Disclaimers: Joss owns the BTVS characters, not me. He is ultra talented and deserves a round of applause for creating BTVS as we know it. All. Hail. You. Joss.
Archive: If you want it, you can have it. BUT, you have to archive the whole thing! All of the SD series. *g*
Title: Dido owns 'All You Want'. Not me. My pal's met her, she's lovely.
Note: Go on Faith, deck her! *rolls eyes as everyone stares at her* Wow, tough crowd!
Authors Comments: I'm not happy with any of these bits but my brain isn't working so I'll re-work them later.
 
Self belief is a hard thing to achieve for some, but try; for you are your own worst enemy.
 
Buffy's POV
 
Slayers Do Total Recall XVIII - And Now Our Bed Is Oh So Cold
 
She's smashing everything up, everything, and even though I'm a Slayer it's scaring me, because it's all so out of control.
I don't know what to do, as I watch her trashing the whole room.
Her elbow takes the mirror out, and there's loads of little Faith's reflected back, all of them lost.
Then a fist through the doors of the closet.
There's blood on the cracked wood as he moves on to something else.
She drags her clothes out of it, ripping them, throwing them on the floor and I sit there, on the bed; I don't move.
This isn't her, not my Faith and for the first time ever; I'm really scared of her, of this person.
My body jerks as she scatters her cd's and books all over the floor, and then she stops.
She stops in the middle of the room, standing there, surrounded by chaos.
As she looks up a shudder goes through me.
She's smiling at me, in this really freaky way.
Just like in films, when someone goes insane, and you know it's your queue to look away if you need to.
It's a warning, just like this.
Then she slowly takes a step towards me, her head tilts, as she looks at me, and I know.
I know what she's going to do; or try to.
Things crack under her feet as she takes another step, then another.
All the time, the only sound is her breathing, and the cracking, as she gets closer and closer to me.
Then I know what the saying 'deer in headlights' means, because that's me, I'm frozen!
My Faith wouldn't hurt me; but I don't think my Faith is here anymore.
 
Her hands rest on the bed; I could touch her if I reached out, but I'm not stupid, I'm not.
She starts shaking, her whole body, just shaking and shaking, her hands gripping at the sheets, pulling them, bunching them up.
Then she looks up, suddenly, making me jump.
I see her, in there somewhere, I see her, Faith, my Faith, I know she's in there, somewhere!
 
'Run.'
 
'Faith, w...'
 
'RUN!!'
 
She pushes herself back.
She's just standing, shaking, so bad.
I know the real her's trying to stop it all, trying to take control back.
But I'm not sure if she can.
So I do the only thing I can, the only thing I know I can live with.
 
 
I don't go.
 
 
I've got this feeling that if I do then that'll be it; over; forever.
I don't want that!
I don't ever want that!
 
'No. I'm not leaving you like this.'
 
She clutches at her hair, her face all contorted, and she's trying, she is.
She's trying to come back, trying to stop herself, I know she is.
I know it!
 
'Go, get out, while you still can!'
 
There's my out; my perfect out.
I'm not taking it, I won't, because she loves me, and I love her!
So I'm not going anywhere.
 
'No. I'm not leaving you.'
 
'You; have to. I can't stop it. I can't. In my head, it's all in my head and I can't stop it. Leave me, please. Please.'
 
She slowly drops to her knees, all the time begging me to leave her, telling me to go.
And I can't.
Not when she's like this.

I get off the bed, walk over and put my arms round her, holding her tight to me, stroking her hair, whispering to her.

'It's ok, it's ok. I'm not leaving you.'

Her whole body's tensed, every single muscle, I can feel them ripple as she shakes.
All the time I'm telling her; you can do this, you're not the same as before, you're strong now, you're Faith the Slayer, you're in control, let it out, let go.

Then, suddenly, she does and her scream echoes round the whole room, for what seems like forever, bouncing back to us, covering everything in the sound.

Her hands go to her face as she sobs, and I have to grit my teeth to stop from crying too.
She pushes me away, gently.
Her hands drop, to her sides, and her face is all smeared with blood.
It's hurting so much to see her like this that I can feel it, all over me; a real pain. 
And she curls up, on the floor, really tight.
Then I feel something on my hand, something cold, and it's hers; her hand, holding on to me.
So I lie down next to her, bringing it up to my mouth, softly kissing her bruised knuckles.
I whisper to her, that it's going to be ok, that I'm not leaving her, that I never will, because I love her.
I tell her we're the Chosen Two, we watch out for each other and that means she'll never be alone again.
 
Because she'll always have me.