CELEBRITY HEADSTONE EPITAPHS

Tim Allen - My casket was crafted with the Binford 4000! Arrhhh arrhhh arrhhhh...

Marcus Allen -- It was a good run.

Woody Allen -- Too Soon, Soon Ye.

Laurie Anderson -- Ta Da with Dada.

Tom Arnold -- Is the afterlife as Rosie as they say?

Rowan Atkinson -- Bean There, Done That!

Bob Barker -- Come on down!

Chris Berman -- HE - DID - GO - ALL - THE - WAY!!!

Mr. Blackwell -- You can't go wrong in basic black.

Terry Bradshaw -- No more time left on the clock.

Marlon Brando -- But I want seconds.

Mel Brooks -- Carl still stinks!

Jim Carrey -- And if I don't see you later,
Good afternoon, Good evening, and Good night!

Drew Carey -- Drew was drawn.

Johnny Carson -- Here's Johnny!

Johnny Cash -- Because you're mine, I sleep in pine.

Chevy Chase -- On permanent vacation.

Cher -- If I could turn back time...

John Cleese - No, I'm not! -
Oh, is this the 5 minute or the 10 minute argument?

Bill Clinton -- He quit inhaling.

Glenn Close -- It really was a Close call.

Phil Collins -- He took me home.

Sean Connery -- Unshaken, unstirred.

David Copperfield -- The ultimate disappearing act.

Bill Cosby -- God? Nah, who is it, really?

Kevin Costner -- Dances with worms.

Rodney Dangerfield -- I still don't get no respect.
There's a sprinkler pipe running through my coffin. .

Steven Spielberg -- That's a wrap.

Tom Cruise -- My head actually weighs 8 pounds.

Billy Crystal -- I'm not dead yet, there's an Oscar show next week.

Jane Curtin -- Had her final Curtain call.

Dom DeLuise -- Dom dom de dom.

Robert DeNiro -- Who are you looking at? You looking at me?

Celine Dion -- Held that note too long.

Mike Ditka -- Oh, when the Saints go marching in...

Richard Dreyfuss -- Goodbye, girl.

Bob Dylan -- Everybody must get head-stoned!

James Earl Jones -- I felt the force, Luke.

Anthony Edwards -- Clear! Oh, s**t.

Linn Elliott -- He couldn't even kick the bucket.

George Foreman -- Make that sandwich to go...

Jodie Foster -- No more Contact.

Jeff Foxworthy -- If the grass above me is 6 feet tall,
I may have been buried by a redneck.

Dennis Franz -- Ipsa this.

Peri Gilpin -- Putting things on hold.

Jerry Glanville -- I'm taking those tickets to Elvis.

Whoopi Goldberg -- We'll take Whoopi in the center plot.

Kelsey Grammer -- The doctor is out.

Hugh Grant -- What the hell was I thinking?

George Harrison -- Please refrain.

Anthony Hopkins -- Those fava beans weren't fresh.

Eric Idle -- Say no more.

O. J. Simpson -- Still looking for Nicole's killer.

DeForest Kelley -- I'm dead, Jim.

Larry King -- Larry King Live was pre-recorded.

Kevin Kline -- You can't call me stupid anymore.

Spike Lee -- "X" marks the spot.

Jack Lemmon -- Moron!

Jay Leno -- Keep Your Chin Up!

Monica Lewinsky -- Fell into the Gap.

Rush Limbaugh -- God called the loan.

Shirley MacLaine -- Back in 30 minutes.

John Madden -- Heaven's Ballroom Dancing Instructor.

Bob Marley -- The grass is greener on the other side.

Walter Matthau -- Putz!

Paul McCartney -- Now I'm really dead.

Patrick McGoohan -- A prisoner no longer.

Dennis Miller -- I'm dead. But that's just my opinion.

Joe Montana -- Warning! I'm the Come Back Kid...

Demi Moore -- Sometimes Moore is less.

Rick Moranis -- Honey, I've shrunk.

Bill Murray -- I've been slimed.

Mike Myers -- So? I married an axe murderer.

Leonard Nimoy -- The logical end to a human existence.

Bob Newhart -- Disconnected.

Paul Newman -- I've pasta on.

Jack Nicholson -- This is as good as it gets.

Nick Nolte -- Positively down and out in Beverly Hills.

Conan O'Brien -- Stared down.

Dolly Parton -- Parton is such sweet sorrow...

Joe Pesci -- Is there any more s**t we could possibly pile on
to the top of this grave? Is it possible?

Tom Petty -- Into the Great Wide Open

Brad Pitt -- This is the Pitts.

Randy Quaid -- Mmm mmm mmm! I don't know why they called
it Hamburger Helper, it tasted just fine to me.

Keanu Reeves -- So much for that "speedy" recovery.

Rob Reiner -- Was Meathead; Now dead head.

Paul Reiser -- How do they find me?

Paul Reubens -- I know you are, but what am I?

Anne Rice -- Called back for a reading.

Joan Rivers -- We can't talk.

Roseanne -- Just dead weight.

Fred Savage -- Was Working; now unemployed.

George Seifert -- Blame it on the Bossa Nova.

Jerry Seinfeld -- That's the last time you'll hear that line from me.

William Shatner -- Beamed up.

Will Smith -- I could have been at a barbeque.

.David Spade -- Digging up old friends.

Ringo Starr -- And the beat goes on.

Howard Stern -- Just body parts here.

Patrick Stewart -- Conversing with Number One.

Oliver Stone -- It's a conspiracy.

Arnold Schwartzenegger -- I'll Be Back

Patrick Swayze -- Nobody puts Baby in the Coroner's.

Marisa Tomei -- Her biological clock quit ticking.

John Travolta -- Not stayin alive.

Tina Turner -- Rollin, rollin, rollin down the River Styx.

.Mike Tyson -- He bit it.

.Barbara Walters -- Ba Ba Wa Wa: Not Here No Ma.

Robin Williams -- Truly a Dead Poet's Society founding member.

Hank Williams Jr. -- All my rowdy friends are here with me tonight.

Oprah Winfrey -- Gone to greener pastures and it sure as hell ain't Texas.

James Woods -- So long!! (wink!)

Tiger Woods -- Replace all divots.

"Weird Al" Yankovic -- "Welcome to Heaven," and Here's Your Harp;
"Welcome to Hell," and Here's Your Accordion...