Author's Note: Some of the jokes or gags in this fanfic are quite corny and/or don't make any sense whatsover and could damage mentally if you try to make sense of this ^_^ . Plus, some things might offend some people when I use stereotypes. Please just ignore that, I really don't believe what I wrote.. seriously =). I just did it to be funny. Also some of the characters act nothing like they do in the anime or manga. By the way, all characters that resemble celebrities that you know, are not in anyway meant to be resemble those celebrities. Also, some parts of the story are vulgar and lude.

Well, it's been two months after Tenshinhan's small gimmick fast-food restuarant called Chikyuu Fried Dragon™ and we all thought Tenshinhan was no longer having a mid-life crisis, we were wrong. It seems that he is trying to get a small TV station on the air. Well, guess what, he asked us for our help. Oh by the way! This is Kuririn. I dug up my old journal and decided that I should write some of the new events that are about to unfold. I know something strange will happen along the way. Well, my position at the DBZ-KZ TV station is advertising, but since this station isn't very big…I do a little of everything. Well, here's a list of the DBZ-KZ staff and their jobs.

Son Gokou - Host - Cooking with Son Gokou
Vegeta - Host - Working out with Vegeta!
The Great Saiya-Man - Host - The Saiya-Man Dance Hall
Gohan - Host - The Daily DragonBall (News Show)
Mr. Satan - Host - The Mr. Satan Show
Cell - Host - Late Night with Cell
The Ginyuu Force - Host - The Political Power Fighters!
Piccolo - Narrator
Bulma - Weather Girl
Gohan - News Anchorman
Chi Chi - Reporter
Kuririn - Advertising
Tenshinhan - CEO and Chairman of DBZ-KZ

Note: For some reason, Political Power Fighters wasn't shown until the next day.

12:00 AM - 9:00 AM: infomercials

9:30 - 10:00 AM: Cooking with Son Gokou

The show starts out with Son Gokou eating a big pan of brownies. He suddenly notices the "On Air" sign is lit up so he hurls the cookie pan across the room, his face is still covered in chocolate.

Son Gokou (Muffled Voice): Welcome to…(Gulp.)...Welcome to uhhh...

Gokou focuses his eyes on the cue cards.

Cooking with... Son Ginsu?

Tenshinhan (Off-Camera): Gokou! You know! Your name!

Son Gokou: Uhhh.. uhh.. cooking with Son Gokou! Heh heh

Gokou makes a huge fake smile.

Son Gokou: Today we will be cooking... well, we will be cooking food! Yes, the greatest pleasure in life. I'm going to teach you how to get America's #1 food onto your plate. Now, what you have to do is grab a nearby telephone..

Suddenly a telephone drops from above.

Ooh look what I found! Now you have to get a telephone book...

A telephone book drops from the sky as well.

Now open up the book and look in the "Yellow Pages." Once you have done that, look for Pizza Hut…Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, we are getting Pizza…mmm mmm good!

Gokou closes his eyes and begins to drool. After a few minutes a stagehand begins poking him with a yardstick.

Son Gokou: Gyaaah! Oh yea, well the number for Pizza Hut is 555-4323…

Son Gokou begins dialing.

Tenshinhan (Off Camera): Tell them the number will depend on where they live!
Son Gokou: Uhh.. oh yeah, the number will be different if you don't live here..

You hear Tenshinhan let out a sigh.

Son Gokou: Ok now listen up, I'm going to put my call on speakerphone.

He begins dialing and a *ring *ring comes from the phone. Someone picks up.

Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Hello, how can we help you today?
Son Gokou: I'd like some food…
Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): ...
Son Gokou: ...
Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Well, what kind of food!?

Son Gokou begins to think for a few minutes while the person on the phone continues to ask "Hello?"

Son Gokou: I'd like some Pizza!
Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Ugh... well duh, uhh we will just send over a large pepperoni pizza. It'll be $9.99.
Son Gokou: Ok... can I have some cheese on it?
Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Sir... it already has cheese on it.
Son Gokou: Well what if I don't want to pay for cheese?
Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Umm… it's free.
Son Gokou: Oh Goodie!
Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Well…is this for delivery or pick-up?
Son Gokou: I can pick it up.
Pizza Hut Employee (On Phone): Ok, it'll be ready in twenty minutes.

Son Gokou hangs up the phone and then focuses on standing up straight.

Son Gokou: Well once they deliver it, I'll pick it up and put it on this table. Then we can chow down! By the way, chowing down is my favorite part.

Son Gokou gives the camera a huge grin.

But until then, open up your cabinets and grab your munchies. I prefer marshmallows and ham... and some other various meat, actually any meat is good.

Tenshinhan begins telling Gokou to sign off

Son Gokou: Sign off? Uhh... signs don't turn on…
Tenshinhan (Off-Camera): No, say "Goodbye"!
Son Gokou: Oh oh yeah. Well we are outta' time so bai bai… and remember to check in tomorrow when I'll teach you how to successfully microwave leftovers… if I have any…

The show ends.

11:00 AM - 12:00 PM
Working out with Vegeta!

Vegeta is standing in front of Kame-Sama's palace with six other people in workout clothing. Tenshinhan gives him the cue and he starts.

Vegeta: Hello everyone, welcome to working out with Vegeta. Remember that this show is for hardcore fitness fans... no weaklings allowed!

The six humans jump when he shouts.

Now first we need to warm-up. I advise you power up to your highest level.

Vegeta begins gathering energy and suddenly he powers up to Super Saiya-jin 2. The six humans watch him in amazement.

Well I'm all ready… now you six, power up!

The six humans start making faces and growling noises.

Vegeta: You people are worthless!

He shoots two energy blasts that take out the humans on the far right and left, leaving only four humans alive.

Vegeta: Well, I hope you all are ready now. Here is what we're going to be doing at a slow pace.

Vegeta begins punching, kicking, jumping, flipping, and many other moves and stances at a average speed. The humans just stand there confused.

Vegeta: Now let's go faster this time!

He finishes the entire exercise while the humans are still doing their first punch.

Vegeta: Are all normal humans so weak!?

Vegeta blasts two more humans with two ki blasts, leaving only two humans left. They both stand there trembling in fear.

Vegeta: Now we can get to the hard stuff. But before that I want to see you two run around the palace one-hundred times.

The humans gasp but they obey and begin jogging. For the next half hour, it shows clips of them running. At the 99th lap, they are completely worn out. They are almost across the finish line.

Vegeta: C'mon! You're almost done! It's not that tough!

The humans fall to the ground, trying to catch their breath.

Vegeta: I wish it wouldn't have to come to this...

A boom box falls from the sky. Vegeta pulls a cassette from behind his back and inserts it into the boom box. Once it reaches the 6th second on the track, it happens...Yes, the one song that will make you succeed no matter what.. it is the theme to "Rocky." Suddenly, the humans stagger up to a standing position. They slowly jog to the finish line. Suddenly everything goes into slow motion. Vegeta hops up and down excitedly. The humans approach the line… each second getting closer. Sweat pours off their heads, their muscles are practically dead. They use their last bit of strength to hurl themselves over the line. Vegeta lifts them up and raises their arms.

Vegeta: Well you did it, too bad you both are weak.

Vegeta throws the two humans into the air and fires to energy blasts that wipe out the humans.

Well, only if they were stronger. Well I'll see you tomorrow where I will kill some more humans and do some cool moves. That Tai-Bo guy has nothing on me!

The show ends.

1:00 PM - 2:00 PM
The Saiya-Man Dance Hall

The camera pans across a group of people dancing. On top a high pedestal is The Great Saiya-Man dancing to "Natural Born Killaz" by Ice Cube. The music ends and the camera zooms in on The Great Saiya-Man.

The Great Saiya-Man: Yo yo yo! Where my dawgs at!?

The crowd begins barking.

The Great Saiya-Man: Yea yea yea, that's right. Now, before we put out another show. I'd like to give you all a little sample of my upcoming record. Ok, hit the music and let me bust some rhymes..

The camera begins zooming around the crowd as The Great Saiya-Man's music begins playing. Saiya-Man lifts up his microphone and begins.

The Great Saiya-Man: Ok let's get this goin'.
Ok, one day my old man met this scrub named Raditz.
Gokou and Raditz began fighting and Gokou got hit in the stomach and puked up some... uhh... crap-itz!
That foo' Raditz grabbed me and took me away.
Gokou then asked for Kuririn's help and Kuririn didn't know what to say.
Then Piccolo came down and said he wanted to team up.
Then Gokou and Piccolo decided they should think up a scheme up.
They grabbed Bulma's Dragon Radar and found Raditz' crib.
They planned on beating Raditz up so badly, he would have to eat with a bib!
They flew to that place and then a war broke out.
Soon enough... Piccolo, Gokou, and Raditz had one helluva' bout.
Eventually my top dawg, Piccolo, lost his arm.
Then Raditz said he was going to do some more harm.
Piccolo told Gokou he had a trick that he was savin'.
All Gokou had to do to Raditz was try to tame him.
Eventually, I escaped Raditz' ride and then I opened a can.
I got pissed off and hit Raditz so hard he almost flew to Japan!
Gokou grabbed Raditz and Piccolo fired away.
Raditz died and Gokou would have to fight another day.

The Great Saiya-Man drops his microphone and expects applause but the only noise that is heard is the chirping of crickets.

The Great Saiya-Man: Oh so that's how your gonna treat me? All you playa' hatas'! Well I guess we can listen to some phat joints for the rest of the show.

Some music starts up and all it does is show dancing for the rest of show. Finally, it's time for The Great Saiya-Man to say goodbye.

The Great Saiya-Man: Well that's all the time we have today. Well, tomorrow we will bust out some more rhymes. Peace Out.

The show ends.

3:00 PM - 4:00 PM
The Daily DragonBall

Gohan quickly rushes onto the set. He fixes his tie and sits down in his anchorman chair. He notices that he's still wearing his Saiya-man cape. He quickly throws it off and fakes a smile.

Son Gohan: Welcome ladies and gentleman to the Daily DragonBall. The top news of the day is that six people were murdered on live television. We are going to have an interview on the owner of the network who shows that program.

Suddenly the cameraman turns around and focuses on Tenshinhan. Tenshinhan begins sweating and Son Gohan runs over to Tenshinhan with his microphone.

Son Gohan: What do you think of this tragedy that happened on one of your shows?
Tenshinhan (talking in a whisper): Gohan... don't do this to me... it could ruin our ratings..
Son Gohan: Ratings? What ratings? Well it seems Tenshinhan is more concerned with ratings then the lives of others. He just admitted that he told Vegeta to mercilessly kill those six people in order to get ratings. Let's talk to Vegeta about it.

The camera turns over to Vegeta who is sitting by the coffee pot, drinking a cup of coffee. Son Gohan rushes over to him.

Vegeta: What the hell do you want!?
Son Gohan: Isn't it true that Tenshinhan forced you to kill those humans or he would fire you?

The camera turns to Tenshinhan who is signaling to Vegeta not to say anything. Tenshinhan sees the camera and begins sweating profusely as he scratches his head and gives a fake laugh. Camera turns back to Vegeta.

Vegeta: Uh... I don't know. I guess.

Tenshinhan shrieks "What!?" while Vegeta casually sips his coffee.

Son Gohan: There you have it. Tenshinhan, a psychopathic tyrant of the television world.. or just misunderstood? You decide. Please call in with your comments at 1-800-555-555-555.

Gohan makes his way to the desk and sits in his chair. His telephone rings and he picks it up.

Son Gohan: Hello Massachusetts, you're on the air.

Cindy Shraw (On Phone): I think he should be shot fifty times in the leg than have his wrist cut open and then take a blunt object and beat him the head with it while someone with a sledgehammer hits him a few times in the gut.

Son Gohan: Ohhhh kay.... we are going to the next caller, California.. you're on the air.'

Drew Meadows (On Phone): Huh huh huh huh.. you suck. Huh huh huh huh.

Son Gohan: Next caller, West Virginia… your on the air.

Jonathan O'Neal (On Phone): Hello, is Homer Sexual there?

Son Gohan: Please hold. Hello, is there a homer sexual here? C'mon, one of you guys has to be homer sexual. What's the problem, why is it so tough to find a homer sexual? I need a homer sexual.

Jonathan O'Neal (On Phone): Hahahaha!

Son Gohan: Sorry sir… can't find him.

Jonathan O'Neal (On Phone): Don't worry, you'll find who your looking for one day… hehe.

Son Gohan: Well, goodbye.

He hangs up the phone.

Son Gohan: Well it seems that's all the time we have for today. Be careful… take care of yourself... don't hurt eachother… and don't jaywalk... is that what I'm supposed to say?

Tenshinhan sighs.

The show ends.

4:00 PM - 5:00 PM
The Mr. Satan Show

The camera pans across the crowd who are all clapping because a stagehand has told them to do it, of course. Mr. Satan is a few feet in front of the stage with a microphone in his hand.

Mr. Satan: Hello and welcome to another edition of the Mr. Satan show. Today, we have a special treat. I, the world champion, personally looked for people who... y'know, aren't normal... so we could have them on the show! Today, we have Taopaipai and he is going to tell his tragic story of him being so weak.

Taopaipai walks onto the stage and takes a seat.

Mr. Satan: Now tell us your story of your disability that I like to call, wussy-itis.
Taopaipai: Well, I used to be the strongest person in the world. Then this little kid got strong and beat me up and y'know, killed me. I came back and tried to kill him but he opened a can on me once again. Now he's extremely strong and I have no chance of beating him. Also, I am hurt badly and I'm very weak. My bones are brittle and my muscles forever will be sore and weak. Each day, I hurt myself. I tried to go get the paper but the neighbor's dog attacked me. I tried to fight back but he tore off my leg. Now I have this wooden leg.

Taopaipai lifts up his pants leg and shows them is wooden leg. The crowd goes "Aaaaaaaaaah."

Mr. Satan: What other stories do you have? Taopaipai: Well, I was playing ping pong with the nurse and I got hit with the ball and I broke my collar bone. Last week I spilled a drink, slipped on it, and bruised my kidneys. I stubbed my toe so bad it detached my foot from my leg. I was walking down the street and a little girl dropped her teddy bear. I picked it up and gave it to her but she just punched a hole through me and slammed my face into the wheel of her tricycle. Breaking my nose in three places and rupturing my larnyx. What else... a bee stung me. It tried to get it's stinger out, but instead of losing it's stinger, it ripped off my arm, and as far as I know, it's still stuck on it's stinger. One day, I sneezed so hard my eyes popped out. I bit my tongue and almost bled to death. I was driving once and I crashed. The airbag came out and knocked off my head. And...
Mr. Satan: Wait a minute! How could this happen, you'd be dead!

Crowd begins chanting "Bullsh*t."

Taopaipai: Well I'm a cyborg actually.

Mr. Satan: Cyborg my ass!

Crowd begins chanting "My Ass."

Mr. Satan: Get this phony outta here security.

Guards lifts up Taopaipai and drag him off the stage. While dragging him, Taopaipai gets rug burn and suddenly catches fire. Taopaipai is burned to ashes before security can put him out.

Mr. Satan: Err... umm. Please look away from the stage ladies and gentleman. Ewww.. someone put a air freshener over there. Ugh nevermind. That's all the time we have today. See ya later and Mr. Satan is #1! Whooo!

The show ends.

5:00 PM - 11:00 PM
Reruns of "Sanford & Son."

11:00 PM - 12:00 AM
Late Night with Cell

The show starts out showing clips of strange stuff involving Cell. It shows Cell driving a toilet, giving a German shepherd a bath, and shoving Emirel Lagasi's head into the fryer and security taking Cell away. Then it shows Cell and Pat Sajak beating the hell out of each other on top a pool table. Then it shows Cell beating a Cell Jr. over the head with a brick. Then it cuts to the band, who are all Red Ribbon members. Then it shows Cell waving his hand.

Cell: Welcome to the show. We have a great show for you tonight. I have Don King with me tonight.

Crowd Applause

Cell: Also I have the Pope with me tonight.

Crowd Applause

Cell: But first, let's see a clip of me and my sidekick, Cell Jr., going to Ethiopia.

The little television behind Cell begins showing the clip. It shows Cell in safari clothes and Cell Jr. having a huge pack full of stuff tied to him.

Cell: Here we are in Ethiopia... we have come to one conclusion, nothing much here. Well, it's kinda boring too. Wait, look it's a group of people.

They run over to the group of Ethiopian people.

Cell: Damn, you guys are skinny. Bob, put the camera on this guy's ribs!

They close up on the Ethiopian guy's ribs.

Cell: You guys must be hungry (Cell bites into a candy bar.), just looking at you guys makes me hungry. Wait, come over here Cell Jr.

Cell looks into the backpack.

Cell: Here guys, have some food.

Cell hands them cans of slim-fast, low-fat granola bars, and some cous cous. Cell fakes a tear.

Cell: I'm always glad to help out all the unprivileged people.

The clip ends and the audience applause.

Cell: Next week, I'll show you the time I visited hell. But now, please clap for our special guest… Don King!

The crowd applauses as Don King makes his way over to Cell, shakes his hand, then takes a seat.

Cell: So... what have you been up to lately?
Don King: Nothing much... you know Mike Tyson is in prison and all.
Cell: He just can't stop getting himself into trouble can he?
Don King: Well, he's more like... hmm... mischevious.
Cell: Ok. What else has been going on in your life?
Don King: Pretty much nothing.
Cell: Okie-dokie. Well, let's bring out our next guest... the Pope!

The Pope makes his way over to Cell in his little Pope-mobile.

Cell: Greetings Pope.
Pope: Hello
Cell: Well crowd, we were going to ask Pope some questions but he doesn't speak much English. Also, we don't have a translator since we are so cheap, so we are going to just have Don King and the Pope fight in a deathmatch!
Tenshinhan (Off-Camera): What!?

Crowd chants "Deathmatch!"

Don King: I'm up for it.
Cell: And just to be fair, the Pope gets to use his pope-mobile thingy since he doesn't know what's going on and would refuse the fight if he knew it was going to happen. So the guy who drives the pope-mobile will control what's going on.
Don King: Wait a minute, that's not…
Cell: Ding Ding!

The Pope-mobile quicklys runs over Don King, killing him instantly. You can hear Tenshinhan vomiting in the background. The Pope is completely confused and upset.

Cell: And the winner is the Pope!

Crowd cheers loudly. Then the Pope is driven off stage. The crew cleans up Don King's remains.

Tenshinhan (Off-Camera): What have you done!? Now the author is going to get hate mail... err... I mean we are going to get hate mail! Ugh… just say goodbye.

Cell: That's all the time we have for today. Goodbye!

The show ends.

12:00 AM - 8:30 AM
Infomercials

8:30 AM - 9:00 AM
Political Power Fighters.

A stupid intro shows the three political power fighters fighting all kinds of hippies and flag burners. Then the show begins.

Narrator (Piccolo): One day, after the Political Power Fighters beat all the hippies and flag burners up, they saw a bright flash in the sky. Suddenly, Renegade Republican and Defying Democrat landed. The three Political Power Fighters were in trouble.

Renegade Republican (Jiisu): We have came to overthrow the government Haha!
Defying Democrat (Bata): That's right Haha!

The three Political Power Fighters gasped.

Legislative Loyalist (Captain Ginyuu): Not if I we can help it! Haha!
Judicial Judgementer (Recoome): That's right Haha!
Executive Executor (Gulda): As a team, we cannot be defeated! Haha!
Renegade Republican: So, is that a challenge? Haha!
Legislative Loyalist: Yes. Haha!

Renegade Republican and Defying Democrat laugh.

Renegade Republican: Haha! That is so funny, it makes me laugh! Haha! Go flag burners and hippies! Haha!

The flag burners and hippies charge at the Political Power Fighters. A fight starts up. Legislative Loyalist punches a hippie across the face, WHAMMO! Executive Executor chops a flag burner in the back, PING! Judicial Judgementer kicks a hippie in the stomach, ZAGNUT! Legislative Loyalist throws a hippie down on the ground and stomps on him, WANKER! Judicial Judgementer and Executive Executor pick up a hippie and bodyslam him, BOB DOLE! Suddenly, the hippies, Political Power Fighters, and flag burners stop fighting and begin dancing.

Renegade Republican: Oh no! They overcame our minions! Haha!
Defying Democrat: We must use our secret weapon!
Renegade Republican and Defying Democrat: The press! Haha!

Suddenly, reporters and cameraman surround the Political Power Fighters. Our heroes fall to their knees, they are weakened by Republican and Democrat's attack.

Renegade Republican: I guess we win! Haha!

Legislative Loyalist: We must work together to defeat our foes! Let's summon it! Haha!
Executive Executor and Judicial Judgementer: Right! Haha!
Political Power Fighters: Government bot! Haha!
Defying Democrat and Renegade Republican: Nooo! Haha!

Suddenly, the Political Power Fighters jump into their Government bot. Somehow, Renegade Republican and Defying Democrat grow to the same size as the huge Government bot. Then a fight begins. Soon enough, Renegade Republican and Defying Democrat overpower the Goverment Bot.

Legislative Loyalist: We need to do something fast. Let's call upon the blade of eternal taxes! Haha!

A katana comes out of nowhere and Government bot grabs it. He slashes Renegade Republican and Defying Democrat, causing them to have never ending taxes. They wither away and die.

Political Power Fighters: We won! Haha!

Narrator: The day is safe for the political fat-cats of the U.S., once again. Thanks to our heroes... the Political Power Fighters! Kami-sama... this job is so demeaning…

The show ends.

Sadly enough, DBZ-KZ is closing down, we got slapped with so many lawsuits the first day, we couldn't keep ourselves on the air. Well, don't worry, I'm sure Tenshinhan will have another mid-life crisis and we will all be pawns in his little game. I'm sure of it.