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| GAMES FOR WHEN YOU ARE OLDER 1. Sag, you're it. 2. Hide and go pee 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Musicial recliners 7. Simon says something incoherent 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy Signs of Menopause....... 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. 3. You change your underwear after a sneeze. Noah's Ark.........The Woodpecker might have to go! Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark. One: Don't miss the boat. Two: Remember taht we are all in the same boat. Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. Six: Build your future on high ground. Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. Nine: When you're stressed, float a while. Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, ther's always a rainbow waiting. A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright "T-G-I-F". He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T". She looked puzzled and repeated "T-G-I-F" more slowly. He again answered "S-H-I-T". The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F". The man smiled back to her and once again said, "S-H-I-T". The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain "'T-G-I-F' means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it, duhhhh?" The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'" Cow Tracking..... Is it just me or does anyone else find it absolutely amazing that the U.S. government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington and determine exactly what that cow ate. They can also track her calves right to their stalls and tell you what kind of feed they ate. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around their country, including people that are trying to blow up important structures in the U.S. My solution.........give every illegal alien a cow as soon as they enter then country! Top Ten Reasons Studying is Better than Sex...... 10. You can usually find someone to do it with. 9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off 8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame. 7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it. 6. A little coffee and you can do it all night. 5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser". 4. You can do it, eat and watch TV at the same time. 3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle. 2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it. 1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help! |
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