Well, I spent most of my lunch hours at work this week looking for a new job.  In light of my Impending Doom I am very tense about everything.  At work I feel disconnected from my boss and coworkers and only find joy in my job because I am helping our clients solve issues.  At home I am more critical of my roommates and easily frustrated with Cole's kids (Ryan and Kyle) mainly cause they constantly fight.  I know my stress isn't the fault of my roommates, but it is definately impacting how I feel about life, the universe, and everything.

Tom keeps letting me down.  Most of the time I cannot get in touch with him at all and then sometimes he will call me and promise to call later when we can go out, then never calls me.  I'm genuinely frustrated because I have literally cancelled get togethers with friends in the anticipation of going out with Tom and he has constantly failed to keep his word to me.  At a minimum he could have called to tell me he couldn't take me out so I wouldn't waste my evening or something, but he either is so busy doing work that he doesn't think to call, or he just doesn't care.  I feel like I am expending a lot of effort and getting nothing in return.  I know that sounds selfish, but when it comes to relationships it won't work if both parties aren't making effort with each other.  Tom had better make some more effort my way or I am going to have to give up on him.

I went to a LAN Party this weekend but didn't have a lot of fun.  I ended up re-imaging my laptop due to software issues but then spend most of the LAN reloading games and only playing a little.  I'm so stressed out about the work thing that I just can't think about anything else.  Then I was so tired this morning I just came home and skipped the rest of it.  I slept a lot today.

Hopefully this week will be better than last week.  I really need something good to happen to me.  I'm getting really depressed and I feel lost.  I hate not having structure in my life and worry that May 31st will come and go and I'll lose everything again.  I'm tired of my life going this way, it seems every time things start to go really well for me, something always happens to screw everything up.  And there seems to be nothing I can do about it.  I wish I could gain some stability that would last in my life.  I want my own family, my own home, a good job that I do well at and keep for a VERY long time (i.e. long enough to retire).  Am I somehow asking too much?