Does This Take the Cake?


7 5
J 6 5 3
K Q J
K Q 9 3
J 6 3 2 A 10 8
4 K Q
9 7 5 3 8 6 4 2
10 7 4 2 J 8 6 5
K Q 9 4
A 10 9 8 7 2
A 10
A Opening lead: 4 of hearts

SouthWestNorthEast
1 ! Pass 1 ! Pass
1 ! Pass 1 NT! Pass
2 ! Pass 2 NT Pass
3 Pass 4 Pass
4 NT Pass 5 Pass
5 Pass 5 Pass
6 All pass
! Alerted

Whenever I think I've found the ultimate in finding the wrong contract with all the bidding time in the world and no interferance by the opponents, I find one to top it. Thirteen bids to miss the 10-card heart fit? The first five were alerted, for whatever they may have meant. And this pair didn't even get the right level, to boot. Slam is not here.
The first bid looks to be a Precision or some other short club convention, showing at least 16 hcp's. But why is an apparently legitimate one heart response alerted? I guess that because the bid doesn't show hearts! But then, why is South's first unalerted bid a rather meagre 4-card spade suit instead of a 6-card heart? Why a "rebid" of spades at the three level, if "rebid" is the right word, given that the first spade bid was alerted and probably didn't mean spades. And why support spades with such a meagre holding?
I dunno. Neither partner gave a ranking, but one did tell us he's a Life Master. Well, I was never under any illusion that being a Life Master, which once meant something, made one a master at the game. But, you know, you'd think a Life Master would have spent enough time at the table that he'd wanna show a six-card major. Oh, but that heart bid was alerted! So I guess it didn't mean hearts. That's legitimate. But the problem is South didn't know what it meant, and that's not so legitimate.
Declarer, incidentally, conceded for down 12 in this matchpoint event, though of course he could have taken a few more tricks. But presumably he saw that down six couldn't be any better than down 12, since a zero is a zero.