Kevin, Lucy, and The Universe



(Open: Train few days after Kevin found Lucy/Jack. They're still fighting. Lucy wrapped in a towel recently tripped into Kevin's lap)

L: What are you doing here?

K: What are you doing on my lap?

(Lucy jumps off)

L: Whoa! I tripped... wait dont you dare try and change the subject what are you doing on my train?

K: Well, I could ask you the same thing!

L: Not that it's any of your business but I happen to be going to a spa to have the stress that you caused me relived. I'm going to have myself buffed and pounded and massaged. All that good stuff and have my body cleansed of you!

K: Well I'm taking a few days off to go skiing.

L: Well goodie for you. Leave! Because there are no rolling hills in this compartment.

K: (looking her over) Well I wouldnt be to sure of that.

L: Theres no way I plan to share my private compartment with you so Leave!

K: Oh don't flatter yourself as a matter of fact I plan to find the conductor and have him seat me as far away from you as possible. Ta!

(Storms off with Lucy in tow)

L: Good! (throws his bag at him)and dont you come back!

(Kevin walks away huffing and puffing and Lucy returns to her compartment)

(A little later Kevin walks in with the conductor. Lucy is meditating)

K: As you can see these arrangements simply have to be changed (pointing to Lucy) this is unacceptable.

L: Excuse me but you are trampling all over my good vibrations. Con: Sorry lady.

L: Not you! Him! (glares at Kevin) Serenity killer. (Kevin throws backa dirty look)

Con: Sorry folks I thought the name on the ticket said LuCoe not Lucy Coe. Didn't realize the occupant was a woman. But since you two seem to know each other is this really a big problem.

K/L: Yes!

Con: The train is full.

L: Well can't you find this.. this man one single little seat out there.

Con: Sorry.

K: (walks conductor to thee door)We'll make due but if anything opens up as soon as it opens up..

Con: I'll move you Dr.Collins that's a promise.

K: Thank you.

(Conductor leaves)

L: Well since it appears we are trapped like rats in this small little space the best thing I can suggest is we just ignore each other.

K: Works for me.

(Kevin takes a seat next to Lucy and pages through a book as she lights a candle. Kevn gives her the look of death.)

L: Is there a problem?

K: Do you have to light that? It smells.

L: It smells good. And yes I have to because it's lavendar and means tranquillity which I very much need at this point. Wait a minute I thought we agreed not to speak to each other so you couldn't possibly be speaking to me.

(Kevin gets very close to Lucy and... blows out the candle)

K: Ah, that's better.

L: This is not gonna work! This will never work not in a million years!

K: Well, it's no picnic for me either. All I wanted to do was go away by myself for a few days and instead I'm stuck here with you.

L: By yourself? And why are you by yourself? Why aren't you carrying around a matching set of luggage? Where is your little wifey?

(Kevin is back to reading as Lucy talks)

L: So I suppose Mrs.Dr.Collins will be joining you on the slope for what? A second honeymoon?

K: I'm not discussing Eve with you.

L: Well you might as well cause I'll just keep hounding you until you crack or you know what I think I'm just gonna light my candle again...

K: Eve and I are taking a few days off. Let's just leave it at that.

L: I thought you two were joined at the hip.

K: Will you stop pestering me?

L: Probably not.

K: Oh! I get it! You're planning on boring me to sleep so you can slip the conductor in here for a little action!

L: Oh! You're right. You got me! I've already had him though. In fact I've had half the men on this train. I thought maybe I'd finish up the rest of them by breakfast!

K: Well let's just hope you stick to those that are of age this time.

L: Oh uh-huh!

K: Oh uh-huh what?

L: I was wondering when you'd get around to what happened with Jack!

K: What happened with Jack? Lucy you make it sound like your clothes just magically fell off and you tripped and landed on his hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.

L: What? How dare you! You're not allowed to speak to me like that! You know what everyone always told me before I met you you were a stickin the mud and now I've never really seen it but I get to. I get to see you in full stick in the mud mode. Let me tell you something pal it isnt very flattering at all!

K: Well you started it! I was just sitting here happily reading minding my own damn business but thats not enough for you is it? You just don't have the word stop in your vocabulary because you just have to push, push, push, push, push

L: Oh I do not know why...

K: Push, push, push, push, push

L: Last I heard you were suppose to be running off to your little wifey to make happy-happy but what happened? Did Eveget sick of your stick in the mud persona or better yet maybe she actually ran off with Ian this time.

(Kevin gets this look and glares at Lucy)

L: (suddenly compassionate) Oh Doc how could she do something like that to you? Is that what happened Doc did Eve run off with Ian?

K: I dont know exactly but my bride took a hike somewhere. Seems like I should care more about that but right now I dont.

L: Well I'm very sorry because I know how much you wanted your marriage to work.

K: Let's just say that lately I'm not thinking straight about anything. I didn't want to talk to Eve. I didn't want to talk to you. All I wanted to do was glide down some snowy slope. The way my luck is going I'd probably run right into a tree.

L: You know maybe the universe is just trying to tell you something..

K: Oh can it Lucy! I'm not interested in hearing about your mystical woo-woo and I'm not interested in hearing yet again how the universe has thrown us together so we can live happily ever after. As far as I'm concerned the universe is as screwed up as I am.

L: Well let me tell you Mr.Dr.Know-It-All that's not at all what I was going to say and you better be careful poo-pooing the universe because she will bite you back.

K: You don't think she already has? My wife is god knows where, my vow renewal ceremony was about as close to a funeral as I'll get to when I'm still alive and you and I are at each other's throats!

L: That is what I mean by the universe! Maybe the universe did this on purpose. Threw us together to see what it's really be like if we were getting back together. Well let me tell you it's not a pretty picture.

K: What! Oh what wil it take to shut you up?!

L: Do you know you get very rude when you hiding your real true feelings? Rudeness just rears its ugly head.

K: Will you shut up?

L: Make me.

K: Fine!

(Kevin grabs her and plants one serious kiss.. they pause stare at each other with a lustfilled glare and begin ripping their clothes off..)

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