Lucy Loses Deception

(At Lucy's, Lucy is huddled under the covers, hiding. Kevin knocks on the bedroom door.)

K: "Lucy, are you in there?"

L: "Go away."

K: "What? I can't hear you."

L: "I said, go away, please."

K: "I will not. Are you all right in there?"

L: "No, no, I am not all right. How could I be all right? Would you be all right, Doc, huh? Tell me. You tell me, would you be all right if Mac's bleached-blonde floozie stole your company right out from under you? I don't think so. (Lucy opens the door. Kevin enters, closing the door.) I am so sorry, you didn't deserve that, but I did try to warn you that I am just no good to anybody these days. You know, even Sigmund is hiding in the kitchen. My duck even knows what a big, fat failure I am."

K: "You are not a failure."

L: "Yes, I am. What other bright, intelligent, savvy businesswoman would trust Edward Quartermaine."

K: "Lois?"

L: "Oh, she doesn't count. She's his daughter-in-law."

K: "Well, the only difference I see is that you gave up and she didn't."

L: "Gave up?"

K: "Haven't you?"

L: "Certainly not. If there's one thing you should know about me, is I never give up."

K: "Good, you can use these, after all."

L: "Use what? What are you doing? (Kevin gives Lucy the boxing gloves.) Oh right, so you want me to knock Kathy's block off?"

K: "No, I want you to get mad, then I want you to get even."

L: "Wait a minute, let me get something straight here, Dr. Collins. You are saying you're advocating revenge?"

K: "Only in the most healthy way. There's no reason that you can't beat Katherine in a fair fight."

L: "Yes, there is, because she doesn't fight fair. Of course, neither do I. OK, OK, maybe you're right. I mean, I am not going to let that little over-processed, double-processed broad get the best of me. Ha!"

(Lucy punches Kevin's shoulder.)

K: "Ouch... All right, all right... OK..."

(Lucy is now floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee, as she and Kevin spar, Lucy throwing punches at Kevin's outstretched hands.)

L: "I am going to shut her down."

K: "Yes."

L: "And shut her up."

K: "Yes."

L: "And then, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to double-cross the double-dealer and then, and then, I'm going to use every connection I have just to prove to Mac or new Mac that she's a worthless little outsider and she doesn't belong here. And you know what? By the time I get done with her, that bleached-blonde bimbo is going to be broke and bankrupt."

(As Lucy nearly throws a serious punch.)

K: "Whoa, whoa, Lucy, Lucy... stop."

L: "What?"

K: "Oh, sorry about that, Doc, are you OK?"

L: "Yes, I am fine. You're forgiven. You know what? Remember when you said that rage was sexy?"

K: "Uh-huh..."

L: "You were right."

(Kevin kisses Lucy, pulls her into his arms and down on top of him as he falls on the bed. They kiss, Lucy still wearing the boxing gloves.)

(Later, at the Outback, Lucy and Kathy mix it up. Kevin steps forward to defend Lucy's honor. Mac and Kevin get into it, then Lucy and Kathy enter the foray until Kevin finally realizes how far the situation has deteriorated and bellows...)

K: "Silence! This ridiculous argument is over. I'm going to the mental ward where I can get some peace."

(Kevin leaves. Later, he returns to the Outback. Kathy and Lucy are gone. Mac greets him...)

Mac: "Well, I was just on my way to see you, but I had no idea how to break into the mental ward. Sorry."

K: "So am I. You know, I love Lucy with everything that I have, but I won't allow that love to ruin the best friendship I've ever had."

(They shake hands.)

M: "Listen, let's make a deal, all right? Whatever problems those two women have, let's let them fight it out, we have just declared ourselves a demilitarized zone."

K: "Good idea. I'll buy you a drink."

M: "Oh, please, it's on the house. Are you still drinking that same stuff?"

K: "As usual."

(Looks like Mac is pouring Akavit.)

M: "How do you do it? It burns a hole in my throat."

K: "Well, it's an acquired taste, kind of like Lucy."

M: "Oh... and Katherine..."

K: "Or me, for that matter. Thank you."

M: "Yeah, you did take a little while to get used to, didn't you? But once I got to know you... (a toast) Hey, to the DMZ."

(They clink glasses.)

K: "The DMZ. You know, it's funny, I came to Port Charles to find my brother. I did. It just wasn't the one I expected."

M: "Listen, I couldn't have gotten through last year without you."

K: "Yes, you could. You're a strong person, Mac. You could be the strongest I've ever known. People depend on you. I know I do."

M: "Strong, maybe, but not so smart, I mean, sometimes I don't even know when something's in front of my face and that's when you came in. You're a good friend, Kevin... the best."

K: "Back at you."

(Randy Newman and Lyle Lovett began to sing, "You've got a friend in me." And we have the pleasure of a Kevin and Mac "buddy" montage. Highlights include: the pie in the face, the seltzer in the face, the cleansing, and lots of Eve and Norma. As we come out of montage, Kevin and Mac make a silent toast and take another drink.)

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