**************************************************************
* *
* CYBERSPACE *
* A biweekly column on net culture appearing *
* in the Toronto Sunday Sun *
* *
* Copyright 1999 Karl Mamer *
* Free for online distribution *
* All Rights Reserved *
* Direct comments and questions to: *
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One of the oldest online pastimes has been the "Never
Ending Story." The format hasn't changed much since
the days when kids ran single line bulletin board
systems (BBSes) on Commodore 64s, 300 baud modems, and
pirated software: one person posts a few opening
paragraphs and others follow up the narrative with
their own prose.
No matter how a story starts, all quickly degenerate
into improbable tales of Heavy Metal singers running
around a Star Trek universe. Literature it ain't but
Never Ending Stories can be mildly amusing, especially
if you're taken with dreaming up exotic ways of
disintegrating Sammy Hagar. The fun eventually stops
when someone contributes a plot killer like beaming a
nude Captain Kirk over to a Klingon ship. There are
some limits.
The folks at Amazon Books (www.amazon.com) have
recently attempted to update the Never Ending Story
concept, even though the format has traditionally
produced some of the worst writing imaginable. The
mega-book seller has contracted John Updike to write
the beginning and ending of a murder mystery. The
bothersome middle section is left to budding online
writers. Each day, netizens are invited to submit a
few sentences. The winning submission for that day
gets added to the collective tale and the daily winner
is awarded $1,000. Not bad. Unfortunately, the contest
is open only to citizens of the United States. Even
with that restriction, I'm not sure how Amazon Books
is going to handle the volume of submissions once the
word gets out. There are 20 million net users in the
United States. All but four of those believe they're
better writers than Updike. Do the math. Best of luck,
Amazon!
If you're willing to work for a bit less money and
write a few more words, Troma Team Video is hosting a
script writing contest. Troma Team Video has made such
fine '80s era films as /The Toxic Avenger/, /Surf
Nazis Must Die/, and /Class of Nuke 'Em High/. Troma
Team is coming out with a new /Nuke 'Em High/
instalment, updated for the '90s, and they want the
fans to write it. Each week, from user submissions,
Troma Team adds another two pages to its script. The
winner gets $50 and a sense of pride knowing he or she
has managed to write dialog in keeping with Troma
Team's cinematic sensibilities. In fact, the Troma
Team requires you to write just like them. Winning
entries have to work one or more provided lines of
dialog into each submission. Think you can work "Plain
and simple, robotics are the wave of the future." or
"What if VALLEY OF GWANGI was the real world, and our
world was a movie which the people in VALLEY OF GWANGI
were watching, in-between lassoing dinosaurs?" into a
semi-coherent scene about high school life? If so,
head to www.troma.com/contest.html.
If you're one of those twisted types that actually
likes writing for the fun, and you don't insist on
cash for your time/ideas, you can find an interesting
twist on the Never Ending Story format on a newsgroup
called alt.dragons-inn. You assume a persona in one of
many swords 'n' sorcery "worlds" hosted on the
newsgroup and contribute to an ongoing plot. Just make
sure you read the group FAQ at dragon.io.com/inn.html
before you join.
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