Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Little Johnny, being reprimanded by his teacher for being tardy for school, remonstrated with the following excuse, "Ma woke Pa up in the middle of the night saying she heard something in the hen house. Pa, who sleeps in the raw, grabbed his loaded shotgun and ran out into the yard. Pa stood there, with his gun pointing at the chicken house, waiting for something to come out when our old hound dog came up behind Pa with his cold nose...and we've been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this morning."