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* CYBERSPACE *
* A biweekly column on net culture appearing *
* in the Toronto Sunday Sun *
* *
* Copyright 1999 Karl Mamer *
* Free for online distribution *
* All Rights Reserved *
* Direct comments and questions to: *
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The world is going to end ... some day. Many Netizens were
preparing for the end back on August 29, 1997. As I've noted in
this column before, the movie Terminator 2 claimed Skynet (i.e.
the Internet) would become self aware on that date and nuke the
world. Just a few weeks ago more people were hunkering down for
the end, this time believing the millennium was at hand. A bit
early? Well, as calculated by James Ussher (yep, that famous
bishop who used all the "begats" in the Bible to calculate the
earth to be no more than 6,000 years old), October 23, 1997
marked the end of the sixth millennium.
Both days came and went like most others. I think I celebrated
both days by going grocery shopping. The end of the world is,
for many, a waiting game. Get a date, sell all worldly
possessions, and sit on a hillside with a thermos of coffee.
There are those who prefer not to wait for the end of the world
and seek to move things along. Type A personalities, you know?
There's an endless, fascinating discussion on how to hasten the
apocalypse on a newsgroup called alt.destroy.the.earth.
Most posters (well, not those who think this is yet another
group to gripe about Microsoft) can be classified into two
camps: the Destructionalist and the Elitist. The
Destructionalist believe in the complete destruction of the
earth. Yes, they will be happy victims of their own twisted
schemes. The Elitists, on the other hand, just want to wipe out
that bothersome 99% of humanity: subway commuters who stand
instead of walk up the left side of an escalator, people at
cashiers who spend ten minutes in front of you searching for a
dime so they can get exact change back. Those people.
By far the Destructionalist are the most interesting and
horrifying. These are people who think on a massive scale, a
scale undreamed of by Ayn Rand's Howard Roark or even Warner
Brothers' Wile E. Coyote. The super-geniuses on
alt.destroy.the.earth contemplate smashing quasars together to
disrupt the time flow, discuss how Mars could be moved into a
far more interesting and dangerous orbit, and lobby legislators
to make Pi equal to 3 (which I can only imagine will result in
the construction of a lot of very unsafe nuclear plants).
Ask a Destructionalist "why?" and you'll likely get a simple
"why not?" Some people look over a field full of birds,
flowers, and playing children and get inspired to paint a
picture. Destructionalist think "that's got to go."
While the chat between the Destructionalist and the Elitists on
alt.destroy.the.earth is all in good fun, a number of genuinely
kooky individuals have found the newsgroups a friendly place to
talk about their real plans for death rays, perpetual motion
machines, and suitcase-sized earthquake generators. As you can
imagine alt.destroy.the.earth is a place where kooks of the
"weird science" variety find themselves cheered on, not jeered.
My all time favorite weird science web page is Bill Beaty's Weird Science
Homepage. The page's Not your
average construction project link is particularly
interesting. Do you suspect there's been a change in the
household time flow? If so, you can find out how to build a
time-distortion detector with a handful of parts from Radio
Shack.
Most weird scientists take their cue from Einstein, who went
from being an unknown patent clerk to a Nobel laureate, and the
less well-known Nikola
Tesla. Tesla is best known for developing alternating-
current. By the time he died in 1943, he left a legacy of some
700 patents plus a number of rumors that he had plans still on
the drawing board for terrifying weapons of mass destruction.
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