Disclaimers: Joss and his Mutants own the BTVS characters, not me.
Me: I own all the other Heaven/Hell characters.
Title: No Doubt own the line, it's from 'Artificial Sweetener'.
Dedication: To New Years, have a delightfully naughty time.
 
Lucy's POV
 
Slayers Do Total Recall VII - Now I Shudder To Be Honest
 
'Bee, what's wrong with my cappuccino maker? The froths all flat.'
 
'Do you want me to froth it up for you?'
 
'Um, no. Thank you. I'll drink it like this.'
 
'We got a package from Elle. Sorry, she told the courier to get a signature. I think she's on to us about that one now. Um, so, we have all the forms back from the fight, you need to sign that, and that, and that, oh, and this one, these, and finally this one. No wait, these and, not that one, that's... oh, you do have to sign that one, um, and these four. That's all. No and this one! There.'
 
I look at the stack of paperwork on my desk and sigh.

'Bee, have we had any luck with the computer system yet? The only answer I want to hear is yes.'
 
'Yes.'
 
Fantastic!
 
'We have?'
 
'No. You said you only wanted to hear yes, sorry.'
 
'Bee, what's wrong with it now? We had all the fibre optics replaced, so it's not that, and they're not ripping my floor up again, I mean it. I bought you new servers, new everything! I'm not speaking to Bill Gates anymore, he gives me the spooks.'
 
'Well, we had the air con upgraded, thought the servers might be running hot, but that's not it. We're going to re install it on everyone's PC, over the weekend, see if that helps. That reminds me, you need to sign the forms for the IT departments over time. Let me go get them.'
 
'Please. Bring me more forms.'
 
Oh, please, like I don't have anything else to do!
 
'More forms? Well you haven't signed the...'
 
'No, I was joking, just the overtime ones for now, Bee.'
 
She walks out and I bang my head on the desk.
Who'd have thought Hell would be like this?
No, you can't have a stamp with your signature on, Lucy.
No you have to sign them all yourself, by hand.
Total blah.
Bureaucracy sucks.
 
I flip my head back up, from where it was resting on the paper.
What is it now?
 
'Yes, come in!'
 
Azriella, the union representative.
Oh, make my day, why don't you.
Great, just what a don't need.
 
'Yes, Azriella, how can I not help you?'
 
She does that smirking thing that I hate.
Oh, yes, well you might have some power over me, but I am still the Devil!
 
'Lucy. I had a report of you interfering in the lower beings business. I'm here to tell you that...'
 
'Excuse me? A. I don't like your tone, Az. B. What interfering? C. I don't like you. D. I don't like you. E. I don't like you. You can see how this is going.'
 
She perches on the end of my desk, and I resist the urge to dematerialise it so she lands on the floor.
 
'Lucy. I'm distraught. I s'pose I'll have to cross you off the invite list to my New Years party then. I have it on very good information that you aided the lower being, um, where is it, here, Faith Knight.'
 
'Really? Good information? Shall we ask your eminence? Elle? Oh come on, I know you can hear me!'
 
Suddenly she flashes down, oh, in her bathrobe!
Purr!
 
'Elle, look at you, dressed for the occasion.'
 
'Oh, Azy! I didn't know you were... I was just about to take a bath, sorry. I'll be right back.'
 
She flashes out and I grit my teeth to stop from laughing at the look on Azriella's face.
Oh what a picture.
I'll get a print out from the CCTV and hang it on my wall.
I pop my sunglasses on for when she flashes back... oh, here she is.
Jeans and a sweatshirt?
I'll have to get a print out of this whole thing!
 
'Sorry. You called, Lucy?'
 
'Az will fill. You. In.'
 
Her eyes narrow as she glares at me, but then gives all her attention to Az, who proceeds to quote subsections and other trash to her.
Boring!
Oh, we have life, back to the game Lucy.
 
'I was here with Lucy the whole time this was meant to be happening. Think your info's wrong Azy. Sorry.'
 
Azriella looks at me, then at Elle, shrugs and walks out.
 
'My, my, taking a leaf out of my book, Elle? You're so bad, lying to Az like that.'
 
'Shut up Lucy. I didn't do it for you. I did it for Faith. Another thing, don't go and get print outs of me in my bathrobe and have them blown up again. I understand I'm a lusty babe, but really, this stalking has to stop.'
 
She blows me a kiss and is gone, in an instant.
Heaven V Hell, the eternal struggle.
 
I wouldn't have it any other way.