I waited for a long time. Forever, it seemed. People came and went, but all their expressions were the same. Some were crying, and others just had blank expressions on their faces. It seemed as though everyone entering into that room was scared; as scared as I was.

There were a couple magazines that I thumbed through for a while, but the entertainment they brought was mediocre. I made subtle glances at the wall clock above the fish tank, and as the hands slowly passed around, their angry tick tock was amplified, making my nervousness worse.

What was taking them so long?

What if they had complications?

NO! Stop it. Don’t even think things like that... The voice inside my head was trying to get me through the situation, but even he wasn’t doing a very good job.

I fell asleep at one point, and awoke in a cold sweat, having a mild panic attack. I found myself gasping for air, a tightening feeling constricting in my chest. In an attempt to get away from the staring eyes, I managed to make it to the restroom down the hallway. I locked the door behind me and collapsed with my back against the large blue door. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to catch my breath or calm myself down. That frightened me most. Tears began to sting my eyes, and I cried.

I cried for a long time, telling myself that it was only a dream, and Julie was fine. Somewhere along the line my breathing became deep and regular again. Breathe Nick...in, out...in, out... After a quick breathing session, I picked myself up off the floor and went to the large sink. Looking into the oversized mirror on the wall, I barely recognized myself. I looked worse than I felt. Splashing water onto my face, I tried to feign a smile for my own sake. I sighed and returned to the waiting room.

No sooner had I sat down and Antoine approached me. “Where were you?”

“I went to the bathroom,” I replied.

He sat down in the empty seat beside me and stared for a brief moment.

“What?” I questioned, semi-panicked again. “Oh, God...what happened?”

“Nothing; Calm down Mister Carter.”

“Is she okay? Is the surgery over? What happened? It’s been fucking hours!” I hissed, unable to control my worry.

“Shhh,” he shushed me gently. “There’s no need to frighten yourself...Julie’s fine; she’s still under anesthesia right now, but you can go into her room and wait for her to awaken.”

My mouth gaped open widely.

“Are you okay?”

“God,” I said, sighing heavily. “I thought it was going to be bad news,” I replied, running a hand through my hair.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I told you Julie’s in great hands here.”

“Thanks man,” I replied, shaking his hand.

“Would you like me to take you to her room now?”

I simply nodded.

Antoine led me through the maze that was the hallway and I found myself face-to-face yet again with a large door. He opened the door for me, since I was unable to force myself to do so. Gradually I made my way into the bright white room, taking a seat in the chair beside the bed.

I heard the door behind me shut and realized that Antoine had left us alone. My gaze focused on Julie; lying so still, so peacefully, her breathing soft and almost nonexistent. Her complexion seemed faded and adulterated. Gently, I reached to touch her face. Even paled, her skin was soft and alluring.

“Julie,” I mumbled softly, moving my touch to her plush lips. “You did it baby,” I added, equally as soft. I brushed the hair away from her face and grabbed her hand. “Everything’s gonna be fine; I know it. We made it this far...we’re gonna make it the rest of the way...” Gingerly I traced small circles on the palm of her hand as I continued to obscurely mumble things to her in her state of unconsciousness. Situations such as that one, where silence is thick, and loud, and seems endless I find myself more prone to talking just to fill the dead air. Talking to myself was my crutch, helping to cease my ongoing fears. It helped me to mask the nervous beeps and the other unfamiliar noises the machines surrounding us were making.

After an hour long wait my attention was caught by the subtle movement of Julie’s hand. She was gently responding to my continuous touch. A soft moan escaped from her lips as her gentle eyes fluttered open. “Hi,” she whispered, unable to easily find her voice.

I smiled, “Hey Julie.”

“How long have you been waiting here?”

“Not long,” I replied.

She tried to resituate herself in the bed; her pain masked onto her face very clearly. It startled me momentarily.

“Do you hurt?”

“A little; It’s nothing to worry about though.”

“You’re sure?” I uneasily asked.

“I’m fine,” she smiled. “It’s nothing to worry about, Nick,” she assured me again.

“Okay.”

“So how long do I have to stay in this place?”

“Between six and eight weeks I think.”

“That’s too long.”

“It’s for the best.”

“It’s still too long.”

I smiled. “Well, I’ll come to see you every day. I’ll bring you some roses and some frozen yogurt. How’s that sound?”

“What kind of frozen yogurt are we talking about here?” She meekly tried to waver a precocious smile. I could tell her chest was aching. It made me want to give her a hug; take her mind off of it and comfort her (as well as myself) if just for a brief moment.

“Whatever kind you want,” I replied. Silence filled the room again. I couldn’t stop staring at her. She looked so frail; so sick. I wanted to hold her, and cuddle her, rock her in my arms. I wanted to comfort her, give her a hug - anything to show my relief and affection towards her. I briefly remembered wanting to give Brian a hug after his surgery also. I refrained when I witnessed his pain when he got a hug from Kevin.

“What are you thinking about?”

I smiled weakly. “I was thinking about giving you a hug.”

She smiled and it seemed like her entre face lit up. Suddenly she didn’t look like someone who had just had a heart transplant. “Why haven’t you given me one yet?”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Julie.”

“Nick,” she laughed, “a hug won’t hurt me; if anything it’ll make me feel better.”

“But you already said you’re hurting a little bit.”

She ushered me over towards her. “C’mere,” she gently said.

I apprehensively met her in a warm, yet satisfying hug. It was nice to again feel her velvety skin and be able to take in the soft scent of her hair. I had feared that I wouldn’t ever get the opportunity again, and yet God was blessing me with this simple pleasure of life.