it's sort of taken me by surprise.
Ok, so... hmmm.
Be honest.
 
'Because I love you.'
 
There's loads more, but I think all the crying's made my head squishy.
 
'Even after... like, even now you know that I was... at what happened?'
 
She can't even say it.
I look up, to try and stop from crying even more, to stop the tears.
 
'That doesn't stop me loving you. It wasn't your fault, Faith.'
 
She snorts and pushes herself up, wiping at her face with the backs of her hands.
 
'Faith, it wasn't your fault. You do know that, right?'
 
'Yeah.'
 
And it's all flat, her yeah, it's all flat and I know she doesn't think it, not really.
I don't know what to say.
Everything that's speeding round my head sounds stupid and empty.
She walks off, into the bathroom, I hear the taps go on.
She really hates crying in front of people.
I think me and Dis are the only ones who've seen it.
We're the only ones who she trusts enough.
Then she's back, wiping her face with the towel I bought her in Vegas.
 
'I need to go for a walk, B. I have to clear my head. Got a fuck of a headache coming.'
 
'Are you going to be ok? Sorry, I'm, I'm worried about you.'
 
'Don't worry about me.'
 
'I can't help it, Faith.'
 
'Then maybe you should try harder.'
 
And then she's gone.
I hear her talking to Dis and the front door slamming.
So I lie back down and wait.
Wait for her to come back to me.
 
Faith's POV
 
Don't even know where I'm going, shit!
I stop for a minute, pull a smoke out and light it.
My fucking hand won't stop shaking.
Come on Faith, stop it!
 
I lean back on the wall and watch the cars going past.
Everything in my head's swimming round, like, swirling and screwing me up.
She had to say it, she had to fuckin' say it!
She said it and now it's true.
She said it out loud and it's real now.
Can't go back and pretend it didn't happen, not now she knows.
Not now.
 
And that shit she was coming out with.
I'm here 'cause I love you?
Yeah, right, I believe you, no I do, 'cause I'm real fuckin' loveable.
I'm someone who you can love, look at me, look at how great I am.
I'm great, look how strong I am, yeah, still couldn't stop from getting...
 
You want me, B?
Me?
You got a real prize with me, look, take a look, a real. Hard. Look.
You lost out if you got me, big time.
Bet she's pissed.
Like, when you think you're getting something real good at Christmas, and you open the package up and it's something crap.
You're all disappointed, but you don't say anything, you just smile and say how cool it is.
Even though you dump it as soon as you get the chance.
 
I need to get outta here, away from all this.
Where people don't know.
You had to say it, you had to fuckin' say it!
Why'd you have to say it, B, why'd you have to say it out loud?
You made it true.
I could've forgotten again, like I did before.
But you spoiled it.
And now I'm fuckin' crying again!
Shut up, Faith, stop crying.
Stop crying!
You're strong now, and if you're strong you don't cry.
 
I need to go somewhere, away from here.
But; I don't want to, 'cause... B's here and she loves me, and I love her and that should be enough, right?
It should be enough and we can... I can deal, 'cause that's what I do, I deal.
And then I realise, it sort of hits me.
I'm sick of dealing, sick of having to get through the shit that's my life.
Everything's so hard, it's all. So. Hard.
And I'm tired.
Tired and sick of it all, everything, sick of it.
 
Sick of being a Slayer.
Sick of having a shit time as a kid.
Sick of having to work so hard for everything.
Sick of having to put that extra 50% in to get anything I want.
Sick of having what I've worked so hard for, taken away.
 
I'm sick of it, I'm tired, I'm so tired.
I give up.
You all win.
All of you who've kicked me when I was down, and made everything so hard.
You all win, 'cause I don't care anymore.
 
I give up!