Your Witchy Ways

by DiAnn



Challenge Story

E-mail: scarlet679@hotmail.com

Spoiler: None

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. No money received, no harm intended.

Summary: The challenge was to write a Halloween story. Mulder searches for an evil witch.
No beta. All mistakes are my own.



Deserted Street
Alexandria, VA

"Mulder, can we go home now?" Scully whined for at least the hundredth time in the last hour.

Mulder shifted his butt in the car seat, trying to bring some feeling back to his numb posterior. "Just a little longer, Scully. I'm almost sure Agent Carter is the one. It's only three days until Halloween, and everyone knows that witches are required to spend the two weeks prior to October 31 preparing for the Witch's Sabbith. They go out every night during that time. They can't help themselves, it's genetic or something. She'll show herself, and when she does, we'll be here to nab her."

"But you said midnight. It's already 2:00 a.m. Any self respecting witch could have gone out for a few brews, eaten a couple of kids, and been back home by now."

Mulder glared at the partner who had come to mean so much to him almost from the moment he lay eyes on her. "You can make light of this is you want, Agent Scully. But I'm telling you, the Hoover Building has been infiltrated by a witch. How much more evidence do you need anyway. Remember the water sprinkler incident? That water was blood-red, Scully, you saw those people."

"That was unusual," She admitted. "I'm just glad we'd already left before the fire alarm system malfunctioned. That suit that Agent Wilson had on cost over five hundred dollars, I know because I saw one just like it when I was shopping with my mother. It was beautiful but I just couldn't afford it. She is so obsessed with her clothing, and after that sprinkler drenched her, that new suit was nothing more than a pink tinted rag. I felt so sorry for her."

"Not as sorry as she felt for herself. You don't think it was significant that a system, that had just been inspected, goes off in the cafeteria during the busiest time of the day?"

"Unfortunate coincidence. Pure and simple. Not that I think a flood hurt the food in that cafeteria all that much, they didn't even have plain yogurt available that day. But red water is not all that uncommon, Mulder. There could have been a little too much chlorine added at the treatment plant, and when it combined with the natural minerals found around the DC area it could have . . ."

"What about those . . .things . . .that crawled out of Agent Anderson's coffee cup during yesterday's team meeting. That was black magic if I've ever seen it."

"Roaches. Most common insect on earth."

"On the fifth floor of the illustrious J. Edgar Hoover Building? I don't think so. Tell me this, how do you explain SAC Thomas throwing Special Agent Helms to the floor to do the nasty, in broad daylight, in the middle of the bullpen? Don't tell me you think that was normal behavior for a couple of co-workers who have been friends for years."

"I was told that Brad Thomas has had a secret crush on Agent Helms for years. He just let his hormones get away from him, that's all. I don't think Helms really minded all that much."

"Well, his wife certainly did. Don't you think it's suspecious that she dropps in at his office unexpectedly on the very day he decided to give up his cherry to a fishing buddy? That was one strange coffee break, Scully."

"Gross, Mulder."

"And what about the way AD Skinner has been acting this week. Now there's a man under a spell, if I've ever seen one. Growling, barking, snarling at everyone in sight."

"And you think this is unusual because . . .?"

"Too extreme, Scully, even for Skinner. Everybody with an once of common sense has steered a wide path around him for days."

"Which explains why you decided to confront him about his 'abnormal behavior' in the main lobby of the Hoover this morning."

"Someone has to be willing to face this problem head-on, Scully. There's a witch perpetrating evil spells at FBI Headquarters. My instincts tell me it's one of the agents and not someone in management. It's commonly believed that witches hate authority figures of any kind, they tend to act impulsively when under stress, and are extremely paranoid. Often planning intricate, irrational schemes to achieve their own twisted goals or exact revenge."

"So you're a witch, Mulder? Does your mother know?"

"Ha. Ha. Laugh all you want now, Scully, but when I uncover this witch, and expose her - or him - for the evil fiend they are, you'll be thanking me. And besides, if you're going to work with me, you need to learn the lingo. The proper term for a male witch would be warlock'."

"I see. Well, now that you've explained this better, I just have one question."

"Good." Mulder gave her his most self-satisfied smile. "What do you want to know?"

"Can we go home now?"



Hoover Building
Assistant Director Skinner's Office

"You want me to sign what?" AD Skinner growled ominously from behind his massive desk.

Mulder swallowed hard. "Uh, it's a 302, sir. I need to investigate the witch that is terrorizing the federal agents in this building."

"The only one who is terrorizing federal agents, Mulder, is you." He picked up a file and opened it carefully. "So far, I've received seven separate grievances filed against you. Oh, and one group complaint, from the secretarial pool, filed in mass, in my private office, not more than an hour ago. It was ugly, Mulder."

Skinner looked up to see his troublesome agent looking back at him with an innocent, angelic expression that would have done any alter-boy proud.

"According to Agent Anderson, you put some kind of foul-smelling plant substance in her desk drawer while she was out to lunch."

"Ah ha!" Mulder shouted, making the AD almost jump out of his chair. "Only a witch would find Witch's Weed objectionable."

Skinner pulled an evidence bag out of his desk. "Is this the 'Witch's Weed' you're talking about, Agent Mulder?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, I found it objectionable myself." He quickly put the bag away as Mulder started to look at him suspiciously. "Let's move along, shall we."

"Agent Morrison claims that you caused her jaw to be broken. Is that true?"

"Agent Scully broke her jaw a little, sir, but it was Jamison's own fault. I was doing a simple search of her residence, she came home much earlier than would be expected, and took exception to my presence. She was going to do this little kung-foo kick thing, sir, and well, Agent Scully protected my back."

"So it was self defense, in that, Agent Morrison was going to kick your ass and your partner stopped her?"

"Well yes, sir. But only because I had the cross in one hand and the holy water in the other. Under normal circumstances, I think I could take Agent Morrison. She'll be retiring next month, sir."

"Cross . . .holy . . .I thought that was for vampires, Mulder?"

"Better safe than sorry, sir."

"I see." AD Skinner took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. "How about Agent Jamison. She says you . . ."

"That was not my fault! If she had just been a little patient I could have gotten that hemlock bubble gum out of her hair. It was her choice to get her head shaved, sir."

AD Skinner just stared at his agent for a long moment. When the young man had finally started fidgeting in his chair, the big AD got up and moved to look out his window.

"You know, Mulder, I'm not sure what to do with you anymore. I mean nothing seems to deter you once you get some hare-brained idea in that thick head of yours. I can't reason with you, I can't intimidate you, nothing seems to work. So, I've decided to spank you."

He turned around to see Mulder staring back at him with wide, startled eyes. "Excuse me, sir. I don't think I heard you correctly."

"Yes you did. I can't control your behavior through normal means so I'm going to spank you as a means to behavior modification."

"You . . .you can't do that, sir. I'm an adult. A federal agent. You can't assault me, sir!"

"I'm not going to assault you, Mulder, I'm going to spank you." The AD sat back down in his chair. "Come over here, and take your pants down."

"It's the witch, sir! You're under some kind of evil spell. This isn't something you'd do on your own. Can't you see that? You have to snap out of it, sir."

Skinner looked down at his desk, seeming to seriously contemplate Mulder's words. The agent breathed a sigh of relief.

"No. I want to spank you. Besides you have a really nice ass and I want to see it."

"Sir! You can't mean that!"

"Sure I do. I noticed it the first time I saw you. I said to myself, that boy has a great ass on him', I remember it distinctly. Now get it over here for a good, hard spanking. I don't have all day, agent."

"Sir, please." Mulder realized he was using that same whine that Scully had employed last night when she wanted to go home.

"Your choice, Mulder. I handle this my way or you get a two-week suspension."

"Two weeks!"

"I suggest you make your decision, Agent Mulder."

Mulder thought about his options. This was definitely the work of that damned witch but there was no way to break the spell until he found out who he or she was. And he couldn't do that if he was suspended for two weeks. By the time he got back Halloween would be over, and the witch would be safely undercover again.

He gave one more pleading look to his supervisor, who only crooked a come to me' finger at him. Shit!

"I'm waiting, agent. Why don't you just take off your jacket and loosen that horrible tie. I have no desire to strangle you with it."

"At least that's something, sir."

Unless you tempt me beyond reason, Mulder. Now get moving!"

Mulder reluctantly did as he was told, and slowly walked around to the side of his boss' chair. He was barely within range before the big man had reached forward and hauled him face down over his lap. Skinner made short work of his slacks and boxers, lowering them with a practiced ease that made Mulder wonder if he was the only one who had taken a trip across this particular lap.

As soon as he was bare, a big, hard hand came crashing down on his exposed butt.

"Ouch! That hurts, sir!"

"That's why they call it punishment, Agent Mulder. And I suggest you keep your voice down unless you want quite a few interested parties watching this particular reprimand being delivered."

Smack! Smack! Smack! Mulder bit down on his lip as the AD's punishing hand covered every inch of his bare butt.

"You know, Mulder," Smack! Smack! "I've wanted to do this for weeks. I've never had that reaction to anyone in my life." Smack!

"It's, ouch!, the witch, sir!"

"Will you stop," Smack! Smack! Smack! "With that witch nonsense!" Smack! Smack! Smack! "I don't want to hear one more word about a witch," Smack! Smack! "Is that clear, Agent Mulder?"

"Ouch! Oh! Yes! Yes, sir, that's clear!"

"Good." Smack! Smack! "You know, Mulder, I think this is a very effective form of censure for you." Smack! Smack! Smack! "Quick, painless - well for me anyway - and most of all," Smack! Smack! "It just might do some good." Smack! Smack! Smack!

Skinner stopped for a moment and ran a hand over the throbbing, red backside laying so helplessly across his lap. It was beautiful. He didn't think he'd ever met a man that he thought was beautiful before. But then, he had never met a man like Mulder before either. Brilliant, gifted and so damned gorgeous that the AD sometimes felt his heart leap in his chest when he looked at him. It was disconcerting for a married, ex-marine with no previous homosexual tendencies. But the really strange thing was, these unfamiliar feelings didn't frighten Skinner the way he thought they should.

He heard Mulder sniff a couple of times. The agent was taking his punishment well considering the condition of his well-spanked butt. Must hurt like hell. Skinner rubbed small circles on his agent's back for a minute, and then applied another stinging smack right where the hapless agent would have to sit down.

"Ouch!" The new attack had caught Mulder off guard. He quickly bite down on his lip bottom again as five more stinging slaps landed on the same spot, low on his already burning butt. Then he felt his boss gently rubbing soothing circles on his back again. This was all so surreal.

"Do you think you've learned your lesson now, Agent Mulder?"

"Ye. . . Yes, sir!"

"I want you to know I don't enjoy doing this to you but I will if I have to, and next time will be worse."

"Next . . .time, sir?"

"Yes, Agent Mulder, next time. I've decided that this type of chastisement works well for you." He helped the young man to his feet. "Now get dressed and get back to work."

"Yes, sir." Mulder scrambled into his clothing and hurried from the room, his mind still in turmoil from what had just happened. And no way was he telling Scully about this. Not that she would believe him anyway.



Hoover Building
Basement Office

"Hey Scully, Agent Knutz has a cat."

"Mulder . . ."

"And I've noticed that Agent Miller only wears black. Don't you find that a little odd."

"Well, she's a winter, Mulder, and they look good in those . . ."

"And what about Applegate, she was on that case where three college kids disappeared in the woods last year. Maybe the witches got to her."

"I thought Skinner told you to stop investigating this crazy witch theory of yours? I wouldn't mess with him, Mulder, the man is on a tear lately."

"I'm not afraid of Skinner."

"Why is that, Agent Mulder?" Both agents's heads jerked around to see none other than the AD, standing in their office doorway, hands on hips, scowl firmly in place on his face.

"Uh . . .the thing is, sir . . .what I want to say . . .uh, well, it's just that . . ."

"Agent Scully, would you excuse us for a few minutes. Go get some coffee of something."

"Yes, sir." She left with a sympathetic glance at her unfortunate partner. The man was irresistibly gorgeous but not much for self-preservation it would seem.

"You're not going to spank me again, sir." Mulder stomped his foot at the intimidating AD who was taking up most of the free space in his office.

"You're right, Agent Mulder. I'm not going to spank you." He began unbuckling his belt as his agent stood wide-eyed, like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi-truck. "I'm going to strap you instead."

"Why are you doing this, sir?"

"Why? Well, let's see. You stole Agent Silver's Halloween costume, and had it analyzed by the FBI crime labs."

"It had a pointed hat!"

"She's been invited to a costume party, Mulder. That was an elf's hat."

"Likely story."

"And Agent Benjamin says you got a warrant to seize a book that had been given to her by her grandmother."

"It was a spell book, sir."

"It was a cookbook, Mulder. Give it back."

"Yes, sir."

"And who the hell would issue such a stupid warrant in the first place?"

"I met this federal judge in the MUFON Internet chat-room and he . . ."

"No, I don't want to hear it! Forget I asked! And," Skinner produced three chicken feet tied together neatly with a bright red ribbon and a clove of garlic. "I found this in my desk this morning."

"It's a protective charm, sir. I was hoping to improve your mood."

"Didn't work. Drop you pants and bend over your desk."

Mulder winced at the sound of the AD's belt being drawn through his pant loops. "Uh, sir. Couldn't we talk about this?"

"No. Hang on, Mulder. This is going to make that little spanking I gave you upstairs seem like love pats."

The first stripe was a streak of pure fire across his still red bottom. "Ah-h-h!"

"Better be careful, Mulder, you're always telling me how your office is bugged."

The belt visited his bottom two more times as he bite down once more on that poor, abused lip, burying his head in his crossed arms.

"Mulder!"

"Ye . . .yes, sir?" The agent looked up over his shoulder, eyes filled with tears.

"I told you to stop biting that pretty lip." Smack! "And I meant it!" Smack!

"I . . .I don't think you should be," Ouch! Ah-h! "Talking to me like that, sir."

"Get used to it!" Smack! Smack! Smack!

"Yes, sir! Ouch!"

Skinner surveyed the now scarlet bottom presented up over the agent's own desk. You want to believe, Mulder? Well, here's something you can believe in. "All right you can stand up now, Agent Mulder. And no more witch hunts. Is that understood."

"Yes, sir."

Mulder slowly stood, wiping his eyes on his shirt sleeve, and trying to pull up his pants with as much dignity as possible. Once he was dressed, the surprised agent found himself in his boss' arms, pulled tightly against a warm, massive chest.

"I know your butt is hurting right now, Mulder, but this was for your own good. From now on, I'm going to do my best to protect you. That's a promise, Agent Mulder."

Mulder thought he felt the AD's lips brush his hair but decided that couldn't possibly have been the case.



Basement Office
One Hour Later

"So are you going to give up this stupid investigation now?"

Dana eyed her partner as he rubbed the seat of his designer pants. She had walked back in the office while the AD was hugging a teary-eyed Mulder. Explanations had been in order. Both men had been a little surprised when she expressed her wholehearted approval of how Skinner had chosen to reprimand her disobedient but adorable partner.

"Yeah, but I know there's a witch working for the FBI, Scully."

"So who is it?"

"I have no idea, but I've decided to discontinue my investigation for this year."

"Under the circumstances, I think that's a very wise choice, Mulder."



"And that's how I got Sir Walter to give you your first spanking, Alainn." The good witch Dana smiled down at Prince Fox as he lay cuddled against her on their bed. "Now stop rubbing your butt, and there's no need for that pout either. Sir Walter is your protector, he has to use some means to keep you in line, now doesn't he?"

***The End

I told you she was the witch.

Confused? Hie thee over to DiAnn's Discipline page to read the 'Knight Time in the Realm' series and all shall be revealed.