WHICH OF THESE TWO SCHOOL POLICIES DO YOU THINK IS BETTER?

 난주 작문

원문

  There are some schools that require students to wear uniforms while others allow students to wear whatever they wish. I think it is better for students to wear a uniform because it eliminates fashion distraction and it also allows students to have a greater feeling of unity.

   If students have permission to wear as they want, they will concern on fashion and waste time at the mall looking the clothes because each student wants to look better than others. Giving students the fredom of what to wear will make some students hilarious but on the other hand there must be some dissatisfied students and parents. It will sqeeze their wallets because it costs much more than buying one uniform. Some students might be teased about their non-name-brand clothes and it will make them hard to focus in the class.

    Wearing the uniform gives the students the feeling of being a part of a large group, which connects them to the school. Occasionally young people break up into smaller groups that differentiate themselves from one another group through fashion. However, with uniforms, students feel that the entire student body is one giant group of which they are a part.

기본 300 단어 채워보자~

whatever-작문에서는 피하는게 좋은 단어

Distraction / discrimination /
우와 이렇게 잘쓰는 것을. 기막히다…
100 아니 1000 점 짝 짝 짝…

*mall looking the clothes, because 코마
*글쎄 looking for / looking around / looking & wasting 등은 어떨지 = 우쨔뜬 괜찮음.
*Hilarious, but 코마가 있는 것이 좀더 나을 듯 = 우짜뜬 괜찮음.
*Freedom / squeeze 철자
* unknown-name-brand 가 나을 듯

student body = 생각해봐

Had better 도 사용 가능 함 -좀더 강한주장으로 괜찮기는 한데-암튼 좋아
Distraction / discrimination /

수정본

   There are some schools that require students to wear uniforms while others allow students to wear what they wish. I think it is better for students to wear a uniform because it eliminates fashion distraction and it also allows students to have a greater feeling of unity.

   If students have permission to wear what they want, they will concern on fashion and waste time at the mall looking at clothes, because each student wants to look better than others. Giving students the freedom of what to wear will make some students feel hilarious, but on the other hand there must be some dissatisfied students and parents. It will squeeze their wallets because it costs much more than buying one uniform. Even some students might be teased about their unknown-name-brand clothes and it will make them hard to focus in the class.

    Wearing the uniform gives the students the feeling of being a part of a large group, which connects them to the school. Occasionally young people break up into smaller groups that differentiate themselves from one another group through fashion. However, with uniforms, students feel that the each student belongs to one giant group in which they are a part of.

   I think high school students had better wear school uniform. Wearing same style of clothing removes fashion distraction and it also instills a sense of belonging and school pride into students.

Very fast developing in such a short time !!!

could be perfect by adding one more statement in the middle.- Middle general ..

Notice on Comma (Better)
On some point looks much better with comma
코마참고(Better)
Very logical statements for supporting Ur opinions as if it is the fact because it seems very agreeable enough ...음 . 무지 조아조아

넘 조아 조아 .. 끝내준다. Occasionally 그리고 However
looks to me that U ve got what I commented last on the subjunctives and used it perfectly on this point ----Excellent .