Kevin, Lucy, and Pie

It's the day after the Nurses' Ball - the one at which Mac hit Kevin in the face with a pie. Kevin has recently moved into the Lighthouse. He hears the doorbell and answers the door, to find a cheerful Lucy there, bearing a wrapped box.

K: "Lucy, you should have called first."

L: "Isn't that a fine how do you do, especially after I was so thoughtful as to bring you a present."

(Lucy brushes past Kevin and enters the living room).

L: "Gee, this is also the part where you're supposed to say, 'It was very thoughtful of you, Lucy - thank you very much.' Come here, open it."

K: "Lucy -"

L: "Open your present. Come on - come on, come on, come on."

(Kevin opens the box, revealing a cream pie. Lucy, laughing, removes the pie from the box.)

L: "Voila."

(Kevin, looking grim, stares at the pie.)

K: "Is that supposed to be funny?"

L: "Yes, Kevin, this is supposed to be funny."

K: "Then why don't I throw it in your face, and we can both have a good laugh."

L: "Honestly, you don't know how to take a joke, do you?"

K: "Guess not."

L: "Ooh. You're very upset by this. All right. You have helped me so much in the past, and I'm going to return the favor. Sit down." (Kevin stares at her) "Sit down. Now."

(Kevin, annoyed but resigned, sits down at the dining table).

L: "Thank you."

(Lucy sits across from him. Kevin folds her arms and gives her a challenging look.) K: "Well?" L: "You're acting like a spoiled brat." K: "Excuse me? A spoiled brat?" L: "What could you possibly hope to accomplish by stomping around and pouting just because Mac finally gave you what you've been asking for all along?"

K: "And this is your idea of helping me."

L: "Well, I'm just saying, you know, you probably should count your blessings that he didn't hit you with his fist instead of a pie, because if he had, you'd really have something to pout about."

K: "Actually, I'd love to see him try it. And I don't pout, Lucy, so stop using that word."

(Kevin stands up and heads for the kitchen. He pours himself some coffee; Lucy follows him into the kitchen.)

L: "You know, it's extremely counterproductive to sit around feeling sorry for yourself. You know what you need to do? Instead of sitting around reliving all those mortifying moments and thinking about what you should have said, and should have done, you need to just forget about the whole thing, pretend it never fazed you one little bit. And then if you run into the people that happened to have been there at your public humiliation, you just look them right in the eye, you stand up tall, square your shoulders, and dare them with your attitude to even bring up that incident at all. And you know what'll happen? They'll forget about it before you know it. And you know why?"

K: "Why?"

L: "Because, you didn't dignify the incident by even giving them any kind of response. So they'll forget that you did get hit with a pie in the face, because you didn't even care."

K: "Thank you, Lucy - that's very wise counsel."

(Kevin walks back into the living room with his coffee; Lucy follows him.)

L: "It was very wise on my part, wasn't it?"

K: "Can I offer you anything? A piece of pie, maybe?"

L: "Well, how about coffee? That would be nice."

(Lucy looks around the living room. Kevin is on his way to get her coffee when she stops him)

L: "Kevin?"

K: "Yes?" (uttered in a delightfully deep bass voice)

L: "Where are your things?"

K: "What things?"

L: "Well, you know, more furniture and, you know, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, your things?"

K: "Men don't have knick-knacks, Lucy."

L: "You know what I mean."

(Kevin heads into the kitchen to get Lucy's coffee.)

K: "Well, since I wasn't planning on staying in Port Charles, I traveled light."

L: "But now you are planning to stay, so you can't live here like a monk."

K: "I don't intend to." (Amen to that!) "And as for the furniture, I'll pick up things as they appeal to me."

L: "You mean, piece by piece?"

K: "Exactly."

L: "Ewwww. Like at rummage sales and dreadful places like that?"

K: "Ah, you'd be surprised what treasures you can unearth at a really good estate sale."

L: "That could take years and years."

K: "Lucy, I have what I need."

L: "No, pal, I don't think you quite do." (Lucy looks around a little more, and spies one of Kevin's paintings.) "Ooh, these are weird. They're kind of beautiful, but weird. Who's the artist -"

(Kevin, returning to the room with Lucy's cup of coffee, interrupts.)

K: "How do you take your coffee?"

L: "Black. Who painted these?"

K: (evading again) "Oh, how much money did you raise last night?" L: "Oh, it's so exciting - I'm very proud. We raised - thank you" (Kevin hands her the coffee) " - over $500,000."

K: "Wow. Impressive. That's almost enough to cover the damage."

L: "And we're off and running. Ha - I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

K: "Lucy, I warned you when you started planting the seeds for this disastrous tango that you should just leave well enough alone."

L: "Well, you know, some men would have the generosity not to say, 'I told you so.'"

K: "So I'm flawed. So tell me, Lucy, what did I miss?"

L: "Not much. Damian had Tony arrested."

K: "Arrested?"

L: "For assault."

K: "Not bad. Maybe that's what I should have had done with Mac. You think it's too late?"

L: "Well, it sort of got worse. Then Damian whisked Bobbie off to his hotel suite for another seduction, but I got there just in the nick of time - "

K: "You went over there?"

L: "Well, this time it's a good thing, see, because if I hadn't gone over there, then Bobbie would have been sleeping with Damian in his bed while Tony was languishing away in a stinky, rotten jail cell on this hard, filthy mattress, with rats everywhere, drinking water out of a tin cup and having gruel -"

K: "Oh, for heaven's sake, Lucy, stop making things worse for these people."

L: "Don't you start with me. I did not come over here just to be told that I was really stupid for getting involved in the stupid bet and all the stupid consequences that came out of it."

K: "Well, then, an obvious question comes to mind."

L: "I came here because I think my entire future may be in jeopardy, and I wanted you to tell me if I was being paranoid. I mean, I don't know, maybe I am being paranoid, and I wanted you to tell me that."

K: "You have an incredibly eventful life, Lucy. Pray tell, now what?"

L: "Katherine Bell, soon to be Mrs. Ned Ashton. I cannot even believe this. I would give anything if you could tell me how she bamboozled that sucker into this one."

K: "Are you saying you're worried about Ned?"

L: "No, I don't give two figs about Ned. I'm worried about me." K: "I know there's a point in there somewhere, desperately trying to get out."

L: "You are an extremely crabby person, do you know that? No wonder you don't have a woman in your life!"

K: "You're here, aren't you?"

L: "Do you want to hear this or not?"

K: "Oh, by all means."

L: "I ran into Katherine in the powder room, and she was so smug and so confident - she was almost too confident. She practically came out and said that she wanted Deception, my Deception, all for herself. Well, I know I'm gonna be fired - well, I don't know if I'm gonna be fired - see, this is the problem. Sometimes my imagination, you know, just runs away with me. What do you think?"

K: "I take it this Katherine isn't a fan of yours?"

L: "Hates me with a passion."

K: "And if this pairing with Ned is as mind-boggling as you seem to think, then she apparently is wielding considerable control over someone."

L: "Right."

K: "Well, I'd say your fears are well grounded."

L: "Dr. Feelgood strikes again."

K: "Now, you came to me for the truth, didn't you?"

L: "Yeah, well, I don't have to like it, though."

(Kevin can't help himself - he smiles at this.)

L: "Oh, now, could my fearsome imagination be striking again, or did you almost, maybe, almost smile or laugh perhaps just a little."

K: "Perhaps a little, but it was definitely fleeting. I wouldn't want you to think it had anything to do with you or the fact that, on some bizarre level, you always manage to brighten my day."

L: "A compliment, Doctor?"

K: "Would you like it to be?"

L: "Maybe."

K: "Then you're welcome."

(A moment of meaningful eye contact ensues, broken by Lucy, who gets nervous.)

L: "I have to go."

(Lucy stands up and heads for the door, followed by Kevin.)

K: "So what do you plan to do about Katherine, he asked, dreading the answer."

L: "I don't know - I thought maybe I'd shoot her."

K: "Now, now, now."

L: "I'm gonna go find Ned."

K: "A pre-emptive strike. I like it."

L: "Good. Now, the pie - I want you to know it does freeze well, so you might want to do that. Stick it in that freezer, 'cause you never know when Mac might happen to drop by."

(Lucy heads out the door.)

K: "Good bye, Lucy."

L: "Bye, Doctor."

And that's it!

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