Late one night Nick and Julie were lying in her backyard on a blanket staring at the bright stars, silence was the only thing interrupting their thoughts. Nick had never really realized just how many stars there were in the sky. The vast black night sky everywhere he looked, and the flawless, twinkling stars illuminating the almost nonexistent tattered clouds. It’d been so long since he’d had the chance - the time - to stare at the stars, think about them, enjoy them. The sky was so vast, so beautiful, mystical and he loved having a moment to take it all in. It was almost like he was seeing it for the first time; he wanted to bottle it and take some of it with him so he could better remember it.

The hand that elusively touched the bottom of his shirt made a transition to grace over Julie’s hand. “What gave you this idea, Julie?” Nick asked softly, his eyes still searching over the blanket of night.

“You mean to lie down under the stars?” She whispered.

“Yeah...I never would’ve thought of this. It‘s been so long since I‘ve had the time to stare at the stars.”

“The sky is beautiful at night; so many stars and it’s so enormous. I didn’t know if you’d like it or not...but I figured if you didn’t, I’d hear you snoring and then I’d know,” she finished with a kind giggle.

Gently he squeezed her hand, “No, I’d never fall asleep like that....well, unless I really was tired.”

All of a sudden Julie had rolled over on top of him, penning his hands above his head lightheartedly. Her bright green eyes shimmered in the moonlight, showing a sparkle of delight. “Good...because, I was going to force you to stay out here and stay awake anyway!” She boldly said, smiling devilishly.

“Now I’m being held against my will?” Nick scoffed, raising his eyebrows.

“Yes, you are.”

Nick’s animated blue eyes were smiling, mirroring the same look as his plush pink lips. With a devilish twinkle taking over, Nick rolled Julie over on her back, straddling her. He held her hands in his, staring down into her cosmic eyes. “Now who’s being held against their will?”

“You gonna tie me to some train tracks too?” She laughed tauntingly.

Not answering, Nick just smiled. He gently brought his face down to meet hers as his kissed her forehead lovingly, savoring the moment. When he looked down at her again, she was smiling, her face gleaming under the moonlit sky.

“I love you, Julie,” he softly said. Nick’s face looked eager to hear his sentiments returned, his eyes wide and prepared, his lips slightly separated in hope.

Julie’s face was blank, seemingly paled with the reverberations from Nick’s proclamation still ringing in her ears. Emerald orbs blinked in the silence, scanning a hopeful face.

Not hearing the words spoken back, Nick wondered if maybe he’d whispered them a little too softly. “Julie...” he said, a little louder. “I love you.”

________

How difficult is it to say three words? That’s all I wanted. Of course, she didn’t say them that night. And come to think of it, she never said them. Eight months. She never returned an ‘I love you’ even once in eight freakin’ months! I swallowed sharply at the realization of this. It was true; I was right. She didn’t love me. A pang in my heart hit like a crashing wave striking a lonely beach. Incredulously I stared down at the wet pavement before me, my mouth dropped open as streaks of wetness paved paths down my cheeks. Not from the rain of course. The hurt came on in such a rush, the stinging in my eyes so strong, I began to cry. Pain was slopping around in the pit of my stomach, gnawing away excitedly.

Subconsciously I wiped away the tears from my eyes and pulled the soaked white T-shirt that was clinging to me, from my body. I ran a hand through my hair, sighing heavily.

Another car rode by, not thinking twice about me. To them I was just a lonely man walking along the slick street crying. Grimy water yet again splashed onto my clothing. Today isn’t a good day, I thought to myself, sighing again.

________

Nick had been staring at the outside world through the large bay window in his bedroom all morning. Watching the light breeze sway the palm trees and the subtle blue sky stretch with the texture of familiar tattered fluffy clouds and sunlight; beams of warmth glistening through the glass, warming his bare skin. It was a shame he was inside, and he wanted nothing more than to go outside and enjoy it. But alone? Well, he could tan...but he was already baked like a turkey, he’d decided.

Reaching for the cell phone inside the pocket of his jeans, he dialed Julie’s number. “Hello?” She asked.

“Julie pooh,” Nick said in a sing-song type tone.

“Nicky pooh,” she mimicked.

“Do you wanna do something today? I’m bored out of my mind, and it’s so beautiful outside...”

“I can’t, Nick,” she said softly. “I’m working at the children’s hospital today.”

“Oh,” Nick replied in a let-down tone.

“I’m sorry, sweetie.”

“No, don’t be; it’s fine.”

“But, look...if you’re bored, you’re more than welcome to come with me.”

“To a children’s hospital?” He asked ominously.

“Well, don’t sound so thrilled,” she laughed.

“I didn’t mean it like -”

“I know, I’m just kidding.”

“I just..." His voice trailed off, followed by a heavy sigh. "Julie, I feel so out of place going to any hospital. And seeing sick kids...it breaks my heart.”

“It breaks mine too, but these kids, they’re sick and they need people to come and spend time with them. You’d make their day for sure.”

“You just wanna see me cry, don’t you?”

“No,” she smiled, “I don’t wanna see you cry. You’re not obligated to go, so if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

Against the plea of his heart, Nick decided to come with her to the children’s hospital. He knew that she had a regular few kids that she was familiar with and that knew her well; she talked about them frequently. He assumed that he would be bored and antsy, but he was mistaken. The two of them didn’t stay as long as he’d previously thought either. They delivered some sugar cookies that Julie had baked for them and stayed long enough for her to read a Dr. Suess book to the smaller kids.

He gazed at her intently as she spoke every word, so soft-spoken, gently pronouncing every syllable that was systematically placed to rhyme and inevitably stump the reader. Typical Dr. Suess, of course. The kids sat circled around her, excitedly listening to her soothing voice, soaking up each of the words she spoke. Nick couldn’t help but smile thinking that she’d be the perfect mother someday. The mother of his children. His wife. She would be loving, beautiful as ever, sweet, funny, smart....she would be his. They would have four kids - two boys and two girls of course, and live in a nice big house in Florida, complete with the white picket fence he’d always heard women mulled over.

_______

Wife. Yeah, right. Someone was into wishful thinking... I sighed heavily for what seemed like the millionth time, and ran a hand through my mess of sloppy hair again. Maybe I was just oblivious to the absence of love... I wrapped my arms around my torso as I was rounding the corner of another street. I’d come pretty far; probably at least a mile and a half, possibly two miles. Where the hell was I going? Keeping this up was only going to end up getting me lost.

I wiped my eyes again, taking an extra moment to wipe off excess water from my face. Love wasn’t designed to be painful was it? Initially wasn’t it planned to take over your mind and heart? Wasn’t it intended to feel good? And wouldn‘t your lover become the center of your world? And I’ve got all of that...especially the pain part.