Theresa: *waves* Hiya! Welcome to my first MSTing! Here with me today is my good friend, Duo, who will be adding his insightful and delightful commentary to my own highly inspired comments.
Duo: *waves also, around a large bucket of popcorn* I'm also here to keep this hentai onna in line.
Theresa: Who are you calling "Onna!?"
Duo: You.
Theresa: *Bops Duo on the head with a toy mallet* Only Wufei may call me that!
Duo: *holding his arms over his head to defend against the mallet* Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Truce! Truce!
Theresa: *puts the mallet away* Okay. Just don't let it happen again. *ahem* And so, without further ado, We're delighted....er....happy...? No, um....
Duo: Not entirely displeased?
Theresa: Yes! That will work nicely. We are not entirely displeased to present:
And they say women are the weak sex! (By Sanae)
Something silly I’ve decided to write while I’m taking a break before writing the sequel of “Once is Enough”.
Duo: So what is it we're doing exactly?
It may become a series with the other GW pairings. I don’t know just yet (one has her job, relationship and family/friends to take care of!).
Theresa: MSTing. Just a minute, I'll show you.
Duo: 'K.
STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIES.
Theresa: And that would be...?
Duo: I wouldn't know.
Theresa: You're a natural.
Duo: Who do we know that gets PMS?
Theresa: Hold on, and you'll find out.
Heero arrived home after a very dangerous mission.
Theresa: Is there any other kind?
He had defeated an entire gang of
Theresa: Fangirls
nasty horrible people
Duo: Close enough.
that were threatening the peaceful world that his new wife had worked so much to achieve.
Duo: New...wife?
Theresa: I never said it would be pretty.
“Honey, I’m home!” said cheerfully, well, as cheerful as Heero can get.
Theresa: He couldn't wait to show "Honey" his new gun.
The anger management sessions where paying off and he was
Duo: Finally coming to terms with his need to shoot people.
becoming more, lacking of another, more appropriate word, sociable.
Duo: He can make small talk with people before killing them now.
Not getting a reply he
Theresa: Jumped for joy because he was finally alone.
Duo: (Heero, deadpan) Yippee.
started getting worried.
Duo: (Heero) If "Honey" isn't home, who's going to cook my dinner?
He fled to the living room.
Theresa: Having spotted a giant spider in the entryway.
Empty. Then to the kitchen. Empty. Then run upstairs.
Duo: So now the author's telling him what to do?
Theresa: Um...I guess.
All rooms empty. Even the bathrooms.
Theresa: I should think especially the bathrooms.
Duo: 'Cause no one uses bathrooms.
The only possibility left was the garden. Heero went there. Relena was there. Sitting on the floor next to a plant.
Duo: Must. Speak like. Shatner.
Theresa: Some commas would work nicely amongst those sentence fragments.
At first there were no signs of something going wrong.
Duo: Then Heero noticed a giant spider had Relena in a strangle hold.
Theresa: He watched it as it slowly sucked the juices from Relena's body with it's giant fangs.
Then he heard some sniffing and sobbing.
Theresa: The spider was crying because it had never eaten such a delicious meal before.
Relena was crying.
Duo: Then she died. The end.
“Baby…hey…What’s up?”
Theresa: (Heero) Ha ha, Crybaby!
Heero asked his wife kneeling next to her and putting an arm around her shoulders.
Duo: There's a disturbing image.
Theresa: Shhh, it's supposed to be sweet!
“It’s dead…” Relena replied with a small voice.
Duo: (Relena, sobbing) I was just practicing my newest speech and it died!
“What? What is dead?” asked a very worried Heero.
Theresa: If anything was going to die, he wanted to be the one to do the...making dead. Yes.
Duo: (glances at Theresa)
Theresa: (Shrugs) hey, they can't all be winners.
“The plant…” Relena said.
Theresa: (Relena) It heard me talking and it died!
“What?!” Heero said not sure he had heard right.
Duo: (Relena) I *said*....
“The plant! The PLANT IS DEAD!!!”
Duo: (Relena) I killed it with my voiiicceee!!
Theresa: (Relena) HHHHeeeee~~ro!
Duo: (shudders) don't DO that!
the dark blonde young woman
Theresa: Looks like someone's been fake'n'baking again....
Duo: I think the author meant her hair...
screamed, then, she got up suddenly, making Heero fall on his bum in the process.
Theresa: Must, overuse the, previously underused, comma.
Duo: hehe...Heero fell on his bum.
She just stood there
Theresa: Glaring at Heero
with her eyes full of tears
Duo: (Relena) I am *not* fat! You take that back!
pointing with her finger the poor dead plant.
Duo: What else would she point with?
Theresa: Her nose.
Duo: Like a dog.
(They glance at each other and burst out laughing)
“Ah. Ok…” started saying Heero getting up from the floor.
Duo: Rubbing his bum.
Theresa: Never had it been so sore since his days with Duo-
Duo: *throws popcorn at Theresa* No Ecchi!
”OK? What on earth is ok, uh?”
Theresa: (counting on her fingers) Rainbows, butterflies, fuzzy kittens, frolicking bishounen....
said Relena looking at her husband accusingly “Have you no feelings?
Duo: That's open for debate.
The poor thing is dead
Theresa: (Relena) And *you* killed it!
and you only manage to say ‘Ah, Ok…’ Oh, Heero, sometimes…” Relena just sighted
Duo: along the barrel of the gun and slowly squeezed the trigger *pantomimes shooting Relena in the head*
Theresa: A quick grammar-check would have cleared that one up.
and started crying some more.
Duo: (Heero) You sure cry a lot. Why did I marry you again?
Heero was incredibly confused.
Theresa: (Heero) So...you...and me...we're married? When did that happen?
Duo: (Heero) And more importantly, what was I smoking?
What on earth was all of this about. What had he done wrong? This morning when he left Relena was fine…
Theresa: Or as fine as Relena gets.
now she was a nervous wreck
Duo: Killing the plant by boring it to death with her speech had pushed her over the edge.
Heero didn’t know what to say nor do.
Theresa: (Heero, rooting around in his shorts) I know I've got some divorce papers somewhere around here...
Then Relena turned around and ran to the kitchen.
Duo: Before that she had been balancing on top of a large ball swinging hula-hoops by her arms, waist, neck and ankle.
Heero followed her.
Theresa: (Heero, waving the divorce papers) Look, just sign your name right here!
When he arrived to the kitchen he saw Relena getting something out of the oven.
Duo: Doesn't she have maids to do that sort of thing?
Theresa: There are multiple bathrooms for only two people in this house...who knows?
“OH NO!!! I COMPLETELY FORGOT!” she screamed again.
Theresa: HHHEEEEEEEE~~~ROOOOO!!!
Duo: STOP that!
“What?” Heero asked carefully.
“I COMPLETELY BURNED THE LASAGNE, I AM A FAILURE AS A WIFE, AS A WOMAN AND AS A PERSON!!”
Theresa: Check, check, check, aaannnd check!
Duo: She's doing our job for us!
she screamed again dropping the tray
Theresa: On the floor.
on a wooden board on the kitchen worktop. Then she started crying again.
Duo: But...she was already crying before! When did she stop?
Theresa: It's just a continuity error. Don't worry about it too much.
Heero was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Theresa: The local drug store was out of Viagra!
He had never felt so impotent in his life.
Duo: (Sidelong glance at Theresa) No ecchi comments.
Theresa: PHOOEY!
What the heck was wrong with Relena tonight…
Theresa: A better question would be, "What *wasn't* wrong with Relena?"
Duo: Yes,the answers for that question would be much shorter.
“Darling, it actually looks ok to me…”
Duo: Darling? Since when does Heero use endearments?
said Heero grabbing a fork and
Theresa: Began stabbing Relena in the face.
trying a bit of the burnt lasagne
Theresa: It was still really hot from just being in the oven, but he ate it anyway.
Duo: (Heero) Ninmu Ryoukai.
“…it’s a bit burned on the top but the rest is fine…
Duo: He said, lying through his teeth.
look…sweetie, I am eating it…
Theresa: (Relena) How come you keep leaning over behind the counter between bites?
Duo: (Relena) And why does this spot on the carpet keep getting bigger?
it’s fine…”
“You’re only saying this because you don’t want to upset me…”
Theresa: (Relena) You shouldn't lie to your queen! Grovel at my feet, Peon!
said Relena getting even sadder.
Duo: Every time she thought about the poor, dead plant, she wanted to cry.
“No…look Relena, I don’t know what’s wrong with you,
Theresa: (Heero) But I'm NOT your husband! Or your boyfriend, or your friend, or your bodyguard or....
but I’m sure if you tell me
Duo: (Heero) you never want to see me again, we'll both be much happier for it.
I will be able to help you…” Heero said while
Theresa: quietly loading his gun beneath the counter.
eating some more of the lasagne, he was actually quite hungry
Duo: Killing marauding fangirls day in and day out is tough work!
and the lasagne was not too bad…
Duo: What exactly is "Lasagne" anyway?
Theresa: I think she meant to write "Lasagna"
Duo: Oh. Well, I guess that's an easy mistake to make.
again he was used to eat very weird things so his opinion didn’t really count…
Duo: Anything was better than Catherine's soup.
Then, the unthinkable happened:
Theresa: Relena spontaneously combusted.
Relena Darlian-Peacecraft Yuy walked towards her husband and
Duo: Slapped him?
grabbing the tray with the lasagne,
Theresa: As opposed to *without* the lasagne...whatever that is.
threw it
Duo: At Heero.
out the kitchen window breaking the glass.
Duo: Which flew everywhere, cutting Relena in several places, which caused her to bleed to death.
Apparently this got her even more upset
Theresa: Yes, she doesn't seem like the type to die quietly.
and started shouting and throwing things all over the place.
Theresa: (Relena) And *this* is for the time you tried to KILL me! And *this* is for that time you almost *stepped* on me with your Gundam! And *this* is for...
‘Oh my gosh, thank goodness
Duo: (Heero) I'm wearing my Spandex today
she is supposed to be a pacifist!’ Heero thought while taking cover underneath one of the tables.
Theresa: How many tables does this kitchen have?
After a few minutes, the mayhem stopped and he heard her crying again.
Theresa: She'd managed to dent her favorite iron skillet.
Not seeing any other option he
Duo: Ran away while she was still crying.
came out
Theresa: Of the closet.
from the table
Theresa: Phooey.
took one injection from his suitcase
Duo: He carries a suitcase?
Theresa: *nods wisely* with injections.
and gave Relena some
Theresa: Poison.
sedatives. She quickly fell sleep. He then called the hospital and asked to speak to a doctor.
Duo: (Heero) Hello doctor? I just poisoned my wife. Do you know of a good place to dispose of her corpse?
“Hello, I am doctor McKenzie, how can I help you?” a male voice replied.
Theresa: What universe is this? You can't speak to an actual doctor on the phone even if you're bleeding from your eyes and ears where *I* come from!
“Hello, I am Heero Yuy,
Duo: (Heero) Omae o Korosu.
look, tonight when I came back from work I found my wife
Theresa: (Heero) Doing the laundry.
crying over a dead plant, then she
Duo: (Heero) Dusted the furniture
shouted at me, she never does that, then she went to the kitchen and started
Duo: (Heero) Trying to cook me dinner.
Theresa: (Heero) Emphasis on *trying*.
crying again because she had burnt our dinner and just know she has been throwing things all over the place in the kitchen…
Theresa: (Heero) She broke the kitchen window!
Duo: (Heero) And she got blood all over the curtains!
I am beginning to get scared you know…Could you send an ambulance here, please?”
Duo: Did he call a doctor or 911? Doctors don't send ambulances anywhere...
said Heero trying to
Theresa: hide his elation at the fact that Relena was bleeding to death.
calm down as much as he could.
Duo: This fic is so OOC. Heero is always calm.
Theresa: Shows what you know. *waggles her "Gundam Wing" manga at Duo*
“Mr Yuy, Is your wife
Duo: (Doctor) Stupid?
Theresa: (Doctor) Psychotic?
pregnant?” asked the doctor.
Duo: EEEeeewww!
“No. I don’t think so…She had her last period just over two weeks ago…”
Theresa: If it was that long ago, she could very well be pregnant. Silly Heero.
replied Heero not understanding what it had to do with anything.
“AH!
Duo: (Doctor) Sorry, dude, you married a psycho-chick, I can't help you. G'bye.
Ok…then it’s normal…” said the doctor shocking Heero.
Duo: With static-electricity.
Theresa: (Doctor) Ha ha! Got you!
“How exactly is this supposed to be normal? I’m sorry doc but, I don’t see any normality about my wife screaming, shouting at me, crying for nothing at all and creating sheer chaos in the kitchen…”
Theresa: If it's Relena....I wouldn't put anything past that chick.
said Heero trying to sound as alarmed as he could.
Duo: He wanted to make sure the doctor knew how scared he was.
“Yes I see. But your wife is affected by a very normal, common syndrome. It is called
Duo: (Doctor) Darlian-itis. It only affects stuck-up, nosey, preppy little girls who never quite let go of mommy's apron strings.
the premenstrual syndrome…it is a psychological minor disease caused by
Theresa: (Doctor) attending too many ritzy parties as a small child.
the erratic hormonal levels…” explained the doctor like if he was talking about the most normal thing.
Theresa: Which he wasn't, 'cos there's nothing normal about Relena.
“Do you know about this?
Duo: -_-;; if he didn't know about it, how could he have just told you?
Have you warned the authorities?” asked Heero really freaked out.
Theresa: How come no one ever told him that it's a bad idea to marry snobby little rich girls?
“Everybody knows about this…
Duo: (Doctor) Except for you, obviously.
it is quite common, you know…”
Theresa: No, he doesn't know, or he wouldn't have asked for your help, you quack!
replied the doctor almost laughing.
Duo: That's right, laugh at the poor distraught guy...
Theresa: If he'd married Duo, he would have never had to deal with this.
Duo: *bops Theresa on the head*
“Is there something you can do about this?” said Heero trying to
Theresa: Stop himself from crushing the phone in his hand.
ignore the doctor’s humorous tone of voice.
“Yes.
Duo: (Doctor) First you have to sacrifice a goat on top of the tallest mountain in Central China, then you have to...
There are some hormonal treatments to
Theresa: (Doctor) Enhance it.
prevent it. Why don’t you call tomorrow for an appointment and we will discuss it?”
Duo: Why can't he make an appointment now?
proposed the doctor.
Theresa: (Doctor) Mr. Yuy, will you marry me?
“Ok. I will. Thanks” replied Heero thinking that
Duo: As soon as he met this doctor in person, he was going to give him a swift kick in the groin.
the world had gone mad.
Duo: I thought that the world had gone mad when I first found out Heero was married to Relena.
“You’re welcome…” replied the doctor before putting the phone down.
Theresa: In the garbage can.
Heero sat on the sofa, staring at his sleeping wife,
Duo: Whom he had laid out on the floor in front of the sofa.
no wonder they had so much work to do! This bloody people had known about something that could cause the total destruction from the entire universe and had done nothing to prevent it?
Duo:....What, is that it?
Theresa: Yop.
Duo: That last part didn't make any sense at all! Who is "they"? And what does the author mean by "This bloody people"?
Theresa: Perhaps no one shall ever know...
Duo: Well, that was an interesting way to spend some time. Got any more?
Theresa: *points to her computer, where the homepage for fanfiction.net is burning a hole in the screen*
Duo: Oi...I don't feel so well...
Theresa: Save that nauseous feeling for the next fic.
Duo: Why?
Theresa It's a 'Sue.
Duo:...Just as long as it doesn't involve me in anyway...
Theresa: Heh...Anyway! As promised, I would like to point out some things the author did well, and some things she could improve upon!
Duo: She can get rid of that 1xR pairing, *that* would be a big improvement
Theresa: Shush, you! Everyone is entitled to their own likes, and who are we to judge?
Duo: You mean who are *you* to judge?
Theresa: You're getting off topic. Things Sanae-san did well:
Duo: Things that need work:
Theresa: *claps her hands* Okay! And that's a wrap!