Kevin Goes To Lucy After The Big Fight Party
(Our scene opens with Kevin standing on Lucy's doorstep. He is trying hard to look mad. Lucy, on the contrary, beams when she sees Kevin at her door.)
L: "Kevin..."
K: "Don't ask me why I'm here. I'm sure I'm not even sure."
L: "It's easy. You missed me. Come in."
(Lucy's smile spoke volumes.)
K: "Now I don't want you to misinterpret my presence here. Now let's get one thing straight right out in front, I have not changed my position one iota."
L: "Of course not."
K: "I heartily, I vigorously disapprove of you and your cohort mixing it up with a dangerous man like... like Joe Scully."
L: "Understood."
K: "And this visit should not be taken as a validation of, nor even an implied cooperation with, this outrageous game of denial that you're playing."
L: "OK. Can I say something?"
K: "Go on."
L: "This is no game. This is very serious. Deception is very serious. And, Doc, I'm afraid you're the one in denial if you think that you can stop loving me just because momentarily you disapprove of my actions."
K: "Have you even considered once, the consequences of your actions? Of course not, why would this time being any different? Let me rephrase the question, will you stop while I'm here and am able to exert just a tiny bit of influence, so that you can have a glance, a gander, just a peek at what you're actually contemplating?"
L: "I have contemplated this whole thing from every conceivable angle and it's really a no-brainer for me. Deception was placed in my hands and it's a position of trust. And I am responsible for protecting my company from thieves. And I will do that, no matter what."
K: "And the hell with the risks."
L: "Oh come on, we take a risk every time we get out of bed in the morning."
K: "You know, you're right, Lucy, that's very true, on a conceptual level. We're talking about your physical safety here."
L: "I'm fine. I am not alone. I have Luke. Luke's protecting me. He's not going to let me get hurt."
K: "Oh well, now we've really stepped into the realm of denial. Luke Spencer. Luke Spencer gets fire bombs lobbed at him. Luke Spencer strolls across a parking lot and becomes a bullet magnet."
L: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he does. But you know what happens with him, is he lives to tell the tale. Doc, you know what we need to do here, we need to work on your irrational jealousy of Luke because it's really getting tired and boring and it's a waste of time, basically, and it's very unnecessary because there is only one man who owns my heart. And can you guess who that man is?"
(Lucy is kissing Kevin's neck and Kevin's got that look. You know the one that says, "oh s***, I'm a goner.")
(When we return, Lucy is still working on Kevin, so to speak...)
L: "You know, these lips, this mouth, it's just such a fine mouth, it's really for, say, kissing much more than arguing. And, besides, you know, you always are so much better at this debate stuff than me. You're really very linear and I'm outclassed."
K: "Blatant attempts at stroking my male ego notwithstanding, Lucy, I will not be swayed by..."
(Lucy kisses Kevin, who is effectively swayed and silenced.)
L: "Shush."
K: "Shush? You're shushing me?"
L: "Shush."
(More kissing.)
K: "This is grossly unfair manipulation, Lucy."
L: "Is it working?"
(Kevin finally manages to get out of his coat and pulls Lucy onto his lap and into his arms.)
K: "Is this what you want?"
L: "I thought you'd never ask."
(They sink back onto the sofa, kissing, moaning, giggling and generally seeming to have quite a lovely time. Then it happens. The one unstoppable event in Port Chuck. The phone rings. Doom. Haven't these people ever heard of voicemail? Kevin tries...)
K: "Ignore it."
L: "I can't."
K: "Lucy, Lucy..."
(Lucy is off the sofa and heading towards the phone.)
L: "It might be another disaster at work and I'd have to handle it. Just don't move those lips. Hold those lips. Purse the lips, if necessary, but don't move."
(Luke blathers on and Lucy has the understatement of the day...)
L: "You have absolutely despicable timing."
(Lucy hangs up the phone and tries to explain, but Kevin's already off the coach and putting on his coat. Lucy tries...)
L: "OK, OK, look, before you go getting all nuts on me..."
K: "I can't believe that I let you set me up again."
L: "I wouldn't. I didn't."
K: "Tell you what, Lucy, why don't you save it for someone who hasn't heard it all before?"
L: "Kevin, Kevin... just for one minute, wait. Please, wait, Kevin.
(Tossing a shoe at the closing door.) Luke Spencer this better work."
(Kevin ends up at the Outback, joining Tony and Mac at the bar.)
Mac: Hey, Kevin.
Kevin: Akavit.
Mac: Oh-oh, you haven't ordered one of those since Ryan was pulling your chain on a regular basis.
Kevin: Make that a double, please.
Mac: What's up?
Tony: Take a wild guess.
Mac/Tony: Lucy.
Kevin: Such rapier instincts.
Tony: So what's she done now?
Kevin: What else is new? Actually, it's the same as always. The more dangerous the game, the better she likes it.
Tony: That's our Lucy.
Mac: The presence of an expert. Why don't you give Kevin the benefit of your experience and wisdom?
Tony: What an amusing thought, to dispense advice to my shrink.
Kevin: Well, by all means, please sacrifice me on the altar of your amusement. It's the least I can contribute to your evening."
Tony: Well, thank you, I think I will. Lucy... let's see. Lucy is a stunt pilot. She climbs, she rolls, she dives. And if you're into thrills, there's nothing better. She's good for an early Saturday morning, but a steady diet of it leaves you with a permanent queasy stomach.
(Kevin's been looking at Tony as if he doubts Tony's sanity.)
Kevin: How metaphoric.
Tony: Hey, don't get defensive with me, I'm giving you hard-earned insight here.
Mac: Go on, it's interesting.
(The glare Kevin gives Mac indicates Kevin is not amused.)
Tony: The thing to remember when you are dealing with Lucy is no matter how seductively she packages herself, she's fundamentally a self-serving creature. You live in her world. OK? It just happens that you're there. Which means that no matter how hard she tries, and she does try, it's only a matter of time until she becomes incapable of putting another person before her own self-interest. Now I don't mean that she's not a good person. She has a very deep capacity to love. I think when we were married, I think she loved me, for about a nanosecond. And yet, if you could have seen her relationship with BJ, it was complete and committed besotted adoration.
(Tony shed a tear at the mention of BJ.)
Mac: She certainly went above and beyond the call for Scotty and Dominique.
Tony: Well, she can be wonderful. It's just that it never seems to stick. She sets her fancy on some scheme, it's usually money or righting some real or imagined wrong. And then she's off and running and she leaves you in the dust. And she doesn't do it maliciously, she does it unthinkingly. And when the fall comes, she is always, terribly, terribly `Oh, I'm so sorry, Kevin,' but not enough to change her behavior one iota. And I think I was very astute and concise there.
Kevin: You don't know anything about her.
Mac: Any rebuttal?
Kevin: Are you still watching that idiotic trial every day? Damn straight I've got a rebuttal. I'll admit there are certain truths to what you are saying, but your observation is one tiny aspect of a woman who is brilliantly multi-faceted. Now yes, she is reckless, she is self-centered and she never thinks before she acts, which is something that just makes me furious. All that aside though, she is easily the most caring and emotionally generous human being I have ever met in my life. And she is incredibly perceptive and her capacity for empathy is beyond anything I have ever seen. And at the risk of sounding egocentric myself, my friend, I know Lucy in a way you don't, not you. Perhaps because from day one I have always taken her seriously. I've never made assumptions about her based on how she looks or how she dresses. And I have always insisted on complete emotional honesty. And she has responded well, for the most past. The point is, your Lucy is not the same Lucy as my Lucy. You underestimate my Lucy because you have stereotyped your Lucy. You've trapped Lucy in this Lucy version that is from ten years ago or five years ago or even last week because, thank you, this is a woman in a constant state of evolution. Except when she regresses like she is right now. And I mean, rapidly, right before my eyes. Gentlemen, you're talking to a man who is being driven systematically and painfully out of his mind.
Tony: Yeeeeaaah, but I'm still trying to get a grasp on that concept of an evolving Lucy.
Kevin: Oh sure, make fun. Easy for you to do.
Tony: It's easy for you to do. You put one step in front of the other and you get the heck out of Dodge.
Kevin: Don't you lunkheads understand anything? I happen to be in love with this woman.
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