One Perfection

Kevin and Lucy are snuggled in bed...

L: "Siggy, what is it? Is something wrong?"

(Kevin grumpily awakens.)

K: "What is going on?"

L: "I don't know."

K: "Sigmund, go back to bed."

L: "No, Doc, I think you should get up. I think you should get out of bed."

K: "No."

L: "Kevin..."

K: "What?"

L: "Look at our duck. Look at his face."

K: "Oh, Lucy..."

L: "He's trying to tell us something is wrong."

K: "Lucy... oh come on, the sun is barely coming up."

L: "Doc, Doc, there could be somebody out there right now breaking in."

K: "Lucy, I realize I haven't been around much lately, did I miss the part where you sent Sigmund to watch duck school?"

L: "Shhh, shhh, shhh, listen, there could be a guy out there in a ski mask committing a burglary. He could be taking everything that I own. Can you just lie there and let that happen?"

K: "I don't want to get up. I'm warm, I'm cozy right here. Now, come here and snuggle with me."

L: "No, I will never, ever snuggle with you again, if you don't get out of this bed, posthaste, forthwith, just go. Oh, Doc, please, look I know my duck, he does not make a fuss about nothing and he never gets me up before 7:30."

(Sigmund quacks a load agreement.)

K: "Oh, thank you, gang up on me. That's all I need."

L: "See, see, see how upset he is? Please, please, please, please..."

K: "Oh, all right, all right for crying out loud. With any luck, this is all the aftermath of a duckmare."

(Kevin gets out of bed and begins his search. Lucy comforts Sigmund.)

(And from the other room, we hear Kevin...)

K: "The doors are all locked. Nothing's been ransacked."

L: "That's good."

K: "No smoke anywhere, nothing on fire."

L: "Very good. That's very good."

K: "There's no water running in the kitchen. All the worms are where they're supposed to be. There's absolutely nothing amiss anywhere , except..."

L: "What?"

K:"I didn't see Billie."

L: "(To Sigmund) Is that it? Oh, Kevin, that's it. Look the window's open. She's flown out. My poor, poor ducky. Your true love's gone. She went away. Oh, Sigmund, I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel."

(Lucy is clearly upset and not about the duck. Kevin takes her in his arms, after placing Sigmund on the floor. You can hear Sigmund crashing about...)

K: "Oh, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy... Come on, Sigmund. Lucy's it's all right."

L: "She broke his heart."

K: "No, no, no, no. I'm sure he's distraught right now, but duck's aren't like us, they don't form attachments the same way we do." L: "You don't know that."

K: "Yes, I do. I know everything. Oh, Lucy, Lucy, this isn't a metaphor for us. I'm not going anywhere."

L: "You don't know that. I mean, you had it happen before, I had it happen to me before, you could just have it happen, again."

K: "No."

L: "Who says?"

K: "We do."

L: "We? We are totally incompatible, Doc, don't you see? Who are we kidding, here? No matter how much we love each other, it's not going to be long-term. Somehow the window's going to be left open unexpectedly and one of us is just going to crawl out, just like Billie, and the other one's going to be left with a big, fat broken heart. It's just so darned sad, isn't it?"

K: "Lucy, you have to help me out, here. Why are we mourning some yet- to-happen break-up, when we could be celebrating the fact we're back together, again?"

L: "Because we won't last."

K: "Is that a premonition?"

L: "Now is certainly not the time to be making fun of me."

K: "No, no, I'm not, I'm not. I'm just trying to understand why you suddenly think we're doomed. Is it because Billie left Sigmund? A psychic insight? A gut feeling? What?"

L: "We are complete and total opposites. I say tomato, you say `tomahto.'"

K: "Believe me, I have never in my entire life said, `tomahto.'"

L: "You know what I mean."

K: "No, I don't."

L: "OK, then I will try to make it more clear for you."

K: "OK."

L: "OK. See, I met you and I tumbled completely crazy in love with you. But what else is new? I mean, I'm always tumbling in love with some other guy or so."

K: "Gee, I feel special."

L: "No, you are special. You're the most specialist and that's exactly the point. You're also special because you fell crazy, tumbly in love with me. And, oh Doc, I finally believe that."

K: "And this is a bad thing?"

L: "No, it's wonderful, but see, that ties in with this whole incompatibility thing. Cause how can we possibly be pouring all our energies into a relationship that can't possibly work?"

K: "I think I get this. You've been spending a lot of time with Damian. Have you been discussing us with him, by any chance?"

L: "Of course, of course. That's it. He did it to me, again, didn't he? All those subliminal messages he's been sending me, that's it. Boy, he's good, isn't he? Well, never mind everything I just said. Hello."

K: "I love you, Lucy."

L: "Oh, Doc, I love you. So why aren't you kissing me right now?"

K: "Oh, I have no idea."

(Kiss... and after the commercial break, they're snuggled back in bed...)

L: "I have missed you so much."

K: "Me, too."

L: "And I could not stand having the feeling that you disapproved of me."

K: "It was all jealousy, Lucy, plain and simple. You know, in my other critical relationship, Grace was the one who would always fly off the handle. I couldn't so much as look at another woman without some major fallout, let alone hanging out with someone or going into business with. And I was always so appalled. I couldn't understand why this otherwise reasonable and outwardly secure professional woman would become so unhinged over nothing. And then I fell in love with you and there I was: the king of all things jealous. It was quite an experience."

L: "Of Damian?"

K: "And Maia."

L: "Oh, see, now that's where you were silly because all I was doing with Maia was trying to become the best, most spiritually evolved person I could be, just for you."

K: "Maybe there's a valuable lesson to be learned, here."

L: "Oh, yeah, what is it?"

K: "Don't try to improve on perfection."

L: "Perfection?"

K: "Absolute."

L: "Don't you think you might be overstating your case?"

K: "I don't know. Roll over here and refresh my memory."

(And she does...)

(Later, Lucy gets the news about Stone. Her face tells all.)

K: "Lucy?"

L: "It's Stone... a little while ago..."

(Kevin cries as Lucy takes his hand...)

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